Why, Poppy? WHY?
So I'm shopping at Woolworths today because we had NOTHING in the house to eat. Somehow we ate everything. Even the ingredients to -gasp- cook something. They were gone too. And I walk past the magazines and see the Woman's Day cover with one of those "BODIES AFTER BABIES" bloody coverlines that I loathe, accompanied by some chick I didn't recognise posing in a bikini with a baby absurdly placed on her hip.
On closer inspection, I discovered it was Poppy Montgomery and her POST-BABY BODY. Woo. And hoo.
Here is the shot (bought by Woman's Day from People)
 [source: CBB] |
How ironic that I had just spent my morning nodding my head vigorously while reading an editorial in the SMH about how far we've come (not) from pregnancy and motherhood being something to hide back in the 50s to something so sexualised that unless we conform to the Yummy Mummy ideal (like Ms Montgomery), we may as well hang our heads with shame.
The opinion piece by academics Sue Goodwin and Kate Huppatz said:
The yummy mummy phenomenon inspires passionate responses, from
lust and admiration to approbation and contempt. But does it help
or hinder women?
There is no doubt yummy motherhood has an upside. The taboo
surrounding pregnancy did, after all, hold sway through most of the
20th century. From the prudish Victorian times on, pregnant women
and new mums were regarded as, if not abject, then at least in poor
taste.
…Yummy motherhood has allowed mothers to get out in public, to
hang in groups at cafes. It has also made normal clothes (including
skintight garments) acceptable for pregnant women. Mothers can now
be seen as sexually attractive. More importantly, it has allowed
them to be "hot".
….But reports of "pregorexia" – striving to stay thin during
pregnancy – remind us of the dark underbelly of these positive
changes. And pregorexia is not the only alarming trend surrounding
the yummy mummy phenomenon. "Mummy makeover" is the term used to
denote the set of radical cosmetic surgical procedures that women
increasingly undergo post-birth. Some mothers claim to find a mummy
makeover liberating but both pregorexia and the mummy makeover aim
to eradicate the maternal body.
Both of these trends demonstrate how the idealisation of
youthfulness has crossed into the maternal realm – women are
expected to appear skinny and toned whatever their age and whether
they've had children or not. Ironically, this means that while
there has been much "motherhype" of late, mothers continue to sit
uneasily in the public eye. It seems that mothers are
simultaneously celebrated and eradicated.
The yummy mummy phenomenon, therefore, has a downside. In some
ways, it seems our attitudes to motherhood have not shifted all
that much since the days when pregnant women were pressured to stay
hidden and indoors. We just express our ambivalence about
motherhood and pregnancy in different ways. In particular, while
the pregnant and post-pregnant body has been sexualised, unless it
conforms to a rigorous youthful and skinny ideal it is considered
taboo.
Progress. Oh wait. The opposite.
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This week’s Essential Baby post is up….
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The working mother diaries….
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In case you’re interested…….
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This is not a picture of my stomach (will spare you that) but how cool is it…
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The one where my son told me my skirt was too short…..
I looked at myself in a full length mirror not long ago, 7 months after the birth of my baby girl. I haven’t lost much of the 12 kg I put on during pregnancy, and I thought ‘I really need to do something about this’. So, I went out and bought some clothes 3 sizes bigger than I used to wear. I’m comfy and as fashionable as I want to be for now.
As other people have already said, having a baby is a gift. Motherhood was a long time coming for me and I’m not about to waste it worrying about how I look or trying to regain the body I had before. At the age of 41, I finally respect my body – it produced a miracle. That’s enough for me, and my partner feels the same.
Oh and I meant to add on a similar note – Jessica Alba was recently photographed for some advertisment/calendar and the Daily Mail in the UK showed the ‘before’ and ‘after’ shots re: airbrushing. You almost have to feel sorry for celebs…they spend hours in the gym, will never know the delight of full fat ice cream on a hot summers’ day and they are still told you are not ‘perfect/hot enough’ unless we take a few inches off here and there.
Goodness I have missed you guys!! I saw the magazine with Poppy on the cover at Coles on Saturday and my thoughts were similar to others -’here we go again, a new year but the same old crap mag covers!!’. I just hate how it’s ‘celebrated’ that the greatest achievement a new mum can do is lose weight…when all of us mums know that at the end of the first year there are waaay more important achievements to celebrate!!! I have voted with my wallet…I don’t buy these mags. I have also decided not to buy any more food mags…though has anyone seen this months’ Gourmet Traveller!! Now that is yummy yummy!! But with a cupboard full of food mags, I have decided just to use the ones I already have. How sensible.
Mia, Ms Montgomery might have been photoshop’d.
I’m 5 months pregnant now, eating healthy, doing exercise and *gasp* gaining weight healthily. Also [brag] having much more sex than pre pregnancy and loving myself and my body (and so does my husband!).
Anybody who thinks that a pregnant body is not one of the most beautiful things on the planet, can get screwed, imo…
Great post Cath.
Yes, I’m sure Poppy did choose to return to work quickly after the birth of her baby necessitating her quick return to having a hot body. I have no sympathy though because I’m sure it wasnt motivated by the need to earn money to provide a roof over their heads and food on the table. More to feed the ego of someone in the entertainment industry and to keep earning a massive salary.
Another case of ‘happy mum, happy child’. As long as the child is elsewhere while mum does her own thing…… Poor kid probably never sees her much at all. I’d prefer to see a chubby Poppy with a child she actually does the hands on parenting for.
I so don’t take any notice of this yummy mummy ideal. It’s so unrealistic. How do we know Poppy hasn’t been airbrushed? Which I’m sure she has. Photos of “celebrities after baby” is a chance for them to get back into the spotlight. Ignore it ladies.
Wow. Who knew a picture of a skinny post baby mother could bring up so many points of view and emotions! So there is a point to the celebrity skinny mother after all!
I love your little boy’s definition of ‘yummy mummy’, Michelle. And Ali J, you are so right – if you have to call someone a yummy mummy, I think Nigella fits that definition pretty well. She’s slightly imperfect, but in a good way. She looks curvy and soft, and like you could throw your arms around her without breaking her.
I think the sum of all these comments is this – as Amanda ponts out, some women, like Poppy Montgomery, probably are under a fair bit of pressure to look like they never had a baby pretty quick because of their professional commitments. Which would be very difficult. It’s also true that we can’t look at a photo and know another woman’s ‘journey’ – so we shouldn’t really judge any woman as shallow and image obsessed too quickly, (and maybe not at all).
But then there are those who – let me just say it – probably are a little image obsessed, and I think a lot of the time this quick weight loss speaks volumes about their self-esteem. And it’s often these women we see on the mags, and who, as gigdiary rightly says, we shouldn’t compare ourselves to. Ever. Unless the pictures are of celebs having a ‘fat day’ or it’s a ’stars with no make-up on’ shoot, and you’re looking pretty damn fine. In which case – obviously, rejoice in it! And for Mia – post it, of course!
But at the end of the day, all we as mothers, or even just women, have to do is to love our kids and families, and feel warm and soft enough for little faces to burrow into when they need a good cry. And smell like chips. Too easy.
Michelle I love your comment, thats great. And Gigdiary your so right.
Well how’s this for another mad irony?
http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/5238025
Facebook bans nude boobs … only breastfeeding ones though. So sexy is OK, but feeding a baby is not. Funny, I saw some pretty graphic icons on Facebook one day – how do they explain that?
BTW, am eating the richest Christmas cake while posting, channelling Nigella Lawson (now there’s a very yummy mummy and maybe a better role model for post-kid bodies)…
Here’s my post-Christmas shopping story.
The newsagent is not a shop I visit much anymore. Newspapers are on on-line, and music mags, at 20 bucks a throw, are no longer prerequisite for my work. All the news is on-line before I can blink. Also it’s been some time since I furtively purchased a Picture or other naughty magazine, something to do with aging apparently. There is only so much testosterone a bloke has, so why waste it on Photoshop dollies…
So my reason for visiting the dusty shelves of the local newspaper shop was to buy an item of stationery, equally dusty, and with a price tag of ‘3 schillings’, I jest, but the dust seemed to suggest that.
As I approached the counter to pay for my Dickensian purchase I was distracted by strategically placed products on the magazine rack and was exposed to the worst affront I have ever experienced. You can guess where I’m going with this, yes, on full display, were publications blaring lewd phrases such as ‘Bec Hewitt Names Baby’, ‘Nicole Says Something Meaningful’ and, well you know the rest…
My point is, look away! don’t be tempted to be drawn into this pathetic media manipulation of motherhood. Even if most of it is being propagated by women editors. The women portrayed in these female equivalents of ‘Picture’ magazine, aren’t like that in real life. They fart! They were fat after the birth. Yes, they did have paid help, but they still experienced everything the rest of the world goes through. It’s not the celebs, it’s the bastard media, female and male that are doing this. And the only way you can fight it, is to turn away!
Come now girls, I know it isn’t easy, but I did it with Picture magazine. It can be done. Your self worth is at stake here. Slim bodies and firm boobies aren’t the be all and end all of your world. As Cath so superbly wrote “…to be able to conceive a child is a gift..to be able to carry it to term is also a gift – that’s just a miracle these days”.
Those words are beautiful, poignant and also fighting mad!
So be fighting mad! Reject the glossies at the checkout, think of gigdiary at the paper shop faced with ‘Picture Babes in Mud’!, I am living proof it can be done. Refuse to look at or entertain consideration of such inane crap!
and a Happy New Year to you all…
I think we should be clear that women such as Poppy Montgomery are not the norm. My memory from previous editions of the always helpful trash magazines is that she put on a very large amount of weight (I read 32 kilos, put they probably meant pounds, which is closer to 15 kilos). I also read that she was now back at work on her tv show. Not to waste sympathy on someone who probably doesn’t need it, I can’t think of anything worse than being in her position of having to lose weight quickly and look a certain way by a particular deadline to return to work.
If we feel depressed and disappointed contemplating our post-baby bodies, I imagine it might feel even worse if you’ve got to flaunt it on tv, or in some other highly public forum (and be compared with other celebrities post-baby). Sounds like a truly horrible kind of life.
It took me probably 3 years to lose the weight from my 1st pregnancy (back to pre-pregnancy weight plus a couple of kilos). I obsessed about it quite frequently and often felt like a bit of a loser for not being skinnier. Something that helped: I had a couple of sessions with a (slightly crazy) stylist woman who gave me suggestions for dressing for the shape that I am, not the one that I wanted to be. She took me shopping and helped me chose better clothes and made me throw out all my black, unflattering clothes.
So with another round of post-pregnancy weight loss ahead (I’m due any day now), I hope that I’ll be a bit kinder to myself and will try to chose more flattering clothes and colours. And, of course (as Cath so eloquently pointed out), focus on my beautiful new baby.
I don’t know that the problem is the women themselves that we see in these magazines. I guess looking that way is a part of their job description (as above, this strikes me as gruesome). The problem is the magazines that one week pick on fat people, one week skinny people, one week fat and skinny people. Once at a function I saw the Editor of one of the trashier magazines. She was carrying quite a lot of extra weight (she had two kids) and it was clear that her photo in the magazine was either old or doctored. I wanted to ask her why she didn’t feel guilty making such outrageous sport of weight issues, particularly of weight gain or significant weight, when she by no means fit the “ideal” that her magazine so stridently expressed. But I guess the truth about women’s bodies does not sell magazines (except perhaps in a special issue once a year!).
I have a confession. I am a yummy mummy. Truly.
My 4 year old son and I took a road trip from Sydney to Melbourne recently and stopped for the obligatory Happy Meal at Goulburn. As we snuggled into bed together later at the motel in Gundagai, my son leaned into me and said “Mummy, you smell nice.”
“Do I darling?” I murmured sleepily, “What do I smell like?”
“Chips,” he replied, “yummy Donald’s chips.”
And that, people, is what being a yummy mummy is really all about.
Mia, Don,t stress! Poppy looks hot{good for her} ,but so are you! How about some more pics of you ?
I am 4 months post-baby no. 2 and whilst I agree that the “yummy mummy” phenomenon is an unhelpful and probably harmful pressure on new mothers, some women just do not gain masses of weight when pregnant and I am one of them. With both pregnancies I only gained 8kg and it was all gone within 3 weeks of the birth – I am just not someone who gains easily (although I do still have a little belly and a nice little roll of padding just above my hipbones). Both babies were 3kg and very healthy, so I dispute that my low weight gain “put them at risk”.
I think it is important to realise that activity and exercise are part of a healthy pregnancy (I am a runner and neither of my obstetricians objected to my continuing to run while pregnant) and that “eating for two” is a total myth: you only need 300 calories extra per day while pregnant.
But in the end, I do agree that society should just ease up on pregnant women and the idea that baby weight is evil. Some people cannot have babies at all, so whining about a bit of extra padding seems pretty stupid by comparison.
Hmm yes, I have decided that magazines are evil evil things and I’m not purchasing them anymore. I’m in my first trimester and am struggling to not eat everything in sight at the moment. It’s this compulsive gnawing hunger, pregorexia? Bah.
In terms of weight loss post baby, I could care less. I had a miscarriage last pregnancy and all I can think about right now is trying to make it to 40 weeks with a live baby.
Yep, Poppy Montgomery is an Aussie actress who plays Samantha alongside Anthony LaPaglia in ‘Without A Trace’, as well as having played Marilyn Monroe in a movie about her life (as Jaz has pointed out). She has four sisters also named after flowers – Rosie Thorn, Lily Belle, Marigold Sun, and Daisy Yellow. Yellow! I was thinking maybe her parents were on some Geldof/Yates trip (the names sound a little Fifi Trixibelle / Peaches Honeyblossom / Little Pixie to me), until I heard their brother’s name. Jethro Tull. Clearly not named for a flower, but still kind of funny.
Shes an actress I think…All I remember is that Poppy once played Marilyn Monroe in a biographical movie.
How do these women loose the weight? Because I always thought that womens bodies are never the same after giving birth, but when I see most celebrities..they seem to look even BETTER than before they had the baby! What gives?
There would be a whole lot less of these “bodies after baby!” stories if there was less scrutiny & display of women’s bodies, period. Does my non-motherhood status mean that I don’t have an excuse for never having looked like that in a bikini in my life?
Who is Poppy Montgomery anyway?
i have nothing to add, but (i’m a bit emotional today, i think) i just finished reading all these comments with tears in my eyes. all so true. *loved* your post Cath.
Great words Cath! And so true.
I have to say, I have never liked the term ‘yummy mummy’ – I actually find it quite offensive. Probably because when the phrase was first coined, I was dealing with a newborn, and 3 older children (my husbands from his first marriage) and wasn’t feeling particularly yummy. I was actually feeling a lot stressed, and worrying about how on Earth was I going to manage to be a good mum. And IF I was going to be a good mum.
I was struggling, and then there were these women, coiffed, made up and wearing nice lothes with their babies, while I was lucky to get out of my PJ’s on any given day, never mind actually getting to wash my hair. I felt like a failure.
I still don’t hav the perfect hair or makeup. I have given that up as a lost cause. What I do have is healthy, happy children, 4 of whom have reached adulthood with no major disasters. I’m still not yummy, and I will never wear a bikini like Poppy’s again, but my kids tell me I am a great mum. I know which I will take.
I hate, hate, hate the term yummy mummy. Why can’t women just be considered attractive regardless of whether they have reproduced, age, size whatever?
I was also on the post Christmas cupboard-is-bare Woolies run yesterday and I had to pick up the mag to read who the covergirl was as I did not recognise Poppy Montgomery.
As someone who’s body is still in recovery after giving birth 4 months ago, here’s some advice I received – it took 9 months for your body to grow with your baby, give yourself 9 months to get over it.
Then again, why not be happy with the fact that you have a baby to love and nuture. He/she loves and needs you regardless of the size of your butt!
Beautiful words Cath. Your point about having a healthy live baby being a gift should be bannered across all future Womans Day (or similar) photos of so-called “yummy mummies”. Speaking as one who has had 3 healthy bubs, and lost a precious one late into the pregnancy to stillbirth, I so agree with you – and Mia for posting on this issue – that body image ranks pretty low down the scale on the things that are important in pregnancy. Of course noone likes being a bit flabby, or having lots of excess kilos, but hey girls! Stop, look into your healthy baby’s eyes, and suddenly the wobbly butt and floppy tummy really shouldn’t matter anymore.
And what about all those women who don’t get to have a baby at all? Would they agree to carry an extra 5-10 (or more) kilos for a while in order to be able to hold a new born in their arms? Or forgo the skinny jeans for a while? It’s a bit off really, all this smug flaunting of bodies that bear no signs of pregnancy or labour … it doesn’t show any respect for those who might have had a much harder time of it. Just think, ancient cultures revelled in round bodies, they invented goddesses to it. Where are we in comparison? Pregorexia … how tragic …
I saw that magazine and thought the same thing, thats great Poppy way to make the rest of us feel like crap! I must say I felt obsessed about loosing weight after the birth of my son but I also had to return to work 4 months later, I think this was part of the pressure for me, but then I didn’t have the option of baby sitters or gym creches so I walked with the pram a lot but my son liked it. I think we should all be allowed to hybernate for a while so we don’t feel that pressure.
Cath your comments are a breath of fresh air – thankyou ! Maybe someone should send it off to Poppy and Co for a good read in between their lunges, crunches, meal replacement shakes or lettuce leaf ??
Surely the priortity should be the baby, being a good mum to the baby and having the energy to give the baby the best you can. Not to spend hours exercising daily (while baby is with someone else) so you can pose for bikini shots with said baby in tow ? I’m sure we all know women whose kids spend more time in the gym creche than they do at home. Its great to exercise and be healthy but I think sometimes its completely obsessive and unhealthy.
I’ve never heard of ‘pregorexia’ before but I just love it. Most of my friends had it. Educated, intelligent women scared of their next Obstetricians appointment because they had to get on the scales. Nearly all of them dieted or skipped meals so they didnt get ‘FAT’. I think the first thing your Dr should tell you when you have your pregnancy confirmed is that if you dont gain 10-12 kilos you are risking your babies health. You are not getting fat – you are growing another human being. Obesity and its associated risks to pregnancy are always in the media, however its almost taboo to discuss the risks associated with being underweight on the mother and baby. I havent known any ‘fat’ pregnant women, but I have know plenty of thin ones.
I seriously get how pregnancy and the post baby body can get a girl down, especially when, for most of us, it can take ages to shift that weight you gained whilst ferociously ‘nesting’ (read ‘eating muffins like there was no tomorrow) in the early stages of your pregnancy. And the middle stages. And the last bit. And while the baby’s head was crowning… (great – now that space invader’s out of me, I can fit in more muffins!).
So anyway, I don’t like to be too judgemental about girls who are a bit neurotic about this. However, I agree things are getting a little out of hand with the whole pregorexia and mummy makeover thing. In my work,I see many young pregnant women,(some of whom have had body image issues before pregnancy, some haven’t), who are simply unable to enjoy their pregnancy because they are consumed with worry about how ‘fat’ they think they look, and how repulsive they feel. They don’t feel attractive, so won’t have sex with their partners, or wear bathers, etc. Remember – not all of these women had issues before pregnancy, so I can’t help but wonder if maybe the post baby celebs (who have maybe had a mummy makeover) have something to answer for. And then again, it might be all ‘Spanx’! But that’s not what these girls believe – they think it’s posible to look awesome by the end of week 1,and that’s what they’re striving for.
This just makes me so sad, because pregnant, and post pregnant women seriously have enough to deal with, without putting all that pressure on themselves.
My own theory about baby ‘weight’ is that you’re supposed to have some. The body takes time to recover, and you need to respect that and be gentle with it – not send it to boot camp straight after it’s efectively walked a billion miles for you! As well as obviously helping you to carry and nurture your baby, I think there’s a point to carrying a bit of extra weight at this time. And that is to remind you that it’s not all about you anymore. There’s something bigger going on with your body, that should make you realise how unimportant your looks, and your weight, and your skinny jeans, actually are.It’s upsetting, it’s annoying, and it’s actually kind of humbling, but it’s one hell of a wake up call.
We should all know by now, that being able to conceive a child is a gift – not neccesarily a given. To be able to carry it to term is also a gift. So you’ve been given two gifts right there. To be able to deliver a healthy baby – that’s just a miracle these days. That’s just the most goddamn awesome gift you could ever receive, and give to your family. Many people don’t get that privilege, yet it’s the only thing they’ll ever want. So if your biggest issue is a few baby kilos, you’re not really treating that gift with the awe and gratitude it deserves. That’s how I feel about it, anyway – by all means whinge a bit when you can’t shimmy into your little black dress. But don’t lose perspective – it’s temporary.
I also think the whole yummy mummy celeb thing is getting bit ho-hum. It used to be seen as awesome when someone looked fantastic as soon a they had their baby, but now everyone’s doing it, it’s quite boring. I love it when I see a celeb mum buck the ’system’ and carry that little bit extra for a while. Liv Tyler, for example, looked quite voluptuous post baby, and didn’t seem to give a hoot. How awesome would it be if the little post baby tum became the new black?
*SIGH* does it ever end? Not only do we have all these pressures when we havent had a baby..but we also have pressures to be thin in a time when it should be the last thing on our minds…makes me sick. No wonder eating disorders are as common as apples.