'To the guy who asked me if he could kiss me on the train platform.'

“I hope you aren’t worried I’m trying to Netflix and chill or anything — because I’ve met your boyfriend,” he said from behind me as I navigated us to the train.

My response was carefully calculated, “Two things: Number one, I’m not worried. Number two, I don’t have a boyfriend anymore”. I stopped hearing the shuffling of his feet. My statement had stopped him dead in his tracks.

The last block to the train was filled with looks of disbelief. My gallop down the stairs was accompanied by him questioning why that wasn’t the first thing out of my mouth that night. By the time we were standing at the platform edge awaiting the train he was asking, “Can I kiss you?” Before a single thought crossed my mind, I felt my mouth turn into a smile and heard my voice say, “Yes”.

The last time someone had asked me that question I was standing on the waterfront in Brooklyn looking at the magnificent lights of downtown Manhattan. A man had just taken me to an outrageously priced three-course meal, which was our third date. Our fourth date could be better described as a meeting to break up.

I found his question to be just endearing enough not to be repulsive. He was sweet to ask, but there was no confidence in his intentions and the closed-mouth peck that came next made me feel like I was twelve. Talking to a friend about it later, I recall saying, “Some girls might like being asked for a kiss, but I’m not one of those girls.”

I was wrong. I just hadn’t been asked in the right way.

Back to the train platform…

The way he asked for my permission to send electricity pulsing from his lips to my toes was kind and considerate. He wasn’t timid — there was understanding in his eyes that the answer would likely be yes, but that if it was not, it would be the end of the discussion.

You know how they say that people won’t remember what you do or say, only the way you make them feel? I don’t remember that first kiss, only that it was exhilarating and my body felt like it had melted into warm sand.

The night continued into his bedroom where no Netflix was watched. The way he interspersed his moans and heavy breathing with, “Is this okay?” made me feel safe, respected, and appreciated. Again, he was clearly sure about what he was doing and was only confirming that all was good on my end.

Everything on my end was great. Until that night, I had always thought there were three types of guys to sleep with.

The first type are like the man from the Brooklyn waterfront. They lack all confidence when it comes to dating and sex. They seem perpetually uncertain in their actions and sometimes even their desires. Continually ruining the mood with nervous questions is their specialty.

The second type are so intent on not ruining the mood that they will refrain from making any sudden movements or assumptions so that they don’t have to ask for consent. These guys are often confident in their physical abilities, but aren’t too sexually explorative and sex with them often becomes monotonous. A woman can only handle so much vanilla.

The third type of guy is overconfident — in his physical ability or in how willing his partner is to keep going or try new things. These guys end up pushing the limits and often going past them. These are the guys who leave you feeling hollow inside.

I’ve just discovered there is a fourth type of guy. This is the type of guy who is plenty confident, but doesn’t let his confidence get him into trouble. These guys know how to make a woman feel safe and sexy at the same time. These guys have cracked the code for getting a woman turned on just by asking, '"Can I kiss you?" on a train platform.

When we were texting the next day, I sent him a message that read, "I’m impressed by the way you’re able to ask, 'Can I kiss you?' and, 'Is this okay?' without seeming timid or uncertain. You find a way to be respectful without killing the mood and I think that’s really cool."

To which he responded, "Consent is sexy!"

And he had sure as hell made it that way.

This post originally appeared on 100 Naked Words and has been republished here with full permission. For more from Kammie Melton, follow her Medium profile here.