"The 5 strange things I was told at my daughter's kindy orientation."

I waited for the sound of laughter, thinking it must have been a joke, but they were serious.

Some of the things I was told at my daughter’s kindergarten orientation this week are just bloody ridiculous. And this is coming from someone who is normally earnestly invested in all advice given to me by professionals at my children’s school.

Some of the ‘advice’ we were given was just stupid. Do they think we are morons? It’s as though we were in a parenting session being run by child services.

We were told to:

1. Practice counting with our children. "You may want to count out how many crackers they are eating".

2. Stick to a bedtime routine so they are well rested at school.

3. Teach them how to drink water.

4. Sing nursery rhymes to practice language skills. Do it while you are hanging out the washing.

And here's the worst one...

5. Talk to your kids. Talking improves literacy.

Are they for real?

By this stage I had stopped frantically typing notes onto my iPhone and was waiting for the punchline. Surely, they were joking, right? But nobody was laughing. We were all looking at each other blankly.

I know the teachers and staff running these sessions meant well, but seriously, it was offensive and insulting. How about they tell us some things that will actually help our children during their first year of school like getting them to practice using a lunchbox, attend playgroups to meet new kids and make new friends, wear their school uniforms a few times during the holidays so they get used to them and get them to practice buy something from a shop while you watch on so they can use the school canteen next year?

What about some advice like that?

So far I've attended two out of the three kindergarten orientation sessions and I am tempted to bring popcorn to the third one. Maybe they are saving the really useful stuff for last. Maybe they do plan to say something that's actually useful.

I should have skipped the sessions like some of the parents did. They sneaked off, not caring that there was a sign in sheet and lollies on all the tables. Next time I'll go and get the grocery shopping done.

But I will attend the third session, just for fun.

Want more? Try:

A letter to my son as he gets ready for school.

How to : Teach your kids to tie their shoe laces.