[Welcome to a Mamamia Best-Of holiday post where I get to take a little break while keeping you entertained with some of the most popular posts from days gone by]
Ladies, nature will force you to make this choice about your
appearance, as you get older. And gentlemen? I’m sure you’ve already
made it in terms of the female aesthetics you prefer.
The theory behind this dilemma (first identified by Mae West in the
1930s) is quite simple. Oh and sexist, naturally. Because for the
purpose of this argument, one has to assume the definition of a ‘good’
ass is ‘firm and compact’ and a ‘good’ face is one that looks youthful.
And here lies the problem. A ‘good’ ass requires a low percentage of
body fat. But as you age, a ‘good’ face needs much more body fat to
fill out lines and wrinkles. This is the Sophie’s Choice of female
vanity: face or ass. Oh, whatever shall we do?
Well, if you’re fond of a needle, there’s always the option of injecting your ass into your face and killing two birds with one syringe. That’s the approach taken by most female celebrities over 30 because they can. It doesn’t even have to be your OWN ass! Isn’t that just so great! If you’ve already starved and dieted your ass into oblivion so you can slip into those size 0 designer frocks, you can just inject some synthetic ass, I mean fat, into the lines on your face.
But this is cheating. And unnatural. And a bit nauseating to think about. For the rest of us, the choice must be made. Perhaps you’ve already made it.
I have a friend with an extremely small and firm ass. She is a yoga nut and does a vigorous type of yoga for two hours every morning. She also plays tennis and swims laps of her local beach. Her body fat would be somewhere around, I don’t know, Madonna?
Top Comments
"A ‘good’ ass requires a low percentage of body fat."
You're clearly not an expert on the subject
Seriously. I'm 31 years old and pear shaped. My face will always be my #1 choice. I've gotten attention from men because of my ass since I was like 16. Unfortunately, men seem to prefer this shape. At least in the Northeast.
Why can't we try to balance the two... Have a good face/ass balance... You don't have to be stick thin with a gaunt face OR be north of Kardashian with a beautifully rounded face. Just accept that you can have a bit of a spare tyre and a plump ass AND some cheeks that aren't hollowed out.