real life

'These are the things you should never say to a woman struggling with infertility. Trust me.'

If one more person comes up to me and says “Did you hear about the pregnant 63 year old, there is hope for you yet!” I will actually kill them, with my hands. And not feel bad at all.

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for three years. I’m on my second cycle of IVF. Nothing has worked so far.

The last few weeks have been filled with the excitement of my upcoming trip to Greece, and not all about babies. However I have had, as always, people reminding me. It’s my fault I suppose for telling so many people.

  • Did you hear about so and so clinic? It worked for my friend.
  • Have you tried Valium to relax you?
  • Milan have the best IVF, worked for my niece and she’s pregnant with triplets.
  • Aren’t you pregnant yet? Didn’t you get married ages ago? Don’t you want children?
  • Don’t you want your parents to be young grandparents?
  • Have you tried exercising?
  • Have you tried getting really drunk?
Thanks especially for that drunk tip, I mean I have spent thousands on fertility treatment but maybe I should have just opened a bottle of wine.
"Aren't you pregnant yet? Didn't you get married ages ago? Don't you want children?" Image supplied. 
My best friend no longer says "when" you have children, she now says "if" you have children. I don't think she does it on purpose, just a slip of the tongue, but every time she does my heart breaks a little bit more.

When we found out the last cycle had failed, I sent one standard text to everyone, copy and paste.

"Never mind, more in the freezer. I'm fine."

I wasn't fine at all. I didn't talk to anyone about it, I couldn't talk about babies or IVF without crying. Three weeks later I'm still crying writing this.

"I don't need anyone's sympathy. Anyone's hugs. Anyone feeling sorry for me." Image supplied.

Two weeks ago a lady asked me to mind their baby while they went to the toilet. She came back and I was hysterically sobbing. Who leaves a baby with a barista anyway?

My husband and I agreed to start the next cycle straight away. But not to tell anyone about it. I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't and can't deal with the 200 questions. I don't need anyone's sympathy. Anyone's hugs. Anyone feeling sorry for me.

How am I supposed to expect my friends to say the right words when I don't know them? I don't think there is anything anyone could have said or can say. I just need time to heal myself.

Watch Bianca Dye speak about her emotional struggles with IVF. 

Video via Channel 7

I took every day one by one. Took it very easy, every meal, every car trip, every hour was one hour less. Caught up with family and friends and didn't talk about IVF. Watched lots and lots of TV. Ate seafood and had hot showers. People can't hear your cry in the shower or your car.

I had tried so hard not to think about it last time, but it was my first cycle, how could I not be excited and tell everyone I know. When my dad found out this cycle failed, he's in Greece, he asked if I was okay. Not oh no, not again. He asked how I was taking it. We need more people like my dad in the world and less people suggesting maybe I need to drink wine and buy a new mattress.

I really want to keep my mind busy thinking about other things. Being happy for what I do have. I'm trying to keep off the endless baby photos on Facebook.  Keeping warm. Keeping hydrated.

But do you know how depressing it is that this is only cycle two, when we have been trying for three years?

Shoot me now.