When somebody else’s kid is a bully…

I have a question for group therapy that I think other people may be able to relate to and hopefully offer some wonderful advice to me on.

One of my closest girlfriends, who has children similar in age to mine, has a child who is a bully. Everytime we all get together, whether its for a Birthday, a BBQ or just a swim in the holidays, there is always a child or children who are in tears or hurt or someones property is damaged because of what he says or does.

When the kids point him out as the cause of the problem his parents always defend him. They must have provoked it, he wouldnt do that, I’m sure he was only defending himself etc etc. Basically he never has to face any consequences. Even when its witnessed by adults they deny he could be responsible or the other kids must have put him up to it. I know its not isolated to social occasions because he is often in trouble at school. She always complains to me that his teacher has it in for him. Every year.

First of all, I want to say that I am not one of those mothers who thinks their own children are perfect, because I know mine are far from that ! When my kids are naughty they are in trouble and have to admit to what they have done wrong. Anyway, it’s a big concern because we are starting to avoid them because of this and she is starting to ask why. We have spent these last school holidays practically hiding from them because my kids and I just dont need the stress.

Other friends in our group are doing the same thing. I dont want it to kill our friendship. I also worry for the child because I love his mum and something must be making him so angry. If it was addressed he would be a happier person. But what can I do ? Can I say anything ? Any advice please ?