Mia suggested that instead of a video this week, I list every thing I like about strawberry flavoured ice cream.
Ha ha ha! As if. Everyone knows strawberry ice cream is revolting. No, what Mia actually suggested is that I do a rundown on my hair and makeup at the ARIA awards on Sunday. Normally I would laugh maniacally and say such a thing is ridiculous, but she elegantly reminded me that sometimes people find it interesting knowing how much work goes into a red carpet look, and how it’s achieved. And I kind of agreed, because I love pervy shit like that. Annoyingly I am the subject of this particular piece of pervy shit, which takes a bit of the fun out of it for me, but hopefully not for you.
Also, I’m happy to be self-indulgent on the off chance it might encourage YOU rascals to try something new. There is no point people like me telling you what The Big Trend is right now, and then trying to boss you into said trend – in this case, the roaring ‘20s, the great Gatsby, embellishment and jewels, glitter, jazzy broads – and then never doing it myself to show it can, nay, should be done. Of course, as you can see I went to the far end of the spectrum in this case, but you needn’t quite go that far. Some doll-like lashes, lined eyes and a strong berry-coloured lip might be quite enough.
Now, first things first: The reason I was at the ARIAs was not because I was up for Best New Male Artist, (one day they will recognise my talent as Australia’s freshest beat-box operatic rapper), but because my boyfriend, as one half of Hamish and Andy, was up for Best Comedy Release, which they subsequently won. (Applause!)
Second things second: I did neither my hair nor my makeup. I simply instructed far more talented people in the field, and let them get to work. I’d like to note here that I generally do my own mug and mop for such things, but as you can see I opted for quite the dramatic look this time, and there was no chance in Helsinki I could pull this off.
I asked Mr. James Pearce (find him at Barney Martin hairdressers in Surry Hills, and do find him should you be keen on a fancy ‘do) to create sculptured finger waves, of the kind worn by those fabulous dames in the earlier part of the century. But not the brushed-out, movie star ones; the theatrical wet-look ones. I drove to his house at 11am Sunday morning with dirty hair – it’s generally a good idea not to go for an updo with super clean hair – but knowing it was about to be gelled to the max, I figured why bother washing it first? Sjust more time spent washin’ and foamin’ and blow-dryin’, right ladies?! RIGHT.
Now, I have been taught how to do my own finger waves in the past, and done a few shitty attempts, but James is a maestro. First he wet my hair with a water spray, and ran a strong gel-prod through (evo) so that it was REAL wet and malleable and able to be sculpted and set into those outrageous waves with his fingers, like clay almost. He then clamped each of the ‘peaks’ with a metal clip, and let it set while he did the rest of the hair, including the back, which he left more dry, and tucked and pinned underneath in a loose, waved bob look you see people like Nicole Kidman and Jessica Alba do on the red carpet sometimes.