On the way into work this morning, I found myself listening to the soothing sound of Osher Gunsberg in my ears.
In the spirit of February, and Valentine’s day, Mamamia launched a love podcast with the love God himself, the Bachelor host spilling his best secrets about love, life and relationships.
And there was one conversation that made me particularly awake for a Friday morning where I had slept through my alarm and was yet to skull a coffee.
Is it emasculating for a woman to propose to a man?
Both Gunsberg and his co-host, psychologist Leanne Hall, came to the conclusion that if your partner felt emasculated if you proposed, then it says a lot about him.
The entire concept of feminism would settle on a similar thread. Conceivably, I should be able to propose to whoever I please. I’m independent, I can make my own decisions and I can certainly plan for my own future. There’s absolutely no reason that, when the time comes, I can’t be the one to get on one knee and pop the question.
You can listen to the conversation on Love Life here. Post continues after audio.
And yet, I know right now, I probably never will.
In writing, and as a confidently staunch feminist, I can see the hypocrisy seeping through my own writing. Why wouldn’t I? What’s stopping me?
The combination of my own hesitation, and Hall and Gunsberg’s conversation had me settling on one, overriding reason: Him.
I think, deep down, my hesitation comes in taking something from him that society has always told him he has the monopoly on.
If it sounds decidedly un-feminist, perhaps it’s because it is. Or, maybe, it’s more of a case of us entering a very messy vortex of sexist traditions that have morphed into societal norms.
Top Comments
Sign of the shifting sands. With more women going through higher education and into professional careers, there are fewer professional men. Then hypergamy strikes.
Even if hypergamy didn't, the gender imbalance forces women to be more aggressive in finding a mate because there are more women than men. In Russia there are 85 men for every 100 women and so you don't see women there writing angry articles that a man said Hello to her and that's harassment. It's the immutable law of supply and demand.
Also with men being in the minority they don't have to compete so much by bettering themselves as a potential partner and as generations of men from divorced homes, facing a society geared more towards women's wants and needs than in previous times, more and more men aren't convinced marriage is a good thing. Marriage rates are now at rock bottom levels and those who do get married its later and later. It's still the overwhelming case that the man proposes and men in increasing numbers are choosing not to.
So, I guess women asking is looking like the future cause for the demographic and social changes explained above, guys aren't that interested anymore, particularly since sex is just a swipe away and you don't need a relationship, let alone marriage to have it.
Congratulations, you're a trend setter.
Getting married was very much a joint decision for me and my husband. To the point where after we had jointly made the decision, I booked the "engagement" restaurant and we went to a wedding fair before we got engaged. I even reminded him to bring the ring that evening - which was good because he had forgotten it. But even with all that joint planning and complete lack of surprise about the asking it was super important for him to ask the question. Just like it was super important for my Dad to walk me down the aisle.
I think that tradition is important. Yes much of the activity around those traditions might have changed, but it is nice to have those things to hold onto.