So you find out your bloke is a crossdresser. Deal-breaker?
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Deal-breakers are very individual things. Particularly when you, um, cross into the sexual realm. For example, a lively debate broke out in the Mamamia office this week on the subject of whether it would be more disconcerting to discover your partner was gay or a cross-dresser. Which inspired our intrepid sex correspondant to write the following post….
Kerri Sackville writes…..
(this is not Kerri's husband)
“Recently, my husband and I were lying in bed watching TV together after making wild, passionate love (okay, after sharing a bowl of ice cream whilst I tweeted on my laptop).
We flicked stations indifferently and ended up with a doco on SBS. It was about a nice middle aged man, his wife, and his rather unusual hobby. It was really interesting stuff. Except that after two minutes of viewing time, I shot bolt upright in our bed and yelled “Deal breaker. DEAL BREAKER!!!” Because, as supportive as I am of my husband having hobbies (easy to do when he pretty much has none other than working and watching docos on SBS,) there is no WAY I could cope him doing that.
You see, as it turned out, the nice middle aged man had a rather unsettling pastime.
He was a cross dresser.
Now, there are many possible factors that can put strain on a marriage. Financial pressures, difficult relationships with the in-laws, working too much, working too little, not enough sex, too much sex, eating the last spoonfuls of Nutella when I am downstairs putting the kids to bed (and no, dear, I am not ready to forgive you). Still, many issues can be resolved, at least with time.
However, each person in a relationship has their own deal breaker, and possibly several. Something their partner could say or do that would put a nail in the coffin of their love forever, a hurdle that could never, ever be overcome.
For me, cross dressing is one of them.
Now, I don’t have anything against cross dressers at all. Far from it. I love a good tranny. However, the thought of my own husband borrowing my clothes and makeup and going out on the town dressed up as a girl called Tallulah is about as disturbing to me as him growing a second head which dribbles and sings songs by Justin Bieber. It’s just wrong in a hundred ways.
Interestingly, not every woman feels this way. In fact, the website www.crossdresserheaven.com tells many stories of women who have accepted their male partner’s need to wear women’s clothes, such as Charlie below. And, although Charlie’s partner ‘Veronica’ is bisexual, interestingly, most cross dressing males are actually straight.
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Hello, I’m Charlie. I just want to start off by saying that I am a woman. This is a short story about my boyfriend and sometimes girlfriend Veronica. How I came to find out about her crossdressing and how we are doing now. I hope this brings encouragement to other Crossdressers and transgendered ladies out there.
When I met Veronica, love just existed, like some outside force pulled us together. When I started staying over at his house I always noticed little feminine things, like the way he (at the time) sat, sometimes the way he looked over his shoulder and giggled.. in a way I thought of it as girlishly cute…
As time progressed our relationship began to get a little rocky, we actually were in an argument when he told me “I like to wear womens lingerie sometimes”, I responded with a surprised, “what?!”. He then proceeded to yell, “I’m a cross dresser”. At first I was in shock, I had never encountered anything like that before. I was a bit distant for the firstday or so, I had to collect my thoughts and figure out whether I could handle a crossdressing (he also admited he was bisexual at the same time) boyfriend. I decided I would try because I was verr in love with him.
I had a lot of questions, and he was completely open and honest with me. I began to feel more comfortable with the idea of my boyfriend in panties as we continued to talk. Eventually I looked at pictures and to my surprise, he looked verry sexy in drag. To be honest I was a bit turned on by his provocative debut.
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I decided that him and I should go shopping and buy him some things. Our shopping trip was a bit frusturating for us in the fact that he was nervous and I didnt know what to pick for him. (just a tip: work out a plan if your not ready to be open with your transness yet). When our shopping trip was over he dressed up for me, and I realy liked it.
We have had other personal troubles but her crossdressing has actually brought us closer. I love the night’s when we are not us as the world knows us. I love getting her dressed and doing her make up and turning my boyfriend into my beautiful Veronica.
So what do you think? Could you cope with seeing your male partner in panties (Eeeeeuw! Kerri said “panties”! That’s almost more disturbing than the thought of a man wearing some – Mia) and heels? Or would you lock up your dresses and say farewell forever?
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Just to clarify, there are cross-dressers, transvestites and the transgendered. All three are different but I think some of the posters have them confused.
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My ex’s cross dressing was a deal breaker – as was his absolute denial and refusal to discuss it despite bringing home a bag full of women’s underwear as an introduction for me!!. I was in shock told him to chuck them and then regardless of counselling and a thousand questions that was it, never discussed again. When I left him last year he was so angry at me (still is) but now has a wardrobe of womens clothes and makeup (one of my children thinks he has a girlfriend, that’s how I found out)and all I want to do is scream at him about how I never got to choose my life as the 23yrs we had together were a fiction that he concocted..hmm will stop now or I will vent for hours.
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ok I’ve just read other comments and I want to say that the cross dressing is not to my taste BUT my main problem was the lack of communication about it and that I was never given an opportunity to discuss it with him. It’s not like I’m a prude for goodness sake, my first relationship after him was with an openly bi-sexual guy, which didn’t bother me in the slightest. I suppose lack of communication was the real deal breaker – sigh
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I agree with people who say it’s hard to know what your deal breakers are until you get there. I have no problem with cross dressers at all and generally it doesn’t mean they wish to BE a female. However, in all honesty I cannot say whether I could sit right with this if it were my husband wanting to dress up in makeup and women’s clothing. I think it would turn me off and therefore affect our relationship. I do know I would TRY to work with it and not make any rash decisions or take think it’s a personal to me. The bit where she says her partner is bisexual I might have more trouble with though. As much as I’d like to say it’s fine, I don’t know that it actually would be for me. I’d worry that at some point I might not be able to fulfill all his needs and he’d covertly pursue them and put us both at risk.
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When my now husband and I had only been living together a few months, he woke one morning and said he’d dreamt that he had been wearing a black bra. During the day (and more as a joke than anything) I bought one and left it on the bed for him. He laughed and tried it on and LOVED it!
That is the extent of his c/dressing but he now owns probably 50 bras and likes to wear them out if there’s 100% guarantee he won’t be caught, but mainly wears them to bed and during sex.
He’s 6″2, not butch but not at all feminine, but It doesn’t really do much for me and took me a long time to get used to. I have had to get over a few issues over the past six years:
- thinking that he was gay/bi and that our relationship was a lie
- not believing that he had never tried one on before then which he swears he hasn’t
- thinking that he would progress into full-blown and public c/d…but he claims that holds no interest to him. I expect that it wouldn’t be a deal breaker but it would be tough
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Would never have said I was into cross dressing, but when Adam Hills did that bit on Spicks and Specks one night when he stood up from behind his desk and ripped off his clothes to reveal a corset, tight red panties, fishnets and heels- the full Dr Franknfurter look- well. My! Am overcome just typing it again. I wore.out.the.tape.
So short answer… not necessarily a deal breaker. Surprised myself there.
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Oh yes. Adam Hills. Phwoar! He certainly carried it off well! But, then again, I think he would be gorgeous dressed in just about anything… sigh.
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I’d be a bit freaked out, but I reckon we’d get past it. The Fiance has awesome legs and would look fab in a pair of fishnets and a corset.
I gotta say, I’d prefer having a crossdressing husband to becoming a cricket widow.
That pic below of Frank n Furter nearly got me going! I don’t know what it is about that character, but phwoar.
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Has anyone ever noticed just how many guys (and yes, partic Aussie ones) when given the opportunity to dress up for a fancy dress party, don the heels, some naughty female attire (a la the “slutty” numbers Mia and Zoe Foster talked about a couple of days ago), a stack of makeup and off they go, revelling in their “femme fataleness”?
I have.
And I reckon guys love it.
Everything from the end-of-year pantomime cliched man in drag playing a female role, to the fancy-dress party, to the end of season footy party, the “butch-er” the guy, the more they love getting into women’s clothes. They can’t help themselves, and they love acting it out, vamping it up, and ramping it up a notch or six. That thing about what we’d do if we were the opposite gender for a day – well, watch the guys get up to all sorts of mischief in the reduced time and make up for losing the other 18 or 20 hours – they touch themselves provocatively and play with various extras (bras, knickers going all sorts of places higher and tighter than ever before, suspenders, you name it) – they just make the most of every indulgent moment in a woman’s clothes.
I reckon there’d be a few more cross-dressers than we’d care to know about in the average Aussie burb…….
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Totally agree!
Love it
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You should watch a movie which is also on Youtube called Just like a woman…I found it interesting.. it deals with a crossdresser http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywqkKGvfau8
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I think its hard enough to find a wonderful, single, straight man who understands and loves me as much as I do him, so if I am lucky enough to meet that man and he happens to like wearing women’s clothing sometimes, then no, its not a deal breaker at all.
Seriously ladies, would you really give up the love of your life just because you found him wearing a pair of stockings?! Clothing for women has come so far since Chanel decided to dress in men’s clothing. Shock, horror. We can dress in a suit for work, or wear boxers to bed, and not have our sexuality questioned. To the women who think this is a deal breaker- do you just wear pink dresses all the time?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB-M_tYhLGU
Woohoo, able to link. I mentioned this earlier below, but here is the 10th Doctor as a gender confused Scottish barmaid. Enjoy!
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OK, so I’ve been trying to imagine my husband cross-dressing in order to decide whether its a deal-breaker or not.
I can’t. My imagination just isn’t up to it.
Besides which, he’s skinnier than me and would be able to wear all the lovely things I can’t. I think that might piss me off.
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DEAL.
BREAKER.
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I love cross dressers. I call myself Pansexual. And as Courtney from Masterchef said about her girlfriend “I fell in love with the person, not the gender”. But I was thinking about this while reading some of the below posts, and while I love cross dressing, I dont like men in lingerie. Especially just lingerie. A lot of my male friends dress up “in drag” as a joke. Like that’s a “funny costume”, and to me that’s stupid and unattractive. But a genuine cross dresser, like this one who catches my tram, I love. She’s so pretty!!
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Is anyone else unable to rate any comments?
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yes!
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Yep, I just get that GD Star Rating thingy.
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Yeah, last couple of days, actually.
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Same
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we are working on it guys.. sorry about this!
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Hmmmm child in my son’s room at Daycare has recently been sporting some rather glamorous pink wings and a tutu. Spoke to the parents- sternly- to discover that the child is dressed by his older sister (age 4).
It starts young eh?
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What`s wrong if a four year old boy likes tutus and fairy wings?
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I think this is tongue-in-cheek Ms. Butlertron…
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I need new batteries.
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According to the policy guidelines at our Daycare Centre all boys must be dressed in ‘blue clothing with a spory, macho kind of feel’ and girls must wear ‘pink, pink and more pink’.
Them’s the rules…..:)
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That’s a joke right? I’m guessing yes and that I’m just missing the sarcasm… because if not that’s just downright wrong!
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It gets like that doesn’t it. When my daughter was 3 her day care photo is of all these girls in pastels with their hair all nice and shiny. My girl was in a hot pink and black shirt that said “rock angel” with 2 mini pigtails sticking up on top of her head. It really stood out against the other girls. Now though, she wants as many pink, flowery, glittery, flouncy dresses as any other girl. I had to go shopping without her to get a couple of tops that weren’t pink, it was all she had.
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Is this one a joke? I wouldn’t appreciate it if you spoke – sternly – to me about what my child chooses to wear.
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Oh dear. This was most definitely a joke. I would never speak to other parents ‘sternly’. Thought the word ‘sternly’ would be more than enough for people to know that I wasn’t being serious!!
Also, just to clarify, of course the Daycare centre doesn’t have a policy on what the kiddlies wear! Again, thought the exaggeration would signal that I was joking.
And for what it’s worth, I think childhood is the perfect time to wear wings, tails and whatever else you fancy- regardless of gender!
In peace.
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Yeah, I could cope with that.
World of Warcraft on the other hand…
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Yep WoW definite deal breaker
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*Dislike* Computer games are a wonderful pastime!
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Sorry, but as a former WoW widow, I have to disagree on that one. I know lots of people are devoted to those games though.
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Whoops that was me
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yep, WOW is banned in our house
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WoW is hugely popular in our house, and I don’t mind a bit. Much better than golf (although some are claiming it’s the new golf for the corporate world).
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my boyfriend paints his toe nails red ALL THE TIME!!
I don’t think this is a deal breaker for me. I guess it’s a just a ‘kink’, and everyone has those.
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Probably not a deal breaker here. In fact I have some lovely pics of Fatty mincing about on stage at the Valhalla on Rocky Horror nights dressed as Frank. When he had long hair he wore plaits, likes to paint his nails and is rather fond of sarongs.
So as you can see not a huge leap.
I think the only difficulty would be getting high heels in size 15 mens
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We’re in the process of fighting our way through genuinely hurtful betrayal kind of stuff. Finding out he is a cross-dresser would be difficult (and very odd, my husband is scruffy jeans and unironed t-shirts kinda bloke), but not a deal-breaker for me.
I don’t think you really know the deal-breakers until you hit them. Sometimes they’re not what you thought they would be.
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very good insight, thanks for sharing
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my ex wears unironed tshirts, scruffy jeans, a shaved head and a goatee – and is a cross dresser – since we split the main difference is now he has both ears pierced twice and shaves his entire body – but still wears the regular scruff stuff in public.
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My boyfriend is already better looking than me! If he were cross dressing, I just couldn’t handle that!
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Is is just me, or is Tim Curry in drag just the sexiest thing ever? I don’t think cross-dressing would be a deal breaker, as long as P-Daddy managed to look like Frank-n-Furter!
Just me then?
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Not just you. He’s hot.
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Oh god yes, I LOVE Frank N Furter! Tim Curry looks so hot in drag! But in normal life he’s like Meh.
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Oh but his VOICE Felicity… Also hot.
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Oh yes, very much!
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Frank N Furter was my first true love. Mmmmm.
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I think whether it’s a deal breaker very much depends on the circumstances. I am in fact the daughter of an ex-transgender Male to female and the step daughter of a wondeful post-op transgender male to female. Now! My father came out to my whole family when I was 15 (I’m 24) as him wanting to change his life live it as a female. What I also found out that same day is that my mother married him knowing this and they spent their life married together for 21 years. Obviously in the end it was a deal breaker for my mother, especially when my father wanted to go from just wearing women’s underpants to the full thing but it took 21 years for it to eventuate to that and that’s what I call support.
It took me until I left high school to accept my father’s new life (all to do with teen angst and society) and I regret that because I pushed him and our closeness away for a couple of years that we won’t get back. BUT it has ALWAYS upset me to no point even from day one when people want to stare, are unaccepting or make fun of the whole thing because they’re acting towards something that makes my father and his partner happy. How would people like it if people made fun of their lifestyle and beliefs? I understand that not many people on here are doing it, but you have to understand that there is so much more to it than “oh no…I wouldn’t let them go outside like that”, That’s telling someone that you care about that they can’t be who they want to be.
Now…in a way I think my parents should have been a bit more open as to what was going on while mt brother and I were growing up, it took me a very long time to figure out not everyone’s dads wore silk underpants but I also thank them for staying united for as long as they did. I believe that my brother and I had the best upbringing we could have had
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I had a close family friend go to uni and come back a woman, so I´ve been less shocked about it all thatn some. He is now a she and has a defacto female partner. They have been together now since 1995. So they are going strong and are happy and why not?
I find this type of article a bit- lets poke fun and people we don´t understand and situation that most of us would never be in. Who knows what your deal breaker are till they happen.
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Just on a slightly different note- on youtube there is a skit of the former Dr. Who, David Tennant, in drag for this Scottish variety show Rab C Nesbitt. Just search for David Tennant- Davina and it should come up. (Bloody work firewall.) I don’t know how he does it, but that man just does it.
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I wouldn’t like it but its not a deal breaker. I meant my marriage vows so I’d want to at least try to work through it like any problem that arises in marriage. I think the only deal breaker I have is abuse
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It would be a relationship deal breaker for me. Seeing my boyfriend in women’s clothes would be a turn off. I can appreciate how gorgeous some men look dressed as women, but I want to be with a man, not a woman (or a man dressing as a woman).
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My ex told me a few months into our relationship his last relationship was with a boy.. and it didn’t really bother me. Takes all types to make a world
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Holy! I have my suspisions about my husband – but I wouldn’t want him to actually tell me…
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I took out an AVO on a woman who was stalking me, and the bloke is CONVINCED that I slept with her. Not a problem for him at all! I didn’t, but he is convinced.
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I really need to stop reading Mamamia at work. I just got some strange looks from co-workers…
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Ditto – the other day my computer froze on the Helen Mirren article about breasts…of course when my boss was looking over my shoulder wanting me to print something off.
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I hope mine doesn’t freeze today! I’m gogle-ing crossdressers now!!
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Don’t see what the big deal is myself, and it certainly wouldn’t be a dealbreaker. I’d probably prefer that it was restricted to the home/bedroom, but if I really cared about someone it seems like a very harmless lifestyle/fetish to accept.
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hmmm this is a tough one! i think it would be a deal breaker for me if my partner took their cross dressing out of the house and into the real world. I wouldn’t be comfortable with him taking on a female name and going out to clubs dressed as a woman or sitting down to dinner with my family in his get ups… If it was just something my guy liked to do time to time around the house I think I could probably accept it, but yeah in the house, not out of it! I don’t think that made sense.
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I honestly don’t know why this would be a problem.
Seriously, what?
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au revoir for sure! definite deal breaker…
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I don’t know that I’d have a massive problem with it. Just made me think of Lola Daly and Rossa Considine in This Charming Man. Can’t be too awful if Marian writes about it! If its just a dressing up play thing, I don’t see that it would be a huge issue. If it was going to gay bars to pick up dudes that are into cross dressers, maybe an issue. Have to wait and see if it ever happens, I guess.
PS I can’t stand “panties” either. Almost as much as I can’t stand “eeeeeeewwwwww”.
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I love that book
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I’d be fine with it, as long as he didn’t borrow my stuff without asking.
What’s the big deal? Aren’t men in stockings and lipstick kind of cute?
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if he looked like this, no problem whatsoever!
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Oooh, apparently GLEE are doing Rocky Horror! With Puck as Frank N Furter! PHWOAR!!!
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Or this?
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nah… frank n furter is the extent of my obsession!
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Tari, I am with you all the way. Tim Curry is so HOT as Frank n Furter, and I even remember thinking that when i was 13!
Another suggestion, Eddie Izzard – hot hot hot however he is dressed, with or without make up
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Mmmm, David Duchovny…
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even i would jump to the left for that.
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“Why is it, Blackadder, that no matter how many stockings a chap owns, he can never seem to find any? Its almost like they’re being stolen and sold.”
“Impossible, sir. The only people that have access to your stocking are you, sir, and me, sir.”
I actually find Rowan Atkinson incredibly sexy as Blackadder, especially in that series!
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yes – Rowan A. as Blackadder – gorgeous and sexy! as Mr. Bean – scarily unsexy
I must say though, Hugh Laurie is at his height of hotness as Dr. Greg House. I even prefer the American accent. But I am getting totally off topic here!
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It is SERIOUSLY lucky that I managed to keep myself to the one (paraphrased a bit) quote!
Yeah, I really like Hugh as House too. I’d hit it!
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Geez, I would have dumped him when my mind used the words “girlishly cute” when thinking of his mannerisms!!!!
Definite dealbreaker! I need my man to be a man.
As for a relevant dealbreaker – I once stopped seeing a man because he sent me a “sexy” text describing what he wanted me to do with my “panties”. I just could not get past that word….
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Going on their track record The Footy show is the largest assemblage of cross dressers in the country. All those big burly footballers have a hidden life.
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Deal breaker. Like Kerri my husband’s hobbies are work and SBS docos. Playing sport as a hobby, yep could cope with that (would like to encourage it actually) but cross dressing? No.
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I’d just like to add, my father in law spent many years working in Indonesia and PNG, as a kid my husband would visit and there learnt the joys of the sarong. He now spends most evenings and weekends at home in summer wearing sarongs and that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Full on cross dressing with shoes, clothes, make up etc yep, still a deal breaker.
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Guys LOVE cross-dressing! That is, at parties — any opportunity to go to a party in drag — but seriously, with all the bits? Not sure about that one. It would depend very much on all circumstances and details and feelings involved.
Right now I’m thinking, for me — probable dealbreaker.
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100% a dealbreaker for me.
I do know a straight cross dessing couple though. He dresses like a girl most weekends and does drag shows and she’s in the front row cheering him on. Sweet, but not for me. I’d prefer to see him dress in his soccer uniform and kick a ball around.
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I would definitely be uncomfortable with my partner cross-dressing. It’s not something I have ever really thought about, but the thought of it initially makes me feel pretty negative towards the idea. I’m not sure if it would be a deal breaker though, because I’d hope that the emotional attachments involved would be strong enough that I could get over my husband wanting to wear women’s clothing. That said, I have to admit that seeing him cross-dress makes me feel icky. Not really PC, but while I might be able to look the other way and it wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker, I’d definitely have a problem with it.
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It would bother be, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it and it would probably be a deal breaker. I can’t exactly explain why, it just would.
My boyfriend only has 2 hobbies, sports, he follows about 7 different sports obsessively and when any one of his 7 teams loses he is miserable for at least a day. And video games, most evenings he gets online on his xbox and I hear him arguing with 12 year olds (what is it with males and using each other’s mums in their arguing…mums and penis sizes).
Those 2 hobbies I’m able to tolerate because I love him, add cross dressing on top of that and I think it would be too much for me. I like strong traditonal masculine men. While I have no problem with cross dressers in general, I don’t want my partner to be one.
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I’d let him only if he had good taste in shoes and let’s me borrow them.
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DEALBREAKER!!!!!
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As much as I really like to believe I’m very open-minded, I think I’d have a problem with this. I can’t even really say why.
What if he looked better in my LBD than I did? Not sure I could handle that. ;-P
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For the record, he did try on my jeans once just to prove that he could indeed fit into size 10 jeans. He’s 6’2″, so they were a little short, but he could do them up! Bastard!
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Dearest Mia, and the entire MM community,
May I apologise profoundly for my ill-advised use of the term ‘panties’. I had been absorbed in CrossDresserHeaven for about 17 hours and the word ‘panties’ came up quite frequently. And, though I would never use the word in real life, somehow it seemed more appropriate to the tone of this post than the far more innocuous ‘undies’.
So actually…. I’m NOT going to apologise. In fact, I’m going to say it loud and proud. Say it with me girls!
PANTIES! PANTIES!!!! PANTIES!!!!!
K
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Dear Kerri,
Please consider this a very well meant intervention. That white confection research pack has clearly impaired your judgement. Please, get thee to the Nutella jar, and then re-think the ‘p’ word. Now Kerri. Now.
Thinking of you,
Miz xx
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*puts fingers in ears so can’t hear the P word*
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*also puts fingers in ears so as to not hear the P word…*
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In a bunch, maybe ??
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lol, my partner says panties all the time and I now do the same…I have such pretty lacey ones that ‘undies’ or ‘knickers’ seem like the wrong word to describe them
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Sorry – “panties” is my deal breaker!
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Panties! Panties! Panties! LOL.
But honestly, what’s all the fuss about ladies?
For kids, yes.
For sex, no.
For men, no.
For oldies, yes.
So have I missed the punchline somewhere?
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can’t
won’t
say “panties”
just writing it has made me queasy.
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It wouldn’t bother me at all. If you really love someone it wouldn’t matter what they chose to wear. There still the same person underneath the clothes.
I think it’s sad that men are so restricted as to what they can wear. Why shouldn’t they wear a dress when us girls can rock a suit without anyone blinking an eye? My style is pretty androgynous and that’s certainly never been a deal breaker or any kind of issue for any man I’ve been with.
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Complete deal breaker for me. I like my husband to look like… my husband!
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I say ‘if it feels good, do it.’
If you want to do it in public, make sure it’s the right forum. You know, not parent-teacher night. And assure me that you just like to wear the clothes, not that you think you’re a woman, because I’m not helping fund the sex change operation down the track!
Frankly, after yesterday’s post where Laura Munson seemed able to forgive her partner’s cheating and lying and emotional abuse, what’s a pair of high heels between lovers?
But Kerri Sackville, you live in Australia, and while I’m quite accepting of most multicultural practices, I will not tolerate the word panties. The work is knickers.
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I think the correct term in Australia is “Undies”…
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I also find “dacks” acceptable.
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Or bog catchers.
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Or Jox. Panties is in the top 5 most revolting words list. blergh.
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reg grundies?
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Or.just.pants.
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I would be more than happy with it. I am happily married bisexual, and if my husband decided that he liked to wear womans clothing , OR ,get a sex change….it would not bother me. I fell in love with the person, and this would be part of who he/she is.
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P.S – I loooooove the word panties.
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There should be more women like you in this world Evelyn.
At least he is NOT sleeping around or a drunk or an abusive a-hole.
Good on you Evelyn.
Women wear men’s things..so it should work both ways.
I Xdress daily in the privacy of my own home, it hurts no one.
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P.S – I loooooove the word panties tooo!!
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It would be a deal breaker for me simply for the fact that at this point in my relationship it would involve a 20 year lie.
Overall I have so many deal breakers that this one just extends the list slightly to an area I hadn’t considered. I’m being flippant, but there are so many things I couldn’t put up with. Couldn’t stand it if he went to the pub after work, couldn’t stand it if he didn’t share the parenting, he has to cook sometimes, can’t take the laptop away from me, etc etc. All deal breakers. And now he also can’t cross dress.
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Cross dressing? No problem. Sex change? I’d part ways and remain good friends.
There are so many bad things partners can do such as cheat, do drugs, gamble, get violent, a little perspective never hurt anyone. And I really love my partner so much, I wouldn’t let him go over something so trivial if it made them happy
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My good buddy who’s gay met a cute boy and was excited to be going on their second date that week, when his date confessed during dinner that ‘he’ was actually a ‘she’….my friend was floored as he had no idea!
When I asked if was going to see him (err, her) again, he shrieked, “Eeeeeuw, he has a vajay-vay, no way”
That was his deal-breaker
Ps: the song “Im Every Woman” just started on the radio as I typed this. How apt .
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I suppose the flashing warning signs to Charlie would be….
1. He is bi
2. Has girly mannerisms
I could not do it. I want a man who is a man and not wanting to try on my clothes. The Budget for my wardrobe would be considerably less if my husband was wanting pretty dresses and panties (can we please just ban the word “panties”?)
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I saw a similar doco on pay tv. All wives couples featured on the show said that at times it felt like the best of both world for them because they hd the husband they wanted but also a female best friend to share their life with, to go shopping with etc and do all the girly stuff.
One particular couple the girl was quite young and she loved it when he boyfriend cross dressed and they went out together, she loved that they were different to everyone else.
The saddest part of the show was when an older couple were out and he was fully cross dressed and they came across some young 17yr old-ish girls in the street and they were looking at him really weirdly and they told him that he look like a freak and you could see that it really upset him to be viewed that way.
I know in myself that I would find it very difficult to accept if my husband started doing that, I dont know if I would be able to stay with him, but like the women in the doco said is that they were still in love with the same person, same heart and still had the same love for each other, he just dressed differently.
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It’s amazing how the word ‘panties’ sends people into a spin….why is it so ?
I always think of them as being worn by skinny American women on TV, but everyone else wears underwear or knickers.
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As long as he stayed out of my own wardrobe and didn’t wreck any of my clothes I wouldn’t have a problem with it. At uni one of my favourite events was our residence halls’ annual drag night, which was always a blast. I think it’d be awesome to do that every week or every month.
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I found out last year that a girl I used to work with was in this situation. I remember a time when she kept bursting into tears, but I never knew what the problem was. They had been working through this, she’d accepted him cross dressing at home, but he now wanted to go out dressed as a woman. I’m not sure what the outcome was. I presume she was torn, she loved him, wanted to accept him, but………
And I have no idea what I would do in this situation…….
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And i can assure you that the ‘friend’ is NOT me!
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lol, sure it isn’t
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Dealbreaker, dealbreaker, dealbreaker!
I need a manly man
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ha ha, ‘panties’ eeew. i also hate that word. makes me shudder.
my deal breakers are pretty obvious ones, you know; meth-usage, racism, secret families etc but i never really thought about cross-dressing.
to be fair, though, my girlfriend is a frustrated drag king so i see her dressed as a guy quite often. she looks very dapper. great opportunity to make packing jokes. she wants to perform but is too nervy about it, also can’t dance! ha
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