entertainment

Not familiar with the facepalm? You will be by the end of this post...

I know how you feel.
I know how you feel.

By ROSIE WATERLAND

You know that moment when you’re walking down the street, someone is coming towards you, and you both go to move out of each other’s way but you both go in the same direction?

You both move to the left and laugh. You both move to the right and laugh. You both stay right to let the other one move to the left. Then you both do a strange half move trying to predict which way the other will go.

In the end, someone usually takes control of the situation and makes a slow, deliberate movement around the other person to make sure they know that is what’s happening. Finally, you’re free. And the whole thing only took 5 seconds. I’m not sure if this bizarre street dance has an official name, but I think we can all agree the moment is one thing: AWKWARD.

And that’s only one of the many awkward facepalm situations that can momentarily make you feel like you are just a little bit bad at life. I’m an expert at said situations (meaning, I constantly seem to embarrass myself on a daily basis) so feel I have a bit of authority in implementing a ratings sysem. Take a look:

Kanye-West-John-Mayer-Awkward-Hug-and-Handshake
Allow John Mayer and Kanye West to demonstrate.
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1. When you go in for a cheek kiss and the other person only goes for a handshake. Equally as mortifying is when you go for a handshake, they don’t notice and you’re left hanging out in the cold.
Awkward rating: 4 out of 5

2. When for some reason you just can’t work out why a door won’t push open. Then someone comes and pulls it for you. This always happens when there’s a build up of people behind you.
Awkward rating: 2 out of 5 (but depends on the amount of people watching).

3. When you pretend to understand a joke and laugh – then someone says they didn’t get it and asks you what it meant. Shit. Also awkward: When you use a word you’re not completely sure about and someone asks you what it means. Uh oh.
Awkward rating: 4 out of 5

4. When someone says your name incorrectly, you don’t correct them straight away and they go on calling you the wrong thing for weeks until someone else corrects them. In front of you.
Awkward rating: 5 out of 5

5. When you ask someone to repeat something three times and you still don’t catch it, so you try to move your head in a non-descript nod/shake hybrid, hoping that will cover all your bases. It doesn’t.

A swift exit is proably best.
Sex scenes? I’m out.

Awkward rating: 5 out of 5

6. Watching a movie with your parents that you didn’t realise had heavy sex scenes until the sex is happening. It’s too late to escape now.
Awkward rating: 3 out of 5

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7. When you think you recognise someone waving at you, so you wave back before realising a) you don’t in fact know the person waving b) they weren’t waving at you and c) both of those people saw what you did.
Awkward rating: 4 out of 5

8. When you’re about to leave a store and the sales assistant says “enjoy the shoes” and you say “you too.”
Awkward rating: 2 out of 5

9. Also store related: When you’re waiting for 5c change, but it’s taking a while and you’re not sure if waiting makes you look cheap. It probably does.
Awkward rating: 3 out of 5 (but that increases if they need to go to another register for change. Just let it go).

Don't try to deny it...
Don’t try to deny it buddy…

10. When your dog starts humping another dog at the park. While you’re talking to the owner.
Awkward rating: 2 out of 5

11. When you go to call someone but accidently call someone else and then you’re confused when they answer. You have no choice but to wing it and pretend like you had a reason to call them. You really didn’t.
Awkward rating: 2 out of 5 (if they realise what happened: 4 out of 5)

12. When you stop at the lights and you and the person in the car next to you share a… moment. Usually involves judging each other’s taste in music or busting some nose-picking/loud singing.
Awkward rating: 3 out of 5

13. Volunteering to put your ipod on shuffle at a party and something embarrassing comes on. Like a voice memo from when you recorded yourself singing that Beyonce song because you thought you could do it better.
Awkward rating: 5 out of 5

14. Walking in on someone in the bathroom/being walked in on in the bathroom. No explanation necessary.
Awkward rating: 10 out of 5

I generally face about two or three of these kinds of situations a day. What are some awkward moments you’d add to the list?

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