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This completely unnecessary kitchen gadget has the funniest Amazon page ever.

This is a banana slicer. Don’t need one? Sure. But what you do need is to read the questions and product reviews underneath its listing on Amazon.

There are more than 500 answered questions about the Hutzler 571 banana slicer. There are more than 5,000 product reviews. And they are screamingly hilarious.

Question: “Is there a metric version? My mom lives in Europe and I don’t want to send her one that won’t work in her country.”

Answer: “I live in Canada so I just ordered it from amazon.ca and they sent me the metric version. I gotta say, the metric version is much easier to deal with than the US version. 10 slices equal one banana. Whereas in the US, it’s… what, 12 slices make one banana? That just makes no sense.”

And this is what it looks like. Photo: Amazon.
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Question: "I bought one of these and from the day I set it down in my kitchen, my bananas have stopped talking to me. What now?"

Answer: "Gather all the bananas around the table. Try to figure out who their leader is. Then ever so slowly peel it and set it on the table. Tell the bananas that there is going to be an adjustment in attitudes, that things need to get back to normal. Then in a swift motion, use the slicer on the ringleader."

Question: "A friend used my H571 to slice a few bananas but accidentally sliced too many. Is there any reverse mode to unslice them? The manual is not helpful."

Answer: "Yes, I was confused as well, but after some experimentation, I found that instead of pressing down the slicer onto the banana to slice, you can unslice by pushing the unused slices back through the corresponding slots. I will post a video on YouTube when I have a free moment."

And then there are the product reviews.

Mrs Toledo claimed the banana slicer saved her marriage.

"My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do!  It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our six-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571 Banana Slicer."

SW3K was equally appreciative.

"For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. 'Use a knife!' they say. Well... my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. I had to resort to carefully attempting to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed."

Here's a mock infomercial about the banana slicer. Post continues after video.

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Jim Anderson was not so complimentary.

"I tried the banana slicer and found it unacceptable. As shown in the picture, the slicer is curved from left to right. All of my bananas are bent the other way."

The best comedy writers nowadays aren't working for TV sketch shows, they're coming up with online reviews for kitchen products.

Would you ever use a banana slicer?

And while we are on the topic of crazy fruit/vegetable slicers, take a look at other similar products found on Amazon.

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