Jamila Rizvi. Queen of the Girl Cave Kingdom (at her place).
By JAMILA RIZVI
I live with two boys, well, men really. But they act like boys.
And while these gentlemen really are the fake snow on the Christmas tree of my life and living with them is an absolute blast… well, they’re men. They fart, they drink too much, they watch endless hours of cricket, there are half-consumed protein shakes all over our kitchen, they leave toilet seats up, they don’t close the bathroom door and sweaty gym gear is always on the floors.
This is why I need: My Girl Cave. The lady equivalent of a Man Cave but free from Xbox game consoles, pool tables, tools hanging from the ceiling and certainly no posters of topless women with AFL team colours painted across their breasts on the walls.
Our two story house is a strange one, built into a hill, so that the top half is considerably larger than the bottom.
And the glorious bottom half is mine. All mine.
My darling housemates know that prior to descending the stairs into my room they have to (a) knock and (b) yell out to check I’m decent. They regularly complain that it ‘smells like girl down there’ but I know they’re jealous. You can tell because when they come home late (and drunk), they always invade, wanting to sit on the bed and debrief the night that was, revealing the secret truth that every boy loves a slumber party.
My girl cave is my haven away from the boys. Its most noticeable feature is the books, which are excessive in number – they cover the multiple bookshelves, every piece of bench space and more recently are being piled up in corners like unstable, unattractive ornaments. Then of course there’s the clothes – which due to a lack of a walk-in-wardrobe – cover every spare piece of floor and cupboard space that hasn’t already been taken up by the books.
It’s clean but not neat. I’m a creative dresser and that means trying on 2-3 (okay 7-8) outfits each morning and then screaming to the boys upstairs that “Everything I own is HIDEOUS! How is it even possible that anyone let me buy ANY of this stuff. I can’t wear IT. I refuse to wear it. I’m going shopping”.
My room is one of my favourite places to be because it’s the only space where I can block the rest of the world out and just have some time to myself. And when I asked around the office? It seems that I’m not alone. All of us have a cave.
Kate.
My girl cave is my home study. It has a door and a couch and lots of books and a computer no one but me is allowed to use. There is also a full complement of sstationery in the top drawer, but the kids know that NO MATTER HOW DESPERATE THEY ARE FOR STICKY TAPE, mine is not to be touched, ever.
Nat.
“My girl cave is my walk-in wardrobe. It’s so girly that boys have been known to feel physically ill when within a ten-metre radius of it. It is my happy wonderland of all things shiny and sparkly. It’s also guarded by a two-metre pink and purple stuffed unicorn. True story.”
Lucy.
My girl cave is a little messy at the moment. I’m in the midst of moving house so it’s scattered between my handbag (currently containing my toothrush + contact lense supply), the floor of my car (littered with books and my favourite dresses) and the carry-on suitcase I’m living out of (which is full of shoes.)”
Bec.
I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old … so my Girl Cave isn’t a place. Well, it *could* be a place but I’d be interrupted every 5 mins with requests to play fairy princess dress up party (where, interestingly, I am always forced to play the princess’s assistant. Just sayin’.)
So at this stage in my life my Girl Cave is more a time of day than a place … it’s either 6am when the house is quiet or 10pm when everyone is asleep and I have the luxury of pottering around the house doing my own thing.
Where is your girl cave?
Comments
37 Comments so far
My girl cave is my car. A million CDs so I can blast my girly music and sing along, and a few girly things like fake flowers and pretty air fresheners. Spare shoes in the back seat. I love the car trip between work and home (even though it’s only 5-10 min) because it’s my time to unwind, recharge, get work out of my head and get my relax on (or get ready for the next activity of the day)
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I’m also the only girl in my house. My two incredibly blokey housemates don’t quite get me… But my girl cave SCREAMS me! Everything is pink (the best colour, which I’ve maintained my entire life without ever swaying. I’m committed to pink.) and I have more sequins and feathers than a drag queen in my wardrobe. I hole up in there for hours with a book (which I wish I had more of, but due to space restrictions, I’ve left most at my parents house… to be collected in the future) or to write on my computer. They would never enter without knocking and in there I don’t have to answer my phone. (I try to have time away from my phone every day)
Sometimes I think about a day when I’ll move in with a boyfriend full time and we’ll share a bedroom… I’m not sure I like that idea. I get sick of sharing a room with a boy after a few days. I reckon I’ll be one of those women who wants a separate bedroom from her husband.
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I currently have no girl cave unless you count yoga class. I used to have a whole room to use as I liked but then we had a child & it quickly morphed from the ‘art’ room to the ‘dump everything we don’t know where to put’ room. Now everyone else calls it the ‘junk’ room but I call it the ‘special’ room because I know all my stuff is in there somewhere amongst all the junk.
Next year when my 4yo old starts kindly, I am going to tackle the special room with a friend’s help & make my art stuff accessible. I will be able to reach my sewing machine & find my art materials & start creating something other than memories of being mummy. I can’t wait!!
Other girl cave activities like reading during a long bath have fallen by the wayside when there’s someone small to look after.
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My issue is not geographical space as such, but psychological space to be alone. As an introvert who desperately craves alone time, I find it difficult to live with a partner and three kids who all want a piece of me. Even if I did have a girl cave, I’m quite sure that my fiance would just follow me in there and ask what I was doing and how long I’d be. We have a big house so there are plenty of rooms where I can go to be literally alone — but my alone time usually only lasts a few minutes before someone wants some attention.
I find this to be a massive struggle! My ideal night is a night at home by myself at the end of the week, with an at-home pedi and a book or movie, while my man is out of the house. This actually really hurts my fiance’s feelings because I know that, as an extrovert, nothing energises him and makes him feel better than spending time with me (tickets I guess, but he IS marrying me after all). But I actually start to feel quite anxious and depressed if I don’t get sufficient time to myself. He seems to think that an hour should be enough, and if I am enjoying my declared “alone time” I can pretty much hear him pacing the hallways waiting for me to be finished so we can do something together. Sigh. Poor boy. And poor me!
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I’m just about to move into my own place after six (mostly blissful) years of cohabitation with a rugby loving, beer swilling boy. I’ve bought more cushions than I know what to do with and all my new furniture is white. I cannot wait to get down in my girl cave with a box set and the duvet and a block of dairy milk.
HAPPY DAYS …. there’s defo a bright side to a break up!
x
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The shower. 930am – play school’s on which means my 15mo old doesn’t come anywhere near the door. Love it! I wish I had embraced tv earlier for this reason alone.
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(sigh) I love your girl cave!!
I live with 2 boys (under two), my partner and our cat who is male. Men no matter what age or species can be just feral… but are absolutely loving and loyal to me… but feral. My girl cave doesn’t have a permanent location. It’s scattered all over my house at any given time.
My main girl cave is at the dinner table once where all done, kidlets are in bed and kitchen is clean. OR when I’m out on my date night with my gf’s (yes I have date night with my gf’s). Where I get to eat my own meal, talk my brains out with my gf’s or watch a foreign film that my partner would absolutely hate!
I guess I have a portable girl cave. What a fun article!!
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I have three little boys along with a husband, a male dog and a male bird. There’s alot of boy in this house. I am pleased to say I have created my own girl cave. I converted my study to a bedroom and turned it into my own boudoir – (interestingly the french translation is “sulking room” how funny). It’s all girl, and it’s all mine. And it has a lock. It’s pretty, it’s feminine and no one has ever, ever farted in there.
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I’m the only girl in my family (husband, two sons) so I too have a time rather than a place. My husband can never understand why I never come to bed before 11pm – it’s because I’m ALONE! Love him to bits, but I like my time to sit quietly and read
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God I wish I had one. The study is really for my BF, all the memorabilia of his is in there.
I think I will have to turn the guest bedroom into a guest bedroom/reading/craft room. Its small, but some smart IKEA furniture may make it work!
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My girl cave is my bed on a cold night with the electric blanket on nice and toasty with a glass of red and a good book/or a good TV show. I am merry merry!!!
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When the kids were little I would be known to hold my eyes open just so I could enjoy that time that everyone went to bed, I would read until I actually nodded off !!!!!oh bliss.
When they became teenagers we moved to a bigger house and I got a study!! Oh bliss. Then my husband took up computers and moved in with me. I had to get rid of my bookcase to the lounge area, my reclining chair that I would read in late at night and my music were all lost. ( my husband didn’t like my screaming stuff) , I moved on to cordless ear phones.
20 years on, the kids have all left home, I am planning out my study all for me!!!!! oh bliss. No one is allowed to return home unless you live in the tent in the yard!!!
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Reading the comments there seem to be quite a few introverts here who struggle to communication to others why they need time alone.
To start with most people mis-understand what introvert or extrovert mean. They think introvert = shy which it doesn’t, you can be a shy extrovert (I am and it is a pain). Extroverts get energized when around other people, introverts need time alone to recharge. So you can be an outgoing, gregarious person, life of the party – but still be an introvert. It just means that even though you enjoy the social interaction you get quite drained by it and need time alone to recharge.
My Mum is exactly that sort of person and she really struggled when first married because Dad didn’t understand that when she wanted to go off for a nap on her own in the afternoon it wasn’t about her wanting to be away from him, rather she just needed time to be by herself (if you get the diffference). Luckily Dad did a management course that talked about these traits and he suddenly realised that by following her around he was actually preventing her being the bubbly, outgoing person he loved. She needed that time alone.
As an extrovert myself, I on the other hand get quite depressed if I spend much time alone. 2 days alone and I’m emotional and teary, I need that human interaction. As a reasonably shy person, I’ve had to learn how to be more sociable so that I can meet that inate need I have.
So ladies, maybe read up on introversion and use that to explain to your husband that it isn’t about being away from him, it is about being by yourself to recharge!
Oh and my girl cave is my backyard. It is tiny, about 2m x 6m but it is gorgeous and I can happily potter out there for hours. Makes me happy whenever I am out there.
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Thanks for putting this in so many words. I’ve had so many arguments with boyfriends (who were all extroverts) about the fact that I need time by myself and I genuinely don’t enjoy being out every night of the week. I need that time on my own to watch tv or read a book or write or whatever. They’ve said things like, ‘You need to get out more, you just sit at home all the time waiting for me to get back,’ which isn’t even remotely true. I am indeed sitting at home, but I’m not waiting for them, I’m recharging my battery. I don’t like going out on Friday night, Saturday day, Saturday night and then Sunday afternoon as well. I NEED time on my own, otherwise I absolutely lose the plot. Yes, I am capable of being the life of the party, but I really don’t want to do it all the time.
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Thanks for explaining that Vivacious. I describe myself as a social introvert. I like people but need girl cave time on a regular basis to recharge my batteries (I’ve always called it dark cupboard time because my idea of heaven is to shut myself up in the house alone with the blinds closed.) I found being the mother of young children incredibly difficult because as an introvert I found it hard to cope being a 24/7 parent. It’s one of the reasons I ended up getting divorced. Alone time is like a physical need for an introvert and without it you become absolutely exhausted.
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I wonder if you can change from introvert to extrovert over time. When I was younger I needed to be busy and with others, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve been happy to spend time alone. I still love to socialize, but love my alone time. My husband is the same, but shyer than me.
He has a man cave (the garage), but I don’t have a physical cave, just the day time when the girls are at school and my husband is at work on my days off.
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my girl cave is generally going home for a couple nights a week when i’m not at my boyfriends place. that’s when i get my girl on and light some candles, play my pop music, put a face mask on, do my nails and be a slob in my comfiest pjs.
if i don’t get at least one night during the week where i can do that and just generally be alone, i go crazy!
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With a husband, 3 year old and 17 month old, my girl “cave” exists between noon and 1pm when the babe is asleep and 3 year old having quiet time in her room. My cave involves no talking, no phone, a cuppa, a sandwich, a book, and maybe a little nanna nap on the couch.
On weekends my husband knows my “do not disturb I’m in my cave” is hanging at this time and makes himself invisible
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I’m desperately waiting for this hour again! My 2yr old has a nap or quiet time but my 6 week old bub isn’t playing the game yet, she tag-teams the 2yr old and sleeps after. My ‘girl cave’ is the area immediately surrounding the couch with a book, sandwich, tea and the sound of silence. Unfortunately the magic walls only last an hour…
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Do you know what I did…..when my younger one was a couple of months old I woke him so I could time his sleeps around fact that his midday sleep would overlap with my daugher’s sleep/quiet time! Be it three sleeps a day or two sleeps a day I managed it probably 5 days out of 7.
Evil mother I know but it truly gave me my sanity.
Now it’s down to just one sleep for the baby and they both go into their rooms within 10mins of each other……
Today they gave me 2 hours!!! Rare but blissful!!
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Your house mates sound awesome Jamila! Must be fun living with two awesome blokes!
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I have a sewing room. It usually looks like a bomb hit it but that’s part of its appeal – no-one else dare enter
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My husband keeps infiltrating my attempts at having a girl cave. My study area became his bullet making station as well. He messes up my kitchen. He sleeps on the sofa when I want to watch a movie late at night when little one is asleep & when I ask him to go to bed so I can have time to myself he says he’s not sleeping and he’ll go up in “five minutes”. By fifteen minutes he doesn’t go to bed but continues to snore. I give up on movie and go up to bed. He follows.
Sigh.
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Oh my! My husband must your your husband’s twin!! That is EXACTLY what he does…drives me crazy. My only hiding spot is my bathtub and I take the iPad and lock the door. I may or may not be in the actual tub for all the time I’m in the bathroom…no one will ever know!
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I do the same thing with the iPad! Yes, thy must be twins! Such a pain, but good to know I’m not alone! (haha, just realized how funny it is that it’s good to know I’m not alone when the thing I’m seeking the most is to be alone!)
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I have a kitchen where everything is organised exactly so as my boyfriend works evenings so I cook and he does all the laundry. I have a side of the couch and a coffee table where various crochet projects live and my laptop resides, I have a front room where my clothing is neatly folded into milk crates (I have no wardrobe) .
And I get to spend a few afternoons 1-7pm all by myself at home. Pedicure, clay mask and a cocktail anyone?
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Does anyone else automatically think of a vagina when you use the term ‘girl cave’?
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Yep! And then giggle pathetically at the invites to friends to check out my girlcave
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I live with two boys in their early 20s and luckily our house is sort of shaped in a way we can divide it up into three areas around the central kitchen/living areas. My cave is the back of the house – my bedroom (or walk-on floordrobe, which is a more accurate description right now) and the area just outside it where I have all my books and shoes. I have paper lanterns, girly art, scented candles… It’s my getaway from all things geek and jock that take up the rest of the house!
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Haha, Jamila, that bit about trying on outfits is so relatable. I live within walking distance of a huge shopping centre, so I literally can go shopping if I have “nothing” to wear.
As for my Girl Cave, it’s kind of a mix. On the one hand, it is definitely my room when I need “Amy time” away from people reading or watching movies etc. On the other hand, I also think I’m like Bec and my Girl Cave is also around 6am in the morning. It’s so peaceful then!
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I’m in a lesbian relationship so the entire house is a girl cave. Scented candles everywhere, white everything, toilet seat’s always down. And it’s always so clean! Love it.
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My whole house is a girl cave as well, but by way of there being no husband rather than orientation. I love it too!
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Yes me too, love it. So worth the wait from being married to a controlling tyrant, having zero money, 2 babies under 2 and having zero space of my own!
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Me too – and I love it <3
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omg that sounds like heaven! That is my happy place, a clean house with white everything and scented candles. You have just inspired me to clean my house.
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I was at a checkout at the supermarket a few days ago buying vanilla fridge cleaner. The girl serving me embraced the bottle, telling ,e how much she loved it….she lives with two ‘ stinky boys’ and uses it to daily to turn the boy cave into a girl cave…. A substitute for scented candles I guess.
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I am lucky enough to have a sewing “room”/studio which is in the “formal dining” area of a L shaped Lounge/dining room in our home, (our kitchen/family room has a very large dining space and table in it, we didn’t need 2).
I have a Desk for my computer, a sewing cabinet and a very large cutting table (made with 2 kitchen cabinets from IKEA that support a door as the table-top. It has a lovely fabric skirt all the way around, which hides lots of storage underneath. It is at the perfect task height for me to stand at and use, as well as a couple of bar stools if I want to sit at it.
I spend all of the school day in there, because I write/design craft sewing patterns for quilts, softies and stitcheries. I love having my own space, decked out in “my colours” and decorated with my choice of art, and a big inspiration pin board.
On one of the two occasions when it was tidy,(when I first set it up) it looked like this… http://www.matchingpegs.com/my-sewing-studio/
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