What’s that? You have had a really busy week/only got your Wifi fixed yesterday/have just come out of a week long coma and have absolutely no idea about what’s going on on Planet Celebrity?
Never fear, dear reader. Each week, we crack open our Fluff Files to bring you the best stories from the past week, so that you don’t miss a thing. From famous flower girls to Beyonce’s post-baby bikini shots, here’s everything you need to know:
1.Beyonce regrets losing baby weight so fast, poses in a bikini
Beyonce has confessed she lost the baby weight too quickly, yet details exactly how she did it in the latest issue of Shape magazine.
The 31-year-old revealed she gained 57lbs (about 26 kilos) while carrying her daughter Blue Ivy and put too much pressure on herself to ‘get back in shape’ quickly.
“I didn’t have a lot of time to lose the weight because I scheduled a show three months after I gave birth, which I would never do again,”‘ she tells Shape magazine.
Beyonce credits 80 percent of her post-baby weight loss to cutting back on food, primarily her favourite, pasta.
“I ate a very low-calorie diet. I stayed away from red meat and ate a lot of fish, replaced pasta and rice with quinoa.
“I always have breakfast, say, scrambled egg whites, a vegetable smoothie, or whole-grain cereal with low-fat milk. For lunch and dinner, I eat a lot of fish and vegetables. And throughout the day, I try to stay hydrated,” Beyonce said.
Before you stock up on quinoa – she insists women should embrace their differences and focus on health rather than the scales.
A sentiment the editor-in-chief of the magazine perhaps doesn’t agree with, “Talking about weight can be a very touchy subject for women, but Beyonce was willing to do it because she wanted to make every woman out there feel like she too could achieve what she did,” says Shape editor-in-chief Tara Kraft.
Wait a minute, weren’t we supposed to be feeling good about ourselves?
Meanwhile Beyonce has released a single, Bow Down, that has critics divided over lyrics such as “I’m so crowned, bow, bow down b*tches,” and “I’m bigger than life, my name in the lights,” and “I’m the number one chick, ain’t need no hype.”
2. Mad Men star Jon Hamm has a “private” problem that’s causing havoc on set … and it’s been dubbed the Hammaconda … click here for details.
3. Random vintage photo of the day: the Royal edition.
The owners of the puffy-sleeved numbers are the Duchess of Cambridge (right) and her and sister Pippa.
The then 11-year-old Kate and her sister then nine, are pictured with their mother Carole at the first wedding of her controversial uncle, Gary Goldsmith in 1993.
The previously unseen image surfaced from an interview Goldsmith gave to Hello! magazine.
He’s been accused of cashing in on his niece after revealing intimate details of Kate’s personal life and romance with Prince William.
4. Just when you thought they couldn’t possibly stoop any lower for ratings, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian have pitted their vajajays against each other in a competition. Read the icky details here.
5. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West talk baby names (or possibly compass points, we can’t tell).
Expectant parents Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have reportedly been tossing around a few baby names and the name at the top of Kanye’s list is – wait for it – North.
For those playing along at home that would make Baby Kanye/Kim’s name, North West. Just. Like. A. Compass. Let’s all just ponder on that for a moment…
“Kanye’s ego is something else, so he’s quite serious about the title,” an insider told The Sun. “He also has a sense of humour though and knows how his self-indulgence is seen by the general public. It’s half tongue-in-cheek, half what Kanye probably feels is true.”
6. 13 ways to trick your kids into believing the Easter Bunny really does exist. Click here.
7. Miranda Kerr steps down as David Jones ambassador
Australian supermodel and Victoria’s Secret Angel, Miranda Kerr, has stepped down from her role as fashion ambassador for David Jones.
David Jones is yet to make an official announcement, but CEO Paul Zahra has said that: “We will forever consider Miranda part of the David Jones family. We have loved being on this journey with Miranda and feel privileged to not only have been a part of it but to watch Miranda’s remarkable success and growth.
“We wish Miranda every success for what will undoubtedly be a very successful future and would like to thank her wholeheartedly for her wonderful contribution to our brand.”
Miranda has been the brand’s fashion ambassador for five years and will be replaced by model Jessica Gomes. It’s believed that the David Jones brand was unable to renew her $1 million/year contract, which expires next year.
8. Check out this video of a dog doing housework – seriously, he even makes the bed and packs the dishwasher … no special effects, just dog biscuits, required!
9. Ryan Gosling announces break from acting, women everywhere cry themselves to sleep.
He’s the actor who makes every other man look drastically inferior. He’s the actor that was the subject of our most-clicked-on article last year. And he’s taking a break from acting.
The amazing Ryan Gosling told the Associated Press that he is ‘overexposed’.
“I’ve been doing it too much,” he said. “I’ve lost perspective on what I’m doing. I think it’s good for me to take a break and reassess why I’m doing it and how I’m doing it. And I think this is probably a good way to learn about that. I need a break from myself as much as I imagine the audience does.”
Here’s a gallery of Ryan to get you through this difficult time:
10. Note to Justin Bieber: beware a woman spurned. Selena Gomez has made fun of her ex on the Late Show With David Letterman. Watch her diss him here.
11. Woman divorces husband for having a ‘child-size’ penis
And in strange-but-true divorce tales: A 52-year-old Taiwanese woman has been granted a divorce from her 55-year-old husband of four years because the size of his penis was too small – reportedly measuring in at five centimetres.
The issue didn’t, um, arise until the couple’s wedding night.
“He’s also impotent and unable to fulfill his responsibility as a husband,” the wife said. “We quarrelled the whole night and I asked him to seek treatment.”
The former wife claimed they could never successfully consummate their marriage, despite several attempts. She added that her husband also failed to comply with their mutual agreement of having intercourse three times a week.
The husband refuted her charges by saying he wasn’t impotent and neither did he promise to have intercourse three times a week, as he has a low sex drive. He also blamed her wife for wanting to have sex at inappropriate times.
“I prefer to have sex in the morning but she wanted it around midnight. By then, I would be very tired,” the man reasoned. “Sex is not the only foundation for marriage after all.”
Is this all just a big fuss over a small problem? (Sorry, we couldn’t resist).
12. Meet the man who’s been photographed with more celebrities than he’s had hot dinners. Read his five tips for getting your photo taken with a star here.
13. Sofia Vergara is not counting her chickens and is freezing eggs instead.
Sofia Vergara – star of Modern Family – has revealed she’s putting her eggs on ice, dispelling rumours she and fiance Nick Loeb were having a baby via a surrogate.
“I have to be careful what I eat because they’re freezing my eggs!” she told US Vogue in an interview for their April issue.
“Hormone pills, and then after that it is hormone injections. They want to get as many eggs as they can because usually you produce them but they’re not good. They have to be perfect, perfect, perfect ones. My boyfriend is 37, younger than me, never had kids. So.”
40-year-old Vergara, is already mum to son Manolo, 21, who is aware of his mum’s plan to have another baby.
“You know, sometimes he used to scream at me when he was younger: ‘Why can’t you have another baby, so you can stop focusing on me?’ ” says Vergara.