by LAURA BRODNIK
I am a jinxed traveller.
For whatever reason the Bad Travel Fairy (as my friends and I have come to call her) waved her wand over me at birth and sentenced me to a life of ridiculous travel drama, destined to go down in folklore. Not quite the legacy I was hoping to leave.
I’ve boarded a plane and the window has cracked. I’ve boarded a plane and the pilot has been taken ill. I’ve boarded a plane AND A BIRD FLEW INTO THE ENGINE.
During my days as a rural news editor I was driving through Toowoomba frantically trying to locate the bus station all the time thinking, “I’m nearly there. Nothing can stop me now!”, when I slammed on the breaks to avoid a slew of clowns and a marching band. It seems something could stop me and it was a surprise street parade. Needless to say I missed the bus, the plane and a little piece of my will to live.
I’ve been stuck in my non-air-conditioned car for five hours during a mammoth traffic jam. My tires blew out on the motorway while I was moving to the Gold Coast for a new job, just before I was bitten by a spider.
Once, after my bags were lost at an airport I finally boarded a train only to have the line shut down due to a dead body on the tracks. It was in the pouring rain that my fellow passengers and I boarded a bus that dutifully rolled up to the first set of traffic lights and promptly broke-down.
I wish I was making this up.
At first I thought the curse had been placed just on me as it only struck when I was travelling alone. ‘I’m only a danger to myself,’ I thought happily. But all that changed two years ago when my sisters and I went to Thailand.
It started when I fell out of a para-glider.
After some nice men strapped me into a harness I took off into the air with a little Thai boy perched on my shoulders. I was just starting to admire the view when I felt myself slipping down. Sure enough, the buckles were coming undone and I was minutes away from meeting a watery death.
Now, I don’t speak the Thai language but my screams of, ‘The harness is breaking! We’re going to fall! We’re both going to die!’ must have gotten his attention because we made a sharp turn and were coming in for an emergency landing when I slipped out of the harness and landed face first on the beach. Bumps, bruises and blood covered my body along with a wicked cool leg injury that saw my knee swell up like a water balloon.
After that little adventure I passed the curse onto my two sisters with Lucy suffering a severe bout of food poising and Kate being stung by a temperamental jellyfish. ‘So much for my theory of the solo curse,’ I thought.
Just last week the bad luck struck again.
I was on my way to Sydney to cover Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Australia for the first time. In preparation for the bad luck I’d arrived two days early and opted to stay with one of my closest friends for extra curse support, rather than in a hotel.
On the first day of Fashion Week I was standing in the bathroom, starting the arduous task of curling my hair, when I heard a rattling in the pipes. Before I had time to duck for cover the sink and toilet began to overflow, spewing who- knows-what across the bathroom.
A flurry of pipe twisting, towel barricading and moping followed but nothing could halt the plumbing tsunami.
Brandishing the mop like a weapon my friend yelled for me to just go and she would deal with it. Running down the road in water stained shoes and trying in vain to apply make-up without elbowing the already volatile Sydney commuters on the train was not the way I imagined attending Fashion Week. Which is why I wasn’t surprised when a motorbike hit my taxi later on the way to a show.
I’m now back on home soil and a light case of agoraphobia seems to be in order. How can I ever leave the house, state or country again with this curse hanging over my head?
It took a little bit of soul searching but I’ve decided all I can do is laugh (once the hysterical crying has stopped). After all, I’m not going to stop travelling and as of yet I’ve never been (seriously) hurt. So what if my friends now describe their own travel terrors as ‘a Lauraesque drama?’
I’ve decided bad experiences like this build character and the only way to get through it is to share the travel horror stories.
Laura Brodnik is a features writer who has worked as a news journalist, fashion editor and entertainment columnist. You can follow her on Twitter here
Share your travel tales. The good, the bad and the ugly….
Comments
34 Comments so far
i feel her pain. got massive food poisoning in indonesia the night before we flew home, longest trip of my life with the worst turbulance i have ever experienced. i went for a relaxing massage in vietnam, ended up with nerve damage in my back. BF doesn’t understand why i don’t want to go on holidays for a while
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Awesome story! I know stuff like that happens to me and my sister all the time! I like to think she has jinxed me. Glad to know I’m not the only one these things happen to!
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Love this! I want more!!
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Yeah but you also love d*ck don’t you Mark, so its no surprise.
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Please continue to post your travel itineraries so I know what flights/hotels and countries to avoid and when
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Tyres*
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We had the honeymoon from hell. It was bad enough that we were in Fiji, which is as boring as hell, but some big rugby game was on so most restaurants/bars were closed or offered no or little service, our tour group went bust so we had to pay for our accommodation twice, our flight home was cancelled so we were put up in a dodgy grubby hotel where hubby contracted a stomach parasite and spent the next weekon the toilet and lost five kilos. On a side note we did have a Celebrity Moment when we saw model Kathy Ireland at Nadi Airport. I will never forget it. The honeymoon AND seeing a real swimsuit model in the flesh.
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Nice piece!
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If I send you my phone number, can you tell me when and where you are travelling so I can avoid the same trip?
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A friend and I did a trip around south-east Asia last year and while neither of us were looking for anything serious, we were both open to brief romances like many are on the backpacker routes
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What a disaster from the start lol. On our first night, we met a horrendous American guy, rude, obnoxious and travelling alone, and to cut a very long story short, we had to leave a hostel 10 days later at 1am to escape him! He managed to catch up with us 5 days a later hundreds of kms away and proceeded to abuse us in front of a tour group and accuse us using him (for what we don’t know) and stealing his money!
Later in the trip my friend finally met a lovely guy we travelled with for a few days… when things got a bit heated one night he broke down in tears and confessed he had had unprotected sex with 2 prostitutes a week earlier in a very high-risk place and was sick with fear about what he might have contracted and couldn’t go through with it… needless to say, I think my friend agreed whole heartedly it wouldn’t be a good idea.
And as for myself, I couldn’t believe my luck when towards the end of the trip I met a lovely English guy who had plans to move to Australia… After an amazing few weeks together I practically had named our future kids, but unfortunately on our last day together he told me staying in contact might be difficult as he and his wife (!!???) were in ‘a funny place right now’… Ouch. Ok, so maybe there are some holiday romances that work out, but there are a hell of a lot more that don’t.
A year later, we can now laugh about this trip and the men we met on it (hilariously, and I admit it makes a good story) but we both agree that we are somewhat jaded when it comes to holiday romances hehe :p
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I do not wish to buy into the fact that you think you are cursed…….. but I wondered if you could post your future travel plans …..just in case!
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“I slammed on the breaks”???
Am I the only one who noticed this, or just the only one OCD enough to point it out? (sorry)
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Breaks, tires, moping – no not just you
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Are these truly the only comments that you have to add? Do you troll through people’s opinions with an invisible red pen? How about read, enjoy and move on.
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I understand your annoyance at reading people post about corrections but it is unsettling reading a published site that always has mistakes, it is what makes it less professional then print. People are allowed to get frustrated over items not being proof read properly, especially when it happens a lot. A standard should be reached.
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If they are so annoyed then email mamamia directly. This site is not the grammar or spelling police. I’m interested in people’s opinions about the subject matter not if it’s a there/their/they’re issue….Having said that, your point is valid and at least you were more polite than some
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No, I think this is the place to make this sort of comment. The writing standard is terrible, and people should be able to say so in the comments section!
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then or than?
Funny you should talk about spelling mistakes…
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not as bad as this but every year my staff took year 7 on an excursion, none of the other teachers would come on my bus.
each year i had: the tyre blow on the freeway; the hatch on top of the bus break off and blow into the windscreen of a car behind causing a major pile up; the only outbreak of food poisoning by 8 students on the way home; the bus driver getting lost and we arrived hours and hours late; every time it was a long trip the video/dvd player never worked; the air conditioner broke down and we couldnt open the windows.
so i havent really been on any big trips laura has really scared me now
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Omg I’m sorry but yes I’m laughing (touch wood I don’t get ur curse)
I think that Steve Martin movie was about u planes trains and automobiles
I love that u are still getting out there and traveling / do u have a St Christopher Medellin or maybe get a tattoo?
Keep ur chin up and may the force be with u
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I know how she feels. My husband and I had a horror trip to Ireland a few years ago and have been too scared and deflated (as well as too poor) to try another big trip. Maybe one day when the horrific memories have faded!
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tell us what happened
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Love love love travel! Been to nearly 60 countries, mostly on my own. Only one country I have ever felt in danger- Kosovo (nearly kidnapped). But the rest of the Balkans and eastern Europe I just loved. I have felt I have always had good luck though- losing my purse and having it returned on several occasions, meeting great locals at just the right time, etc. And the most important thing I have learned is to leave preconceptions behind. People may tell you that Albania ( or whatever country) is dangerous, but in reality it’s likely to be a fascinating place full of lovely, warm, welcoming people : )
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Forget the preconceptions – so true! The only way to travel and enjoy yourself
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I loved Albania too!!
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I recently had a conversation with a guy I work with regarding his travel luck as he is due to fly to Greece in a few weeks, two days after the election!
He has gotten food poisoning in Fiji, swine flu on the way home from Thailand, he was diverted half way around the world missing most of his tour of Europe during the ash cloud, was supposed to fly to NY 2 days after 9/11, got snowed in during a freak blizzard for a week on a work trip to Atlanta and several other incidents he shared that I cannot recall.
It is also genetic as his oldest son has also had a few similar experiences. He told me that it was not that many considering he is nearly 60. I pointed out that that is more than enough for 10 life times.
I have vowed that I will always check his planned travel itinerary before booking my future trips. Just in case!
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Wasnt there a chocolate related incident that was left out?
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“I’m nearly there. Nothing can stop me now!”, when I slammed on the breaks to avoid a slew of clowns and a marching band. It seems something could stop me and it was a surprise street parade.
Gold. I almost inhaled my cauiliflour.
I’m planning a solo Europe trip next year, much to the dismay of my very concerned dad who keeps sending me emails with links to horror Europe travel expereinces….. has anyone else done Europe by themselves?
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I’ve done Europe 3 times by myself, the first when I was 18 (I’m female too). It’s perfectly fine, just be alert when you’re out and about, if you go out at night try and do it with a newly made friend (if you’re staying at a hostel it can be easy to make friends). Don’t walk around with expensive things if you’re in a poor country… it’s all common sense. Just don’t look like a victim, look confident, people usually only go for those who look like an easy target so just always be alert.
I’ve also done South Africa by myself (just came home, I’m 22 now). You just have to be alert and be assertive. Be ready to tell someone to F*** Off if they get too close. South Africa is an amazing country and well worth traveling but the only way some of the people there survive is by taking advantage of others, so you have to be assertive and alert!
I’ve never felt unsafe in Europe (except Athens at night, but I hated Athens). You’ll be fine. Just think about the millions of people who visit there every year, such a small percentage of them run into trouble. You’ll have such a great time and I highly recommend Estonia, stay in the Old Town area there and it’s like being in a medieval fairy tale.
Have fun!!
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I’ve been to neatly every country in Europe, mostly on my own. I think it’s the easiest place to travel solo, as ( with the exception of Belarus) it’s set up so well. Loads of hostels, great transport connections, lots to see and do and do much diversity. I would love to go back…….
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Travelling to Europe alone at 22 was the best thing I have ever done!!! But I did a bus tour (Topdeck) so I don’t know whether that really counts, as I soon made friends. It felt so freeing (is that a word?) being by myself!
I just hung around with whoever was doing what I wanted to do at the time. I know a group of friends who went off on a tour around the same time had heaps of fights about what they wanted to do each day as they felt like they had to do everything together.
There are so many friendly people you meet while travelling I think you’ll find you will rarely be ‘alone’, whether you do a bus tour or just meet people in hostels and the like. I still keep in contact with quite a few people from the tour, which was almost exactly four years ago – in fact, one of them ended up being my husband!!!
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You’re never by yourself in Europe … and if you can manage Sydney bus timetables, you will have NO problems getting around Europe!
Travelling by yourself is a great way to do it, and you find out about the people behind the stereotypes. For example, the French are a lot more polite to English-speakers than their reputation would have you believe – but I also encountered many, many more flashers there than anyone else on the planet. I try to believe that’s not where their reputation for romance comes from … (come to think of it, maybe don’t tell your Dad that bit). Have a great time!
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I did Europe last year on my own. Do it, first week is the hardest but you let go and just enjoy. Make sure you have lots of music on your iPod though
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I have not laughed so hard in quite some time. Sorry it had to be at your expense! Favourite line: “It started when I fell out of a para-glider.”
Brilliant.
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