Please don’t get mad at me because I can totally drive this car better than you from the passenger seat.
I’m sorry that for every second you have your hands on the steering wheel, I have my hands nervously clinging to either my door or the dashboard or my seatbelt.
I’m sorry that while you drive, I look out on to the road ahead with absolute concentration, because I’m sure I’m going to see something that you will definitely miss.
I’m sorry that every time a car brakes ahead of us, I yell the word “BRAKE!” in an absolute panic. For some reason I’m just convinced that if I don’t tell you a car is slowing down, you will continue to drive until you hit the back of them.
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Nissan X-TRAIL. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100 per cent authentic and written in their own words.
The same goes for traffic lights. I’m sorry that I scream “RED! RED! RED!” like a banshee whenever the light has just turned from green to orange – I just want to make sure you see it and you have enough time to stop. And I’m really sorry that whenever we’re sitting at a red light and it changes, I always feel like I have to smugly say “Green”, like you’ll just continue to sit in the middle of the road all day if I wasn’t there to remind you to accelerate.
I’m sorry that I audibly flinch every time you do anything. Turn; I flinch. Brake; I flinch. Slow down; I flinch. Speed up; I flinch. Turn up the radio; I flinch. I’m just not convinced that you can do anything other than drive in a straight line without doing something very wrong.
I’m sorry that every time we get to an intersection, I insist that I’m the only person in the car who knows when you should turn or not turn. I’m sorry that when I feel the car start to inch forward, I start repeating “Not yet not yet not yet not yet not yet not yet” like our lives depend on it, even though the closest oncoming car is barely a dot on the horizon. And I’m sorry that when you don’t turn fast enough, I scream at you “NOW, NOW TURN, NOW”, even if the gap in cars is one not even Batman could make it through.