Fear of flying.
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My dislike of air travel is well documented. If, by dislike, you mean fear. I’ve written about it in columns, blog posts and in my book. I’ve discussed it with friends, family, therapists and flight attendants. I’ve had hypnotherapy and done positive visualisation (Look! We’re landing! Not crashing! Landing!). I’ve taken sleeping pills and anti anxiety medication. I’ve drunk wine, champagne and spirits. Even on 8am flights.
I’ve been doing all this for more than a decade and believe me, it’s dull. On top of the fear itself is the exhaustion caused by being paralysed with terror for hours, even days at a time. You see, the process of being a freaked-out flier begins way before take-off.
A fellow FF describes it brilliantly like this:
“I start getting tense as soon as I book my ticket and the anxiety builds from there. I usually go very quiet on the day of a flight and start to yawn constantly on route to the airport.
Once on board, I listen carefully to every instruction but refuse to focus on the manual in case of an emergency, because I don’t want to prepare for an emergency.
As the plane prepares for take off, I grip the armrest and say a few reassuring words to myself like ‘breathe’ and ‘safe’ and then squeeze the hand of my partner or whoever is next to me. I’m unable to fly alone these days.
By this time I have sweaty palms and underarms, my temperature is elevated and my breathing is shallow.
If there’s any turbulence on the way up, my arms will start flapping uncontrollably and hitting whoever is near. Then I usually snuggle into my partner’s armpits whimpering ‘Is it okay? Are you sure? Promise? PROMISE?’ and he replies with gentle reassuring words like ‘it’s all normal and fine’ as if he’s talking to a demented poodle. By this time, people in nearby seats have begun to smile nervously at me. I spend every moment obsessively watching the flight attendants facial expressions and body language for any signs of concern and I have a habit of hitting my chest really fast to try to calm myself, which doesn’t work when I hear any changes in the engine noises. I’m jumpy as announcements come over the loudspeaker and I hate descending because that usually means more turbulence. When we land safely I almost pass out from the sheer effort of having kept the plane up in the sky with my mind.”
While I share every single one of those sentiments, my anxiety manifests much more internally than my friend’s. If you weren’t sitting next to me with my nails embedded quietly in your flesh, you’d never guess I was freaking out. Soon after boarding, I go completely silent. I refuse to look out the window or up from my book, desperately trying to pretend I’m still in the airport lounge. Or better still, my own lounge, a million miles from anything with wings that isn’t labelled Libra.
When you’re on a plane, freaked-out fliers can be tough to spot. This is because many of us are safely on the ground. In cars. On trains. Or at home. The downside of course is that when you’re limited to ground transport, there are so many places you can’t visit unless you have months to spend at sea. I used to think I hated travel but I’ve realised that it wasn’t the travel part I hated, just the flying there.
“My husband wants to take the family to Disney Land,” confesses one friend dolefully. “I told him I would go if we could take a cruise there and back. “
(An aside: Why is every flying-phobic I know female? I’m sure there are men who feel the same way but you don’t hear much from them whereas women are very vocal about it.)
My own flight-phobia has improved dramatically over the last few years and while no single thing cured me, a few little ones combined to pry me out of the foetal position. Firstly, I just got sick of it. Sick of the fear, the stress and the toll it took on me and whomever I was flying with. Next, I was pregnant so there was a long stretch when knocking myself out with anything stronger than chamomile tea and rescue remedy was impossible. I just had to deal with it or stay home alone.
Another crucial breakthrough came when I read an article by a British woman who’d done a fear of flying course. On the first day, a pilot was brought in to talk to the group and compared turbulence to dessert. “Imagine the plane is a piece of pineapple in a jelly cup,” he explained. “When you shake the cup, the pineapple bounces around but it can’t fall anywhere because the jelly is all around it, keeping it in place. The pockets of air underneath the plane are like the jelly and the plane just bounces safely on top.”
Or something like that. Co-incidentally, dessert is my happy place so the jelly visual worked a treat for me.
Do you love travel? Are you a happy flier? Any tips or tricks that have helped you either with flying or travel in general?
[images by AnnuksA]
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‘Look, at least I’m not bald, crazy and smacking up a car with my umbrella right now.’
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For all those who are too lazy to have sex in an airplane toilet.
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I don’t know how she does it.
To anyone who is ready to try and overcome their fear, I recommend this course http://www.fearlessflyers.com.au/ run by female pilots at Qantas.
I won’t go into the details of the incidents that happened on the flights that caused my fear to get worse. It just got to the point where my fear was so bad that I stopped flying for more than two years, but I was so miserable not taking any overseas holidays that I joined this course, and am so happy that I did! I’m getting better at flying and have done two flights since then, and will be doing my first overseas trip in September – the first for several years! The course hasn’t been a magical cure; it’s still going to take a lot of work but the most important thing is to not be afraid of getting professional help.
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I was a slightly nervous frequent flyer for years until I encountered the worst turbulence of my life.
We were about 30 minutes from the destination when we hit a pocket of unstable air (I think this is the correct term). There was a loud bang, the noise vibrated through the cabin, it felt like the plane was going to break in half, the airhostesses and everyone else standing up at the time lifted off the ground and were then thrown to the floor and we were told to ‘brace’. People’s faces were white and terror filled – never a good sign. I screamed, buried my head in the man’s lap next to me (who happened to be the Mine Manager at the site I was working – awkward – cringe) and sobbed. The severe turbulence lasted for about 20 seconds. It was awful. I thought I was going to die for sure.
I was so surprised when the plane landed safely. I rang my boyfriend and family and told them all how much I loved them – so thankful I got the chance to speak to them again.
Every since this flight I have become an incredibly nervous reluctant flyer who will do anything to get out of flying – understandably I think! Such a shame cause I love holidays but hate flying.
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I adore travelling. I love aircraft and airports because they take me to the places I love. Having said that though, there are times when I’m nervous.
I took a flight on Lao Aviation once that I’ll never forget. To start with, it was a Chinese copy of a Soviet Aircraft. The Lao Aviation pilots are all ex-air force (to my mind, discharged from the air force because they’ve had their day). I sat in a seat that reminded me of my Nan’s outdoor furniture (think 70s brown and orange floral pattern) and only had half my seatbelt. The Emergency Exit handle had aluminium foil stuffed around it (had obviously been used) and there was a curtain that flapped back and forth between the passengers and the pilots.
We hit bad turbulence and I was sure we were going down. Thankfully we landed. In a field where it seemed the whole village had come out and were applauding. I promptly threw up as soon as I hit terra firma. And then I realised the only way back out of this mountainous province was the way I came in – aaaaarrggh.
6 weeks after we came home we saw a small article in the paper that reported a plane covering the same route we took, went into the of a mountain in bad weather. I instantly felt sick again.
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Nobody has a fear of flying. You only have a fear of crashing (and dying).
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Has anyone been a perfectly fine flyer and then for no reason at all, walked on to a plane one day and got anxiety when taking off and then kept this anxiety everytime they have flown since?
Nothing has changed in my life eg haven’t had children, i’m not scared of dying… i can’t pin point why i have anxiety now when i fly. so odd.
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I don’t have any problems, but a workmate is just like yourself in the article!!! She flew with her dance group to San Fransico and I told her to keep her seat belt on incase of turbulence. Her travel mates laughed at this and during the trip she said it felt like they dropped a few hundred feet in a second. One of her friends and a few other people hit their head on the roof and she got into trouble for laughing out loud!
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Have had some scary moments on planes in my time.
My first ever plane trip was interesting given that when we boarded and we were waiting to take off, there were mechanics pulling the engine apart and tinkering with their socket sets and shifters. After an hour of watching the mechanics at work from my seat in the plane, we were instructed to get off the plane and go back to the terminal until they fixed the problem. It was Garuda, in case anyone wants to know. We then got back on the plane and all was fine but I was wondering at the time what it would be like to die before you get to your honeymoon destination.
Another incident, coming into Dubbo Airport it was extremely windy and foul. The plane was coming in at an angle at extreme high speed and one wheel touched the ground and Kaboom! the other one dropped down with a big bang. Hanging onto the armrest there were a few swear words, and I thought my two boys would be left orphans. The third would never of been born as I was pregnant at the time. Once everyone got off they were thanking god for the safe landing. Dash 8 planes are a bit scary. That is what circumstance dictates for me now with plane travel.
Also, I hate that EVERY time I get on the Dubbo to Sydney someone, and I mean the men sitting behind me start making jokes about farting on the plane. And then they do it and don’t care. This has happened 3 times now. Goddamm disgusting. I would like to throw the plane farters out the big door never to fart again on an aircraft near me.
A friend took her 2 sons on a Quantas flight Sydney to Dubbo and as soon as they were ascending, they could smell smoke. The plane quickly turned around and landed bloody fast and fire engines were all around. They had to get a new crew organised (apparently the old one goes away for counselling) and they were given loads of free grog until the next plane was ready. Very scary. Another dash 8 too!
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Flying is OK, great even when you are off to somewhere really exciting (the Melb-Syd commuting trip doesn’t count there). But then I have been doing it since I was 4 on a variety of big and small aircraft. It is airports that s*&t me to tears. My idea of ultimate luxury used to be getting into freash linen every night (bear with me, there is a point). After a recent trip to Qld Sunshine Coast on a budget airline (because Qantas doesn’t fly there) my idea of ultimate luxury has been upgraded to private jet travel. It would be so nice to be able to skip that whole airport queueing trial and being in close confines with so many other fellow travellers, not all of them as considerate as you are. Unfortunately due to budgetary and lifestyle constraints (no chance of me ever becoming a WAG) I can’t ever see me attaining that level of travel luxury!
To those who struggle with flying, I hope that somewhere out there is a solution for you because it must be really crap.
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I am SO with you, Judy. How awesome would a private jet be (and a private airport!)???
I hate the Syd-Mel trip too = steep climb flatten for a bit steep descent. Hate it. Its the one I get the most sick on. Unfortunately for us, anywhere we went overseas on Dad’s airline meant Syd – Mel. Cue a spew! Even done that as a grown up! Bastard of a flight.
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Totally agree! Have been flying long distance since I was 3 and I have more problems with all the queueing and x-ray screening than the flight itself. Plus I usually have a lot of hand luggage and it’s tiring carrying it, except in airports like Hong Kong that give you little trolleys.
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This article made me laugh, you described me to a t Mia. I start getting quite a few hours before takeoff. Can’t talk, eat, move when I’m on the plane. The relief I feel when we’ve finally landed is amazing!
Thankfully, the fear has never stopped me travelling.
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I laughed when I read the pineapple in a jelly cup analogy. Pineapple contains an enzyme, bromelase, which dissolves jelly so it would in fact fall to the bottom of the cup if you shook it enough or left it for a while. Of all the fruits he could have chosen. Or maybe he chose pineapple on purpose…
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I think I might be starting to develop a fear of flying of sorts. It’s not at all that I’m afraid of crashing or that stuff.
It’s more like claustrophobia. I cry everytime the plane lands and I can’t get off because of people in front of me. And I fear the pain…motion sickness and the pain I get in my ears. Both last for days after. And the stress…the whole thing just stresses me. I think I associate planes with leaving and that makes me sad.
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Hate travelling, as in the getting there. Love being in other places. I travelled a LOT as a kid (airline family). All I knew was getting sick when I travelled. Most memorable was flying to Malaysia, then Penang. Sitting next to Dad. Dad said “Kris, how do you feel sweetie?” I said “Good” then hurled all over him. Motion Sick is the worst sick ever.
To the point where even as an (almost) adult, I turned and ran from opening a flight door (whilst working for QANTAS) because it had “THAT SMELL” and also they had turbulence so people had been sick.
Handy thing being from an airline fam, we had sickbags everywhere! Tons in the car, which was good, cos I get everything sick – car, train, bus, plane, sea, you name it, it makes me hurl. I still wait until the last possible minute to board a plane etc because its just that smell. Navy ships have it too. I think its where and why I learnt to not sleep so much.
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And yes, rereading that, I realise that Penang is actually part of Malaysia. We flew to Kuala Lumpur first, then Penang. Not sure why, its really close!
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All I can say is that your fear must not have been that serious for you to be able to get over it that easily. A real phobia usually takes lots of work and time to get past, it’s not just a matter of being sick and tired of the inconvenience of it.
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Ah yes. The only thing that scares me more than spiders (even the big fat hairy ones that love to run across your windscreen while you’re driving nearly causing you to crash) is flying. Even the thought of it raises my heart rate!
Now I do believe I have a little bit of an excuse for my fear of flying. You see, when I was 12 I was on a plane that caught on fire. You read that correctly… CAUGHT ON FIRE! Not something you want your plane to do.
We were just about to land in Sydney and I was in the window seat enjoying the view and the whole concept of flying as, at 12 years old, it was my first flying experience. When the flaps on the wings came up (to stear or what ever they do?) I could see flames under them. FLAMES? Even at 12 years old I knew that the fule was kept in the wings and that flames + fuel = very bad. In a panic I turned to the adult I was with and whispered that I saw fire, as though whispering would make it go away. He looked out but the fire was out and I was told eveything was fine. But what about all that smoke I wanted to know?? That was put down to vapour from the rain. OK, so I’m a kid. Maybe I did imagine it. Maybe that was vapour.
Just as I’m trying to calm myself down the plane lands and stops with quite a shudder in the middle of the runway. No taxiing to the terminal. Just stop. Then a whole bunch of fire engines came racing down the runway towards us with their sirens blaring and a bunch of firemen got out cautiously in their special suits with breathing aparatus. If there was no fire then why did we get firemen? Oh, I see, there was FIRE!
By this stage all I wanted to do was GET OFF RIGHT NOW and run away from the plane as fast as my little legs would carry me! When you’re 12 and your life flashes before your eyes it doesn’t take very long.
But they didn’t open the emergency doors and let us off. Someone decided it was safe enough for us to wait on the plane. Now I would like to find that person or people and slap them. How would you like to wait on a plane that had just been on fire?? Hmm.
Anyway, we were finally towed to the terminal and allowed to get off without any word from the airline. I suppose it would be difficult to say ‘oh sorry we almost killed you’.
I have flown a couple of time since then but now I’m a TERRIBLE flyer. To say that I panic is an understatement. But like everyone else I try to hide it and the only way anyone can tell is when it all finally gets too much and I burst into tears. I avoid flying at all costs. Need to go interstate for work? I’ll drive thanks. Going on holiday? It has to be somewhere in Australia so we can drive. I’m just lucky that we live in such an amazing country with so much to see. I would love to go overseas but I’m sure that would involve having to get my hands on something to knock me out for the whole flight.
** I’m sorry, I’m sure my story doesn’t really help any of my fellow nervous flyers but it may be good to know that it was an Australian domestic airline that no longer exists.
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I never had any problems flying and I did flight a lot i my life, until I watched a show in television about air disaster, and now I like to stay home, the idea to get into a plane e spend 24 hour in a plane to go to Europe just feel me with dread, I also get terrible earache on landing, love to all ooxx
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I just don’t watch those shows!
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My husband was fine until he watched one of those shows (Black Box I think it was). Now he breaks out into sweats on take off! I now forbid him to watch anything of that ilk if we are flying within the next 6 months.
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OH thankyou so much for this post! My partner and I are currently in talks about travelling to Europe later in the year with our baby. He has to take a trip for work for 3 weeks and can’t stand the thought of being away from his baby. (He assures me he’d miss me too). I’m a terrible flier and have always relied on Kwells or Dramamine to get me through the motion sickness and the horrible sweats.
I’d love to go with him but how am I to do this with a ten month old?
Is it mental to travel with a small baby? I can’t get my head around the nappy factor.
Can anyone out there give me some advice please?
HELP!
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Get out of my head Mia – seriously. I logged on because today I just skipped to the chapter in your book ‘Fear of flying’ and wanted to thank you PROFUSELY for managing to make me laugh about something that instills mortal terror in me every time I think about it.
I too used to fly all over..and looked forward to it -especially when it was for work. Up in the air was the one place I could detach from daily stresses which were left far behind on the ground below, kick back with a drink and focus on catching up on magazines and movies. Whenever turbulence hit I just made sure to steady my drink and looked on with empathy at those poor souls white knuckling it…and if they were near enough, would spark up a conversation to help them get their minds off of it. 9/11 didn’t even snap me out of this mid-air bliss…and I was downtown…yet a month later I was on my way to Greece where I met a guy in a bar who told me Osama was his hero..I still didn’t think twice about getting back on a flight the next day. I’ve even been skydiving and found it to be a bit of a dissapointment – it went too fast, and instead used to dream of hangliding.
Then I had Bella…
Ever since my baby girl was born the very idea of flying causes me to break out into a cold sweat….the only thing worse is the fear of flying with my family. Bad enough I die and miss watching my baby girl grow up, and growing old with my husband. But the thought of ANYTHING happening to my family..forget it. But I have a small problem – my chldhood friends, parents and sister live in New York – my father hasn’t even met his grand daughter and we have another on the way…So, we have made tentative arrangements for all of us to fly out this Christmas and let’s just say that the air crash nightmares have already begun. I would LOVE to drug up, if only to preserve my sanity – but will hopefully be breastfeeding a four month old..though I may have to consider bottling it for the flight if this phobia doesn’t lighten up by then.
I’m reminded of the story of the couple that missed their doomed Air France flight from South America only to catch another flight and die in a car crash at their destination. I used to accept the whole ‘when it’s your time, it’s your time’ mentality – but well, let’s just say Zen has left the building and flying has lost it’s magic and is now just a horrible risk I really don’t want to take with my family….
Here’s hoping some counselling, hypno-therapy, white magic and pharmacotherapy will help me get there and back…
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This happened to my friend’s mother. As soon as her kids were born – scared silly.
She ended up doing a “Fear of Flying” course, and is much, much better now.
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this happened to me after having kids, but with driving. i am a nervy driver and the worst passenger. im always screaming at my husband to slow down even though he never exceeds the speed limit. it is getting to be a problem..
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Jodie – thanks heaps for the suggestion. I’ve heard of these types of courses but never knew anyone who tried it. I might just give it a go!
Lisa – this is happening to a friend of mine. It started after her second child… she regularly visits her family who live 5 hours away and she’s never had a problem with the drive. About a month ago she confided that she had to pull over on the highway to wipe the sweat from her hands, and that she had never felt so panicked. It’s like maternal instinct in overdrive…I wish there was a way to flick the switch back to normal!
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I never thought of what happened to me as fear of flying. Mostly I put it down to travel sickness, but really the heart palpitations and grabbing the arm rests on take off and landing probably point to fear. Once I’m up it’s fine. I also prefer to leave at least a year between flights (which would mean year long stays at each destination lol). Going overseas for the first time next year – I think that will test whether it’s fear or not!!
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As Miss BenBen says,I worked for Qantas for 28 years, and have flown all over. Points to consider.1- Aircraft are built to withstand enormous stresses.Boeing bent a wing 29 feet, before it broke. 2-Crews are well trained, and have no more inclination to die,than you do. 3-I also have seen a flight from the cockpit,and I can assure you, these people know what they’re doing. 4-NEVER fly on charter carriers.Stick to the big well known ones. It may cost you more, but you get what you pay for.5-Avoid flying in third world countries, if possible.6-All the noises of undercarriage retracting, engines in reverse thrust,etc are normal.7- ALWAYS keep your belt on,as clear air turbulence can’t be seen on the radar. 8-Relax,and keep drinking. Water if possible, but wine with your meals is recommended,to help cover the taste of airline food! Remember, the best type of landing is the one you do on all wheels………..
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thats the other thing that scares me is DVT’s . has anyone experienced this from flying..just thought i’d throw in another for the worry file…..
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Just get around and walk…that’s all you have to do to reduce the risk….and walk around often…some people do have genetically acquired risks that they don’t know about and comes to front on a flight..others have environmental risks because they have cancer oy other reasons…but just be mobile..normally you dont stay still with your legs down for 12 hours.
Incidentally I had the trip from hell with 4 kids, and I don’t know why I didn’t give the younger 2 phenergan….I did on the way back …..bliss…and bliss for them…happy and sleepy! (and bliss for the other passengers)…kids don’t usually get DVT’s (aside)….just as an adult dont expect to get safe sleep upright because it is just not physiologically natural
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My Dad is a pilot, and he always told me not to fly in thirs world countries! The rule was, if the government is corrupt (and therefore someone could bribe their way into being a pilot), don’t fly on their airline. Makes sense to me.
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Lisa, if DVT worries you,get some pressure stockings from the chemist,and wear them the whole flight.
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thanks , will do
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Hahaha I would suggest not to drink, did it once and felt even worse than just airsick afterwards!
The rest of your advice is very sound. Its the same as the sound a car makes changing gears when you hear stuff that happens.
If you are that long at QF, I bet you know my families. 40 years – almost I think. Mum got my Uncle his job there and he is still there about 40ish years later. Olds met at QF. Mate from school now does my Dad’s job (since he retired at MH). We are very inbred in the airline world, aren’t we…
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Was Kris2040 ,was.I finished up in Operations,and I left Qantas 12 years ago on St Patrick’s Day. I will say no more, than I saw the best years of Qantas. Draw your own conclusions………..
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I actually really enjoy flying, but Mr Clare – not so much. I didn’t find this out until our honeymoon, when with a force 10 hangover, our flight was delayed for HOURS and when we finally got on the plane, he fidgeted, bit his nails, tapped his toes, and squirmed in his seat for the next 6 hours. We were nearly divorced before we got to Bali. Thank god they started bringing the beer around.
I’ve tried everything, spiking his water bottle with Rescue Remedy, banning the watching of Aircraft Investigations, relaxation techniques, fun facts about plane safety – nothing works. The control freak element really applies to Mr Clare – he’ll ride a motorcyle at ridiculous speeds and ridiculous angles on a race track, but planes – and horses – scare the shit out of him.
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Mia I take it you wont be doing what my brother did about ten minutes ago….he sky-dived from a plane.
I find that if do a little meditation and in my mind wrap the plane with either white or gold light before take off I feel safe and relaxed. Any nervous flyers out there should try it.
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i read in sunday herald yesterday about how is easy it is for another form of terrorism to take place and that is with pilot/ cabin crew ‘s airline packaged food.apparently no security surrounding it at all , very easy to contaminate with god knows what…we can all add this to our lists now…..
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Lisa! I really could have done without knowing that.
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yeh , me too. flying in 7 weeks…..i think ill prepack my own dinners for them…
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Not Quite Nigella (food blogger) was recently flown to the UAE to check out how Emirates prepares their food and it all looks very secure & safe. In fact, the pilot & co-pilot have the have different meals prepared by different people for just-in-case safety reasons. Check out her article – then you can hopefully strike off that fear.
http://www.notquitenigella.com/2010/02/03/all-about-airline-food-behind-the-scenes-at-emirates-airlines/
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