Do the Disney Princesses set little girls up for disappointment?
Do you like this story?
Here is Snow White as she may well have turned out after we closed the book on her particular fairytale.
I
went on Today last week to talk about the Disney Princesses and how
they can set little girls up for profound disappointment when they grow
up and….
…eventually discover that there IS no Prince Charming who is going
to come to their rescue on a white horse. Girls? You have to be
prepared to save yourselves.
[thanks for this pic GlitterMixedWithRockAndRoll]
I've
written about this before and to those of you with daughters older than
about 3, my revelation that the Disney stories are in fact a sad tale
of what it means to be female will be nothing new. You've no doubt been
watching the DVDs and reading the books for long enough that the
messages may barely register anymore.
But my daughter is 3 and for
the past few months, with NO encouragement from me, in some form of
weird genetic or social conditioning phenomenon, she has become
obsessed with Cinderella and Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and Beauty
and the Beast and all the other stories like that which make me want to
claw my own face off. The messages – both visual and metaphorical – are
SOOOOO BAD that I genuinely despair.
Pixar is just about to
release their 12 film. It's called 'Up" and it's about an
Asian-American boy. ALL the Pixar films have been about little boys and
they've just announced the 13th will be about a girl. Guess what she
is? A BLOODY PRINCESS.
Karl played devil's advocate in our
interview and said that every girl is 'daddy's little princess' which
is fine but I sometimes fear we're raising a generation of entitled
little girls who grow up to be Paris Hilton – the grown up human
princess. Or have I just had too much Panadol today?
I used
to think people who complained about how they thought Barbie and the
Disney Princesses were bad for girls were over-reacting. That's
because I had A SON. What did I know? There aren't a whole lot of bad
psychological messages in Thomas The Tank (are there?).
But now?
Now I know plenty. Now I know how much I detest these stories about
hungry, skinny victim girls who are in sad and dangerous situations and
can only be saved by handsome princes. The only way to live happily
ever after is to be kissed by a prince and have a big fat bloody
wedding. Feminism, hello?
Harmless fun and escapism do you say?
I would agree with that except that I know far too many women in their
20s and 30s and 40s who are still waiting for that Prince, still
baffled he hasn't yet shown up to rescue them from their lives, still
obsessing that he WILL show up eventually and make everything Happily
Ever After. And by the way, the whole rescue thing? Far too much
pressure to put on the blokes if you ask me.expecting them to turn up
and save us?
Well guess what girls? You have to be prepared
to save yourself. And 'complete' yourself. It will make you far more
appealing to a future partner, trust me on that. And maybe? Maybe
your handsome prince will be an IT geek. Or have a facial piercing. Or
a mental illness. Or be a woman. Or a job. Or a child. Or a dog you
rescued from the pound. Or just inner peace.
Happily Ever After comes in all shapes, sizes and skin colours, all genders and all forms.
So
is it too much to ask that we have some alternate narratives to share
with our daughters? Not just victimy princesses with hand-span waists
and an inability to be self-sufficient?
Now, I'm off to sit Coco
down and read her Germaine Greer's Female Eunich while making her watch
Julia Gillard in Question Time……IT'S ALL FUN IN MY HOUSE.
Are you still waiting for Prince Charming to rock up on a horse and save you? Are you worried that our daughters might get this message? Where are the alternatives?
READ MORE:
….
You might also like:
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Why I’m no fan of Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty etc
-
There are 2 new generations of modern princess: working mums and Gen Y.
-
Is Bella a lousy role model?
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I was supposed to be raising a feminist. Ooops.
-
Come on kiddies! Let’s pretend to be strippers!
There are so many things wrong with the messages Disney sends to our children. It’s not just the Princess concept (or the pervasive marketing). Here’s our reasoning on why Disney is COMPLETELY banned from our house. (And we have four girls.)
http://www.sparklingadventures.com/index.php?id=667
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I’m 23, and like most girls I grew up with the Disney movies. I was actually a bit of a tomboy when I was little and prefered the boy characters to the girl ones. I like the Disney princesses more now than I did then. I think a lot of people are very hard on them. They judge them all by Snow White and Aurora. Cinderella was actually one tough cookie. She was put through neglect and humiliation but she remained positive and kind and uncynical. How many people manage that? Ariel was given a chance to go out and get what she wanted for herself, but at a price, and she went for it. Belle doesn’t want to be some he-man’s little wife, she wants adventure. She is smart and rolls her eyes at Gaston’s sexist remarks. Jasmine doesn’t like the way her life is so she leaves to try to find a better one. She stands up for herself and won’t let herself become some man’s ‘prize’. Pocahontas is wise and brave and saves the day herself, as does Mulan, who is one of the army’s best soldiers. So Snow White is domestic and needs to be saved, and Aurora spends most of her movie asleep. Not all women are the same, and not all women are strong. They need representing too!
What you get from these movies is all about the way you read them, and the way you read them will often be influenced by the rest of your culture and by the attitudes and values of the people in your life. With the exception of Snow White and Aurora I don’t think that the girls need a man to ‘save them’, they simply wanted to love and be loved, and whether by a twist of fate, the help of furry creatures and fairy godmothers, or by their own merits, they all achieved this. I do think though that a lot of women are turned on by the idea of being rescued from danger by a handsome man.
They find it romantic. It’s an indulgent fantasy.
As for growing up expecting to find Prince Charming, there’s nothing wrong with dreaming so long as the girl realises that it is a hope rather than a given, and that they can find their Prince Charming in more everyday men. That’s something that other movies/TV, people in their lives and their own experiences will teach them. At the same time there’s no reason for them to be cynical and believe that there’s no such thing as Prince Charming or happily ever after. One of the things the Disney Princess range does reach girls is to dream. And I think that’s a good thing.
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I absolutely adore all those classic fairytales. I think its a wonderful dream to have in the back of your head… a “wouldn’t it be nice” dream but that’s where it ends and we all know it. I say let the kids be kids and dream and imagine – cos that’s what childhood is all about.
And if you really do have a problem with it, you can read kids books like Babette Cole’s Prince Cinders or Princess Smartypants, which are modern takes on classic fairytales, and they’re more girl-powerish.
Or you can tell the kids the original versions of all those Disney fairytales. I’m pretty sure the Little Mermaid committed suicide in Hans Christian Andersen’s original story.
Fairytales are fun and harmless, and the girls will grow out of them eventually and realise there is much more to life than being whisked off to a castle by a handsome prince.
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I was very girly and into princesses etc until I was about 7 and then an out-an-out tom boy. I don’t think watching Disney princesses will make girls think they need to be rescued by a man if other more empowering messages surround them in their daily life. But, I do hate how costumes for girls are always about being pretty and special just because of that. Boys get to be superheros like spiderman and DO things to be cool and respected. The message for girls is we should aspire to look good and be WANTED by others. It’s about what THEY think of us. And I do think this message is far too prevalent in society and it does muck with the heads of young women.
And don’t get me started on fairytales and their message of instant love and happy ever afters that were “meant to be”. This doesn’t exactly set us up for real life or real relationships with real flawed people. There is no Prince Charming and love does not conquer all.
Kelly
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Hehe, my happily ever after IS an IT geek. With a facial piercing. And a child
As for tv? On the rare occasion that I put my daughter in front of the tv, she gets ‘Ahhh! Real Monsters’ and ‘Tintin’. I never really liked the Disney princesses and hopefully neither will she.
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Having grown up on a steady Princess diet and living in my Sleeping Beauty nightie when I was 4, I have to say that most girls like me would have realised that a fairy tale is just that.
I think little girls are drawn to those who resemble them and being a little blondie I was obsessed with anyone else blonde (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty but also the blonde girl from Captain Planet and Shelley Craft when she hosted Saturday Disney).
Realism does set in at a certain age and the Princess and fairytale dreams get replaced by other fasinations – mine was cheerleaders and dolphins!
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Fox – thanks for the reminder – yes, Shrek is good. But still, another Princess being rescued! I know I’m being pedantic but…..
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Helen – I’ll take that suggestion on board!
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AS as been said before me, give more credit to your childrens, they are clever and smart, they know very well what’s fantasy and reality, their most important role model are the parents, mom and dad, and the role they play with each others, by the way to me the best fary tale is “Pinocchio”,full of good morals still relevant for today world we live in, love to all
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Hey Mia,
We found this whole princess thing surprising and worrying, too. Don’t know where it came from but my daughter was gripped for a while.
Unlikely though it may seem I actually find the Barbie films quite a bit less distorting in this regard: the females are certainly stronger and the men are either “equal” or a bit lost and in need of the leading lady’s help.
Definitely worth checking out if there’s a princess fix needed…
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One of the seminal films I recall being obsessed with as a young girl was My Brilliant Career with Judy Davis and Sam Neil. Sybilla is a strong, smart, anti Disney inspiation for girls and even though she does not end up with her prince there is still wonderful romance to get caught up in…and horses!!
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I wonder if we aren’t giving our kids enough credit – I mean, the princess stories are fairy tales, they are pretend. My daughter knows that, and I don’t think that by allowing her to watch the movies and play with the dolls that I am complicit in sending her some sort of anti-feminist message. I don’t think she is getting any message at all, except that she loves to play with dolls (amongst other things) and playing imaginary games is fun. My son loves superheroes at the moment, but he knows they aren’t real – he knows that in real life, people don’t get saved every time they are in trouble.
Besides, the ‘fairy tale’ message is propagated everywhere, not just in toys and books for children – it is in the ‘chick lit’ we read, the ‘chick flicks’ that we love to watch, the ‘real life romance’ stories that are in the magazines we read…Personally I think it’s these things that send the wrong message, because they place the fairy tale into real life, making it seem like it’s real, like it is attainable for anyone. At least the Princess stories are very obviously make-believe.
Give me the princesses over Bratz any day – if any doll is sending the wrong message, it is those hideous things.
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Thanks Fox, that is a magnificant idea! No damsel in distress there!
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About time you and your little girl watched “SHREK”…. Princess Fiona is a kickass princess who happens to be an OGRE…. No hand span waist there…. and a girl that can take care of herself…. She may fall in love, but Shrek is no stereotype prince either.
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Some thoughtful soul (nothing but love to you Jodes really) gave my daughter a DVD with a medley of Disney Princess stories on it. If I watch it one more time I may just drop kick it over the back fence.
It’s consequences are many and varied, today’s being that my gorgeous girl will only answer to the name ‘Ariel’ rather than Victoria! This one is relatively mild but I am sure that gang of flakes are going to come back to haunt us in years to come!
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It’s not Disney, it’s not Barbie, it’s imagination. Please allow the natural inclinations of your daughter to run free. Imagination is the creative factor in our lives, and isn’t it wonderful that it starts so early on. Whether princesses or warlords, or whatever fantasy, it certainly isn’t Germane Greer or feminism. Let them have a childhood. Let them create whatever reality they desire.
In such young years realities never collide, it’s quite ok to create empires, fortresses, battles or whatever game you can imagine, yet equally to run home at 5 o’clock, cos that’s dinner time. Dad’s home from work, Mum’s calling you. And never once does the fantasy evaporate. It’s always there the next day when you go out to play, until one day you’re too old to want to do it anymore, and your friends in the fantasy are no longer there, they were real friends, but now you have other friends. You still go home to Mum’s call, though she doesn’t call you so much anymore, she knows you’ll be there. Dad starts asking more serious questions at dinner, or not even talking to you, arguing with Mum instead. He probably always did, just that you never noticed it.
Your little sister is no longer your playmate when the boys aren’t around, she’s now an alien.
One day you chase the dog under the house, and see a patch of dirt, and concrete stumps, and for a minute you remember the fortress and the mud cities you built. But puberty beckons and your friends are forgotten, the fantasies are thrust aside, there are now girlfriends to dream about.
Mum starts by saying, ‘I think you use this deodorant.’ And you do. As do all your friends in high school. And that is the end of childhood.
It’s not the end of imagination, because for some of us, you can never extinguish that spark, but it is the end of ‘no responsibility’.
For those lucky enough to have chased a dog under the house, imagined mud cities, built empires, or dreamt of princes and princesses, they are the lucky ones, for they will always continue dreaming.
They’ll carry the dream over into their twenties and further. It won’t be mud cities, as it was for me, it won’t be princesses as it was for another, but their dreams will be fueled by a life imagined, just as mine are.
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I think Mariah Carey is much more dangerous than Disney Princesses.
Over 90% of her songs paint a picture of her being a damsel in distress of some sort.
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GlitterMixedWithRockNRoll, I edit stories I don’t like the plots for e.g. Cinderella. If it features those damsel in distress type characters, I just change round the plot so it gives a more suitable message. It ends up being a lot more entertaining that way too.
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I am a single (divorced) Mum. My 6 year old daughter was watching “Enchanted” just recently. At one point I looked across to see her with tears welling up in her eyes. I asked her what on earth the matter was and she said “Happily Ever After isn’t real is it Mummy?”. I asked her why she thought that. She said “You and Daddy didn’t have ‘happily ever after’ did you?”. Gosh, it was heartbreaking but it gave me a good opportunity to talk about the truth of where true happiness comes from. It isn’t about finding fulfillment in another person. It’s found within.
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Oh boy do I dread the day I have kids and they want to watch/read all of the freaking fairytales in which the prince charming comes along and rescues the poor damsel in distress.. Argh!
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While we can’t totally take away the prince and princess from children’s stories as we want them to have some hope and innocence in their childhood, we really shouldn’t emphasise the appearance of a prince for little girls.
I don’t think many girls will find the wonderful man they dream of when they grow up the same way we women grew up to find this to be the case. So, why set our daughters up for disappointment?
When our little girls ask questions about the future, don’t paint it rosy to the degree that the poor girls will grow up with rose-coloured glasses. Emphasise the need to be clever about picking the goodies from the baddies, and try to instil in them the notion that the world is mixed. Not all people are nice and some people are downright horrible.
It might hurt to hear it, but it would be a lot more hurtful to grow up and see mean people people in all their glory when our children grow up thinking everyone is nice. I’ve ensured I’ve provided a realistic picture for my children as they grow, and certainly haven’t encouraged my daughter to believe that some guy will necessarily come and sweep her off her feet when she grows up.
He might well come along, but I’ve encouraged her to have an education and enjoy her life rather than sit around and wait. That way she’ll be a happy and fulfilled person and attract him for that reason.
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Mia, you’re intelligent and write well. Why not write your own book/script for this age group: something you’d be more comfortable having your daughter watch?
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Nena I hear you on the Barbie movies- as my girls are into them WAY more than the princesses actually. I’ve given up trying to resist. They get given the movies as gifts by a very indulgent grandmother. They aren’t too bad though, igf you can get over the fact you’re watching a Barbie movie.
Hey, it beats the Wiggles in my book!
The eldest really like Jane & the Dragon as well.
There are tonnes of alternatives to the Disney thing if you go looking.
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I just read all the commnets, along wiht Mr20, and he reminded me of something far more disturbing than Happily Ever After.
Recently, we had to make an emergency trip to A&E (all ended well). Siting/pacing the waiting room, music videos are on. I was gobsmacked – my kids used to love watching the music video showes, and by the look of things that day, modern pre-schoolers are no different. But what they see surely is!
I know I am off-topic, but really, the carry-on and messages sent in those videos – and no I am not the only one who thinks so, Mr20 mentioned it that day and just now, is far more frightening to me as a parent than a wee bit of escapism.
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I also grew up watching Disney and as it has been said, they were just stories for us.
How is it any different to grown women reading chick lit with a happily-ever-after-esque ending? Women of all ages resort to thinking a man will fix their lives and magically make everything better, this cant be purely pinned to Disney Princesses. The fact that they are princesses obviously signals that this isnt real life. Frankly, I would be more concerned if it was a ‘real’ girl who just hung around waiting to be rescued…
That said, I never really saw the ‘Prince Charming coming to rescue the princess’ thing until people pointed it out. Jasmine wants to make her own way and ends up choosing Aladdin for love, not for what society was telling her. Belle found love in an unexpected and socially abnormal situation, Ariel made the most of an opportunity and was adventurous, etc. etc.
I dont think Disney has as much to answer for as society says. At some point, society has to stop pointing the blame elsewhere and accept that parenting is crucial in the attitudes children grow up with.
As for one of Mia’s previous posts about how Coco wanted an iron and an ironing board despite Mia’s loathing of said chore: my mum was, is, and always has been a tomboy – she still mows the lawn. She very rarely wears makeup, and loathes clothes shopping. I on the other hand am a cross between a tomboy and a girly girl. I wear makeup most days, love clothes shopping and actually enjoy cooking and cleaning (when I was growing up, my mum paid me to do the housework because she hated it, and I did a better job).
There is no influence in my life that made me domestic or girly, its just the way I am. I think sometimes we are just wired differently, and even though sometimes children arent exposed to certain things growing up (e.g. for me, having a mum that did her hair and makeup) doesnt mean they wont become parts of who they are.
I’m not sure if I articulated that as well as I could have but my brain is a big pile of mush at the moment.
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Mia, my oldest daughter is 18 this year and my other two are 16 and 14. They have been raised with Disney and believe me when they hit highschool , get boyfriends, part-time jobs, exams and so on,they get the picture very quickly. Don’t fret about it, just let your daughter enjoy her fantasy land and being a little girl, hell I still love a Cinderella story. I simply gushed when Mary Donaldson became a Princess (more so because I am only a few days older than her and well..not a princess)
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I must admitt, I was a real Disney fan when I was growing up. I particularly liked Beauty and the Beast…which I think had a real good storyline. It wasnt your typical Disney Princess movie.
At the end of the day, every girl..every woman deserves to feel like a princess. But yes I think we need a more realistic depiction of all the different types of princess we can be.
We can be a single mother, career woman, student etc etc etc.
Am I waiting for my prince charming? I’m not looking for a man to save me. I am just looking for a man to share life with. Jesus Christ is my Saviour.
Plus, I think all women at one point or another have looked to a man to be their “saviour” and saw the horrible results from that. It never works.
I think fairytales can be a very important part of childrens lives. For some, it can be a place of escape from terrible family life, it can teach them to stretch their imagination, it can teach them that no matter how bad things are…it can be okay in the end.
Stuff about..”not relying on a man” etc etc..isnt really important at that age. Often girls at a young age want to marry their Dad lol. Its just part of growing up. Part of developing their worldview. If we try to protect them too much..they will lose that child-like, dreamy, romantic side to themselves too soon.
A little fantasy, a little indulgence is ok for a child. Let them live in that blissful perfect world while they can still get away with it!
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