Okay, so maybe it’s not so much weddings as it’s demanding brides, but let me tell you a little story about how I lost a friend of over 15 years all because of, well, I’m not really sure.
About a year ago, my friend got engaged and I was awarded the ‘lucky’ title of Maid of Honour – the pinnacle of female friendship – some would argue.
Six months on and things start really ramping up in terms of the wedding planning that involved me as MOH.
We went shopping for wedding dresses, twice. She couldn’t decide on the first day, and that was fair. You have to like the dress you end up in on your big day.
I attended a hair trial...sorry, attended hair trials, as she wasn’t happy with the first one….or the second. But once again, totally fair. You want to like your hair on your big day.
I went to a makeup trial. Sorry, again, make that two. She didn’t like the first one so we had to source a new makeup artist to do a makeup trial another day. Again, no issue. You’re going to want to like your face on your big day.
To be honest, she’s this beautiful blonde bombshell that could wear a potato sack with bed hair and no makeup and she’d still look incredible, but I get that on her special day she wanted the best of the best. I also helped put together the bonbonnieres and other wedding props. I went to the cake tasting with her, as well as to the florist to pick out her arrangements and our bouquets.
I thought that I was doing everything right. I went to all the things. I was there when the things didn’t work out exactly as she had planned. Admittedly, as the MOH I was there slightly less than some of the other bridesmaids because I live interstate and have to travel for my job, which is full time. At different times I had tried to let her know that I found it hard to make it to events or trials or shopping dates etc. due to work and other commitments, but I always worked around things so I could be there. I’m just generally a pretty busy person, but given the distance and having less time than both the bride and her other bridesmaids, I thought I was doing alright.
LISTEN: Bridesmaids: best or worst job? (post continues after audio...)
Cut to a couple of weeks ago when she wanted to know how the planning of her bridal shower was coming along. I confirmed that I had messaged the guests she wanted to have there, booked the venue and started to look at cute decorations. The invitations were ready to go and the planning was coming along quite smoothly as I started to think about games we could play. I also let her know that the hens night was locked in.
Later that week, she messages me to say that she was upset with me because I wasn’t there enough. Me being busy had gotten in the way of my MOH responsibilities and being her friend. I made everything too hard and I wasn’t making enough effort.
After too many long essay length messages back and forth and an hour long phone call (me trying to sort things out, her not seeming willing) she told me I just wasn’t doing enough as her MOH and asked me to stop planning things and hand over responsibility to one of the other bridesmaids.
She said she didn’t want me as her MOH anymore and that I was no longer invited to the wedding. And just like that, friendship over.
I’ve since noticed that I have also been deleted as her friend on all forms of social media and deleted by the other bridesmaids as well.
I’m trying to work out what I could have done differently and exactly what happened in the space of a few texts, a phone call and the last few months of wedding planning that meant 15 years of friendship didn’t mean anything anymore, but I don’t think I’ll ever truly get it.
Top Comments
I have been a bridesmaid three times and I have seen weddings turn women who are normally rational, open minded and reasonable into hysterical monsters. I only remain friends with these women because I am very good at forgiveness, often to my own detriment. It may not feel like it now, but I think your former friend has done you a favour. You can also take some vindictive pleasure in the fact that once the wedding is over and the mundane I have been a bridesmaid three times and I have seen weddings turn
I'm not so sure. There are alway two sides to every story. From the sarcastic tone used to describe the (rather typical) MOH duties in the beginning of the article, it sounds like you were feeling some disdain towards the bride which if she is (and it sounds as though she is) a discerning person she would have detected. Maybe she overreacted but I wouldn't be so quick to play the innocent well-meaning victim.
Well obviously she had some disdain towards the bride. I don't think she was complaining about having gone to those things or carrying out the standard MOH duties, I think the point she was making was that she had been there and done all of those things and still got kicked out of the wedding (AND lost a friend).
The article was clearly written after the event so I can understand why she probably was feeling angry about the whole situation and in turn towards the bride. No wonder she used sarcastic tone! I would too!