GROUP THERAPY: How do you learn to enjoy being by yourself?
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Welcome to Group Therapy where you get to exchange wisdom with others in the Mamamia community.
Today's question is about solitude….
Angela writes……
My
husband is leaving for the army in two months, it is going to be hard
to be an army wife. How would you suggest I deal with the loneliness of
being by myself for long periods of time? We don't have children yet
and I work very very very long hours but I would like to know how you
would suggest I relearn how to be by myself?
Thanks.
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Wow Laura… I’m gobsmacked…. And speechless. Thankyou.
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My husband is in the army also – but he’s a reservist, so not an on going thing for me. But he went to Afghanistan for 4 months earlier this year.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I had no idea how lost I would feel without him. I don’t mean to sound very negative – just that you can’t expect it to be easy. Saying that, somethings did improve, and there were things that helped me along the way also.
- all your communication becomes pretty special, it was the first time I had ever received letters from him. He wrote all sorts of things that he never tells me really.
- I wrote a journal, I found it very therapeutic at the time. My husband still hasn’t read it- but I think he will at some point.
- Put some things into your calendar, like a holiday, or a course. I went away for 3 weeks in the middle, was great to have a change of scene and not be ‘alone’ in the bed
- Be selfish in the way that your annoying ex boyfriends were! book in a massage and a facial, whatever floats your boat
- fitness was my absolute godsend. at times I found sleeping hard, but I starting going to the gym + doing yoga 5 days a week. Resting at the weekend. Definitely improved my wellbeing and sleep!
- get someone to move into your place if you’re feeling really lonely. I asked my sister to keep me company and we have been really close since (it did help that she had to move some way and has stayed here)
- Go to the wives sessions, especially the ones not run by the army. There are a few girls who I still see a bit of, and it makes all those army functions much more fun too (there will be MANY!)
good luck with it all. Just remember you’re not alone. and if you still feel that way after a few weeks make sure you tell someone.
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My husband was commuting between and Sydney. One thing that kept me sane was doing my yoga every aingle morning. Just half an hour, I found with that bit of calm and bit of exercise I could get through the day a little bit easier.
He was in the Navy before that, so I know how lonely it can be. Love the idea of being a tourist in your own city.Maybe see it as a chance to rediscover yourself and those things he’s not into that you’d blike to explore.
Good luck
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Thankyou Katrina, very wise advice!
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My hubby often works nights and weekends and I find nights are the hardest times to be alone. I’ve still never really got used to it but I make an effort to keep myself interested in things – one or two good TV shows I enjoy each week, a good book, a dance or language class once a week, or calling an interstate or overseas friend for a long chat. I find it best to decide what I am going to do that night before the evening comes, otherwise I have a tendency to wander around the house feeling lost, wondering what to do with myself. But you also don’t want to fill your life up so much with other things that when your hubby comes back you’ve got no time for him because you have so many commitments. I certainly think that a bit of distraction can be your best friend. But of course you will miss him terribly – and there’d be something wrong if you didn’t.
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Megan, precious words, love ooxx
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Love that idea. Thankyou megan
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This may sound far fetched, but I believe the best way to learn to be with yourself is to start parenting yourself. Think of yourself as your own precious child that has needs and that is at your mercy to have them met. If you had a child you would do more then just meet their needs you would make sure they were comfortable happy and nutured. You would show them you appreciate them and that they are special to you with your actions and gestures. You would show them respect and you would teach the to value and respect themselves.
This mindset toward yourself is a sure way to learn to enjoy and benifit from your own company.
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