Last Thursday night, we tuned into The Bachelorette finale to see Georgia Love choose between 35-year-old Lee (the one with the face), and 28-year-old Matty J (also with a face).

As we now know, poor, sweet Matty J was left all alone in a foreign country, and Australians everywhere were inappropriately devastated. In hindsight, however, there were several very obvious signs Matty J was never going to win. We just willingly chose to ignore them. If we had remained objective, and not become so swept up in Matty J’s smile/wit/abs/charisma, we would have seen Georgia’s decision coming. So we’re going to go back through that fateful night, and consider the frankly sickening, but entirely scientific, signals that Matty J was always destined to be heartbroken.

1. Goddamn Sportsbet.

Ahead of The Bachelorette finale, Sportsbet had Lee Elliott tipped to win. Matty J, being the only other person in the running, was close behind, but, um, there was another potential winner listed, tipped at $51.00.

Osher Günsberg.

EUGH we don't have time for your decoys, Sportsbet.

They DISTRACTED us, so we didn't pay attention to the fact that Lee was the most likely winner. This was the case with last season of The Bachelor too, with Alex Nation tipped to win, despite a great deal of public support for Nikki Gogan. It looks like we should always, always listen to Sportsbet.

2. Matty J always went first.

We opened with Osher introducing us to this very special evening, where everyone was living in the future.

They'd all been flown to Singapore for Georgia to make her final decision, and Osher was very excited to have been invited.

Lee and Matty J were flying Scoot. It was odd. They were also flying economy. We knew the ratings weren't great but come on — this was the goddamn finale.

BUT IT'S ALL JUST FLUFF. JUST WAIT FOR THE IMPORTANT STUFF.

When Georgia met up with her family in Singapore, Matty J was the first to meet her dad and her sassy sister Kate.

While it was great that she dropped the J and started calling him "Matty" (after several weeks of him being the only Matty in the competition), this still wasn't a good sign.

The person to meet the family first always loses.

Think about it. Sam introduced Lana to his family first, and Richie introduced Nikki to his family first. IT'S AN OMEN.

3. Matty was the general favourite of the family.

This is a problem. Richie's family were smitten with Nikki - just as Georgia's family were with Matty J.

It didn't take Kate long to get straight to the question that was on everyone's lips: "So, how are you with cats?"

Georgia realised she actually hadn't asked Matty that question yet and it's very important. He said he was pretty good with animals and assured everyone he didn't have any allergies. EUGH HE IS PRETTY MUCH THE PERFECT MAN.

When Georgia asked Kate for her genuine opinion on Matty, Kate pretended she really doesn't like him and just wasn't "getting a good vibe." But then she yelled JOKES and it was actually pretty funny. That's what family are for - trolling you on national television.

Basically, Kate loved Matty J. Because of course she did.

Georgia's dad was slightly concerned that Matty didn't seem completely keen to drop his entire life immediately and move to Melbourne tomorrow at 3pm to be with his daughter. But...that's a ridiculous concern.

4. There was a very ~serious~ issue with Lee. Apparently.

When it came to Lee's turn, there were issues. Just like there were when Alex met Richie's family.

I mean, to start with, NO ONE CAN EVER HEAR WHAT HE'S SAYING.

While Richie's mum saw an issue with Alex being a single mum, Georgia's sister says Lee is a just a little "smooth." We know what she means. HE ONLY SPEAKS IN CLICHES.

He just kept saying things about love and life and risk and adventure and SO MANY WORDS THAT MEANT SO LITTLE THINGS.

Kate told Georgia "that dude is full of it" and Georgia's dad said "eh, at least he's full of it in Melbourne," and by that point, we were ready to scream about everyone's GODDAMN OBSESSION WITH MELBOURNE.

5. The producers were really pushing Georgia's relationship with Matty J. LIKE A TEXTBOOK RED HERRING.

On Georgia and Matty's single date, they found a bell and wrote their names on it, and we couldn't help but think how sad and incredibly messed up it would be if he lost. He said, "I think she feels the same way as I do"... and we really should've known what was happening.

Matty and Georgia sat in a garden with some butterflies, and Matty was painfully articulate about how much he loves her. Everything was perfect - except the feeling gnawing away at us that it was too good to be true. They kissed and it was so hot that all the butterflies started mating.

Matty said that "it doesn't feel the end, it feels like the beginning" and that he'd "be devastated" if she didn't choose him. Just from the sheer amount of time Channel 10 spent on this, we should've known something awful was going to happen. It's like when you're watching a movie and two characters are having a heated conversation in the car without looking at the road. You just KNOW that another car is going to T-bone them and someone is going to die.

IT WAS DONE BY THAT POINT. DONE. AND WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT.

Georgia met Osher at the hotel and told him she'd "fallen madly in love". Osher looked like a proud father.

Then...a limo. It stopped. Someone's head emerged.

NOOOOOOO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

IT WAS MATTY.

And there was no reason, NOT ONE, for us to be surprised.

You can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Facebook here.

Listen to the Bach Chat team as they dissect last night's episode, and interview ex-contestant Rhys: