by ZOE FOSTER
I get emailed a lot of survey findings in my role as a journalist in the ‘health and lifestyle category.’
Some of them are fairly ridiculous, (2 in 3 women would rather chew gum than have breath that smells like old seatbelts!) and some of them are entirely ridiculous, (six out of six women have lips!) but some of them get me thinking. And then writing.
Like the one Nivea sent today, which was a ‘Skincare Secrets Report’ (conducted by Lonergan Research) in which it says that if Australian women discovered beauty secrets that made them look better than other women, most (94%) would share them.
Who on earth are these mischievous little plums that make up the other 6%? What do they know about looking good that we do not?
And WHY ARE THEY NOT SHARING THEIR BEAUTY SECRETS?
They’re not called beauty secrets because it’s literally a secret, you 6% dinguses! They’re called beauty secrets because it sounds much sexier calling arm waxing and microdermabrasion and applying green concealer a ‘beauty secret’ than ‘fairly common feminine maintenance.’
To be honest, I’m offended.
I’m offended that despite years of sharing cracking beauty tips after interviews with beauty heroes like Bobbi Brown (she of the eponymous brand) and Charlotte Tilbury (she who did Kate Moss’s wedding makeup) and Sam McKnight (he who essentially dictates international hair trends…. Like that messy, low side braid a few seasons ago) and then even writing a whole book on these very tips and passing them off as my own (don’t think about that too much; continue to think I am a genius instead please), this devilish 6% are hogging their beauty trickery from us.
Think about it: for all we know they might have the cure to dark undereye circles! Access to fake tan that doesn’t stink! Shampoo that means you needn’t wash hair for a month! A holy, Willy Wonka-esque cleanser that removes every trace of acne, pigmentation and wrinkles IN ONE USE.
But these women probably weren’t doing it deliberately. They probably just meant that they don’t tell people which lipstick shade they wear (I don’t entirely disprove of this – seems sexy and French somehow) or which night cream they use because it’s from Coles and costs $4/from DJs and costs $900 and they’re embarrassed, or reveal which waxer they go to because she’s mouthy and they don’t want all their salacious gossip getting airborne. That must be what they mean. Yes. I’m sure that’s it.
Frankly, I don’t want to imagine a world where we dames don’t immediately and feverishly pass on any morsel of helpful beauty information to our fellow dames. After all, we do not make ourselves look good with serums and mascara and concealer and hairspray because it’s a competition with other women! We do it because we enjoy looking good, it feels nice and occasionally, if we’re really lucky, it earns us compliments from other women!
To prove my allegiance to beauty secret sharingness, I shall share one right now:
For more precision (or some much-needed help in my case) with winged liquid or gel liner, apply the line along the lashline and then up towards the temples as best you can at the end, then quickly take a cotton tip dipped in makeup remover and clean up the wing/create the angle/get your sharpness with that.
If you have a ‘beauty secret’ you love that saves you time, or money, or just makes you look a bit more gorgeous than usual, perhaps you will share too?
Let’s show the 6% how it’s done.
Zoe is an author, columnist and porridge fan. Her books include the beauty bible Amazing Face, dating and relationship guide Textbook Romance, and three novels, Air Kisses, Playing The Field and The Younger Man. Find more info on her here, or supervise on her daily procrastination here and here.
Please understand that Zoë cannot respond to ALL your questions – but never fear, there are readers that are bound to know the answers, so don’t be afraid to ask.
Do you share your beauty secrets?