What's the key to successful relationships? Susan Quilliam reveals the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work
Quality time
Without quality time, your relationship will not survive.
Show interest when he's talking
Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you.
Get him to appreciate you
Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.
Fail-safe orgasm
Love those habits
Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits.
Ask him to help you find the answer
Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it.
Reward things you like
Learn that punishing your partner won't work.
Work out a budget
Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget.
Divide the cleaning
If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship.
Present a united front
If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with the childcare - even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are.
Sort out your sex life.
The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't just accept it.
Affairs don't have to mean the end...
Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is.
Learn how to argue well
The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you.
5 to 1
Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment.
Learn how to negotiate
Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward.
Accept the things that won't change
Some characteristics about your partner are there for
Learn to forgive
If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.
Check that you haven't changed your minds
Realise that the two of you will shift and change over the years.
Know when to leave
If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship
Counselling is good
Don't think that going to counselling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one.
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