My story: “I was born a woman and now I’m becoming a man”
Do you like this story?
Jay is 26, he started his life as a female and is currently undergoing the process of becoming a physical male to match his already masculine core . Jay believes that there is no point in being silent and secretive about the taboo subject of Transsexualism and so will take us with him on his journey through a series of posts on Mamamia. In this first post Jay introduces himself and tells us about his decision to make the change
Jay writes
My life began like most, I was born to loving parents and a house already containing two children above ten. I always said I was an accident, but Mum tells me I was just so determined to be here. My childhood was great, bar a few tricky experiences. But I wouldn’t change my past if it meant being someone else today.
Growing up I played with guns, bats and balls. I played in the dirt and rode my bike everywhere. All my friends were boys and all I ever wanted was a spike in my hair like my brother. The world received me as the boy I was. So when I realised that wasn’t the case and I actually had a female body things got a bit hectic.
My birth certificate described me as female and I had a girl’s name. But I couldn’t really be a girl, could I? Surely I’d have known? I used to look at my friends and think how could God have made you a boy and me a girl ? I’m way more of a boy than you! I was called a tomboy by those who knew me and just a boy by those who didn’t. It’s confusing when what you see and what you feel conflict. But I never forced the idea of being called a boy or let on that I was feeling that way – I suppose I assumed people would think I was crazy. I lived in silence and attempted to fit in. But the feeling that I was a boy on the inside and that should have been born a boy weighed on me constantly.
Primary school was okay, I was really no different from the boys around me. But I never understood not being able to wear pants or shorts like them. I remember in grade two refusing to wear my school dress, it had always felt strange wearing a garment without a crotch!
But high school was the beginning of the end. I went from hanging out with the boys that now saw me as different, to having no friends, to having to find friends in the girls around me. They treated me as one of their own, after all that’s how I looked thanks to puberty. I was educated about the facts of life and I knew what to expect but still, when it happened to me I thought I was dying. I guess I had still hoped everyone was playing a joke on me, kind of like ‘oh, hahaha – you really are a boy and here is your penis’. Outlandish I know, but a kid can dream.
It was never a decision to feel like this or act the way I did. I even went through a phase of attempting to be more feminine, but I felt like a fish out of water. I was really like a guy in drag!
About this time I realised I was attracted to females. I lived as a lesbian for seven odd years but the shoe never really fit. However it was the only label society had for me – a male/butch looking ‘female’ dating women. Its funny when I look back, every woman I was involved with was straight. I thought if I could live as a masculine woman then these feelings would at last go away. I was wrong.
It got to the point where people were calling me she, love, darl or sweetheart and they might as well have been calling me pig or dog. It didn’t make sense to me. I realised the only time I was happy was when I was received as male and getting called he like when I was a kid. So I started to actively research the possibility of changing sex.
I’ve never read so much about a subject – this was not a decision I was going to take lightly. Reading stories of men with a transsexual past felt like I was reading my own story. Tales of little boys made to wear dresses and being called girl’s names. This was it. I now had a new label – transsexual (trans) meaning the mind of one sex and the body of the opposite. Notice how I haven’t changed – only society’s label for me had changed . The technical diagnosis is Gender Identity Disorder (GID), though I take offence to the disorder’ part. There is nothing wrong with me. I was born with a birth defect – in the womb my mind developed as it should, male, but my body did not.
Accepting myself as trans, as weird as it sounds, was the easy part compared to deciding what I wanted to do about those feelings. I could put up and continue as I had, or I could look at medically transitioning through hormone replacement and surgery. At first I wasn’t sure about taking testosterone – it’s a very powerful drug. But in the end I decided I liked the masculine features of my body and wanted to enhance them. Also, I could never picture myself as an old ‘woman’. Not to mention with surgery I could rid myself of a chest I never wanted to develop. The most important factor about medically masculinising my body would mean people would finally see me. I mean really see me, and maybe I could be comfortable in my own skin.
OK, so I had decided I wanted to transition –now I would actually have to tell people. I couldn’t exactly let Testosterone work its magic and start showing up with facial hair and a deep voice. So I embarked on the massive task of ‘coming out’ to my family and friends. I didn’t start small, I told my parents first. I don’t know what I expected, but I was definitely thankful for the response I got. My mother simply stated I had always been more masculine than feminine. My father asked if he now had a son. They both pledged their love and support and have continued to amaze me with their acceptance. I am still their child and they will stick with me til the end. My friends, albeit some a little hesitant, have all been supportive and understanding. Everyone so far has voiced a plea for me to be patient as they adjust to my new pronouns and some to my new name. I don’t expect a change overnight, but I do expect effort – and so far everyone is doing really well.
I have barely begun this journey and it feels like to best decision I ever made. I no longer feel I am hiding away or going with the flow – that’s for dead fish! I am now living. I feel more and more at home in my own skin. People have told me they hope I don’t change, that they liked me the way I was. I tell them the essence of who I am will not change. My outer shell, what they see and how the world relates to me will change. Plus my self esteem and confidence might increase. But it is really the inner me they have laughed with and befriended. It is him they have loved all along.
It takes a lot to be yourself, but if I can offer any advice it would be to go for it. Be yourself – no one else is going to be. I just kept thinking what if this is the one thing that makes me complete and the reason I am here? This journey will not be easy – but I can tell already it will definitely be worth it. It is what I have to do. I’m just glad I have supportive friends and family to come along for the ride.
Here, Jay talks about his experiences.:
I find Jay’s story remarkable and fascinating. I have the utmost respect for those who feel so strongly that they were born into the wrong body that they have no choice but to take drastic action. I once published a post about children who were in this situation and it was heart-breaking.
Do you have any (respectful) questions for Jay? He has offered to come and answer some in the comments. And we’ll be keeping you updated of his progress as his transition from female to male progresses…..
SIDE NOTE: I’d also like to introduce Mamamia’s new Site Manager, Lana (aka Sharpest Pencil). Many of you will be familiar with her. She is a regular commenter, a long-time MM community member and occasional guest-poster.She is helping me out in the backend and also the front-end (sounds faintly raunchy but isn’t), assisting Amanda with moderating and answering questions, passing around cheese and Jatz, you know, the usual…..
Hi Jay,
My daughter Kat came to me last night and told me about wanting to change, she has been in a gay relationship for 2 years, she is 18 years old.
What do I do to help her, I love her and have supported her with the difficulties she has faced in the last 2 years. Now I don’t know where to go now!
We have made an appointment with her doc, she has suffered depression and self harm for the last 2 years maybe this has been the problem all along.
Any advice you can give me is very much appreciated
Thz Dizy
Hope to here from you soon
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Hi Dizy
You’ve started well by being supportive. It’s always so scary thinking the people who mean everything to you may reject when you tell them something like this so congratulations on having the strength for that.
Your GP is a great start. This will probably result in appointments with counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists and even endocrinologists depending on which way your child wants to pursue these issues.
It is possible all the problems stem from being unsure of her (or his if preferred) gender identity. It is such a big part of who we are and I know at least in my case it was the centre of my issues. I mean I didn’t know who I was – how was I ever going to figure out who I am supposed to grow into!?
Your best bet is to be open and supportive, as you have been from what I can tell. Read the literature together. There are movies and documentaries out there about being transgender.. Knowledge is an awesome tool.
And have a look around your town/city for any sort of support groups or gender clinic – I know there is one in Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane. The internet is also a great resource just be careful of the sites you rely on. FTM Australia are a wealth of knowledge and the guy who runs it is always up for questions and to educate people.
Good luck to both yourself and your child.
Jay
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These idiots including the young children on fox tv show as young as 8 wanting sex change operations. You can tell in their face they are really the sex they pretend they are not and also their voice gives them away. These operations should be stopped immediately
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You’re entitled to your opinion and to do what you want with your body/life. I respect that.. But why do you seem to think its your job to say this should be stopped or how they should live their lives/what they can or can’t do with their own bodies? How does it impact on your life at all?
I’m sure its a very tough decision for the parents of these children – but not a decision taken lightly. There are numerous psych assessments, therapy sessions etc that are associated with this type of change especially for the very young – there are standards of care in place designed to protect these children.
These children didn’t choose to be this way – its not a conscious decision. This is the way they were born. In this day and age we have the means to make their lives better and allow them to be more comfortable in their own skin if thats what they (and their parents) choose. How can one deny any child the possibility of a happy life…
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hey jay i have read your story and i hav alot in common and im girl but i feel that im a boy do you have any advice for me because im still a teenager?
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Just be true to yourself. Take the time to be honest with yourself and how you really feel.
It is important to be yourself – but remember to think thoroughly before announcing it to the whole world.
if you would like to chat hit me up on facebook looking for Jay Wells or my email address as is in the next message down
You know there is nothing wrong with just thinking things through and exploring all your options. Thinking laterally is your best option. People will be tolerant and non judgemental – but there will be those who are just out for gossip and info etc – the wisdom is knowing the difference
Remember – the most important thing and frame of mind – is what you think of yourself. Be true to you – its very rewarding!
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Hey Jay,
Wondering if I could get ya email or msn or facebook even if you have it..would love to chat further with you about things. I’m a female who looks like a male and I’m considering the change. Your story touched me because like you said you can relate when you read others. Would be cool to be friends.
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Sure you’ll find me at jrwells6@hotmail.com – just chuck a note in the subject line saying you’re from Mamamia if that’s cool so I know..
Happy to chat mate – like I said when I first wrote this, if I can help anyone going through what I was and am, it’s well worth it!!
Cheers
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how expensive this is??
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Depends what you’re referring to. Transition can be divided into living full time as a male, getting on hormones, top surgery, hysto (if desired) and bottom surgery (if desired).
Different types of testosterone have different costs there’s a cream which from my understanding is cheapest, weekly or fortnightly shots, pellets which involves a minor procedure each 6ish months to place and the one I am on which is a slow release testosterone with an injection every 10-12weeks and it costs about $100 a shot.
Top surgery varies and depends on health insurance but anywhere from $3000-$10000. I’m not sure on the costs of a hysto and bottom surgery usually runs into the $15000++ price range.
Then there are GP, blood tests, therapist/counselling costs to factor in. Not to mention depending on your wardrobe if it needs to be replaced. Buying binders to bind the chest and if you want to pack ‘down there’ there are specially designed apparatus available for purchase.
The most expensive parts are the surgeries – depending on what you want.
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Hey Jay,
Thanks for sharing your story. Wow, do we have alot in common. I am 48yrs old however, and recently exposed my “secret” to my wife. Just started T last week! I wish you well with your journey to becoming that person you have always dreamed of.
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You too mate – good luck and enjoy the ride!
T will do some interesting things to your mind and body – mostly good! Though I could do without the acne!!!
Cheers!!
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hey jay how it going im olny a teen but i hate my sex i am in now (female) but im scared when im older if i still want sex chage in to a male wat people will think of me and my perants will be diserpointed
it compicaed 4 me coz i like girls and i dont wanna b a lez and i dont wanna have sex with boy i wanna b with a girl but im the boy but yh im scared wat other people will say or think ok me thx ja
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Wow you’re very brave to be able to admit these things to yourself now. I knew how I felt when I was younger – I always have known, but admitting to myself was scary. So I know how you feel!
I remember knowing that I liked girls but there was no way I was a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that and I lived as one for 7 years!) But I never felt like the title really fit me.
You know you don’t have to have sex with a boy if you don’t want to – you don’t have to have sex with anyone!! Have you ever talked to anyone about the way you feel? When I came out as trans last year my parents and siblings told me how they wished I had said something sooner… But I know all parents and siblings are different and what worked for me won’t work for everyone.
It was reading about other guys like me (and maybe you?) that really put things into place. There are websites and books that go through everything you’re feeling. Try http://www.ftmaustralia.org they’re on facebook too and look at vids on youtube – research your options.
That way you still haven’t decided anything but you’re actively looking into your feelings and how to deal with them. It’s always scary to put yourself out there and be vulnerable – our worst fears are that people will not accept us. But what is worse is if we don’t accept ourselves.
Thats the conclusion I came to when I decided to transition – I was tired of living a lie and a life that wasn’t mine. In hindsight I wasn’t living at all – just existing and going with the flow… If you wanna chat more send me a message over on youtube if you want – I’d be happy to chat some if you’d like.
Chin up mate – it’s not all doom and gloom! I’m proof of that.
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well at the min im seeing some 1 at the mo aboult this so it b werid if u got msn add me adina-b-1995@live.co.uk i really wanna chat coz u kindof in the same as me but it compitcated 4 coz im in school and boys r just a complet blur 2 me i got male m8s and female but im in love with a girl my best friends just like saking me “do u think he fit” i look and im just like “yea he is” cuz i ant told her aboult this uno so yea it compicated thx u 4 repling means alot so hope 2 talk soon
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Hi Jay, thanks for sharing. Wow, I watched your utube link first and am very pleased that you have come this far, allowing people to see the real you. Congratulations, I wish you much happiness for your journey. You have won over half the battle because you have the love and support from family. What also is great for you, is that you have searched this and made this decision while you are young. That will make the transition a whole lot easier. Much easier for all to come to terms with. My husband decided after 3 sons and 17yrs of marriage that he was a “she” That was really hard for us all. You though, are getting this sorted out now in your head .. Your future will be something you will love and share with someone special. I wrote a book, an autobiography, titled “What’s in a life?” It’s my journey, my pain, as a wife, losing a husband and father. There is a place for both stories.Find people Jay, who will encourage you along the way. Take care.
weblink margierobbins.co.cc/
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Thank you so much… You must be an amazing woman and mother to come through your journey. It must have been difficult and I am very glad I am young enough to do this – I could’t imagine having a family… It must have been hard for all of you.
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All the best Jay. I think you are very brave.
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Jay
What an inspirational moving story. I watched your videos and i was deeply moved. You show so much courage and strength and i wish you all the very best and a happy and healthy future. You deserve it. I look forward to following your story . Go get em Jay.
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Thank you Jay for sharing your story – I can’t imagine how hard life must have been for you at times! It’s really great that people have been so supportive of you
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Thanks for sharing your story, im sure that was a big decision to open up in such a public forum. I wish you all the best!!
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LM, Jay has been doing his Vlog on Youtube pretty much weekly since starting the transition. I only watched the first 2 and I was bawling my eyes out hearing what a horrid time one of my good mates had had.
Background – we are friends from the Navy. Its a HIGHLY segregated place in a lot of respects. I just can’t imagine how awful it must have been for him at recruit school, during training (although we did have a LOT of fun!) and especially at sea. It is completely forbidden for males to go onto the floor the girls live on at recruits, into the block the girls live in while doing your job training, near the girls showers/messes (sleeping areas) on a ship. How he managed to keep happy in those situations is beyond me.
We always just called her Jay anyway, short for her original name – was even her number plate. Now she is a he. I’m sure I’m not the only one of his friends who felt a bunch of stuff just click into place when he told us what was happening. One of our gay male friends has told him to look out! LOL
Another thing that really resonated with me from what Jay said was that relationships tended to be with straight girls rather than lesbians.
I identify as hetero, but I was quite drawn to Jay. And here’s the thing – it didn’t feel dykey. It felt normal to me. It wasn’t like “I think this woman is awesome, and I am conflicted about my emotions here, as I generally go for boys”. It was more like “what a cool dude, I really like hanging with this person. But whats with the hips and boobs?” And yes I call girls dude as well, but this was a bit different. Hence the “bits falling into place” call ^^.
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Jay, thank you for sharing you journey so far and I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. We only have one life and you have to do everything you can to feel right.
I am so happy to hear that your family supports you and I hope it all works out…Good luck xx
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Go Jay, you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do and no one has the right to judge you….enjoy life the way you need to…much respect from me….hope it all works out well for you….
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Hi Jay,
Thanks for sharing your story and giving us a real life insight into the emotions and feelings of a transgender person. Hope every thing goes well for you.
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I am another female to male transsexual, and I haven’t seen any other respectful stories about people like us in the media. Thank you mamamia for publishing this, and thanks Jay for having the courage to share!!
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Good to hear from another trans guy on here – and thanks man!
I was a little scared writing the piece and having it perceived as what ALL trans people go through. i hope it didn’t come across like that – this is just my story and I’m so glad I got the opportunity to share it!
Thanks again mate!
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Jay, I just wanted to thank you for the honesty and dignity with which you have shared your story and answered everyone’s questions. I am raising 2 young children, and it is because of people like you that I have hope that they will grow up in a world without discrimination against others based on gender and sexual orientation.
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Rock on, dude. I wish you all the best in your journey.
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What happened to Amanda(Bugmum)?
Hope all is well for her and her family. xx
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Amanda is fine, just busy. Her girls are great.
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Thanks!
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I have to say, I find the way you express yourself to be quite masculine.
I’ve met people where I’ve just thought they were born into the wrong body. Thank goodness we are in an age where people can make their bodies match the gender they identify with and that your family is so supportive.
Good luck and all the best for the rest of your journey on this little blue ball.
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I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you so much to everyone who has wished me well and for taking the time to comment below – I am truly humbled.
And to Mia of course for putting this out there and Lana and Kris who helped it happen!
Thank you!
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Also, how cool are your parents. It brought a tear to my eye reading about how accepting they have been. In a perfect world all parents would be that cool.
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Way to go dude! I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life
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The first thing that struck me on watching the video was what a warm and lovely person you are. Best of luck and thanks for sharing your story, looking forward to more updates.
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Jay, what a great and honest piece of writing. Thank you for making the decision to share it with the world.
I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing more about your life.
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Hi Jay,
Thanks so much for sharing your story, and the journey ahead. I hope you get all the support you need and it goes smoothly for you. You’re an inspiration for those who aren’t living their life the way they want to, good on you!
Just one question: Is the transition very expensive? I don’t want to know the exact number but I wondered is this available to people of every financial means?
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Hi there and thanks.
It depends on the type of hormone you take. There is gel, pellets, injections and tablets.
I am on the injectable, long acting Testosterone and its a little pricy but it lasts about 3months in my body – so weighing that up its around the $30-40 a month.
There are however other considerations in relation to transitioning – from surgeries you want to needing a somewhat new wardrobe depending on how you were before! Surgeries are divided into top and lower – top surgery can be a little expensive but no where near as much as lower surgery.
All in all if you have private health insurance it take a little bit of the sting out!!
Hope that helps!
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Huge hugs Jay, to thine own self be true. Last year Josephine Emery published the most beautiful book on her gender transition ‘ The Real Possibility of Joy.’ It may be a wonderful companion to you on your journey. ‘It is only by asking: who am I….. that we can dare to know the joy of living one’s own hard won personal truth.’ Be brave in becoming who you are, my love and faith, CT
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Jay, have you read ‘As Nature Made Him – The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl’? Different situation, in that he was born a boy but raised a girl (and felt TOTALLY distraught his whole life that he couldn’t be in the body he felt he belonged in) but much you could relate to.
I wish you every luck with your journey. I can only imagine how I would feel had I been born into a male body. You seem like a great guy and I am sure wonderful things lie ahead for you.
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Loved that book…..
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Have you read “Middlesex”? Recommended by Oprah.
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Middlesex is an excellent book about an “intersex” character. I loved it!
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I have heard of that book but unfortunately have not read it yet.
If I may suggest one – Both Sides Now by Dhillon Khosla. He was interviewed on the View and both me and my parents thought highly of it.
Thanks for the well wishes.
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Orlando by Virginia Woolf is also about an intersex character. I LOVE that book.
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Hi Jay, you only get one life so its worth making the most of it and living it well. The way you choose. I hope you find great happiness and wish you all the best.
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Hi Jay, congratulations on dealing with the difficulty which life has served you with so much positivity and optimism. I am happy for you that your family are being so supportive, it must make life easier for you. I am curious too about how you will deal with it at your workplace and how your colleagues will react. I know that so many people in our society are non accepting of any difference in sexuality, I even know of one family who were so non accepting of their gay son that he moved overseas to live. I’ll look forward to hearing your progress.
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I recently came out in my workplace and thus far things have gone – lets say interestingly!!
I get he’d and she’d about the same amount. And it is just because it is new or they don’t know. I understand it takes time, but everyone is trying and mostly correct themselves. I have had no nasty comments and people seem genuinely interested to know – without being nosey!
My workplace simply said – we are pro gender, do what you need and so long as you can still do the job we hired you for beauty! There are laws here in Australia that protect people like myself and others in similar if not the same situations – generally speaking.
A few of my friends who are also trans guys in the States are not that fortunate.
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It is interesting making the change in my head. I found out what Jay was up to by sending (her) a message saying “Dude, not sure if facebook has gone wacky or something, but it comes up Jay commented on HIS status”.
The response I got was to tell me that HE knew about that because that was one of the first stages of the transition – to identify oneself as male and have others do it too. So thats what those of us who knew girl Jay now do. We do slip up, but its cool, its such a hard wired thing!
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Thanks for your replies, Jay and Kris. I am glad your workplace has been so tolerant, Jay, legislation does not always mean acceptance in this area and I have worked at places where life would be pretty unbearable in your situation. Yours sounds like a dream if they are as tolerant as you say, I am sure they all like you as a person to be like that.
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Hi Jay.
You’re very brave, and this must have been so hard for you growing up. I wish you all the best with the process ahead of you, and hope that it helps you to feel happy and comfortable in your own skin, which everyone deserves. I really admire you talking publicly to help other people in the same situation.
I’m not familiar in any way with this procedure, I do know it’s been around for a while. My question is: are there any long term side effects or illnesses associated with taking the hormones, etc? I imagine the dosage would be pretty high and you’d have short term side effects, but I could be wrong about that too?
Also, what’s going to happen in your workplace? By which I mean, how, when etc are you going to tell your colleagues or educate them, if at all? It’s such a personal thing that will be evident publicly, so I was just wondering what you thought about that? Or if it’s even your responsibility to say anything at all, about private medical processes…
Very best of luck to you, Jay! It’s so great you can access this treatment, and I hope you meet the trans-male friends you’d like for more direct support, but I’m sure you’ll find a lot here too.
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Side effects?? I’m not sure I understand but I will try my best here. By injecting myself with testosterone I increase my chances for certain diseases to that of a biological male.
There is a change that after on average 5years on testosterone and as your internal organs atrophy as they are no longer really needed (ie female reproductive ones) they can develop cysts and other ailments. For that reason it is recommended a hysterectomy be performed for safety reasons.
The dosages are not excessive and I am watched closely by a registered GP – I have blood tests often and if needed my dose can be altered.
A few side effects are experienced in some people after a shot like nausea, pain at the site, dizziness or lethargy, and of course if you overdose on testosterone – it basically converts in a roundabout way to oestrogen. So there is incentive not to!
I have told my colleagues. I started out telling closest friends in the workplace first and as the news spreads – depending on who you tell, I just take it as it comes. I have had people ask so you’ve gone from ‘birthname’ to Jay… Is that like female to male? and I say yes and usually thats it. They come and find me later if they have any questions!!
I tossed and turned about writing this piece – but in the end, I thought where would any movement be without people to talk about it? And its not as though I have said EVERYTHING here – there are a few details that remain with me and those I love.
Thanks heaps for you kind words!
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Awesome to see your story up, dude! Don’t worry about asking what you think are stupid questions, everyone. I’ve asked Jay heaps of dumb stuff!
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It is true! Kris is a mate of mine and she’s asked basically everything you can imagine!!
I actually made a video on my youtube channel using questions she asked!
And thanks mate!!
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No worries, dude!
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Hi Jay. Thanks for sharing your story an being so open.
You said “I was born with a birth defect – in the womb my mind developed as it should, male, but my body did not.” Couldn’t it be the other way around as well? I don’t mean that as a criticism – it’s a genuine question, just thar I’m struggling to express myself well. I guess what I’m wondering is whether, just like taking testostrone makes you develop more male characteristics, can taking oestrogen alter your mindframe and somehow make someone ‘feel’ more female? Given that you’ve read so much more etc I’m just figuring you might know if that happens as well. Sorry if this sounds harsh – it’s not meant to.
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he could just end up feeling like a very hormonal dude with mood swings…i don’t think hormones make you “think” like someone of the other gender, more “react”; i don’t think it could alter his inner gender…i could be wrong though…
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I guess so – like you mean a body develop male and a brain female yeah?? if so there are people out there like that – they’re called trans women! Though I have it on good authority they just like to be called women – same as us guys just wanna be guys!!
Or do you mean my body is correct and my mind is ‘wrong’?? I take no offence and am interested to know exactly what you mean.
And as powerful as testosterone is it doesn’t make one more male. It masculinizes one’s body. It adds body hair, deepens your voice – basically everything that happens in normal male puberty! And because my brain has always thought I was a guy anyways – masculinizing my body was a logical step to me.
Granted it does somewhat alter your emotions etc For example I find it very difficult to cry now – whereas in my oestrogen driven body, I cried at the drop of a hat!
As far as adding female hormones to a ‘male’ body – it doesn’t make them more female than they already were or felt. It feminizes their body. But I’ll leave it there as I know nothing about the process really – only that we are both going from one side of the fence to the other!
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Hi Jay,
Thanks. Yeah – I was meaning the second option. Thanks for taking it in the right spirit.
I guess what I mean is would adding more oestrogen make you ‘feel’ more female in any way? Or would it have if you’d had higher oestrogen levels as a kid or in utero or anything? I guess I’m wondering if the difference between the brain and body has anything to do with hormone levels in development and if altering that changes things. Is that making more sense?
Lol about the oestrogen and crying. That I definitely understand!!
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So you mean instead of changing my body to match my mind – try change my mind to match the body yeah??
I’m pretty sure history is testament to the fact that that doesn’t work. Trans people have existed all throughout – even ‘back in the day’!! If you want google famous trans people or trans men and it will bring them up. It amazing to see how many there are and how they ‘passed’ long before testosterone and surgery were a possibility.
If I still have it wrong – please let me know again!! And yeah the crying and oestrogen – phew! Glad thats over. But now I face the feeling of wanting to cry but not being able to… Catch 22 there – but I feel more in control of my emotions now than ever before.
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Are you more toey on the testosterone, dude?
See, everyone! Told you I asked the dumb questions!
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Yes Kris – there is a bit of a jump in libido. But I never really had a sex drive at all before testosterone and now to have one at all is a different experience! I never really had much interest in sex in regards to me – I more enjoyed intimacy and it was more about the other person and their response to me that was truly exciting.
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Hi Jay,
Thanks so much for your post and clip. It is really good to have stories like yours on Mamamia.
I wish you all the best for your transition and hope it all goes well for you, and also that this helps you meet more people going through the same thing as you.
I do have a question, and this is one that I have always wondered. Are you worried about how the hormone therapy will affect your emotions and feelings about things? Do you think it will change who you are? Or make you more you? I am someone who really doesn’t like taking drugs, not even a panadol, so that is obviously influencing this question!
I imagine you have spoken to many people about this, but I would love to hear your view.
As a female who has always felt and looked like a female, I have always felt like my body is a big part of who I am. I feel and experience through my body. My body is ‘me’, just as my mind is ‘me’.Probably easy to say, as this is the accepted position of society, “lucky” if you can say that, for me (maybe ‘convenient’ is the more appropriate word). But are you worried that when your body changes, you will be no longer you?
I’m sure the aim of the game is to for these changes to make you more “you”, but I have trouble getting my head around this so am really looking forward to hearing your point of view.
Also, it seems like as a kid you didn’t find the body thing much of a hindrance (??), it was more when you got older that societal views on gender etc came in to play and had a much bigger impact. Do you think that if there were more people in your situation and if it were more ‘acceptable’ or accepted or common you would still be wanting/needing to do the transition? (This question is a bit hypothetical I know).
All the best and I look forward to hearing more of your story in the coming weeks.
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Well, in my opinion, his body wasn’t a hindrance as much when he was a child because he hadn’t hit puberty yet. He didn’t have breasts, periods and the like. Also, he was perceived as a male by his peers, so he didn’t feel he needed to change himself to be accepted. Once he hit a certain age, and his body started taking on the feminine traits, like growing breasts and filling out to a womanly shape, that is when society said “hang on, she’s a girl!” So then he went about changing those traits back so he could live like a male again. He wants to be perceived as a male like he was when he was a child, and if changing his body means he can acheive that, more power to him!
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The hormone used to transition a body from female to male is just ordinary testosterone, the same hormone produced naturally by men’s bodies. The dose is very carefully calibrated to bring trans men’s hormone levels in line with the “normal” range for men. Most of those who take it report that it has some psychological effects, but report that they’re generally pleased with them – their hormonal balance finally feels “right.” In fact, it’s high levels of estrogen which, despite being naturally produced by our female bodies, feels like a foreign “drug” that clouds our thoughts and triggers inexplicable emotions.
And the body thing is often not much of an issue before puberty. Some (not quite all) trans men report being very unhappy about not having the right genitalia as children, but that’s really the only body issue and it’s not 100%. Puberty is what brings on the foreign hormones, which trigger all the physical and brain chemistry changes that really bother us. As children it’s a social thing, but as adults it’s really also a body thing.
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Hi Kyril,
Ok, so I guess that means that a Male –> Female transition would be a lot harder as I believe the woman going through the transition would be on estrogen therapy? Yikes, imagine the poor woman getting all those extra ‘inexplicable emotions’.
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You guys are pretty much spot on – not much issue before puberty! Though I was one of the ones that could never explain why it felt so wrong to sit down to pee etc The lack of my male genitalia was something that played on my mind as a child, but as stated it didn’t stop people from calling me he!
I think it took me so long to admit this to myself let alone everyone else was because it’s just not really talked about. I have had my mother and sister come to me and ask why did I not say anything sooner – the simple answer is I though they would think me crazy!! No one else I played with as a kid or a teenager had any worries like this so I though myself strange – it is only now I embrace this ‘strangeness’ as ME!
As for the M2F women – holy cow! I agree, I would not want to be going through that. After feeling what its like to run on oestrogen and the emotions you face and experience everyday – I take my hat off to them as it was always too much for me. I never understood my emotions and it just used to anger and frustrate me.
I apologise if that sounds like I hated running on oestrogen – but I did. It wasn’t right for me and now I feel more myself than ever.
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who likes running on oestrogens….raise your hand….noone? i thought so
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We grew up in Tasmania with a family friend going through this after he went to Uni. So since primary school this has all seemed nornal to me. Her family were really supportive and She is now happy in her own skin living the female life she craved. Good luck with everything- your very brave
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Jay I loved hearing your story and I have such respect and heartfelt admiration for you. Thankyou for sharing your story, all the best x
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Jay, all the best for your surgery and for a happy future in your new body.
Body image is a big topic around here and many of us have confessed to having insecurities and negative thoughts about the bodies we inhabit. Hopefully we can support you as well as learn from you.
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thank god the times are changing and there is now surgical solutions for those born in the wrong body, how much harder life must have been for those in this situation in the preceeding generation…. i have a super inappropriate question, cause that’s just who i am, what do the people who have gone through transition F to M say about the functionality of their new organs? did you ask? are they satisfied with it? i’d be scared to death of having to stop all sexuality for a physical malfunction… i think i might even consider staying in a female body if being who i really am meant never having an orgasm again…
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I have conversed with a few other guys who have had lower surgery (I’m assuming thats what you’re referring to by ‘organs’). There are a couple of different procedures – I don’t know how graphic I am able to be here!
One creates a rather small penis called a micropenis and is usually about 2-4 inches in length – but its made from your own tissues and acts as a ‘factory installed’ one does. The other created a normal size penis from skin and tissues from other parts of your body like your leg, forearm, abdomen etc. However it is not normal erectile tissue and as such doesn’t behave as it would on a biological male.
I am still deciding what if any lower surgery I want to pursue – due to the results they produce and the cost involved. Please let me know if I didn’t actually answer your question!! I think I got carried away!! I get a little passionate trying to help people understand!!
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well you answered more or less what i was expecting: nobody knows for sure if it’s going to work until it’s done…and yes i was referring to lower surgery…i was under the impression that they used your internal vaginal tissue to create the outer skin of the new penis, but i guess i got it confused with the M to F transition where they use the penis’ skin to create a vagina by turning it inside of you…gee that must be scary .If i had a penis i would want it to work as it’s meant to, after all some women consider penetration an important part of sexuality ,and i like to please people
but wait. when they create the “micro penis” in the first option you mentionned, they use your clitoris? that one would be the more satisfying option, i suppose…isn’t it possible to go through more surgeries later to enhance the size of it?
in the other option, do they build the penis around the clit area? i’m just thinking here, if they took the skin off it and built something made of flesh around it, wouldn’t the nerve endings grow and populate the new area? with a little bit of ”reeducation”? (gosh that might hurt like hell, come to think of it)
ok end of inappropriate (and stupid i suppose) questions
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Congratulations Jay on making this courageous decision and for sharing it with us. I am a big believer in normalising these experiences by being open about them, but that doesn’t make it easy.
I was just having a conversation with my parents today about a family friend who is going through this with their child who has been diagnosed GID as a pre pubescent.
She has now transitioned in every way except surgical which she will do when she is old enough to be able to consent as an adult and it is just thrilling to hear that not only her family but the (primary) school community is helping her along the way, allowing her to register under her female name, wear the girls uniform and use the girls amenities. So progressive.
All this can only serve to make a difficult journey more smooth, and hopefully iron out some of the hardships that you went through during high school.
I would like to know, if it’s not too personal, do you have a partner as you embark on the hormonal/ surgical phase, and have you considered if/ how you will broach this with any future partners? I imagine this is yet another complex facet to the journey you are undertaking.
(Sorry if you covered any of this in the video…i wasn’t able to download)
Best of luck…I’ll look forward to your future posts.
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I am currently single. Any relationship I have had thus far has ended with me not giving my whole self. I think I wanted to figure me out before throwing someone else in the deep end!
About telling a partner – I have always believed honesty is the best policy. It will be a very perplexing decision. On the one hand I have thought will a partner resent me for not being up front and letting them care for me before I tell them? Or should I tell them up front and risk scaring them away?
I had a friend tell me that you wait in any relationship til you are comfortable with that partner to tell them your secrets – so why would you tell them upfront?? That you let the ‘crazy’ out a little bit at a time!!
I think she is right – but I would hate to be seen as having lied to her though. There are a few extra tid bits to go with how I tell a partner – but thats something reserved for her and myself sorry!! But you’re right in assuming it will be a complex process – one in which I beg for understanding and if I am considering talking about these things I hope I would know her well enough to know the response I would get.
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I think that as for telling a significant other about the situation, it all depends on how you view it.
If you see it as a “secret” then maybe you wouldn’t be telling people right up front. But it seems to me that Jay is being very open about this part of himself, in which case it wouldn’t be so much a “secret” as just an interesting piece of information about his life.
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Thanks John – I do see it as a little piece of myself that is different and interesting not as a secret. I would never want to be the guy that ‘tricked’ a girl into getting to know him and having feelings for him.
Thanks man.
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Have you been in contact with Chastity Bono who has gone through with the same thing as you?
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Ah negative – though I have read stories and articles about him and also wish him all the best! He seems to be a good role model thus far.
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Awesome. Can’t say enough how truly awesome I think you are for sharing your story.
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wow Jay, I wish you all the best for your future. I wish we could all just look at each other as people, instead of always having to put a label on everyone. I hope you have a happy life and know that people are proud of you for being the real you and sharing your story
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Good luck Jay, it must be a relief for you to be transitioning.
And thanks Mia for posting this, it’s really important that trans people share their stories because they’re so often invisible in our society.
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As if being a teenager wasn’t difficult enough! You sure had some heavy situations to deal with!
I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing more in the future xx
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I dont have any questions for Jay other than how brave he is on sharing his journey – I wish him every happiness on his journey and look forward to seeing the happy ending he wishes for. Good Luck
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Thanks for sharing your story with us Jay. I am so happy to hear that your parents have been so accepting. Although they may not have expected it – it gives you so much more strength to finally feel more comfortable in yourself when you have the love and support of the people around you.
Male, female, lesbian, gay, straight etc are all labels that society has made to define us. I believe that the way you define yourself is the most important thing of all. Labels are not necessary it’s the person on the inside that counts. As you said they have befriended you and your personality not your sex, status, wardrobe or whatever – and that is what counts.
I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing about your progress.
Take care of yourself Jay and thank you for being so honest and sharing your story with us MM readers.
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Good luck Jay. “Be yourself – no one else is going to be.”; truer words have never been spoken.
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Hi Jay, I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story. I hope the Mamamia community will be a help to you as you take this journey.
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Hi Jay, thanks for sharing your story – and I hope you keep us updated on how things go. Good luck to you.
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Kudos to you for being “true to thine self”.
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Thank you so much Jay for sharing your story with us. As Mel said below your courage and commitment to being true to yourself is inspiring.
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Thanks so much for a beautiful and inspiring story. A lot of people get to take for granted every day their life and the people in it. Jay you have had to stand up and fight for your happiness and the right to simply be yourself. Good on you for sharing your story and taking a stand against taboo subjects. Best of luck with everything.
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Wow – I wish you the best of luck through what must be an incredibly difficult process for you.
I hope the process brings you the peace that you deserve. All the best!
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Kudos to you Jay for being so open and strong. Best wishes for your next step and I look forward to reading more about it. MG
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Hi jay. You seem like such a nice guy. I am very inspired by your journey. I just wanted to say good luck in the future with your treatment!
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Here is a clear-cut case of medical science being able to help make someone happier and healthier. Why anyone might have a problem with this is beyond me.
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Good luck Jay. I hope you find what you are looking for. It’s very brave of you to be so open about this. I’m sure your strength will help others struggling with personal issues in private. I’d love to hear about the next step.
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Good luck to you Jay. Your family sound amazing and you are very lucky to have a loving family behind you. Looking forward to reading more of your story as you write in the future. xx
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Thank you so much for sharing your story Jay. What an AMAZINGLY strong person you are, especially for coming out on MM.
A dear friend of mine during highschool decided to go through with his desire to become female (she was male). While we all helped her; refering to her only has ‘her’ (because that is what we see her as), helping teach her how do do makeup etc. I guess I always had this massive fear that I wans’t helping her in the right way.
What is the most suppotive thing anyone has done for you? How do you suggest people ‘help’? I guess my fear has been around sounding….as if I have an issue with it, when I don’t – it’s just that I’m inquisitive and curious and want to know about something I’ve not been though myself.
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Hi Jay – just wanted to wish you heaps of luck with your transition and say thanks for sharing your story x
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Congratulations Jay on your first step of your journey to complete your whole.
You spoke about your psych giving you the all clear – what kind of “evaluation” do you go through and at the end of the day can they stop you going ahead? Or are they sessions to prepare you for obstacles you may face?
Hope the hormone therapy isn’t too grueling – how long does it take for you to see effects and do you have to take HRT all your life? Do they put your body through menopause to start the changes? Will you end up having a hysterectomy? Sorry if these are silly questions but am very curious.
It is obviously a decision that you have not taken lightly and I will be keenly following your story.
Best of luck!
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I was assessed by a psychiatrist who was knowledgeable in the field of gender and identity – the main reason is to rule out any underlying psychiatric conditions. Like you don’t have multiple personality disorders or suffer from any other mental health related illnesses.
I am unsure of what would happen if she had found something during my assessment but I am guessing that issue would have to be dealt with and treated prior to going forth with anything to do with gender issues.
HRT is forever yes – though the doses may alter as I age and post hysterectomy. I don’t think its really like menopause its a matter of the testosterone taking control over the oestrogen until it is the dominant hormone in the body.
As stated yes I want a hysterectomy – I am unwilling to have the necessary medical checks to ensure the health and safety of those organs so for me it is best they are removed.
The only silly question is the one not asked!! Please feel free – helping people understand is why I am here.
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Good luck to you Jay, you’re an inspiration on staying true to yourself no matter what the obstacle may be.
xxx
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