Whose ashes are they anyway?

Ashes 2013

So Australia has reclaimed the Ashes.

Mamamia considered how to cover this highly significant sporting event in detail. We spent many a hour minute arguing about it in the office. But the problem is, we have a deeply divided team when it comes to sport, and most particularly cricket.

Editor Jamila Rizvi and Health and Fitness Guru Natalia Hawk are sports nuts. Creator Mia Freedman and Site Coordinator Melissa Welham? Well…. notsomuch.

So instead of bringing you in depth coverage of the results in the third test, which concluded today, we thought we’d just transcribe a few of the questions the sports-knowledge-less asked the sport-knowledgeable in our office today.

Prepare to laugh. And cringe. And if you’re a cricket fan? Probably cry.

*Names have been removed to protect our less-than-cricket-savvy writers from being beaten to death by patriotic Australians armed with cricket sticks bats. That’s right, bats.

“Oh my god. We won the Ashes! It’s all over Facebook!”

“Aussie Aussie Aussie!”

“What are the Ashes?”

“Is that rugby?”

“Guys. Seriously, you’re kidding right?”

“Whose ashes are they?”

“Are they Don Bradman’s ashes?”

“Why is it a good thing to get some dead guy’s ashes?”

“No they are NOT Bradman’s ashes you idiot. The ashes aren’t even from a person. The name came from this test match between Australia and England back in the 1800s. The papers in England the next day declared the ‘death of English cricket’, hence the two countries now compete to win the ashes.”

“It’s kind of a big deal everyone….”



“Does it happen every year?”

“When you say test, is that like a game?”

“How many tests are there?”

“There are five tests. So far we’ve had three.”

“That’s more than the HSC….”

“That’s a lot of tests.”

“Why are we celebrating if it’s not even over yet?”

“Well we’ve won three of five, so you know – they can’t win anymore.”

“Is it over now?”

Ashes 2013 “No, there are still two tests to go”.

“But what? Why keep playing if we already won? Isn’t everyone just gonna be like ‘whatevs’? And not try?”

“I want to go back to these ashes. Who keeps them? Can you go and look at them?”

“I told you, there are no ashes”.

“Can you touch them?”

“Are they at Parliament House? Where do we keep things like that? Like a national pool room?”

“Why are we still talking about this?”

“Yeah, who watches cricket anyway?”

“Um, the whole country people. THE WHOLE COUNTRY”.

“This will be front page news everywhere tomorrow.”

“Not on our website it won’t be. We’re leading with that story about how to make money by hosting illegal sex parties, aren’t we?”

“Are we STILL talking about this?”

“This makes no sense”.

By the way, the sports-lovers at Mamamia run a dedicated weekly post celebrating the achievements of women in sport. So if you do get cricket (unlike some of our staff) you might enjoy checking out some of those posts.

Have you been following the cricket? Do you care about the Ashes 2013 result? 

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