Reader Story: "I'm dating a man with a female best friend".

Are female best friends the loop hole of relationships?

Browsing through the Tinder human catalogue, I stop on an appealing, blue-eyed man. I tap on his image and swipe through his other photos. His second photo is one of him and an incredibly attractive female. Interesting. In the next photo, the leggy blonde is back. The third, there they are, sipping cocktails on a palm tree swaying island.

An ex-girlfriend? Surely not. Sister? They don’t look alike. Work colleague? Bit cosy for that.

I scan down to his written description which begins with: The girl in the photo is my best friend. If you’re the sort of person who has a problem with this, I’m not the guy for you.

Hmmm. Do I have a problem with this? I actually don’t know, I don’t think I do. She’s just another person right, they’re friends. No big deal.

I look at the photos again, she is ridiculously attractive. How can they just be friends? Don’t be silly I tell myself, men are allowed to have attractive female friends. I swipe right and to my surprise, we match.

The next day I float the idea with some female friends. What do they think about men who have female best friends?
Alison is very vocal about the topic. ‘The last guy I dated had a female bestie and it was down right strange. Instead of having ‘boys’ nights’ he’d have movie nights with her, or dinner.

It was like they were dating. I got so paranoid I even went to the extreme of ‘happening’ to be at the same pub they were at one night. I sat on the other side and watched as they chatted non-stop and laughed. Even though she had a boyfriend, she would lean in and touch his arm every time she laughed, she was flirting her pants off!’

Read more: “Why I’m not married to my best friend”

‘This must be an extreme case,’ I tell her.

‘I agree,’ says another friend. ‘A guy I dated ages ago had a female bestie and it was like I was the other woman. She had been in his life for so long that whenever he needed a plus one, she was his go- to.

When I came on the scene, he would have to decide who to take to events. She expected it to be her as they had mutual friends. When he took her to his friend’s wedding as his plus one instead of me, I drew the line and ended it and what do you know, now they’re engaged!’

I’m becoming increasingly fascinated. Are female best friends the loop hole of relationships? A no strings attached relationship with another woman? But it’s not like they are romantically involved. I begin to evaluate the many friendships I have with men. A couple of them have been for over ten years.

Two have crossed the line after a few too many drinks but returned to friendship. Others vanished as soon as a girlfriend came one the scene. I’ve also experienced first-hand the wrath of new suspicious girlfriends which I always find ridiculous. Relax, we’re just friends, I’ll always think to myself. In fact, it always annoys me when I get an icy reception from a friend’s girlfriend when I’m the only single in the group, as if I’m sort of boyfriend hunting predator.

Read more: Can you stay friends with your best friend’s ex?

Remembering this, I decide I’m not going to be jealous and insecure and threatened by another female. Later that evening I begin my conversation with the Tinder man who is loud and proud of his female bestie.
We exchange messages. The banter is bouncing back and forth with ease. I’m getting excited.

Then, the conversation moves to travel. He mentions a trip he’s done with his bestie, Carla. I take the opportunity to ask more about her. They have been friends for years, since university. All sounds very harmless.

Next he suggests we go on a date to see a great band. I mentally start planning my sexy-chic outfit.

‘Carla loves that band too, maybe she can joins us?’

*Glun glug glug * (that’s the sound of my heart sinking).

I’ll take a raincheck.

Miss Wooable is an online blogger “exploring the world of online dating and beyond.” Click here for more from Miss Wooable.