dating

"What it feels like to be dumped for your physical appearance."

When I see things that go viral like a girl being dumped by her boyfriend due to having acne (her fault evidently because she had covered it up with make-up and that made her a liar) it kinda makes my blood boil just a little bit.

It adds to that delicate build-up in my insides, those deep-set memories of moments where you or a girlfriend were dumped or criticised by a date, a boyfriend, a fiancé or even a husband for a physical trait not so easy to change without an amazing plastic surgeon. The sad thing is that when it’s something to do with your physical appearance (and the things you’re most likely already insecure about) the devastation and long-lasting effects by being dumped for these reasons can be incredibly damaging.

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If I can help the girl with the acne story or any other girl out there by sharing my own humiliating examples then so be it I will. Let me go through my top five list of criticisms over the years from guys about my physical appearance (possibly in order of ridiculousness, you decide):

  1. My second toe (index toe) is longer than my big one.
  2. I look like a witch (this one I have been told twice, once by a high school crush who crushed me with that one and the other time relayed to me by an ex who cheated on me with the very girl who apparently told him she thought I looked like a witch so therefore he’s now with her un-witch looking self).  
  3. I am un-photogenic.
  4. I look different without make-up.
  5. I am too skinny.

Yes, my second toes are longer than my big ones and after wearing socks with sandals in summer to hide them from the start of high school right up until I had my first boyfriend at 16 when I finally found someone who loved all of me, I thought I had finally gotten over it. Until this one night on the dance floor years later when a guy I’d been dating for a few months suddenly noticed my feet (not my gorgeous open toe shoes mind you) just my ugly-to-him long toes protruding out from my sparkly heels and he didn’t hold back in telling me he didn’t like them either. I didn’t let him see my tears that night and I never gave him the satisfaction of answering his texts or calls again.

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As for looking like a witch well this could be so, it could be subjective to you or it could be my Croatian heritage, straight nose and long chin. The irony is the high school crush who broke me with that one did actually ask me out after re-meeting many years later but by that time his comment had left a scar which had already turned me off him for good so it felt even better to say a big fat ‘no’ to him when I’m positive that not many girls had.

Oh, and there was that time when I looked so bad in that group photo which must have been incredibly embarrassing for that boyfriend of mine. Lucky that happened before mobiles had cameras or else I could have ruined the poor guy’s life being seen with me on social media!

As for looking different without make-up, well is one a no brainer because every girl who wears make up looks different without. Like the girl with acne, some guys unfortunately see this as girls lying to them somehow rather than for what it is, most girls like to dabble with a bit of make-up whether it’s to cover blemishes or just to feel groomed. I just don’t get how a girl putting on make-up becomes about the guy. If they mention your make-up or lack of, run.

Last but not least I have been told by a couple of guys I’ve dated that I’m too skinny, apparently. Like it’s some kind of flaw. Like it’s something deliberate. This is kind of annoying because it’s actually just the way I am. In actual fact the thought of diets and gyms make me cringe. Whether it’s hereditary, my metabolism or the fact that I don’t agonise over my weight or whatever I don’t know.

So I kind of think it’s not about whether you’re too skinny, too tall, too short, too pimply or whether your nose is too big for your face. It’s about these guys who dump girls for superficial reasons. You don’t need guys in your life who criticise your physical characteristics anyway, it’s a red flag.

Clearly not every guy over the years has loved my waif like figure, long toes, ultrafine long blonde hair, blue eyes, crooked teeth and cheesy chin but my husband of 14 years has obviously overlooked my apparent lack of aesthetic beauty and instead looked at the funny, caring, loyal wife and doting mother I am. It’s great that the only flaw my hubby thinks I have is that I’m crap at vacuuming, but I’ll save my response to that one for another day.

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