From the moment I spent three hours of my Friday night trying to decide on the wording and design of our wedding invitations, I knew there was no way I would make it through planning this wedding without offending or annoying someone.
The thing is: this is my wedding, and my wedding should be about me. Nothing gets me more riled up than inconsiderate wedding guests and their narky comments.
So here’s my list; the six guests that no one actually wants at their wedding.
1. The guest who thinks my wedding is about them.
Weddings are expensive. Fact.
What people tend to forget is that weddings are SO expensive that we can’t invite everyone we would like to. If you had been in the room with my parents, my fiancé and his parents when we discussed the guest list, you would realise how much I value your friendship. After three rounds of intense discussion I continued to defended my choice to have you included – you are so important I uninvited one of my cousins to have you there.
With that in mind please be gracious enough not to whine about how the date we chose is inconvenient, it’s a whole 45 minutes drive to my family church, and that the entrée we are serving you is a little too bland. While you are important enough for me to invite you, you do not rate so highly that I am going to plan my wedding around your preferences.
2. …and their partner.
And while we’re at it, I am also sorry that I wasn’t willing to kick my Nanna off the guest list so you could bring your girlfriend of three months who I’ve met once.
This was not done to annoy you, it was done on the assumption that you would feel as strongly about our friendship as I did and support me without complaint anyway. If you can’t accept that it wasn’t a deliberate snub, save me time and RSVP ‘no.’ If you’re going to act like that, I want my cousin back.
And – whatever you do – don’t wait two weeks before the wedding date and call me to see if it is okay that your girlfriend attends. If it were I would have invited her; now you’ve made me feel guilty a second time.
3. The “Helpful” Wedding Guest
As soon as the ring was on my finger the suggestions flew thick and fast:
“Oh you should totally release swans at the ceremony!”
“I saw on Facebook that so-and-so had cake pops instead of cake.”
“You know you should totally have a lolly buffet!”
Or worse: the guests that tell you all the wedding things you are doing wrong. You know, the ones who say:
“Oh cupcake towers are so 2004, its all about the macarons now.”