Sunday Column: The new young domestic goddess….
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Prince William and his girlfriend, branded by the press as 'Waity Katie'
“What is WRONG with women in their twenties?” a 37-year-old single friend asked me over lunch last week. I looked at him blankly. “Um, nothing?” Wrong answer. He put down his fork and took a deep breath. “Look, I’ve been dating twenty-something girls for a while now and I despair that their ultimate goal is to take up life long positions in the home raising children.” “That can’t be right,” I insisted, tucking into my toasted sandwich, “I thought they were all madly ambitious and accumulating degrees.”
“I thought that too!” he exclaimed, throwing up his hands. “But the ones I’ve met just seem to be using the whole uni and career thing as a springboard to meeting appropriate blokes who share their interests. They even want to take my name if we we’re married! Frankly, I’m appalled. The whole Stepford thing doesn’t appeal to me at all.” He looked down at his pasta, shaking his head sadly. “I’m going to have to start dating women my age….well, over thirty anyway.”
I thought about this conversation over the next few days and decided to check the veracity of his claim. Was my friend dating in some weird retro time bubble? Apparently not. The Courier Mail recently declared the Young Domestic Goddess movement an official social phenomenon: “The seductive appeal of cooking, housekeeping and family is increasingly favoured by women tired of pushing the boundaries of the ever-present glass ceiling.”
(Sorry, you lost me at “seductive appeal of housekeeping” but whatever. I’m clearly not the demographic). A couple my friends are in their twenties, both ambitious but equally keen on marriage and babies. They’re not particularly compelled to ‘have it all’, not at the same time anyway. “I have nothing to prove,” said the single 26-year-old. “I love my job but I know I’ll enjoy being a wife and mother too and I imagine it will be just as fulfilling.”
To cast my anecdotal net a bit wider, I decided to Twitter the following questions: “Are women in their 20s really the new Domestic Goddesses? Are marriage/babies more important than career?” Of the hundreds of instant replies, some were stridently opposed (“I’d rather have a life than be a wife”) but the consensus was generally yes. Who knew there were so many 23-year-olds out there baking, crocheting, gardening, marrying, procreating, making their own pasta and having Tupperware parties? I even heard from a few lesbians, or ‘young domestic gay goddesses’ as they called themselves.
But don’t be fooled. These women consider themselves empowered underneath their pink gingham aprons. “It’s more India Hicks or NIgella Lawson than Flo Bjelke Peterson,” explained one 27-year-old mother of two, differentiating herself from the generation of women who had little choice but to subvert their own aspirations to accommodate their husbands’.
These twenty-somethings who aspire to a life resembling their grandmothers’ make a clear distinction: it’s their choice to be domestic. They buy their aprons and their rolling pins with irony, almost like playing pretend. Underlying it is the unshakable conviction that they have complete equality. Not to mention the knowledge that a life dedicated to work can be a little meaningless when your company sacks you. “I saw my workaholic parents miss out on their kids and for what?” one 21-year-old girl Twittered to me. “Loyalty to a company that treated them as expendable? I won’t make that mistake.”
Another woman contacted me to say she blames the young DG movement on Sex & The City. “I work with many girls in their twenties – all educated, funky types – and they say, "we saw those women alone and desperate in their late 30s, and we said to ourselves ‘oh my God, there’s no way I want to be like that.’”
The patron saint of young domestic goddesses may well be Kate Middleton or Waity Katie as the UK media have so patronisingly dubbed her. According to Princess Diana’s biographer, Andrew Morton, there’s a disconcertingly back to the future vibe about Kate’s relationship with Prince William. “With no career to speak of, his girlfriend is a lady in waiting, spending her days grooming and hanging around waiting for her prince to come calling,” he wrote recently for online publication The Daily Beast. “She confided to novelist Kathy Lette during a polo match that she had to concentrate on every play so that she could discuss it with the heir later. Even in her salad days, Diana was never that enthusiastic about the game.”
Morton goes on to compare Kate Middleton with Michelle Obama, another woman famed for her connection to a famous man but who has achieved so much in her own right. “Michelle Obama has it all because she has had to do it all: raise children, hold down an executive job, feed the family, and support her husband. Unlike 27-year-old Kate who he describes as “a young woman whose self-defined role in life [is] accommodating her man. Her mission is to blend in and to conform, to choose the correct wardrobe—demure but flattering—for the three costume changes a day required at Balmoral or Sandringham. Is this then the ultimate ambition for the best and the brightest of her generation—to find and snare a man?”
Gosh, I certainly hope not. Although if it drives single guys like my friend towards women their own age, that’s not entirely a bad thing.
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I’m 21 and all i want is to be a housewife!
while i’m at my (unfulfilling) full time job, i day dream about by-gone era’s when i could wear an apron, make pasta, and sit around drinking tea and knitting with the neighbours in amongst other household chores.
Why can’t this be an option for me? as a woman in the 21st century i should be able to Choose what i do with my life!
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My post is a little late but I felt compelled to add to the debate.
I married in my early 20′s, worked a few jobs for a few years in with thankless companies and sometimes rude public.
I finished working when my son was born and had baby two a few years after.
I have stayed home and could not imagine leaving them with someone else. Sometimes I feel that would be the easier option. Looking after two little ones is hard work. But the rewards cannot be underestimated.
Now that I am approaching 30 and my youngest will be starting school I am constantly asked when I will go back to work. I feel like I always have to defend my decision as to why I am not currently working. I feel like the odd one in a working mother community.
I do not let my children take over my sense of self. I love fashion, my face-booking does not often feature my kids and at times I have earned some extra money from ebay.
I love cooking, gardening and decorating. If I worked we may have more money but I don’t think I would have time to do these extra things that I enjoy.
I don’t feel I need to validate myself with a career.
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Hi all – i remember hearing a celebrity once say that their mum told them that ‘they could have it all, but not at the same time’.
Im a 21 year old law student who fully intends to be a stay at home mum in when my children are young and return to work part time, then full time when they’re older.
I see ppl who try to juggle it all and at once… i don’t want to be that person. I want to appreciate the different places i will be in at different stages in my life.
I think we can all learn a lot from that saying – what do you all think?
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I am all for choice, but what’s so wrong about being judged for the choices we make? The idea that just because you make a choice it is somehow sacred, correct and not open to criticism is ridiculous. Most choices have both good and bad outcomes associated with them. Others opinions are valuable in helping to understand and consider the full consequences of your choices. Lets not hope for a world where life becomes like a marketing campaign, where its always a sunny day and no criticism is allowed.
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I chose to work from the age of 15. I chose to go to uni & work full time, at the same time. I chose to travel the world. I chose my career & to be successful in it. I choose to be a housewife when the time comes. I choose to take my husband’s name. I choose to give up a highly paid career with long hours to undertake an unpaid highly rewarding career with even longer hours. I am also a feminist. I believe strongly in a woman’s right to choose.
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Also, regarding changing of the surname: My partner and I are creating a new one. It’s going to be awesome
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I totally see this. I’m 23 and I’d be happy to get married, have babies and be the homemaker in a few years. It’s rather funny, actually, because in high school I was always the girl who was stridently opposed to babies and marriage, and who was going to be some high powered career woman. But now, it doesn’t appeal to me. I realised that the most important thing to me is having a happy family and loving group of friends. I know my partner will relish the role of bread winner. Both of us have a choice, and this is what we want. So what’s the issue? Isn’t this what feminism strove for, the freedom to choose? All that’s lacking now is to be free from judgement of our choices.
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It’s simple. Blame our mothers. Now, I’m not saying I’ve seen this as often in Australia, but in the U.S. most of us grew up with modern, career-minded mothers who did not reduce to part-time or less in our childhood. We spent our afternoons in “After School Program” and were often “latch-key kids” fending for ourselves until early evening from very young ages.
Moms and Dads both worked the same hours, equally challenging jobs…then most dads came home and sat in front of the TV while mom began her second job: cooking dinner, cleaning the kids, tidying up, picking out clothes for the next day’s school, etc. Who the hell wants a life like that? Yeah, we can have it all, ladies! All the work of both career and home.
Women now are choosing to choose. Isn’t that what Gloria Steinem has been pushing for all these decades? The right for us to choose our lives? Kids, no kids, housewife, executive, artist, office worker, etc. Many of my corporate-conquering girlfriends are choosing husbands and wives who want to be the stereotypical nurturer. Others women are hiring nannies. Still others are choosing to take a more traditional role. And yet others still, such as myself, are writers and artists who are lucky enough that our careers allow us time to tend the garden and cook the meals.
The age of the Super Mom is over. Women do NOT have to do everything and anything. I sure hope your next post is about men in their late 30′s who sadly date only 20-somethings, or perhaps a praising piece on the upsurgence of Stay-at-Home-Dads.
Signed,
A newly 30 gardening, crocheting, bread-baking, jam-making corporate web analyst and author with no kids, two dogs, and a 24 year old blue-collar husband.
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I truly believe that much of this generational phenomenon relates back to the fact the perceived novelty factor of being a stay at home Mum.
Most of us in our twenties grew up watching our mothers having to go to work as well as try and manage a family and saw how hard it was. With this in mind, the 20 something has no illusions about the practicality of a work/family balance. I think that compared to this experience, being a full time Domestic Goddess seems an easier option – although those of us who have lived it, even just for maternity leave, know it is not by any means easy.
Also, I think that it is a form of girls good old fashioned rebellion against their mothers and an in built desire to do things differently to them.
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I love, love, love what I do. I have a meaningful and fulfilling job. And I plan to work into my 70s. I’m not talking climbing corporate ladders – there are a lot more work opportunities than 9 to 5 and suits.
Facebook has killed any desire to be a domestic goddess. Each day I glance over the updates. Its all my married female friends. On there CONSTANTLY. “Sue just brought in the washing”…”Bek has burped Jack”. Stab me.
But I do agree with comments made – its each to their own. No need to judge other people’s choices. I’ve had married friends tell me single people are selfish. I took a massive pay cut to work for a not for profit. Our household takes in foster children. A homeless man has dinner at our house every week. Ok sounds like back patting – but raising your own flesh and blood (rather than contributing to making life better for those not related to you) doesn’t make you a saint.
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I have a genuine question, how will all of these families with mums staying at home pay for their mortgages, groceries, bills etc on only one wage? We don’t have compulsory paid maternity leave, the average australian home costs $380, 000, and there are not that many part-time working from home jobs out there (or financially successful business ideas- sorry ladies but there’s not.) Nor are there that many rich men.
If there is an easier way, I want to know about it.
I agree with Cath, my needs and now my families needs have changed and will continue to change and we will ALL continue to adapt to make it work for us.
I have to work for us to survive, but even without that, I would probably work or volunteer at least 1-2 days a week. I currently work 4 days a week, did not get ANY paid maternity leave so had to go back before I was ready, but we all coped ok, and luckily I had family looking after my daughter. Right now I would prefer to be working 3 days a week. In a year or two I think I will go back to working 4 days a week but get a job that lets me finish in time to get to do pick ups at school.
I agree in choice too, and also think everyone just needs to find what works for them. BUT I WANT MORE CHOICE! CATCH UP WORKFORCE!! and give us more choices for families, more paternity leave, flexible hours, better conditions and leave, that will benefit all families members, not just women and will mean more choices for all people, not just the ones that can afford to survive on one wage.
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