So, Brangelina is getting divorced and the world is freaking out. They are either laughing about “karma” – even though we don’t know that infidelity actually played a part in anything – or there is an outpouring of grief for the children who must be “caught in the middle.”
But I’m actually glad to hear the news. Because what it means is that one, or both, of the parties was miserable, tried but couldn’t make the changes they desired, and then pulled an adult and made a very tough decision.
And here’s a newsflash: families are not broken by divorce — they are fixed.
I read that statement, written by Constance Hall earlier this year, and it absolutely nailed the way we need to think about divorce. There is way too much stigma attached to it.
Top Comments
Divorce is not the worst thing. Behaviour of adults in emotional times are. I think if it is managed well from the start it can be a blessing for the kids. Rather than living in a hostile environment, let the usual attitude slide a little with divorce. Learn to compromise, respect each other and leave the kids to have a happy childhood. A so called broken family should be what a very hostile coupled family is. Not an amicable separated one. I have been lucky, my kids were both our first and only priority and because of our maturity they have gained a brother, another wonderful mother and her extended family too. (Im the ex wife and I am very very grateful).
Separation is a stressful life event for a child, even if it's a good one or the right thing for that family.
These stressful events are also categorized as Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs) though and if a child collects enough of them (4+) they can impact their future health (mental and physical) in a profoundly negative way. That's just the evidence based research for you. I can have all the opinions about other people divorcing that I want, an opinion is just an opinion in the end. For many children, this is an event they can weather.. But for some it really is the straw that breaks the camels back. I'm not saying that is the case here but I really wish we could have some more informed discussion in the media about the impacts these things can have on children. It's good to build one another up, especially in the wake of a divorce but does that mean we then should just ignore the negatives for our children? I support your decision to choose whatever is right for your family but to say the results were good for you and so should be good for other families too just doesn't make sense to me.