I think we need to talk about Bruce Jenner.
And by ‘talk’ I mean ‘wade through the quagmire of bullshit that’s being reported about him becoming a woman’.
Professional gossips like TMZ, Hollywood Life, The National Enquirer, and Perez Hilton are speculating that the Kardashians’ step-dad is in the process of becoming a woman. Based on a couple of paparazzi shots and some quotes they definitely made up, the world’s trash-media has declared that Bruce Jenner no longer wants to live as a male. They predict, without consulting him or his family properly, that he’s basically a few days away from having a vagina.
Headlines include: Bruce Jenner Wants To Be A Woman, Check Out Bruce Jenner’s Freaky Evolution, Bruce Jenner Considers Living Life As A Man A Nightmare, Bruce Jenner Talks To The Doctor About Having His Penis Removed Next.
Kanye West, prophet for the modern age, rebutted helpfully: “Bruce is an Olympic icon who can still get women at 64. He wants to bang women, not become one.”
Kanye’s right about the Olympic icon thing, at least. Bruce Jenner won gold in the Decathlon at the 1976 Montreal Olympics before becoming a television personality and motivational speaker. He also happens to be a passionate plastic surgery enthusiast (but in his universe, who isn’t?).
He married the world’s pushiest matriarch, Kris Jenner (nee née Houghton, previously Kardashian) in 1991, which makes him stepfather to Khloe, Kourtney, Rob and Kim Kardashian (so Kanye West is his step-son-in-law and North West is his step-grand-daughter). He’s the biological father of Burt, Casey, Brandon, Brody, Kendall, and Kylie Jenner. Yes, Kendall of the Bared Fashion Nipples.
And, at 64 years of age, Bruce Jenner is changing his appearance. Drastically.
Jenner recently had surgery to have his Adam’s Apple shaved down. He’s taken to wearing sleek coloured leisure suits, aviators, and lip gloss. He’s sporting a shoulder-length bob of hair. You could even go as far as to describe the colour of his new hairdo as “ombre.”