Sydney mother scared for her children after being called a "monster" for having kids.

Mother-of-two Tori Parker-Lacey spent three and a half years on the adoption circuit before she and her partner, Miriam, could officially add to their family.

“It is basically just red tape…different lawyers, different agencies, trying to get hold of birth parents, trying to get approval of birth parents,” she said.

The Sydney couple had been caring for baby Jett, as foster parents, since he was just eight-days-old, but it wasn’t until he was two that they had been approved for permanent care.

“Jett arrived when our birth-child Dash was 13-months-old. There was a very good connection with both of them when he was tiny.”

By the time Jett was a toddler, he was a vital part of the family, with strong attachments with his brother and mothers.

“He was one of the easier foster care cases, compared to others that can be in the system for 8-10 years,” she admits.

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Tori says the wait was “incredibly frustrating” but that the hurdles during the process had nothing to do with being in a same-sex relationship.

“The only major barrier there is, is attachment, if you have attachment to the child and the child has attachment to you and you are doing the right thing by the child, and the child is coming first within the family and the relationship … then it doesn’t matter if you’re a same sex couple or even a single parent,” said Tori.

Jett has been placed in the family with an open adoption, so the family are in touch with his birth mother who has returned to China after having a baby in Australia. 

The brothers have been attending Chinese classes for a few years, and Tori is doing her best to include Jett's cultural heritage in the family.

The Sydney mother says she now has “an ever changing, multicultural family, with no gender stereotypes”.

Just last week, Queensland passed laws to allow same-sex parents to adopt along with single people and couples undergoing fertility treatment.

“It’s about time that they’ve caught up, " says Tori.

"Especially because Queensland is so conservative, and so it is a great thing that they have done, made adoption for same-sex people [legal].

“I’m just happy that the children that are stuck in between are no longer going to be stuck."

The 45-year-old says New South Wales is “leading the way” when it comes to adoption.

“The rest of the country needs to get their act together and realise that is for the attachment of the child and their identity of who they are.”

South Australia and the Northern Territory are yet to approve the move.

Although Tori says she’s living in the most progressive state on adoption and foster care, it hasn’t been easy – especially with gay marriage on the political agenda.

“They started talking about same sex marriage where we were getting things in the mail, saying ‘think of the children’, and that we were ‘monsters’ for having kids, stuff like that from pamphlets and so I’m just really happy that [the plebiscite] hasn’t gone ahead because I’ve got readers now and they’ll read all of that…

“It makes me scared for my children. It’s not about me. It makes me scared for the children and for the next generation."

But Tori’s not raging against being called a "monster", she has a measured response that she tries to instil in her children. It's all about tolerance and respect.

It is the same response she has to the adoption laws – she wants what is best for the child.

“What [children] need is people with connection and attachment and it doesn’t matter if you’re old or young or single, or married, or gay or straight or anything in between, they need connection and attachment.”