What your child's Book Week costume says about you.

Looking at you, Elsa.

There will be tantrums and foot stamping. Petty name-calling and nastiness. Social media slanders and tantrums (oh so many tantrums.)

No, it’s not Mark Latham at the Melbourne Writers Festival.

It’s Book Week.

And it has descended upon us with full force.

Just as many of us were finally dislodging the left-over sequins from the Easter Hat Parade ‘Book Week’ arrives throwing us into a frenzy of who-can-be-the-most-creative-mum.

Book Week is the ultimate way to work out which mum is allowing the kids to play Angry Bird on her Iphone and who has downloaded the ABC Reading Eggs app.

There are the mums who spend weeks preparing, scouring the aisles of Spotlight and those of us who panic the night before and start frantically googling “Easy Book Week Costumes” while debating whether their child would be scarred for life if mum conveniently “forgot” just this once. (They won’t remember in a few months time will they?)

It is the clear and final determinant of who is a COMMITTED PARENT.

As you watch the swathes of shiny blue polyester marching through your suburb this week, don’t be deterred from your commitment to creating the ultimate costume.

Just because the rest of us have reasoned to ourselves that Elsa really IS an appropriate costume doesn’t mean you should listen to your daughter’s pleas of but-mum-all-the-other-girls-are-going-as-Elsa.

Stick to your guns. It is NOT Disney Princess Week.

Book Week costumes are not just costumes, they are a reflection of what type of parent you are and here is how you can decipher the meaning.

1.  Elsa:

These parents are either dominated by their daughters or just desperate for an easy exit from paper mache and feathers.

They have joined me, no doubt in convincing themselves that Elsa really IS a literary character. They have double checked the story line of The Snow Queen and reassured their little princess that yes she is going as a literary great.

Just don’t mention Olaf to your teacher.

2.  Where’s Wally:

The Where’s Wally costume creators are social media slaves.

They’ve googled Book Week Costumes, they’ve searched Pintrest, they’ve scoured Instagram and the one that just keeps on popping up is that funky little red striped guy. These mums are sucked in by the ease at which the Where’s Wally costume appears.

I mean how hard can it be to glue a tissue paper pom pom onto a woollen hat? Surely it will stick.

3. Grug:

These crafty mummas are committed, but impractical.

While they may have been up until midnight pasting pieces of felt to a bed sheet they gave no consideration to how their child will actually sit down during the day.

4. Pippi Longstocking:

These mums are re-living their childhood through their own offspring. Up until that morning their nine-year old had never even heard of Pippi Longstocking.

But who is she mum? Is she is in that show Jessie? Does she know Taylor Swift?

But your eager-to-please daughter will happily don the stripey tights and wired hair just to make you happy because she has never quite seen her mum so passionate about a dress up day.

5. Hermione Granger:

The mum who makes a Hermione Granger costume is the equivalent of the cool-mum in the land of costume making. Her kid is going to be the envy of the playground mafia. Why didn’t they think of that? So easy. So hipster.

And what kid wouldn’t want to take a toy wand to school?

6.  Angelina Ballerina:

This mum is the cutesy type. Her wardrobe is filled with drapey dresses and ballet flats and of course her daughter’s clothing follows suit.

She no doubt has a pink tutu and bunny ears (that double as a mouse) ready to go come parade day.

And everyone will oohh and ahh about how sweet her little munchkin is till the Gruffalo pulls her tail and she starts squealing in a distinctly un-mouse like tone and falls to the ground in a floor -pounding heap causing cutsey-mum to blush beneath her appropriately floppy hat and Angelia Ballerina to shout obscenities never before heard in a mouse.

7.     Superman/ Spiderman/ Batman:

Again this just deems you as lazy – or ignorant.

Like the mother of Elsa if you send your child to Book Week in a superhero costume sorry, but you have failed at parenting 101.

It’s BOOK WEEK folks. Not a comic book convention.

8. Minecraft Steve/ Pokémon or an Angry Bird

It’s not Screen Week. Books. Words.

Remember them? If you have dressed your kid as a Green Zombie you have taken the whole “digital world” way too far.

But there is hope if you have managed to read this far into this article then congratulations you remember how to read. Now google the word “library” and you might just be on the road to redemption.

9.  Elizabeth Bennett or Jane Eyre.

You are trying too hard.

If your child has toddled off to book week with anything remotely resembling a felt bonnet hat or in any shade of tweed you need to re-think your expectations for your kids.

10.  Pyjamas:

This is my (hopefully) plan for my kids book parade.

Unless I get lobbied by the Elsa brigade.

What could be simpler? It’s the lazy mums way into Book Week, and you don’t even need to get your kids’ changed when they wake up!

Now I just need a character to go with the PJ’s and slippers… Do you think The Sleepover Club will cut it?

What Book Week character do you love?

Want more parenting?

“I walked in on my kids playing ‘mums and dads’.”

Dad tried to dress his baby son. Failed spectacularly.