Last week was the 4th time my husband was not at our daughter’s annual ballet concert.
Two days before the 2013 concert Matt had ended up in hospital complaining of shortness of breath. He stayed in hospital the whole of that following week.
I remember the night of that first concert my sister in law stepped into the breach at the last minute, taking Matts seat (if not his place) to watch Cara dance.
That night was really my first solo parenting experience and I distinctly remember how weird it felt to go backstage alone to get Cara after the show that night, and to be unable to share that moment of pride in her at least until the following morning when I showed him the video at the hospital.
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Fiona's article completely resonates with me. I have been both a single parent, when my ex husband and I divorced, and a solo parent, when he died suddenly and without warning a few years ago. I can tell you first hand the death of your child's father is so very devastating for everyone and solo parenting in these circumstances is nowhere near the same as single parenting. Although my ex husband and I did not at all get along well after our divorce, I would have, and still would, have given a limb for him to still be around and ease my child's grief. The death of your children's father is sadly one of those situations that you need to go through to fully understand the implications. Although it was extremely difficult at the time and grieving never ends, my child has come through knowing you can encounter a distressing situation and come out happy and smiling at the other end - an important lesson in resilience as she grows up. My child is now 12 and I have met a wonderful man who has taken on the fatherly role in her life and she just loves him. I will always be eternally grateful for my partner's care of her.
As a widow, myself, I understand what it is like to be the sole carer, provider, mum and dad to a beautiful child. It is very different to being a single parent with an ex, who might as well be dead, I would have given anything to have my husband alive. The main difference is choice. I chose a beautiful caring man to be my husband and father to my child. I definitely did not choose for leukemia to take his life.
Single parents, who have an ex somewhere, made a choice to be with that person, they chose to have a child with them and then someone chose not to be together any more. One day your child /ren can still choose whether they want to see the other parent, my child can not make that choice.