A child your partner never knew about turns up via Facebook. What next?
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Well, that’s awkward. Dani* writes
My partner and I have been together for 15 years, exactly half my life. We have a wonderful (hectic but fun filled & successful) life with three beautiful daughters aged almost ten, five and three. We have a strong relationship built on trust, respect, love, friendship and mutual life goals. Of course this is not to say that life is always
peachy, we do live in the reality. In the early days of our relationship, largely because we were both so young and needed to work out what we wanted from life, we did a bit of “break-up” get “back together” but after our first daughter was born and we adjusted to the massive change that brought to our life we both let go of our fears of being with the one person our whole life and fully committed to our relationship and our family, since then our relationship has only gotten stronger and our lives more filled with joy.The blip on the radar if you will is that just prior to us falling pregnant with our first daughter, my partner had a one night stand. It was a complete one off, he was totally honest about it and since we were “on a break” (thanks Friends for that term) it didn’t really affect our relationship, except maybe to bring us to a point where we realised we didn’t want to be with other people – so a positive in the grand scheme of things.
Anyway fast forward almost 10 years to an e-mail (thanks Facebook) from this woman which advises that her almost 10 year old son may well in fact be my partners child – his one and only son. To say we have mixed emotions, fears and excitement about this revelation is an understatement.
So, I was after some advice from the Mamamia community…..
How this will impact our life and family if we confirm paternity? How do we go about telling our children and our close extended family? How does this boy fit into the mix? How does his mother? I
am very concerned about doing what is best for everyone involved, particularly all the children – from the little we know about this boy he already has a family, a mother, a step-father and three other siblings, plus a relationship with the paternal grandparents of his other siblings – so do we have a place in his life or do we hang back until he initiates contact to minimise disruption to his life… the questions are endless really.
We are very family orientated people – nothing is more important to us, and we do generally operate on ‘the more the merrier’ ethos. I guess I am just after some advice on how to proceed and how to minimise any difficulties for us all.
Image by Aleutia
UPDATE
My partner , with my support made contact with the woman who sent the Facebook message (lets call her Kylie*) to determine the likihood of paternity and to find out more about this boy, his life & Kylies* intentions so to speak.
Anyway – It turns out my partner was one of two possible daddy’s, and from her reports on the other potential certainly the most desirable choice. This other guy is the personification of a deadbeat – 6 other kids to 3 women that he knows about, and he has nothing to do with any of them!
My partner met with Kylie* to discuss the whole situation – as it turns out she’s a normal mum, not that different from me – she just wants the best for her kids & wanted to establish a pathway for a connection should that be in the best interests of her son – so I have nothing but respect for her for that alone, it can’t have been easy to make that first step.
At a face to face meeting (no more Facebook) my partner did meet the boy in question – only in a casual, “this is someone mum used to know” sort of way & got to know a little more about him – if we are going to be honest, both of us kind of warmed to the idea of potentially adding a son to our family, even if the method was unexpected. Kylie was happy to do paternity testing & take it from there.
So after a couple of weeks (and lots of distracted “what if’ thoughts) the results have come back yesterday… as a 0% chance that my partner is his father & I have to say it came as a shock. We know according to the laws of probability it was only a 50/50 chance but I guess we got a little carried away with the rosey picture we had began to paint in our minds of the one big happy family. Of course there was relief – no world upside down revelations to family & friends, no change to our happy little unit… but honestly we feel shell-shocked.
The most heart-wrenching thing is the fact that by the process of elimination this little boy has a shitty dad & THAT fact is resonating with both me & my partner.
Anyway, call it closure or therapy or whatever else might be appropriate, but I wanted to post & let everyone who might be interested how it all turned out. I also wanted to thank all those people who made comments – you’ll never know how inspirational & helpful you were as I explored my own feelings
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For those who might be interested how this story has played out…
My partner with my support made contact with the woman (lets call her kylie*, going with the fake Minogue names as a theme) to determine the likihood of paternity and to find out more about this boy, his life & Kylies* intentions so to speak.
Anyway – It turns out my partner was one of two possible daddy’s, and from her reports on the other potential certainly the most desirable choice. This other guy is the personification of a deadbeat – 6 other kids to 3 women that he knows about, and he has nothing to do with any of them!
Anyway my partner met with Kylie* to discuss the whole situation – as it turns out she’s a normal mum, not that different from me – she just wants the best for her kids & wanted to establish a pathway for a connection should that be in the best interests of her son – so I have nothing but respect for her for that alone, it can’t have been easy to make that first step.
At a face to face meeting my partner did meet the boy in question – only in a casual, “this is someone mum used to know” sort of way & got to know a little more about him – if we are going to be honest, both of us kind of warmed to the idea of potentially adding a son to our family, even if the method was unexpected. Kylie was happy to do paternity testing & take it from there.
So after a couple of weeks (and lots of distracted “what if’ thoughts) the results have come back yesterday… as a 0% chance that my partner is his father & I have to say it came as a shock. We know according to the laws of probability it was only a 50/50 chance but I guess we got a little carried away with the rosey picture we had began to paint in our minds of the one big happy family. Of course there was relief – no world upside down revelations to family & friends, no change to our happy little unit… but honestly we feel shell-shocked.
The most heart-wrenching thing is the fact that by the process of elimination this little boy has a shitty dad & THAT fact is resonating with both me & my partner.
Anyway, call it closure or therapy or whatever else might be appropriate, but I wanted to post & let everyone who might be interested how it all turned out. I also wanted to thank all those people who made comments – you’ll never know how inspirational & helpful you were as I explored my own feelings.
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Wow. What a rollercoaster. Weird that it all came down to which sperm got there first! A real sliding doors situation. Just the fact that you would have been open to welcoming the ‘Minogues’ into your life shows what a great couple you are. And also makes me wonder if this story isn’t over yet…
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That you were disappointed (my word, but it seems to fit) makes me think that you must be a pretty special family. Maybe you can find a way of extending the love to this child, anyway.
Your open-hearted attitude is inspirational.
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I’d definitely look into Paternity testing before telling your kids and introducing them to their new brother and I’d sit back and wait a while for contact from the child in question. He may not want a relationship with your partner. There’s no need to tell your kids anything about him, until he makes contact and then just say he’s Daddy’s little boy when Mummy and Daddy weren’t together. Most kids adapt and I’m sure they’ll want to get to know their half-brother. Your Partner and the lady in question should’ve been safe and he’s very lucky she’s not calling him to say she’s HIV positive. Good luck and I hope things work out best for the children.
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My only concern for you is having to deal with a woman who thinks that advising your partner of a child via Facebook is an appropriate thing…geeees
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i think your “the more the merrier” tactic is the perfect one
what a glorious way to show your kids the beauty of unconditional love and acceptance. and your daughters get to have a big brother! how wonderful!
i have a blended family. i had a child when i was very young. now i’m married to someone else and we have two children together. we all use the “one big happy family” approach. my husband and my oldest’s dad get along great, all the kids are loved by all the adults (yes, my oldest’s dad loves my other two kids, too), and now that my oldest’s dad has remarried, my family has welcomed her into the fold, too. she loves it. my parents embrace all of us as their “children” and and all the next generation as their grandchildren….even my oldest’s new half sister who is technically not their blood relative. my oldest told my younger two that they now had a sister, and none of the adults felt compelled to argue
it sends a wonderful message to the kids when all the adults get along and treat each other with love and respect. i think it’s the best thing you can give them.
the way i’d handle this would be to express joy to the boy’s mother…”how wonderful! we would love to forge a relationship between our families.” be inclusive, as opposed to just wanting to pursue knowing the son. if she seems level headed, i’d let her spearhead telling, explaining, and all that. kids don’t care about the details as much as adults worry they will
good luck!! and kudos to you for recognizing this as an opportunity for a richer life, as opposed to being threatened by it.
(this is all written under the assumption that a paternity test confirms the relationship).
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Wow Amber, You are amazing. What a wonderful family you have created.
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Amber what a wonderful comment you write and what a great example for all of us, to learn that love does not have boundaries, thank you very much, love ooxx
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I love this post, every now and then you read a post thats like a bit of extra sunshine in life, Thanks Amber you have enriched my day!
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thanks for the comments, everyone
honestly, i just feel so blessed by the people in my life. i couldn’t have built the wonderful family i have without all the other adults involved being so selfless and supportive. every time i hear a co-parenting horror story, it breaks my heart for everyone involved. i’m very grateful for what i have.
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That is fantastic Amber! My best mate has 2 kids with her ex, and a much younger one with her current partner. The older kids’ Nan treats the little one as another of her own grandkids. Its wonderful!
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Amber, your amazing, If only I could be as level headed as you are……hah one day?
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Bloody facebook! I cant even imagine how that must have felt reading that message. If I was in your shoes, I would have been overwhelmed with feelings including fear, panic, jealousy, disruption, the list goes on. So I commend that you seem to be mature about the situation, honest about your feelings and open to suggestions. First of all, confirm paternity and above all & stick together with your husband and work it out as a team. Suss out the mother’s intentions, find out what the child wants to do and take it from there.
I found out I had 2 half-siblings, one when I was 25, she was 34, and one when I was 33, he was 38. I was told about the first one, but the second one was a big suprise that came out of nowhere, thanks to the internet. The one thing I wished for was that I had have been told about their existence years earlier. My parents knew they were out there, but never tols me. Now, we are all good friends, they have formed a friendship/relationship with my parents, and we all communicate regularly, including with the adoptive parents. In that sense it has been a positive part of our lives and has enriched our lives. But it did take a bit of soul-searching to get to that point. When young kids are involved I imagine it would need to be a bit more sensitive.
I wish you the best of luck in sorting this out. Take it slow, get some good advice from professionals and above all be there for your family, as they should be there for you as you navigate this situation.
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I do not think thre is anythign else that I can add to the wonderful advices you received, i think you will be fine, you sound a woman with a big big heart, in the end is just one more child to love, and it sound you got plenty to share, wishing you a great outcome from this situation for everybody involved, love ooxx
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I think everyone’s pretty much summed it all up before.
My suggestion is to consider what the mother wants from this. Consider the child support ramifications (they are potentially HUGE). If you want a relationship, definitely confirm paternity and insist on going through Relationships Australia as suggested.
There can be big adjustments to be made, especially if your daughter now has a rival for Dad’s time and affection. You may also feel odd having your partner discuss child rearing issues with another woman.
Good for you for being inclusive, but remember, your family comes first.
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Child support could be an issue- but you are not liable for child support before you knew, or indeed before the mother applies to the child support agency for an assessment. so, No, nobody will be liable for 10 years of “back paid” child support.
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Hi Zelicat. Sorry if my implication was that there would be back pay on Chile Support – you’re right there wouldn’t. However, if Mum’s intentions are less than honourable (and I’m not saying they are) and there are no nights of contact (which there wouldn’t be) and Dad is the breadwinner, you could expect child support (if requested) could be significant, especially if mum does not work.
I know I’m raining on parades, but it’s better to know your exposure.
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Dani,
it’s amazing how strong your being at this news in that your focus is making sure your children and husband are ok despite what you may be feeling. it must be incredibly confusing and frustrating for you but my first thought reading this was “sure it makes sense for him to be his child, but how many fatherless 10 year olds are there in the world?” it could be a coincedence, even though i doubt it because the world is already a very odd place. still, be sure before you get emotionally involved with this family…even things with innocent and lovely intentions could really end up hurting you, your family, and the family of this little boy. tred carefully and good luck. any fears you have should be shared with your partner, chances are he feels the same.
good luck love
-mils xxx
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Once paternity is confirmed strongly suggest you go to Relationships Australia, who are brilliant, and work out how to proceed. They can give you great advice and guide & support you thru the entire process including the boys mother etc. Good luck, am sure it will all be fine.
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I haven’t even read the other comments but you are so amazing and strong. And calm. And completely selfless.
Good luck
XXX
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I agree 100%
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You are an amazing women, you are operating from a place of love and concern for those affected, which is so admirable and something many women are unable to achieve in such situations. I am totally with you on the more the merrier front, Im sure it will be a bumpy emotional ride but there is no deception between you and your husband and at the end of the day life is usually all the richer for a few curve balls. Your kids will be accepting and fine if you are accepting and fine… good luck XXX
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I think the most important thing is to confirm whether or not your husband is the father of this child. Once this is known all parties can decide how to move on.
I appreciate how frightening this might be – how will your children cope with a new sibling? How do you explain it? What kind of financial impact will child support (and potentially backpayment of 10 years) have on the family’s finances? How will this disrupt your family’s dyanamics?
I would have to wonder why the woman is bringing this up now? What are her motives? The email indicates the little boy has quite an extended family. Is the push to confirm a ‘daddy’ coming from him or external sources?
How does your husband feel about having a son? Has he considered the extent to which he would feel comfortable incorporating a new child into his family?
Although I don’t first firsthand experience in this situation, I would recommend counselling.
Best of luck.
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Ahhhh good old Facebook- we really are living in the world 2.0, aren’t we?
Dani, I really feel for you. I too was emailed by my half brother, now 12, via Facebook. I knew he existed but had never met him. It’s uncomfortable to say the least, but it really is up to you guys with what you would like to do.
Seeing as there is no evidence that your partner is this boys father, there currently are no legal obligations with child support etc.
My advice is to be honest and have a paternity test and go from there.
Integrity is the key to living an authentic life.
Good Luck, Dani.
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Hi Dani – my cousin had a 16 year old daughter he had no idea he had turn up on his doorstep some years ago. It did take a while for him to come to terms with it, but they are very involved in each others lives now.
I think you need to establish paternity first. It sounds crass, but what if you get involved with this child and then it turns out he is not your husband’s son? Heartbreaking and confusing for all concerned.
Once that’s out of the way, I think you need to follow the child’s lead. He’s going to be confused about the situation, worried about hurting his stepfather or mother, worried about hurting your feelings….it’s a lot of emotional heavy stuff for a 10 year old to deal with. Maybe you could give Relationships Australia a call – it’s a really great service, I’ve used RA for parenting and custody matters. They might be able to help you understand all the legal ramifications of the situation too.
I wish you all the best whatever happens, you sound like a really lovely caring mum and I hope it all works out for you x
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If paternity is confirmed, the next step is to consider what Child Support ramifications there will be.
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I’d take it as it comes, if he’s your husband then he is. If the child (remember he is the priority in all this) wants to meet him then let him. It’s up to you if you want to introduce him to your family. Whether or not you want your kids to have a half- brother or if you decide hey he’s not my blood or my choice so lets keep it seperate. As for the mum, well shes the sons mother, thats it. She’s got no blood relations. She doesn’t have to mix with your family at all, unless you want it. You can seperate meeting your husbands son seperate from his mum. Like with ex- wives or husbands, kids or not often the step families don’t mix
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Eliza, if the boy is the son of Dani’s partner, there is no choice in whether her kids have a half-brother, biologically they do.
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Biologically yes. Biologically I have two sets of gradparents but as my mother was kicked out of her family for marrying a man of a different faith, I claim I have one and have only met one. My choice may I add, my mother gave me the option. People say you can’t choose family, I say in some situations you can.
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You are right, it was your choice. I still believe that Dani’s kids have as much right to know about their biological half-brother as he does to know about them. I really do believe that the guilt and implications it can bring up later on by keeping secrets really isn’t worth it, imagine if Dani’s kids found out later in life that she knew all along that they had a half-brother and kept it from them. I have lived this, I know I have two half-brothers, they are not allowed to know I exist because their mother thinks that we have no ties. I’m not saying that the kids necessarily need to be involved, but they should know (once paternity is confirmed of course).
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I agree with Eliza. You need to protect your family especially if you feel this boy or his mother, or extended family, is disruptive or damaging to your family.
Of course, if this boy is your husband’s son and he wants this boy to be part of his life so be it, but as the mother of your children your focus should be on what is best for them.
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Firstly, given that I am adopted child who recently found her birth father (some 30 odd years after I was born), and am faced with his wife who has known about me since she met him but still won’t let him have contact with me for fear of disturbing her family, I admire that you are concerned enough to ask for advice on something that you have obviously considered at some length.
Given that this boy is 10, and may not be emotionally equipped to deal with this without proper support, I would definitely have your partner speak to this woman about why she is making contact now. It may well be that her son is asking her questions, and he is the one who is interested in knowing his biological place in the world. It may be that the only place she could find your husband was on Facebook (although I doubt this because electoral rolls are open to anyone to search for people – yes, scary). I do think that given it was a one-night stand, there should definitely be some sort of discreet DNA test, and that should all happen before any contact by your husband is made with the boy.
It is such a hard and emotionally draining situation for everyone involved.
Good luck.
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Wow Danielle. I hope things work out with your birth Father. If you really want to have a relationship with him you should tell him how you feel. His wife needs to step away and let you two work things out. I am amazed that a mother would do that to a child even if it is not her own.
All the best
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Dannielle
if it matters enough to you, it shouldn’t get in the way of what you want especially when it’s as big as biological family!
your father really shouldn’t let his wife stop him from meeting HIS DAUGHTER. directly, it’s nothing to do with her and it’s between you and him. i say she’s understandably worried but also being very selfish about what could go badly for her through you and your father having contact/meeting.
it’s not fair for her to do that either of you, controlling.
good luck though
x
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Thanks Sally and Milsy, has been an ongoing saga with lots of going back and forth since our initial contact last year. Most of our contact to date has been through the social worker at the dept who handled my adoption. However, I did send a heartfelt letter about trying to see things from my point of view to my father, and he still says that the situation is too hard to deal with for his wife, and she is worried that I will intrude on her family (she seems to have forgotten that even though I am able to contact them directly I have not done so out of respect for my father’s privacy, but anyway). I think she is very threatened and no matter what I say it isn’t something she is going to come to terms with in a hurry. It is really hard though when he says that he would be approaching the whole situation differently if he wasn’t married.
I have to add that I really admire Dani and her thoughtful consideration to this.
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Hi Dani, I wish you and your family all the very best as you navigate this tricky situation. Many people have offered good suggestions about the relationship aspect. I wanted to make a comment about the medical side of things. Genetics and detailed family histories are becoming increasingly important in treating illness and accidents. In the future this little boy will need to be certain of his genetic history. If you establish a genetic link you really need to think about how to ensure that he has access to this information in the future, regardless of what you decide to do from a relationship perspective. All the very best – I hope this works out well for everyone involved.
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I would def do a DNA test to know for sure. Then if he is not your husband’s son things can just go on as normal. But if he is your husband’s son I would make room for him in your lives, as hard as that might be. Your husband has a right to get to know his son, if that’s what he wants to do, and vice versa.
http://www.princesseemma.com/
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Holy shit Batman. Why won’t you take me to AWKWARD TOWN! I think a very low key DNA test first, then take it from there. I guess you gotta think – is this upheaval really in the kid’s best interest??? Does he want to know his father? Does he know the circumstances around his conception? Wowser, good luck with that. I do use facey to stalk ex boyfriends, but I haven’t popped out any of their kids. Have you and hubby won Tatts recently? Did he mention that in a status update? Ohoho. Cynical AnnaSpanna
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AnnaSpanna, I ‘liked’ your post just for ‘Holy shit Batman. Why won’t you take me to AWKWARD TOWN!”, LOL …
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What a shock that must’ve been for you!
You seem like such a nice person, and even though I have no valuable advice for you whatsoever (sorry!), I just wanted to comment and let you know that I totally admire the way that you have dealt with the situation. x
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Being of little experience in the grand scheme of life… I will second Jane’s comment.
Love is never limited and if you do end up accepting this new lass into your lives, then your heart can only grow.
The title of the film ‘It’s Complicated’ should be reassigned to your situation!
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yeah i just want to say also that you are awesome. Whatever way you handle the situation, with the attitude you have, it will turn out okay xx
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This happened to my in-laws. My father-in-law and mother-in-law had just started dating when he was shipped off in the Army to Germany. He met and had a thing with a woman over there. My in-laws were not sure they would continue their relationship, so it was pretty much ‘on hold’ until he came back and saw how they felt about each other. He was shipped back home with the thought the woman may in fact be pregnant, but they didn’t keep in contact.
35 years later, they get a call asking questions about him and his life and a revelation that this guy is probably his kid. There was no paternity test, but it’s obvious they are related – this son looks more like my father-in-law than my husband does! The son has a family of his own, complete with kids. My in-laws opened their lives to this son and his family. The son still lives in Germany and will continue to do so. But they visit each other from time to time. My mother-in-law stood by her husband knowing that this child was conceived after they met. She calls the new son ‘her other son’.
That would be a huge decision to make. Can you feel comfortable with standing by your man through this? Paternity would be a big issue – especially if the mum is asking for more than contact. it’s not easy for everyone involved and I’m sure someone along the line is going to get hurt. Take care, tread lightly and go with a head full of knowledge and love.
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i have a few friends and a sister who are the other woman as in they married a man who already had kids. OF COURSE they knew about them rather than your surprise. My suspicious nature asks why now?? why facebook? for effect or was it the only way to make contact?. Sorry but from listening to my friends and sister on this it has seemed that a lot is done with an agenda. You sound like a lovely open hearted person ready to welcome this boy into your family i would just say be wary and know that the mother of this little boy may not be after a harmonious solution. But i truly hope i am just being cynical and suspect. I wish you and your family all the best
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could have been that she couldn’t find him until she searched on Facebook. You can turn up just about anyone on there these days.
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That sure is a biggie, but nothing is insurmountable. I too have a family life that is a tad complicated (won’t go into it), but my rule of thumb has always been:
1) Establish the facts
2) Treat all concerned with respect and sensitivity
3) Be honest with all, especially your kids
However difficult it may be at the time, these rules have worked well for me every time and in every crisis. It also ensures that you maintain your integrity.
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Great rules, Victoria!
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A similar thing happened to a close friend of mine. When my friends husband was young he was with a girlfriend, both were aged 15 and they broke up because she cheated on him. Fast forward 14 years later and thanks to facebook this ex finds him and tells him thats she has a 14 year son and he’s the father! She said she’s positive it was him because she’s already had two DNA tests for other guys, they were all the guys she slept with and it wasn’t them so it must be him. The emotional stress that it caused to him and my friend was horrendous and because of financial reasons, it took about 6 months to finally get the DNA test done. The whole time because she was “positive it was his”, she was constantly contacting him, sending photos, trying to get him involved in the kid’s life, without even having any evidence that it was his. So after 6 months of stress, the test results come in and surprise surprise, its NOT his kid! All that stress for nothing. The person I feel the most sorry for in that whole situation is the poor kid cause for a second he thought he had a Dad and now the girl really doesn’t know who the father is. (Guess that’s what happens when you sleep around alot at 15…)
Since nothing followed from the DNA test, my only advice I can give is before you get too stressed, MAKE SURE ITS REALLY HIS!!
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The fact she tested two other guys before him may have hinted at the fact it probably wasnt him..
Although how many men could have she possibly slept with at 15..
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Yeah thats what I thought when I found out about it and told my friend so to reassure her, but then you do think how much CAN one girl have slept around with at that age? The answer is ALOT apparently!
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you’d be surprised these days Fiona.
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What a shock that must have been for you – It sounds like you will be fine – you seem like a lovely person !!
I’m wondering why this woman has decided to make contact after all these years ?
Obviously confirming paternity is the first step … and then decide how to proceed from there, you may be agonising for nothing … she did say your husband ‘might’ be the father right ? I guess that means he might not be too ?
Once you confirm paternity personally I would speak with a child Psychologist to ascertain the best way to deal with all the kids involved.
All the best !
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Great advice, TRS.
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wow, tough situation to be in! You sound like a considerate person, however I’d suggest it’s your partner who needs to make the a major decision on this…
Firstly finding out if it’s his son, and secondly deciding how involved he can/wants to be in his* child’s life..
I think he has to make the first step, and it will be up to you whether it’s something you can support or not.
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I’d talk to the mother and ask her what she wants for the child- once you’ve established paternity that is. Sounds like you’ll all be fine though
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Dani, you sound very open-minded and supportive of your husband and all the bits that go with him, as well as loving towards children and family-oriented. I wish you all the best.
I am a little confused, was it the mother who contacted your husband? Did she say what her motivations were with this, or was she just not able to get in touch without Facebook for all these years to tell him? I think if they’re in contact you could have a discussion with her about what she thinks and expects to happen next.
I come from a complicated family background, that I only found out about at age ten. It was a lot to take in all of a sudden, and I was very confused. It was very different to this situation, but I do know that even at that young age I resented the subterfuge of the preceding years.
I think if you’re in a loving, open family, which it sounds like you are, you could definitely just talk openly to your kids about it…
How to deal with what comes next depends a lot on if he’s been raised to expect a different Dad may appear? With a bonus Mum? How does his step-dad feel? If everyone is on board, and the mother is open to it, he would benefit from having more people who love him and want to know him. Especially if your kids are comfortable to, a bonus brother is pretty amazing.
All the best, to you!
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*too – ug, I hate it when that happens.
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Well I would think your first step is to find out if he really is your husbands son and then take things from there.
From the sounds of it you have already answered your own question. You sound very family orientated and it does not sound like you or your husband would be able to walk away and not form some type of relationship with this boy if he is your husbands son.
Children have an amazing ability to adapt to many situations that adults think they wont cope with, so just remember to all act like grown ups and explain everything to ALL the children involved.
All the best to all of you
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