Dumped and heart-broken.
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I received a really heartfelt email last week from Lou* who was reeling from a brand new break-up. She thought he was The One. He thought…..well, I'll let Lou tell the story……
I feel shattered. My boyfriend just ended it and even though we've been going thru a tough time lately it was a huge shock. We were together for nine months, had a fantastic relationship were so in love and happy until about two months ago when his ex's daughters who are in their 20's arrived to spend four days with him. He's 40 and I'm 39.
He was with his ex for 10 years but confessed to a six month affair which ended them (naturally) a bit over 1.5 years ago. He was devastated and guilty. He moved to my city, Sydney from NZ and hadn't seen her daughters, who he basically raised, since the break up. I wasn't invited to meet them but that was ok but I didn't get one phone call the entire time they were here which made me angry and I told him so.
That week he sent me a text breaking up with me. I stormed to his place and told him that was a terrible way to treat me and cowardly and to never contact me again. The next morning I received another text saying he was in love with me, sorry, and would always love me so I gave him another chance, obviously wasn't the right thing to do.
Then he said he needed time to himself! Two weeks ago he went back to pack up the house and finalise his buyout of her share of it. We've been on and off since then but he's always claimed to be in love with me and I believed him.
Yesterday we were going to have lunch then dinner but I received a text saying it's over and that he loves me but isn't in love with me. That I need to set him free and let him be by himself. He wants to be friends and cares about me and wants to make sure I"m ok. And that I am an amazing woman. Incredibly he also said "I reserve the right to come grovelling back if I'm wrong"!!!!
I replied it's fine, I totally agree and wished him the best. But I'm so hurt. How could someone be so happy and in love with me then turn around not long later and say they're not?! Everyone said that he was clearly in love with me, would watch my ever move and we were so happy. I'm just devastated and so confused, I truly thought he was the one and I've never felt that before with any man.
I don't feel like I can even function right now. I want to be strong and get on with my life but don't feel capable. He was the one, I know it and I miss him so much and desperately want him back. Of course I don't want him back if he isn't in love with me. I just don't know how to handle this and get through it.
Ugh. That sucks horribly hard. I'm going to post a link to the Relationships Australia website so you can find a reputable counsellor near you to help you sift through all of this emotional turmoil.
But apart from professional help (which you should seek out, really), I'm sure there will be many many many people in the MM community who can relate to what you're feeling right now……
Lou – we are all thinking of you. You WILL get through this – I’d be surprised if everyone hasn’t had some kind of dumping experience, and it’s not pleasant. And you’ll probably realise… he wasn’t “The One”. Because there is no “one”. There are people who are right for us at a particular time in our lives… sometimes this goes on for all our lives, sometimes not. And in this instance maybe your “time” just wasn’t his. My own thought is – people don’t do this stuff by text if they really love or at least respect you honey – they suck it up and do it face to face. I agree with Mia – surround yourself with your best buddies and have a chat with a counsellor.
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