health

“Today, my worst fear came true. I was accused of faking my illness.”

Julie McGovern suffers from a debilitating chronic disease.

This week, she returned to her car to find a nasty note scribbled on it. She has asked that people share her story widely so that this doesn’t happen to anyone else.

Julie writes…

My name is Julie. My entire life I have been an athlete. I have excelled in all things athletic. I was on the track team in high school and college, as well as a cheerleader in high school and college. In the summer of 2005 I was diagnosed with Mononucleosis. I was unaware of this and continued to train hard in my collegiate sports.

I thought my excessive fatigue, sore throat, headache, and over all sickness was due to being a freshman living in the dorms. It is not uncommon to get sick in that environment. However, my symptoms progressed and I went to the doctor as soon as I learned about the mono, I immediately stopped these activities.

Due to this, I am unable to stand for long periods of time or walk long distances. Along with many more life altering aliments. Being a young person with an invisible chronic illness is one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with. People think I look fine, so I am not sick. It isn’t that I’m looking for sympathy, but respect and compassion. It has been an incredible odyssey going from a vibrantly healthy person to someone living with a chronic illness.

My life before I was sick is much different now that I am.

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I am unable to keep up with my friends and my pride often keeps me from asking for help. Sadly, the disbelief of others around me has caused me to remain silent about my illness. It is like I am being punished for being sick. They think if I just eat better or sleep more, I would be cured, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

POTS symptoms are always changing, they come and go, and appear in many different combinations. No one POTS patient is treated medically the same. The symptoms I have today, I may not have tomorrow. I can be fine one minute and on the floor the next. It is very hard to make plans due to the unpredictably of this horrible syndrome.

My doctor issued me a handicapped parking tag. I have always been afraid of what others would say and I often sit in my car until I feel no one is around so that they won’t judge me or accuse me of using the system.

I am sick. I didn’t choose this and it isn’t my fault. I would give anything to be healthy again.

I would give anything to have one day of freedom. Just because a person looks fine does not mean they are. There are many illnesses that go unnoticed to the untrained eye. Illnesses such as, heart failure, cystic fibrosis, MS, POTS, Asthma, Lupas, and countless others. Being handicapped isn’t always a wheelchair or crutches. Some illnesses manifest themselves internally and destroy the body from within. I have one of those illnesses.

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Today my worst fear came true. So many emotions flooded my mind. I was hurt, I was angry, I wanted my voice to be heard, but this person is a coward and could not tell me what he/she thought to my face. This person incorrectly perceived my situation, because it is impossible for someone my age to have an illness.

This person doesn’t know me or my struggles. They don’t know what this illness has taken from me. They don’t see the countless nights I cry myself to sleep, soaking my pillow with tears, pleading – praying for God to heal me. They don’t see the weakness, the pain, the symptoms that are very real, but only I can feel. They don’t understand, and until it happens to them they never will.

However it is up to us to tell our story and to raise awareness. As I said not all things are visible. The person who wrote me such a hateful note is also handicapped. This person has a mental handicap disguised as ignorance. And even though I am sick, I don’t always park in the handicapped parking. I only do so on my bad days. And sometimes even on my bad days I won’t park there because someone else might be having a worse day. And other times, I am just too afraid to be attacked, ridiculed, and judged like I was today.

This is only a small part of my story and truly no words can give my battle justice. This morning I walked out to my car, and as I said, my worst fear came true. I was accused of faking. My illness was invalidated. My fight appeared to be in vain. My pride was shattered and my story was disrespected.

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To the person who wrote me that note. Shame on you!

I pray you are never faced with the struggles I am every minute of every day. I pray that someone you love who is ill is never treated the way you have treated me. I pray you open your eyes and your heart to the people around you and exercise compassion, as you abandon your need to hurt others. You are obviously a very angry and unhappy soul. I pray you find peace and love in your life. And finally, I hope you are never a victim to a life altering illness and experience the cruelty I experienced today because of you.

A handicap comes in all shapes and sizes. Don’t judge someone by the way they look. If you are unsure, approach me and ask me about my illness. I am always happy to share my story and raise awareness, because if it reaches even one life or inspires one person, or helps many more, it was worth it.

My name is Julie and I have POTS. Today my illness was invalidated, but it doesn’t make my illness any less real or my fight any less important. I will continue to park in the handicap spot and I will raise my head high and continue to join the fight in searching for a cure.

With Love,
Julie

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