GROUP THERAPY: How do you learn to enjoy being by yourself?
Welcome to Group Therapy where you get to exchange wisdom with others in the Mamamia community.
Today's question is about solitude….
Angela writes……
My
husband is leaving for the army in two months, it is going to be hard
to be an army wife. How would you suggest I deal with the loneliness of
being by myself for long periods of time? We don't have children yet
and I work very very very long hours but I would like to know how you
would suggest I relearn how to be by myself?
Thanks.
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Wow Laura… I’m gobsmacked…. And speechless. Thankyou.
My husband is in the army also – but he’s a reservist, so not an on going thing for me. But he went to Afghanistan for 4 months earlier this year.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I had no idea how lost I would feel without him. I don’t mean to sound very negative – just that you can’t expect it to be easy. Saying that, somethings did improve, and there were things that helped me along the way also.
- all your communication becomes pretty special, it was the first time I had ever received letters from him. He wrote all sorts of things that he never tells me really.
- I wrote a journal, I found it very therapeutic at the time. My husband still hasn’t read it- but I think he will at some point.
- Put some things into your calendar, like a holiday, or a course. I went away for 3 weeks in the middle, was great to have a change of scene and not be ‘alone’ in the bed
- Be selfish in the way that your annoying ex boyfriends were! book in a massage and a facial, whatever floats your boat
- fitness was my absolute godsend. at times I found sleeping hard, but I starting going to the gym + doing yoga 5 days a week. Resting at the weekend. Definitely improved my wellbeing and sleep!
- get someone to move into your place if you’re feeling really lonely. I asked my sister to keep me company and we have been really close since (it did help that she had to move some way and has stayed here)
- Go to the wives sessions, especially the ones not run by the army. There are a few girls who I still see a bit of, and it makes all those army functions much more fun too (there will be MANY!)
good luck with it all. Just remember you’re not alone. and if you still feel that way after a few weeks make sure you tell someone.
My husband was commuting between and Sydney. One thing that kept me sane was doing my yoga every aingle morning. Just half an hour, I found with that bit of calm and bit of exercise I could get through the day a little bit easier.
He was in the Navy before that, so I know how lonely it can be. Love the idea of being a tourist in your own city.Maybe see it as a chance to rediscover yourself and those things he’s not into that you’d blike to explore.
Good luck
Thankyou Katrina, very wise advice!
My hubby often works nights and weekends and I find nights are the hardest times to be alone. I’ve still never really got used to it but I make an effort to keep myself interested in things – one or two good TV shows I enjoy each week, a good book, a dance or language class once a week, or calling an interstate or overseas friend for a long chat. I find it best to decide what I am going to do that night before the evening comes, otherwise I have a tendency to wander around the house feeling lost, wondering what to do with myself. But you also don’t want to fill your life up so much with other things that when your hubby comes back you’ve got no time for him because you have so many commitments. I certainly think that a bit of distraction can be your best friend. But of course you will miss him terribly – and there’d be something wrong if you didn’t.
Megan, precious words, love ooxx
Love that idea. Thankyou megan
This may sound far fetched, but I believe the best way to learn to be with yourself is to start parenting yourself. Think of yourself as your own precious child that has needs and that is at your mercy to have them met. If you had a child you would do more then just meet their needs you would make sure they were comfortable happy and nutured. You would show them you appreciate them and that they are special to you with your actions and gestures. You would show them respect and you would teach the to value and respect themselves.
This mindset toward yourself is a sure way to learn to enjoy and benifit from your own company.
Just wanted to let all you wonderful people out there in computer land know that when I showed my Mum today all the lovely comments and suggestions, she got a little teary. She was as humbled as I have been.
and also angela
as i’m fresh from a few brilliant opshopping purchases myself, maybe you could look into trawling some of the vinnies/salvos etc about town as it is cheaper and a lot more fun than normal clothes shopping. often there is a lot of trash, but sometimes you find awesome treasures!! there is such satisfaction in having a great dress that you have altered yourself, or having something commented on that you got for a bargain. if you’re actually keen on doing your own stuff, you can get some quite good dress patterns from spotlight- choosing your own fabric is also a plus.
go to the markets- there are growers markets on @ pyrmont on the first saturday of every month (i think that’s the date, but check…) and for clothes/non-food stuff, maybe rozelle, glebe, or kirribilli markets. i know that’s all kind of weekend stuff, but anyway! x
Yoga, Yoga, Yoga, especially the meditation part x
Please dont underestimate doing classes at the gym as opposed to just doing machines. I have always been a runner but have stopped recently because I just cant stand the cold weather at the moment. So I started going to the gym and found just doing machines a bit lonely. So I have started doing the same classes each morning and its so nice to feel like you are part of a group. The same people go to the same class each day, the instructor knows your name, you get to know the other peoples names and it really is a friendly place to be.
Thankyou shesaid. Last time he went away (to the Philippines) I wrote a journal so that I didn’t forget anything that happened….
AngelaR – i’ve got faith that you’ll be ok, your a list writer after my own heart!
I would just recommend changing the order of your list to put writing a journal as number 1. When alone, I love to write, draw and doodle in a journal, its really helpful to clarify everything your thinking and feeling something that can be hard to do when you don’t have someone to bounce ideas off.
I’m sorry that I phrased it so crudely. We have been living together for five years and before that I lived with housemates and before that with my very large family so I have never lived by myself and I find the idea of being by myself to be a very daunting idea.
Oh My Gosh!! What wonderful helpful comments!! I’ve read through all these posts with tears in my eyes. My husband even came in to read them and has started makeing lists of things for me to do. I feel so humbled reading through all these comments as I have a very strong support system with wonderful friends and family and this amazing online community (mammamia) that I have just fallen in love with.
Thankyou so much for all your wonderful suggestions. I love the idea of a routine/reward system. I’m big on routine.
My list so far:
1. Learning filipino (my husband is filipino and I never know what is being said at family functions.)
2. Joining the gym. Working such long hours, when I finally leave work I generally rush home but I won’t need to when there is only me to rush too.
3. Keeping a journal.
4. Making regular dates with girlfriends. My best friend is getting married next year, so she obviously needs a lot of help.
5. Looking up facebook/online support groups.
All the suggestions have been so amazingly helpful, I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am.
As a 35 single woman who has been single for the last 10 years not withstanding a 2 month so called thing……..i ask you seriously????? Why do you need to learn how to be alone??
I’m sorry maybe this sounds bitter but for some of us there is no choice and no one to think about or wait for to come home. You just live life either that or i got it wrong and maybe i should just drop a toaster in a bath and end it all.
Or you could just ignore the silly old spinster
Mimi, sorry to hear about your illness, and lonliness, if you like to have chat, let me know how to contat you, love ooxx
My porn is being alone.
Having said that, at times as I’ve drooled over my single friends’ apartments and lives I have realised it is a blessing to have a partner that is present and healthy children so I don’t discount that I might find it more challenging had I the opportunity.
But, I luuuuurved being single before I met my husband also. Here’s what I’d do if I had alone time:
read, read, read, DVDs, write, phone friends, play tennis, nights out with friends, exercise loads, galleries, movies, do just about anything that sounded remotely ok in the “What’s On” pages/websites, have dinner parties, host Dirty Dancing/Greese/Project Runway beer & pizza nights ….
that’s just for starters.
don’t laugh but I found puzzles helped kill the time and going to the gym. catching up on good books, having family visit, planning a good trip alone, hanging out with the friends her doesn’t like so much while he isn’ythere to mind. The week ends are hardest so play sport, participate in anything to keep busy
Angela, sorry I didn’t read your post very well did I?
I’m not sure how you can re-learn to be yourself to be honst it is quite hard when you are in this situation. I have been through it myself (both with and without kids)and the trick is to balance out being yourself and still having room for your old self when your partner returns, if that makes sense. I have seen many women immerse themselves in their friendships while their partner is on deployment and then drop them like a hot rock when he comes back and that does nothing but loose you friendships. So whatever you do in life make sure you’re happy and there is room for your partner and your friends when life gets back to normal.
Like many other posters have suggested, do sports etc to pass the time. You can’t fool yourself into not missing them as much but taking your mind off it does help.
Good luck to you both.
My situation is the opposite, my husband works from home he is always here, having busisness+ workers and home togheter, can be hard at times, I have time alone when my husband take our son to play soccer, or surfing, and once or twice a year the two of them go camping and surfing with their buddies, I chill out, wacht movies, read book, just doing what I like, mostly bludgin and I loooove it it recharge my battery,wish for you to find some balance and happiness in the situation you are in, love ooxx
Im a single gal and this is how you will prob feel when your husband goes away…
My days are filled with work. Monday Volleyball Tuesday Salsa dancing Wednesday free atm Thursday Basketball Friday drinks with work friends Saturday and Sunday washing, house cleaning, reading, shopping, movies. Trips away to see friends and family.
I have a dog and she is awesome company and in return I walk her which also fills in time. Find something that interests you, take up a new hobby, course or sport. You will soon find ways to fill in your time.
Hi Angela,
I am a Navy wife and even though we do have kids it is still a very lonely time when my husband is deployed. My best tips are to surround yourself with the people you love, and stay in contact as much as possible with your man. I know it can be difficult…believe me I know. Don’t let it get too bad before confiding in a friend.
Good luck
i live at home still so im not used to beieng alone. i dont really like being home alone at night though. when i am alone i will ask a neighbour to come over and watch tv just to have some company. other than that i keep very busy playing sport 4 nights a week as well as studying (im a student at the moment).
of course it will take some time to get used to but eventually you will develop your own routine and habits to occupy your time.
I love having time to myself and I relish it when I can – love it! Love to read mags or my fav book – it is so relaxing. I only get time to myself when my two little girls are sleeping during the day so instead of housework which I should be doing, I read or catch up on emails or go on the net and read stuff like on this website – it’s fun. Love going shopping by myself too but this is very rare.
I’ve been house bound for about seven months due to illness. Ninety percent of the people I know have disapeared off the face if the planet so it’s usually just me, myself and I. Try and see time on your own as an opportunity to really get to know yourself. Most people are so busy they forget what makes themelves tick…. Their values… Personal truths and deepest desires. Journaling is a great activity to try.
Ahh scd good to see you being abrasive and missing the point as always!
It IS really hard to adjust to life on your own if you are used to life with a partner.
I live with my boyfriend because…gasp…I love him and want to be around him. So when he is taken away for extended periods of time it is hard to adjust to being alone again. I don’t want to be entertained and I am certainly capable of taking care of myself, I am just lonely and missing my boy.
Your suggestions are very helpful, but you just need to work on your manner of delivery as always.
I really don’t see why it’s so hard. I love spending time alone and I quite often don’t answer my mobile phone and/or leave the house without it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hermit or a loner but I can’t understand it when people say they are ‘bored’ just because they are by themselves.. there’s the tv, the internet, phone a friend, cook an extravagant meal or two, watch DVDs, relax in the bathtub, listen to music, or go out and have a meal by yourself or with a friend, see a movie, go to a club, walk around the city and take photos, talk to people, or get a new hobby.. there is so much to do and so little time. I can’t understand it when people moan about how ‘bored’ they are. You’re not a child in primary school who needs ‘mummy’ or ‘daddy’ to entertain you. Get yourself a life!
Rent out TV series – watch a couple of episodes each night…ROME is a good one…right now though I’m working my way through Beverly Hills 90210 from the early 90’s. It’s strangely enthralling.
Also – read entire series of novels, like the Sookie Stackhouse books or Jane Austen.
I’ve been a single parent for over 7 years and these are the sorts of things that I do at nights. Also explains why my bottom is so large…but that is another story.
Hi Angela,
You mentioned that you work very long hours so perhaps doing a course via correspondance would suit you as you can do it in your own time, rather than Uni/TAFE where you have deadlines.
I recently started an Interior Design Course with a private institution and I’m loving it, you can hand in assignments when you complete them and can choose how long you take to do the course.
So maybe you could use your time to pursue something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the time.
Hope this helps!
Do some things that you like that you know he doesn’t like. Shopping, bad TV, cooking, hanging out with your parents, short trip to a beach. I am an Army wife and I don’t mind the time on my own too much because it forces you to keep up with friends when you can sometimes neglect them when you’re in a relationship. It also gives you time to read a book and have cereal for dinner instead of (one of you) cooking and cleaning!
Another suggestion is to find out the address of the barracks he’ll be at (without him knowing)- not hard to do if you can look at his joining instructions and then prepare a photo/fruit cake/care package like families used to do in wartime. I tell you, that’ll make all the guys envious of your husband!
I find the first week and last weeks the hardest because it takes a while to work out a fresh routine and then the anticipation of his return is agonising. But, rightly or wrongly, you get used to it.
Good luck, it’ll work well and you might just surprise yourself that some days you don’t feel as lonely as you thought you would or should.
Angela,
I am a former Army chick, and have been an “army wife” for the last oh umm… 10 years
(two diffrent relationships… so ok, I have a “type’ that involves a green uniform.. well ok, any uniform!
) My partner has just gotten back from a 9 month deployment (that doesn’t include the 2 months predeployment training before hand!! ) this was his 5th overseas deployment in 5 years !
Yes being an army wife is a tough gig, but if your relationship can survive the separation it can survive ‘most anything! (we are just wondering how we will cope having to “live” with each other now !!)
My tips….
You cannot function if your life revolves around him being home/ being away. To survive as a person and as a couple you need things that you enjoy and can do regardless of if he is home or not. Don’t stop doing things just ’cause he is not there. if you like to go out for drinks on a friday night, keep doing it.
Remember, it is not his fault that he is away. at some point during the next couple of months you will probably get REALLY pissed that he is away and has left you to cope on your own with burst pipes/ broken car/ sick child/ dealing with his mother…
feel free to be pissed off, cause it does suck but probably not fair to blame him for the issues… (but then I have had an argument with my man over skype… I wouldn’t suggest this cause they can hang up on you and you can’t call ‘em back! then you worry for the next three days if they don’t call back.)
find something to do that makes you happy, and then keep doing it even when he comes back…
make sure you catch up with friends family regularly…
It is very normal to fight when he comes home… we have done the away thing so much that we know that around the 2 week mark, the sheer joy of having them home has worn off, we tend to fight… it’s not the end of the world or your relationship, it’s just re-adjusting.
there are upsides to him being away…
we are forever having little honeymoon periods,
we never take each other being there for granted,
The romance stays alive, and trust me, you will look (and smell) FANTASTIC after 2 mths away with (mostly) unwashed sweaty stinky blokes whose main topics of conversation revolve around bodily functions, sport or who can grow the biggest “porno Mo”
Army has a lot of support mechanisms in place, and Army wives tend to take care of each other- (THANK YOU to the Army wife who is a matron at canberra children’s hospital, I will forever be grateful for you kindness to us in an emergency!) catch up for coffee/ wines and a chat with them. If you have any issues while he is away, go and see his unit- they will have someone appointed as a welfare officer who should do whatever they can to help- whatever the issue!
Good luck
I found exercising regularly and making sure I kept social helped. Often, by bed time I was zonked.
When he was on deployment I would count down the days using a calendar which seemed to make the time go quicker.
You should be able to attend some social gatherings with his unit where you will meets other WAGS who are always good to talk to as they are going through exactly the same as you.
Good luck
Coming to the end of 3 weeks of school holidays and 2 weeks housebound before that with kids with gastro I am so desperate for some alone time. I cant even have a shower without someone wanting to sit on the floor in the bathroom and talk to me. Lovely but also incredibly annoying.
I would say soak it up, relax and enjoy it. Join a book club if thats your thing, or start doing classes at the gym where the trainer will know your name and you can get to know people with a similar goal. Staying busy is good, but I know a few girls whose husbands travel a lot and they use the staying busy approach. It keeps their mind off the loneliness. But they have lost the ability to relax and are now quite anxious when they rarely have nothing to do. So if you do stay busy also make sure you make time to chill out, relax and smell the roses as well. Once you have kids you will look back on these days with fond memories!
elaborating slightly on shell’s suggestion…
maybe a language course at community college?
Friends of mine have been in similar situations. They were grad students in the mining industry and many were moved away from friends and family. The program runs for 5 years.
They managed it by joining team sports, joining the gym, some of the guys joined organisations like Rotary to meet people and give a bit back to the community.
They were all quite pro-active in getting themselves out there and would regularly organise parties/bbqs/drinks to make sure they socialised, and didn’t spend their whole time sitting at home alone.
Angela, I actually live in an army town, I wonder if we’re in the same one?
I find army wives tend to stick together because they know what each is going through. Do you have any near-by?
Another defence partner here…
My husband was deployed in 2003 to Iraq for 6 months. This was pre-children. I was working and had two dogs (great company). I started going to the gym, did a course at a local community college. Went to the movies. Played sport, Started scrapbooking. Caught up with friends. Did some travelling. These days the guys can use Skype as well so it is nearly not as bad as it seems. In 2003 I used to get an email of a phone call every couple of days.
It’s really what you make of it I guess. If you decide from the start it’s going to be awful…etc it will be.
There are a lot of defence community groups looking for people to join as well.
Get on Facebook, MSN etc. Make sure you keep contact with people and don’t sit at home wallowing in self pity.
Now when my husband goes away it’s a different kettle of fish. I have two small children, no family support, and CRAVE time to myself. I would like to be able to poo without an audience of two watching my every move. It’s the small things really…
Good luck with it. You will be amazed what you can do/achieve if you have the right attitude to start with.
My husband was sent to work for a few months in Bali after the Bali Bombings. It was hard to be alone, but I had to make it work for me.
My girlfriend’s partner is in the Navy and also went on a trip around the same time. We would arrange to have dinner once or twice a week. That was something to look forward to.
The same girlfriend is also alone again whilst her partner is on another trip. We have her over for dinner once a week. She also meets up with other Navy partners for dinner.
I think keeping busy is the key.
I love being alone too thought. I fantasise (like Mia) about it all the time. You could definitely start a blog, read, create, do a course/study, take up a hobby, set yourself challenges (like trying new recipes). I actually set myself challenges to lose weight whilst Hubby was gone. It was nice to see him notice the difference when he returned.
My thoughts are with you. I know it’s not easy. I hope the time flies by. x
Lots of good suggestions here. If you are on Facebook, there’s several groups for Australian Defence Force Wives/Partners. Here’s one I found for you http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=10444431583#/group.php?gid=12632672444
I’m not an Army WAG but I thought you might like to chat to people in the same situation as you, especially if your hubby stays in the military and you have to move around a lot in the years to come.
Good luck Angela, as the bumper stickers say “Defense Spouse: Toughest job in the military!” xox
Angela, My wife is from Melbourne, and goes to visit friends, and relos, from time to time. About a day after she’s gone, I start getting into a routine. The best thing about spending time alone, is you are mostly, on your own agenda. Do whatever comes into your head, at the time. Forget the dust. It’ll still be there, the next day, and there’s always Facebook, and Twitter.Amazing how much time THEY take up…..
An area I am very familiar with…
Until I got married rather late in life, I lived alone and I loved it.
The trick is to realise that it’s easy to enjoy your own company
I had a couple of very short stints living with someone (couple of months) and an even shorter stint of having a flatmate when I was working interstate…but from the time I left home at 21 till I was in my 40’s, I lived alone.
It’s easy to say, get or develop a hobby, but not everyone’s into team sports or book clubs etc…but it is worth giving them a try. You can meet some really interesting people and learn new things. I always had pets and they’re terrific to have around. I loved coming home to them and having to look after them etc. I also have great friends.
One of my girlfriends is now living alone after years of looking after her Mother and daughter and she absolutely loves it.
My husband spends every second weekend away working on a project, and I get to spend the time alone, watching the TV programs I’ve recorded, reading, foofing around on the computer, not that him being home every stopped me, eat what and when I like… and get the entire bed to myself.
It’s lovely when he’s at home, but it’s really nice when he’s away too, and I think it’s good to have time apart
Instead of dreading the time alone, think of it as a great opportunity. Read the books you’ve always intended reading. Give yourself treats of a weekend. Paint the bedroom, rearrange the furniture. Like someone suggested, go to see a film by yourself. Before the film, take yourself to the local cafe and have a quick meal by yourself. It really is empowering.
Tell yourself I’m not lonely, just alone for a short time…enjoy your own company, because it’s not going to last once you have kids.
I agree with everyone else about trying new hobbies, reading books, catch up on a TV series (I can totally recommend West Wing), but you can also ride the Masterchef wave and teach yourself to cook. Start with the basics and work up from there. It’s great cooking for yourself because if you stuff it up, no one has to try and break the bad news to you. Also, if you’re baking, your workmates will LOVE you. And by the time hubbie gets back you’ll be Nigella Lawson in the kitchen without even raising a sweat!
Or you could take on Mia and start a blog for Australia Army Wives and what’s it like being away from your partner? Some days will be good, inspiring posts and some days bad but it will give you a place to vent your emotions without suffering in silence alone. And who knows, it could become a mega success and you could get a magazine/book/movie deal.
I agree with Ruby, take it as an opportunity to do exactly what you want!!
Personally, when I have some alone time I like to watch all my shows (Gossip Girl, Mad Men, SATC – again and again and again), plan days and nights out with my best buddies, try and revive my poor pot plants, take the dog for long walks, go to the markets, go to the beach, spend a couple of hours in a cafe reading, clear out my wardrobe (I love a good chuck-out)… it’s amazing how busy you can keep yourself! As a true virgo, I like to keep a list of everything I want to achieve… it’s very satisfying crossing things off!
Hi Angela,
My partner works completely different hours to me. I work the standard 9-5 and he works 2-11pm. So I’m always coming home to an empty house, but I kind-of love it. (I’m an only child though, so that might have something to do with it)
I fill my time with reading (novels are great companions), having girlfriends over & watching trashy TV. I even joined a hip-hop dance class once a week for kicks…
Despite all these activities, I think you have to come to a place where you’re happy with your own company.
Good luck!
Try something new – like a book club or tap dancing! I have done both and they were great at connecting me and to other interesting women, and just fun.
I agree with all the advice given above – it is so important to try and find hobbies and activities that you really enjoy outside of your relationship. Spend time with girlfriends and family.
I think the range of emotions that you deal with when your partner leaves (and they’re in the military) is a bit of a shock. You go from been so upset to loneliness to excitment about them coming home to indifference. My advice is to just remember that it is normal to feel all those things. I think just trying to stay positive really helps.
Hooray! Time alone. Love it.
Spend some quality time with family and friends. Help out with the kids. Catch up on all that reading or film and television watching you’ve been meaning to do. Finish that project. Start that business. Look for that investment property. Write that blog. Get involved in that volunteer work. Go to the gym. Take up a sport or hobby. Adopt a pet. Join the circus… Whatever you like. The world is your oyster!
On the other hand, you could just chill out and do nothing. There’s something to be said for that too.
Either way, this is a golden opportunity to discover your true self; the person that exists outside your work and relationship. Once you adjust to not having your partner around all the time, you’ll probably really value the experience.
Yes, it can get a bit lonely. But phone calls, text messages, emails, sending and receiving gifts, and looking forward to seeing each other again should keep you reasonably satisfied.
Enjoy!
Re-discover nature – gardening and walking are a real tonic.
Yep, I’m with everyone else, try and find something to look forward to when you’re on your own.
Is there is a movie or TV series that you’ve always wanted to watch by never had time? Or a hands-on project? My project of choice would be decluttering the cupboards and putting 2.5 million photos into albums (wow, doesn’t my life sound exciting…)
Try and get out of the house – maybe visit parts of your city that you’ve never been to before. This sounds dumb but you’d be amazed at what’s under your nose and you never really knew.
Good luck and enjoy using up all the hot water!!
You could consider volunteering your time to a community group. Not for profits have been badly affected by a downturn in income during the Global Economic Crisis and most people are so time poor these days that volunteer hours are also down. Not only will you be helping people, but you could also find the experience very rewarding. My has husband has always travelled a lot and at different times I have volunteered my time to community groups, it feels good to be doing something productive rather than feeling like you are just “treading water” waiting for him to get home.
I know this seems crazy but try and look at it as an opportunity. I’m not whingeing but now that I am married with small kids the one thing I never get enough of is time for myself- for hobbies, exercise, reading, watching movies etc.
And as others have said, its a great opportunity to give time to other important relationships in life like friendship.
Absolutely find a hobby or interest to fill your time! I am also an army wife, and when my husband first left for basic training, it was HARD – even though I worked full-time and hand a daughter, I still found myself frequently bored and lonely. If you have a hobby you enjoy, pursue it further, or find a new one to try. Take a class, or set up a weekly “girl’s night” with your friends. I also found my pets to be a huge help – I hate being alone at night, but they helped to keep the alone feeling at bay.
Hey Angela,
My husband is a soldier and it is hard being on your own so much. Is he going to recruit training in two months? That time can be very difficult as they can’t even phone home a lot of the time. I don’t have any real advice, you just get used to it pretty quickly! Don’t resent the Army for taking him away. You will spend all your time being angry! Don’t put your husband up on a pedestal – when he comes home you will be disappointed! Over the years I have tried different hobbies, courses, sports etc which are all great time fillers.
We have 3 kids now and I would love even to go to the toilet without interruption….
Good luck!
Go and see a film by yourself – I first did this as part of a personal challenge I set myself when my partner was away working for 3 months. I thought it would be really confronting but it was strangely empowering!
Pick a 10am session on a weekend if you think all the couples might freak you out. There were lots of other singles in the sessions I went to. I loved it.
I also do it now everynow and then (I have a husband and 2 small children that are minded one afternoon each week. It feels wonderfully decadent walking into the cinema for 2 hours of uninterrupted escapism! Bliss!
I used to live alone and thought that i hated it, until i moved in with my fiance and realised that i actually missed my alone time. He actually works long hours as a doctor so when he is working I usually do things that i would be too embarrassed to do when he is around.. like trying on my entire wardrobe…or watching Gossip girl. I is also a good opportunity to reconnect with girlfriends… good luck Angela
I would suggest a routine with rewards.
Maybe at the start of each week organise and structure your week to included a meal out with friends one night, chores (boring I know) one night and a nice relaxing pamper night at home.
Give yourself things to look forward to.
And on the weekends when you have more time plan activities that you can do on your own, like a yoga class but follow it up with meeting friends.
I guess try and enjoy your alone time and do things for you but reach out to your friends without smothering them either.
Good luck!!!
Keep busy! Find something that can occupy your nights…catching up with friends, the gym, pilates, learn a language…just find something to do!
My boyfriend has been travelling steadily for the last year (has spent more time away from home than home) and his latest stint is 3 months.
I learnt very early on that being home alone is really hard at night and on weekends. Because that was our couple time. So I found ways to occupy myself to try to forget that I was coming home to an empty house.
It is going to be hard…really hard…but you will get there and then it won’t seem so daunting. It still sucks! But it won’t be so terrifying.