"How one experience with porn turned me off it completely."

You know how sometimes one thought or idea leads to another, which leads to another and before you know it you find yourself somewhere and are no longer sure how you got there? Well, that happened to me last night.

Let me explain.

Among my DVD collection is a porn parody of the TV show “Scrubs”. I can’t remember where it came from or how long it’s been at the bottom of the drawer in the TV cabinet but suffice to say it’s been there for a very long time. While clearing things out last night in an effort to de-clutter before moving house, I found it at the bottom of a pile of fitness DVDS (which, let’s face it, also rarely see the light of day). I decided to watch it because it had been awhile since I’d seen it – and before you say it, no, there’s nothing weird about a woman sitting and watching porn by herself. What’s weird is when a bunch of men at a buck’s party or some such sit and watch porn in a room full of other men – can anyone say repressed homoeroticism – but I digress.

As I was watching it I found myself focusing less on the sex and more on the faces of the people having sex, wondering whether it was simulated or if they were really “doing it”. As everything was kept very well hidden it was hard to tell. Looking back now I realise it’s actually a very soft porn movie even though it’s labelled XXX. After studying the faces of the – let’s call them actors – I decided to find out a bit more as the porn industry is something I had an extremely limited acquaintance with. I googled James Deen, the lead protagonist, and there began my rapid descent into an evening I am in no hurry to ever repeat.

I discovered that, as well as a very prodigious career in which he’s been involved in over 2,500 films in his relatively young 31 years and wanted to be a porn star since he was a child (this fact was disclosed by Deen in a 2012 story about him in GQ) last year he was blacklisted by some companies in the industry for allegedly sexually assaulting a number of women he worked with as well as his former partner. This led me to start looking into the issue of consent in the porn industry and whether there even is such a thing. Does agreeing to appear in a porn film automatically mean that you deserve whatever happens to you once you’re on set? Don’t worry, I didn’t go and find out for myself, my conclusions were reached by means of research and observation only.

Apparently, while there are contracts the performers are given to sign, mostly they turn up on set and let the other performers and the director know what they are and aren’t comfortable doing or having done to them. I can see where it might get a bit murky for some of the performers to know what is and isn’t okay as everyone has their own interpretation of what boundaries are and when they’re crossed (even in the “real” world). Something that seems fine in theory may prove to be a bit too intense in actuality and do the women in the industry know that saying they’re not okay with something means it won’t be done to them? According to some of the allegations going around about James Deen, it would seem the answer is no.

As my porn collection consists of the sole DVD mentioned earlier, I decided to see if I could find more of James Deen's movies on the internet to observe him interacting with some of the women who had made the sexual assault allegations against him as, in my opinion, the best scene in the porn parody I possess (a little alliteration there for those who really do read Penthouse for the articles) was the one at the end of the film, which is the most authentic and dare I say almost caring display in the movie and involves Deen and his partner. My search led me to an interview with Lee Roy Myers, the director of a number of porn parodies. I was intrigued by his viewpoint that, as the two biggest releases human beings can experience are orgasms and laughter, why not combine the two?

As I've personally found that to be the case, it seemed like an idea with merit. He also stated that, in an effort to make porn more accessible to more people, he had established a free website called Woodrocket.com and had also created a porn parody of "Game of Thrones"- like that show needs to get any kinkier or weirder. So, there was nothing else for it but to check out Woodrocket.com and that's when I became trapped in a nightmarish pornado and realised it's true that once you see something, you can't unsee it.

Don't get me wrong, some of the parodies are hilarious. As well as Game of Thrones, there's one about Doctor Who, Katy Perry, the Power Rangers and many others I didn't venture into but of course they're just a short interlude before the performers get down and dirty and it is extremely disturbing. Without even considering going into some of the categories such as fetish and a number of others I spent literally the next five hours going from video to video trying to find a woman who looked as though she was genuinely enjoying herself or was being treated with some respect.

Pornstar Madison Missina talks about how you can consume porn in an ethical way.

In one of the Game of Thrones parodies there was a performer (actually, I do think actress is a more appropriate term for the women given what I've now witnessed) by the name of Dana DeArmond who did make me laugh the whole way through the video with her facial expressions and eye rolls. I thought ,"Okay, here's a woman who's in control of things and gets how ridiculous this all is." After watching some of the other videos she appears in however, I quickly changed my mind. At 3am I finally dragged myself to bed, sick to my stomach at the number of women I saw being treated like nothing more than a series of orifices for men to stick their penises into.

None of the women were held or caressed or treated as if they were even present and, despite the number of massage oils and lubricants on the market these days, apparently spitting on each other is the preferred method of foreplay. It was disgusting and I can only think they all must be severely dehydrated by the end of a shoot. I lost track of the number of times I said phrases such as "Stop slapping her", "Stop spitting on her", "Oh my god, what's he doing to her?" and watched a number of the videos with my hands over my mouth in disbelief. If this is what passes for acceptable sexual behaviour between consenting adults, it's no wonder women as a whole are still so disrespected and ill-treated and don't forget, this is a free supposedly widely appealing website let alone what else is out there that - let's face it, mostly men and teenage boys are watching.

I think the thing I found most frightening about the whole experience was the number of amateur videos on the website where people are replicating what's in the "professional" videos. More than once I wondered whether there's some class all aspiring porn actresses enrol in where they're taken step-by-step through what's expected of them. Blowjobs 101 or something similar. It's the same moves performed in the same order pretty much every time (with much spitting and gagging) and while I understand certain things need to be done so the camera can get the right angle or whatever, this goes beyond the pale.

Don't get me wrong my friends, I'm certainly not a prude by any means. I thought Fifty Shades of Grey was one of the most vanilla things going around and was astounded at how much controversy it caused but if a guy I was with kept slapping me, spitting on me, holding my head against him and trying to force both his penis and balls into my mouth he'd probably end up sans penis. Two human beings who are connected and tuned into each other can give each other so much pleasure it's almost transcendant and, while I don't believe you have to be in love with someone to have great sex, you at least have to acknowledge they're a living, human being with a soul and not just something attached to a genital organ.

So now that I'm sleep deprived and soul sick, would I ever watch porn again? Not on your life. Reading erotica however is a whole different story. There's no doubt that some things are better left to the imagination rather than shoved in your face (and I do mean that literally).

Do you watch porn? Do you think it's female-friendly? Let us know in the comments below.