The last time I remember standing on a set of scales was in 2010, six years ago.
I was 6 weeks pregnant and at my first medical appointment. I weighed in at 107kgs. My GP pursed her lips and indicated that she wouldn’t like me to get over 113kgs over the course of my pregnancy.
Outwardly, I sighed a little. Inwardly, I sighed loud, long and heavy. I reached for a mental security blanket of matter-of-factness. That was the number on the scales. There was an instruction from the Doctor. That’s that. When you deal with simple facts, you don’t have to deal with the emotion jam-packed into complex arguments and structures.
And that was the last time I would have been able to tell you what I weighed.
There are two reasons I have not weighed myself since then.
Firstly, I’m proud to be able to claim that I don’t know my number. I feel profoundly self-satisfied that I don’t know what I weigh. It feels deeply counter-cultural, as if it’s my very own ‘up yours’ to the world.
In a culture so obsessed with policing the bodies of women, the very fact that I have escaped the scrutiny of the scales allows me to defiantly proclaim, “yeah, I’m fat. So what?”
Listen to Alys discuss her article on the latest episode of Mamamia OutLoud:
“Fat is an adjective. Fat is a body shape. Fat is not a moral judgement,” I declare.
Fat doesn’t make me unlovable. It doesn’t make me unworthy, nor does it make me ill-disciplined or lazy.
Top Comments
I recently found out "my number". I needed surgery and hence they needed to to know my weight.
But, I don't need to weigh myself regularly. I'm very fit and healthy. I exercise everyday and I don't over indulge in crap.
What's my number??? 63.
But your doctor wasn't suggesting you should become anorexic, just that *for your health and the health of your baby* you should limit your weight gain during your pregnancy due to being seriously obese to begin with. That's straight medical advice, and you are proud to have ignored it. Gestational diabetes is a real thing, so are a host of other ailments that often afflict the overworked hearts of deeply overweight pregnant women.
A man jeering and telling you're too fat for sex is obviously to be ignored, but sound medical advice, privately given by a doctor charged with caring for you is entirely different. You are not ''sticking it to the patriarchy'' by being very overweight. You are storing up serious health issues for your future, possibly impacting your children, possibly not. Pretending all is well and fine and that your daughter can grow to be very obese and it will be just beautiful is a serious disservice to her.