Comments on: If you’re too old to have a baby, is it feminism’s fault?

By: chicken

chicken — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 09:00:01 +0000

I went to a single sex Catholic school, where chasing your dreams and achieving huge things was pushed from the get go. We spent a lot of time with career counselors, motivational speakers and university guides spread before us. Our sex ed program was brilliant, but mostly focused on how NOT to get pregnant. Now that I am becoming a teacher myself, I am determined to teach both angles.
Now that I’m in my mid-20s, I’ve started to realize that it had never been mentioned to us that having children often means a pause, or end, to the careers we were being preened for. I’ve never had a 10 year plan, but now I know that if I want to have children, I’ve really only got about 10 years before it could become very hard.

By: lu

lu — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 02:36:14 +0000

And on the flipside we need to respect and applaud women who choose not to have children instead of criticising and judging them. For whatever reason, whether they didnt find the right man, simply didnt have the urge or felt their career was so important to them and demanding that it wouldnt have been fair on a child.
Some people just arent cut out for being parents and we need to be respectful of their choice. Instead of having them bow to societies expectations and have kids when their heart just isnt in it.
We know a couple who did exactly that. They had two children in very quick succession. Niether of them had much time away from work after each birth. They have a fulltime live in nanny and a weekend nanny. They both travel A LOT for work and their kids honestly must hardly see them. I hate to stand in judegement but cant help but wonder why they had children. It makes me especially sad when I know other women who would give anything to have a baby and cant have one.

By: Den

Den — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 14:01:30 +0000

How dare this Janet Albrechtson suggest us women are too stupid to realise that we only have limited conceivable years. We all know about the ticking body clock ticking louder and louder as we reach forty. Don’t you agree that other than ‘choice’ it might be simply circumstance? Most women who are childless simply didn’t meet a suitable partner at the right time, and then there are all those women who simply choose not to have children, whether or not they are partnered.

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 05:55:48 +0000

I agree that education about fertility from all angles is important because you don’t know what you don’t know.
However, in regards to the ‘have it all’ debate; I think employers (& the government) need to be more encouraging of women to have children & I don’t mean the baby bonus!
Mums need flexibility when returning to work (working from home, flexi hours, more paid maternity leave etc) so that women won’t feel that they have to make a sacrifice either way. For many women they don’t have the luxury of having a ‘career’ & a family so they have to choose one over the other, they should be given the opportunity to do both if that’s what they want but also what they have to do because let’s face it a career may also just be a job so that bills can be paid which is something we don’t have a choice about.

By: Rosie

Rosie — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:04:29 +0000

Knight Rider, I simply meant that it’s down to the individual which they put first, career or kids. We can have both, but 1 inevitably loses out at some point. Not 100% of the time, but some.
As for circumstances being an issue – having a child is hard, no matter where in life you are. At 17, I was given a severe warning by several doctors, that if I didn’t get started, there would be no babies for me. I made the (silly, maybe, maybe not) decision to get pregnant with my man (together less than a year) with his blessing – it was medical, and I wanted kids. I understood that babies are hard work, and that I may end up a single mother on Government payments.
Many times down the years my sister was warned by myself, our mother and doctors that every year was greatly reducing her chances, but she put ‘a solid base’ first. Now she may never have the baby she so badly wants. And that makes me sad.

By: mel

mel — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 02:49:11 +0000

I’m 32 and the past 3 years my “craving” to start a family has increased dramatically. I am in an unfortunate position that I am with my partner of 9 years, whom I love dearly, and he is 4 years younger and not ready to have kids. I feel pretty torn.
Just remember that if some women in their 30s don’t have children it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t understand the biological clock, or they want to have it all. Many are in circumstances which make it difficult. I get nagged all the time about Why I Don’t Have Children, like it is completely up to me and my partner doesn’t get a say. Well, it takes two to tango. I’m not ready to ditch my loving partner just so I can hook up with anything that can give me a child just yet!
So, at the moment I have to be content with being the cool Aunty!

By: lu

lu — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 02:18:27 +0000

I’m really sorry KnightRider. I had no intention of making anyone feel bad. I was just offering my experience and how it has influenced my sister and me to make the choices we have. As long as we are doing our best (or at least trying!)its nobody elses business how we choose to live.
More importantly we need to keep reminding our younger sisters about the need to have their babies sooner rather than later. I cant believe I still have so many friends in their late 30′s who have yet to have their first baby because they are still waiting for ‘the right time’. There is never the right time to have a baby, it turns your life upside down no matter how perfect things were before it arrived !

By: KnightRider

KnightRider — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 00:03:43 +0000

Great. Thanks Ladies. Now I feel really crap about being a career woman with kids!! You know what, you can have it all. You just can’t have it all and do it perfectly. You’re right things do give. Is that the worst thing in the world? When I wonder about my kids and the effect my working full time has on them, I then wonder about kids whose parents fight daily in brutal and pointless wars, about kids who have lost both parents to AIDS and are vunerable to abuse. It’s not the worst thing. It’s all about choice ladies.

By: Dataceptionist

Dataceptionist — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:04:51 +0000

I find that really fascinating Lu, thanks for sharing.
I grew up with a stay at home mum, which for all the kids I went to school with, seemed strange as we got older. I just took it for granted she was there after school.
As we became teenagers, it changed to “grass is greener” because it seemed so great that the latchkey kids could take their boyfriend home to “fool around”.
Cushia, my heart goes out to you, I wish you all the best in your situation.

By: Richard

Richard — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:45:41 +0000

I think this is an interesting discussion but one I will keep out of…