From a woman who knows. Really knows.
I’ve had plenty of experience being the the other woman. As a promiscuous university student, I recall seducing a pro-football player with a long-distance girlfriend. Well, I eventually got sick of “giving it up for free” and figured I may as well get paid to play.
After many years as a stripper, a dash of desperation, and gradually becoming more open-minded, I posted my first ad on a website for upscale escorts catering to sugar daddies. That’s right, I prostitute for a living. Here’s what I’ve learnt in the process about your husbands:
1. Monogamy is against most men’s biological nature.
But nest-building and settling down with one primary woman to raise a family is not. He’s chosen you, not me. He might see me as more fun, vivacious or sexual, but he sees you as the best candidate for wife, mother and life companion. He takes you seriously; not me.
2. Your partnership, in his eyes, has turned into more of an asexual friendship without the “benefits.”
He still wants the benefits (as in the sex) but would rather seek out a willing mistress than rock the boat with you by expressing his frustration at your loss of interest in sex—or at least sex like it used to be.
3. He wants to have his cake and eat it, too.
Social conditioning has enabled his feelings of male “have it all” entitlement. He still loves the hell out of you but male privilege dictates he can play around, get away with it and not be held accountable.
4. I require less maintenance both emotionally and financially.
I’m not a long-term investment. Whether I’m seeing him for money or seeing him just for fun, I’m his sidechick who is (sometimes painfully) at his beck and call for fantasy fulfillment as well as emotional support. Whereas you're a full-time career with great benefits and insurance, I'm an hourly temp job.
5. He feels more comfortable telling me things he doesn’t have the confidence to admit to you.
I’m basically a young, good-looking version of a therapist but unlike professionally-trained therapists, he gets to f*ck me. (That’s why in the case of escorting, my $500 per hour rate exceeds many of the nation's best PhD holding psychiatrists and psychologists).
6. He can ask me to perform certain sexual acts that he doesn't feel comfortable asking you to do.
I don’t do anal sex, but I love giving oral, slightly rough sex, threesomes, a little role-play, and light BDSM.
7. He might be indulging an addiction...
...replacing an addiction or channeling his craving for other vices toward a different form of self-destructive behaviour.
If he has a history of gambling, alcoholism or drug addiction, it's common for him to channel this pleasure-seeking energy toward me. He’s listening to his Id, not his super-ego, because he has a history of weakness toward seeking pleasure in excess.
8. He gets off on the risk.
He might not even be seeing me for me at all because it’s about indulging in a thrill-seeking risk.
Some guys try harder not to get caught but most men I've encountered love flirting with disaster a little bit, especially if he's paying me hush-money. That way, his cocky ass feels extra confident I won’t go Fatal Attraction on him. He knows (and I know) painfully well that if you catch him in our affair, your female instinct will be to blame me for seducing him. But here's a truthbomb: I’m not standing on a street corner, sipping a martini at the Four Seasons hoping to seduce him; he sought me out. But hey, go ahead and blame me if it helps you sleep at night, dear.
9. He’s got a Madonna-whore complex and puts you in the Madonna category.
He doesn’t think of the mother of his kids in the same sexual way he may have during the hot and heavy early days. He’d rather have hot hotel sex with someone who asks little of him than boring, quiet missionary sex that's subdued and quiet so to not wake up the kid. Also, I’m probably younger and better-rested than you are, with more energy to bring to our sexual encounters than just letting him hurry up and have sex with me until he comes to get it over with.
10. He’s got a saviour complex.
He feels good supporting me financially—to whatever extent he does—while also enjoying the 'No Strings Attached' sex arrangement. It's mutually beneficial. He knows I’m jealous of the "main bitch" role but willing to settle for his sidechick because I'm used to it. However, he exploits that desire and manipulates me emotionally. This is why so many men make false promises to leave their wives and take their mistresses on extravagant vacations.
At the end of the day, though, if your little boy gets a sniffle, he’ll ditch a romantic weekend getaway with me in a red hot second. And if you call to tell him he has to be home to let the plumber in between 2-5, he’ll cancel our 3 pm, $500/1 hour fling cause he doesn’t give a sh*t about me and he’s scared of your wrath.
Basically, you have him whipped and I’m just a fun hobby he's able to sacrifice when serious stuff comes up. (Yet, he easily forgets that as his mistress/escort, I may be relying on that appointment money to feed MY child as a single mother or pay my tuition.)
Could you forgive your partner for having an affair? Could you forgive him for paying for sex?
This post originally appeared on YourTango.com: 10 Harsh Truths Your Husband's Prostitute Wants You To Know.
Want more? Try these:
Follow iVillage on Facebook
When you become a parent, you don't leave your brain in the delivery suite. That's why mothers with kids of all ages come to themotherish.com; because they're still interested in news about entertainment, health, current affairs and food along with an inspiring and useful stream of parenting advice and support. Most importantly, they come because they want to hear personal stories of parenting directly from other mothers, without fear of judgement.