The moment you have kids, a space opens up between you and your child-free friends. Sometimes it’s a small gap, sometimes it’s a gaping gulf. And with every subsequent child, it widens.
Here is a video that brilliantly explains the gap in the very funny form of an apology from Popular YouTube mum, Elle Walker, to her childless friends:
My favourite part is when Elle finally catches up with her friend but spends the whole time distracted.
“I need to multi-task you,” she explains to her friend. “It’s not your fault, but you didn’t bring a kid to entertain [my toddler]. So, I have to go halfsies on this conversation or else she’ll melt down in front of you. I’m completely stressed but don’t worry, I’m listening. Wait, no. I’m actually thinking about how much free time you have…”
Squinting at her friend through a sleep-deprived haze, she then blows her own mind by thinking of all the spontaneous possibilities that are possible to a person who isn’t responsible for a small child or two.
I’ve been that mother. Every mother has. None of my friends had kids when I had my first at 25. I was on a different page and in a wildly different life stage for the next few years.
But here’s what nobody tells you: as soon as your kids start school, the gap starts shrinking and another gap emerges between mothers of older kids and mothers with babies and toddlers.
Three of my very good friends are currently on maternity leave for the third time. They each have three kids under five. Even though I too have three kids, we are worlds apart. Their days are a mystery to me and mine are to them.
And this is why.
Top Comments
I totally agree with you Mia, my children are older now and I do have more time for me and my friends. My children are my world , I 100% believe that parenting is one of the hardest jobs. Well done to all those parents out there!
There is no reason why parents can't keep up with non-parent friends. I have three kids and have always kept up with my friends who don't have kids. All it takes is a bit of effort. If you use kids as an excuse not to socialise with adult friends, you can't expect them to accept that without question - by doing this you are telling your friends they are no longer important enough to make time for. Most people I know who have children make the time to keep up with their non-parent friends and as a result I have a huge pool of friends both with and without kids. It's not that hard. You simply fit in with each other, catch up when you can and allow for each other's situations. Those without kids have busy lives too - just because you have children doesn't mean your life is busier or more important. We all have busy lives regardless of our parental status.