“When my son was being bullied at school, I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.”

Kids don’t normally tell you they are being bullied. That was the scariest thing about it.

My son and I were close and spoke about everything. He knew he could come to me about anything and I thought he did – until he didn’t come to me about this.

Here’s how I found out my son was being bullied.

I had just dropped him off at school on a Monday and was hanging around to watch the weekly assembly. I noticed my son sitting with his legs crossed, his face leaning on his hands looking sad as three other boys seated behind him were laughing and carrying on. It didn’t look right and I made a mental note to ask him about it when he got home.

It took quite a bit to get it out of him. I started tidying up his room and chatting casually about it. At first he said they were just friends of his and when I asked why they were talking and laughing and he was just sitting there, he said it was because he didn’t like what they were saying.

“What were they saying?” I asked.

“They were saying that I suck and that I’m a loser and that I’m stupid,” he said.

As soon as he said it, I felt like I had been punched. I felt so shocked and sickened that it was happening, and that I hadn’t even known about it.

But sadly, the Telethon Kids Institute’s bullying expert, Professor Donna Cross says my son’s experience is not rare. Her research has found approximately one in four Year 4 to Year 9 Australian school children report being bullied every few weeks. When you take into account the fact that the targets of bullying often don’t report it, it seems we have a pretty big problem on our hands.

According to Professor Cross, the effects can last a lifetime and there’s evidence that children who are persistently bullied often grow into adults who have low trust, are less likely to be in satisfactory relationships and are more likely to have mental health problems.

My son’s first experience with bullying was by so called ‘friends’ and it happened to his face – however, a few years have passed, and now I have discovered he is being bullied again. This time it is happening online by strangers while he is playing computer games. And again, when I found out about it, I felt physically ill.

Bullying isn’t something that is easily solved nor is it something that just disappears; and it can seriously affect the targets of the bullying, especially when the targets happen to be kids. So what can we do to keep our children safe?

There is so much parents and teachers can do to ensure that children are not permanently scarred by bullying experiences. To date, the most helpful thing I have ever told my children was that I was bullied when I was young too, I explained that many people have at one time or another.

They aren’t being bullied because there is something wrong with them or because they are deficient in some way. They are being bullied because the kids doing the bullying are doing something wrong or reacting badly to something that has happened to them.

However, just because the person bullying may have their reasons, that doesn’t make it acceptable, and my children, no child, should just take it. They have to become empowered to deal with it with the full support of the adults in their lives.

I found out about my son being bullied by observing him with his friends, by keeping our main computer in the lounge room and by sharing my own stories about bullying.

These days, we keep the conversation going, but I make sure he doesn’t feel too much pressure to reveal everything. Act busy with something else while you are talking and let them be on their device or playing with a toy. Then just talk. Talk about bullying, what it is, how to get help and advice for how to deal with it.

They will listen, even if they don’t choose that moment to talk to you about anything specific. The important part is that they know they can if they need to.

If you aren’t sure your child will talk to you about such things, ask a trusted adult member of the family to take them to a movie or bowling and talk to them for you. I have their uncle do that if I feel my husband and I aren’t getting to the bottom of something.

If the bullying is happening at school, talk to the teachers. Most schools have anti-bullying policies in place and the school should respond proactively to shut the behaviour down.

If the abuse is happening online, report it. As of July 1, kids who are being bullied (and their parents) can contact social media corporations and demand that the nasty comments be removed. If it isn’t gone within 48 hours, you can complain to the office of the Children's e-Safety Commissioner. This is definitely a step in the right direction.

But most importantly, your children need to know they aren’t alone, they aren’t the only ones and that help is on hand.

Has your child been bullied? How have you/the school dealt with it?