politics

Trump has released three very specific requirements for his wall. And they're... ridiculous.

Trump has released his requirements for the US-Mexico border wall, and boy, are they ridiculous.

According to Fox News, the wall needs to be 30 feet high, it should be hard to climb or cut through, and it must look formidable on the Mexican side, but look good from the US side (because if you’re going to build a big dirty wall, you might as well give it a Better Homes and Gardens style makeover).

That is it. That’s all his requirements. MUST BE BIG, STRONG, AND PRETTY (for Americans).

"It needs to be at least THREE TIMES bigger than this."

I think that maybe, just maybe, not a lot of thought was put into this wall that's going to cost US tax payers over 21 billion dollars.

In fact, let's run through these requirements one by one to see how they stack up:

1. The wall should be 30 feet high.

I'm not great at maths, but even I could figure out that 30 feet isn't actually that high. It's basically just 30 foot long subs.

Meryl Streep’s Golden Globes Speech. Discuss. on Mamamia Out Loud. 

According to Fox Latino News, the average Mexican male is 5 feet 4 1/2 inches tall. This is good news for Mexicans who want to pull off the ultimate trolling of Trump - you only need five of your mates to stand below you and hoist you up over the wall.

Or you could just buy a 36 foot ladder.

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2. It should be hard to climb or cut through.

You might not be able to go over it, or go through it, but could you go under it? Didn't think of that, did ya Trump?

The Department of Homeland Security is already soliciting bids for construction of the project, and they're reportedly open to both concrete and non-concrete options. So can we suggest making good use of all those Ivanka Trump products that US department stores no longer want to stock? Just stack them up and squirt them with superglue.

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3. Must look formidable on the Mexican side.

I'm not sure why this is even a requirement, I think Mexico is going to realise pretty quickly that the big ugly wall is not there for decoration.

But if you do need to make it truly scary Trump, may we suggest this?

trump border wall
My wall is bigger than yours. Image via Getty.
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4. Must look good on the US side.

I'm not quite sure how the POTUS is planning to vajazzle the US side of the wall, but the wonderful people of Twitter have come up with some great suggestions for him - including covering it in glitter, covering it in old turtle shells, and making it a giant mirror so America can have a good, hard look at themselves.

Looks like it's back to the drawing board, Trump.