This post was hugely popular last week because who doesn’t want to laugh more, REALLY.
OK, I have a doozy. I was doing my regular weekly interview with Mike E. and Carmela on Sydney’s Mix 106 breakfast show and we were discussing this post about couples like Helena Bonham Careter and Tim Burton who have seperate bedrooms or seperate houses.
We’d discussed the pros and cons of maintaining intimacy when you have seperate bedrooms and I’d mentioned how after you have kids, all bets are off because it becomes about musical beds with kids crawling into your bed or you falling asleep in theirs.
We’d chatted about insomnia and sleep-talking and how sometimes one person wants to watch TV and the other wants to read. Blah blah blah as Ke$ha would sing.
I thought my bit was pretty much done and they were just soliciting for calls so I started checking my emails and not paying attention. Suddenly, I heard the last few words of a question from Carmela, aimed at me. “….that must kill your sex life a bit, wouldn’t it, Mia?”
I made a snap assumption that the first part of the question had been: “Sleeping in seperate bedrooms…that must kill your sex life a bit, wouldn’t it, Mia?” and replied “Or maybe it would spice it up!”
Silence. Awkward silence. I don’t think I’d ever heard Mike E or Carmella lost for words before. Oh shit.
“Um, sorry guys, what did you just ask me?”
Turns out they’d asked “Having your kids in the bed…that must kill your sex life a bit, wouldn’t it Mia?”
And I’d answered that IT MIGHT SPICE IT UP.
Thank you God that this interview was pre-recorded. Because of course the correct answer to that question is: “Having kids in your bed is the best known form of contraception.”
What’s been your funniest moment in the past week?
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We have a Cockatiel/Quarrion called Tricky. He also gets called Shit-fer (as in Shit for brains) said lovingly of course. Yesterday my 5yr old daughter said “Mum i know why you call Tricky, Shit-fer” and trying to not make a fuss of the swear word i asked why and she said “cause he shits all over the floor”. I had to walk out of the room so she wouldnt see me laughing.
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I was discussing this very website with Mrs MikeyMike, and I mentioned that Mia had three children. Mrs MM replied, ‘…but what about all the kids she had with Woody Allen ?’
‘Ummm……that’s Mia FARROW, dear….’…exit MikeyMike in a fit of hysterics.
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My two year old boy telling me that his 4 year old sister is “feral” when she was throwing a tantrum. He then proceeded to call out to his 5 year old brother by all three names, first, middle and last like we do when they are in trouble. Cute and a little bit funny!
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I was reading my 17 month old a picture book called “Dear Zoo”. the first line goes something like: “I wrote to the zoo to send me a pet… they sent me an…” and the lift-the-flap picture reveals an elephant. I said to my daughter: “What’s that?” indicating the elephant. Her reply (with absolute depth of conviction): “Mamma!”
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I had a day of emergency teaching yesterday and a group of year 9 boys asked me what nationality I was- so I said half Australian, half Croatian for them to turn to me and proclaim ‘So you are from Asia then.. you know Croasia?” I had to choke back my laughter and say no Croatia is in… and got interrupted by another boy who said ‘isn’t it in North America?” To which I said no actually in Europe!
I think they may need some Geography lessons! But it was hilarious at the time
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This is more embarrassing than funny – I needed petrol so stopped at the petrol station on my way home from work yesty. I filled my car up with petrol then went in to pay. When I got to the counter I opened my purse to get out my EFTPOS card as I never carry cash. The spot where my EFTPOS card goes was empty. My purse had been stolen and I was waiting for my new card to arrive in the mail but I had forgotten that! And I had taken my credit card out of my wallet months ago so I wouldn’t overspend at Xmas. I had to tell the girl at the counter I couldn’t pay yet and had to call my fiance to come and pay for my petrol. The girl at the counter was not sympathetic at all and made me read something which said if I left the premises they would call the police!
http://www.princesseemma.com/
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A similar thing happened to me once (filled up with petrol only to realise that I’d left my card at home) and they made me read that sheet in front of the other customers – so humiliating! Luckily I was allowed to go home and get my card though, I just had to leave my drivers licence at the servo (which of course meant I was driving home illegally!) WHy does the servo attendant have to make you feel like a criminal though – it’s not like you’d go through that on purpose!
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Funny you should say that, part of the thingy she made me read said that they would not accept my driver’s licence as proof I would return to pay! So basically if I left the premises I would be charged.
http://www.princesseemma.com/
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My 8 year old was very angry at dinner last night – I can’t even remember why – but her face was so contorted that she looked hysterical and the rest of us cracked up!
She then flew into a massive tantrum and stormed out of the room. After she calmed down and returned she expressed in a very calm voice that she did not like us teasing her.
I calmly replied that i understood that and we did respect her but I then showed her the face she pulled – and she reluctantly started to smile, then giggle and then laughed uncontrollably (she has the most infectious laugh)
So, the whole family ending up falling off our chairs laughing…a lovely family moment
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love it – takes me back 12-18 months to my then 8 year old daughter, ah the mood swings… I’d love to tell you they get better but… o well at least there are a few moments of hilarity between (& often caused by) those meltdowns.
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Getting out of the car the other night, I asked my 4 YO daughter to take her kinder backpack upstairs to her room. She looked at me in all seriousness and said “mum, are your legs painted on?” What to do now – laugh? Or get cross? I still can’t decide! Laugh is winning by a whisker though!
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Loving the comments being sent in from Mamma Mia readers for my blog. they’ve given me so many laughs and I’m really glad you enjoy the blog on so you think you can dance. T xx
http://soyouthinkyoucanwhat.blogspot.com/
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just found it and have sent a link to all my friends – too funny!
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Picked my daughter up from daycare today folding her sheet and blanket away – wait a sec not her sheet but my ‘nightgown’ – I looked at her teacher and she shrugged and said I thought you sent it as a comfort thing – I laughed not sure whether I was more embarrassed about my stupidity or that my nightgown is as big as a sheet -
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Meeting my husband’s Vietnamese-Australian work colleague at Christmas party for 1st time and being introduced to Thi (or T) and then she said, “This is my husband Q
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I don’t know that I would have been able to hold it together if I’d been there!
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discovered this: engrish.com.
gold. Was giggling in front of the screen yesterday night. i know it’s late but i hope some of you will still read this and check it out, it’s awesome.
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I had a student who said his favourite car was a ‘led pi-lah-li’. took us ages it meant ‘red ferrari’ we cracked up about it for ages.
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This happened TODAY and I can’t decide if it’s hilarious or terrible. A bit of both I’d say…
My friend called his vet this afternoon to enquire how his puppy’s desexing went and how he was recovering. The receptionist put him through to the vet, and my friend was shocked to hear that his dog had a twisted bowel, and the prognosis was not good. He was told he should consider his options going forward, and euthanasia was one of them. Holding back tears, he asked the vet how this could have happened, and the vet replied that it’s common at this stage of a dog’s life, and frankly, he’s very old so he’s had a good innings.
Alarm bells. Very old? He’s only 7 months old.
A thousand apologies and a diagnosis of ‘wrong dog, wrong owner’ later everyone felt a lot better. Fortunately the right dog got desexed and my friend will take his sore, but otherwise well dog home tonight. (Sadly, the same can’t be said for someone else.)
He is considering changing vets before they perform surgery on him accidentally next time he’s in for teeth cleaning.
Fail, vet. Epic.
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Whoops, that was me, C
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Home alone, brushing my teeth (I roam around the house when brushing my teeth), wandered out on my back balcony. Was standing watching my dog next to me when I had to sneeze. Tried to hold it in in a very poor attempt, ended up sneezing toothpaste juice all over myself, my face, my jumper, and my poor dog. I looked at him and said ‘ohhhhhhhhh sorry boy I got you!’. Then heard a basket drop, looked up, saw my neighbour hurriedly walk inside her home, who had obviously just been hanging out her washing, and her clothes line is in direct view of my balcony. Oops..
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In france my four year old daughter wanted to keep visiting all the churches. whilst we were in a very large church she tells her father and i she loves god (we are not religious). I tell her thats fine darling. Why do you love god? she relpies I love god mummy he has such nice houses…..
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Cute!
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I was in Italy with my family and a bunch of tourists were in the sistine chapel and one bloke said very very loudly while looking at the roof. Hey, I think I’ve seen a picture of that guy before. Yepp, you would have… thats a painting of Jesus
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Surreal more than funny. Unable to sleep at 3am I found myself listening to a nation-wide discussion of ironing on ABC radio.
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this is why we love ABC radio!
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My nearly two year old dropped something and very clearly said “shit” before he bent over and picked it up. He wasn’t doing it for a reaction, it just came out…. in front of both his parents, both my parents and my sister. We all got the silent giggles and my husband and I high fived ourselves that it wasn’t anything worse than that. Now the swear jar really needs to be enforced at our house!
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that happens at my house too. once I heard my 2 year old say to my 8 month old daughter ‘f***ing hell ralie’. woops. and when we are driving he yells out ‘move car move!’ ha ha
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My 4YO has started using bollocks at kinder! Could be worse, but could be better. I think we need a swear jar too!
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My 10 year old son swears in French “Merde” (shit) with the rolling rrrrr. Can’t really complain – it sounds quite cute.
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After struggling to get (then miss 2) into her car seat I was very frustrated and said oh for F#$k Sake! and slammed the door in an excellent tantrum of my own… Mr cat was already in the drivers seat’s and apparently as I slammed the door she said “no, YOU for F#$ck sake, mummy!”
He had tears rolling down his cheeks
Also around the same time if you hit the brakes suddenly in the car she would automatically say “d*&khead! “… said it in Grandpa’s car once …be had to pull over he was laughing so much.
Now she just tells us off- you shouldn’t teach me those word mummy!
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Saying goodbye to me at preschool this morning, my 3 year old said in a cheery voice, “Don’t forget your worries, Mum!” And you know what? I haven’t.
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Two things-
#1: People watching at AC/DC (OMG such an awesome show) last night- laughing our arses off at the sight of a man so hairy I swear he was part bear, and the there was the man with the “Australian Made” tattoo (as in a tattoo of the Aus Made green triangle logo), and the way the crowd groaned during “She’s got Jack” when the camera was on a girl- just as she started to pull up her top, the camera switched onto someone else- after going round a few more girls (most of whom got their boobs out) they then went back to her and she got them out and the crowd cheered SO loudly!!… There was also this discussion between my mate and I-
Me: “I couldn’t get mine out! My boyfriend’s father and my own father are in the audience!!!”
My mate: “My boss is in the crowd somewhere, but I’d still definitely get them out!!”
Guy behind us then asked my friend if she wanted to go up on his shoulders!! Haha… She didn’t get the camera on her though!!
#2: Girl in my finance lecture sticking her hand up to ask- “What’s the difference between cash, funds, and money!?”
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and by “She’s got Jack” I mean “She’s got the Jack” stupid keyboard!!
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I am in my late-thirties, very clumsy at the best of times. This week my fiancee and I were going to see a movie as we were walking up the stairs, I fell, landed face down on the stairs, quickly got up as I was so embarrassed but then burst out laughing because I must have looked so stupid. I then looked down and had grazed my knee and arm. My fiance said your the first peron I know who falls up stairs!
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I once fell up the stairs and broke my arm. The bone broke into the shape of the stairs. Ruined my sisters 5th birthday
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Falling UP the stairs is supposed to be good luck, you know. Sorry about the grazes though!
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I had a phone call from a work collegue who was out on the road. Gave me an order with the ATTN contact ‘Rod’. Me being in an immature/mind in the gutter mood giggled immaturely and said ‘HAHA…Rod’. My collegue had Rod in the car with him…..aaaaand I was on speakerphone.
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The fiance and I made a fair few trips to Ikea this week – 3 in total. We love Ikea! Anyway we have a tiny car – a Nissan Pulsar and everytime we go there we always find new ways to cram more things in. Saturday was a Queen bed and mattress. Sunday was a day bed, a bookcase and various storage items. The stares from people is funny in itself but on Sunday we made it to the car park with an hour to spare on our ticket. Suffice to say all tetris-like jamming made us miss the 3 hour deadline which we didn’t find out until we were at the gate. They only accepted cash to pay which we had none so the lady had to take our credit card, etc, when she got to the name of my fiance she started screaming at him that it was “a lady’s name” and presumed he was making it up.
Even though he showed her his driver’s license and credit card with the same name she just kept repeating “no, that’s a lady name” and she wouldn’t let us go. It was hilarious.
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hah! what’s his name??
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His name is Lindsay
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he he,, thats excellent. me and my sis used to do that, we had a charade and once bought a bed, we squeezed the main beam in and slammed the hatch down only to hear a ‘pop’. the beam had popped the windscreen out! i had to get the whole windescreen replaced! ha ha ha…
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haha, best unisex name ever
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Watching the bunch of big cheeky 8 year old boys that we took to Luna Park get freaked out by the dressed up characters there. Not so tough when you’re being chased by someone with a giant foam head on, are ya big guy?!
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When out for drinks my friend and I were introduced to a girl by the name of Ai. It was difficult to hear and my friend kept saying “Hi” and Ai kept saying, “no, its Ai” until my friend finally said, “Hi, is that your name?” And Ai said, “no, its Ai, A-I”
It was the funniest exchange I’ve heard for a long time. I felt like I was in some kind of skit show!!!
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Hehe Mia, that is a good one.
Well, it’s been a pretty unfunny week for me with my man getting a tummy bug and my own indifferent health. But one small amusement was when his boss caught said tummy bug after being quite unsympathetic to all his staff who were taking time off with it.
*shouldn’t really laugh at the sufferings of others but am scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for a laugh here*
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Toss up between
7yo had a packet of eclipse mints (just had surgery, trying to keep him happy). He gave me one and like he had done to me, I breathed the smell of mint in his face as requested. His response? Ewww, that stinks, I can still smell your breath behind it.
Same 7yo last week on pre-admission, asked as joke by surgeon “Do you smoke mate?”. Sam’s response – “Not anymore”.
Same 7yo after eating the whole packet of eclipse mints, had the squirts. Should have been monitoring him a bit more closely I guess. I was examing his tummy, saying to my husband, it looked bigger than normal. 3yo runs over, pulls down his dacks and says “but look at my massive doodle mummy”.
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Glad to hear Sam’s packed in the smokes Bern
Too funny.
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Every house needs a boy like that – we have one – comedy gold. xo
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Went to a 2nd birthday picnic on Sunday, and my own little 2-year old plopped on his bottom, smack on top of the birthday cake, which had been covered with a tea towel. Cringe …
Ironically the cake was decorated as a construction site – as the mum of the birthday kid pointed out, my little boy changed it into a demolition site instead!
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I love that other mothers sense of humour!
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That’s hilarious Mia!!
Not many laughs here this week – between migraines and conjunctivitis I’m not terribly amused (or amusing)
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Oh I don’t know what I would do if that happened! My face would be a beetroot! Nothing stands out for me, but my boyfriend’s brother visited and there were plenty of laughs and fun. Keep smiling, everyone! =)
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My friend was walking up to our house and she passed the lilly pilly tree in the front. It has pink berries on it and the birds are loving them right now. As she walked past, a bird flew out and scared her.
She came in and said “I’m very concerned about birds flying out of your bush”. We thought it was funny as!
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Mine was a facebook thing. I said something in my status about the annoyance of babies always pooing just after you change their nappy…at least it wasn’t mid-change. One friend replied about how annoing it is when they poo during the middle of the night and you’re so sleep deprived that you don’t work out that they’re floating in poo. *insert my gigle and bad mental image*…but then another friend replied about a poo mid-nappy change happening to her husband. Hehehe.
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My son always seems to poo mid change… very messy.
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and judging by the look on his face, I’m guessing he’s doing one right now
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So you need to go on this site http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/
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I LOVE this post. Thanks for the laughs everyone x
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We had ‘technology challenged’ boss (well boss’s wife) in her usual flap, faxing something while talking on her mobile, put her mobile no in the fax machine (who knows) and then sit at her desk for the next hour saying ‘someone is trying to send my mobile a fax’. When we finally realised what had happened she said ‘I have no idea who would have done that’. wtf! Lots of laughter at drinks that night!
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My god, after such a hard couple of days, reading all your posts has cheered me up so much. Just wish i had somethin to share
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finally , we can thank kyle sandilands for something… radio segments being pre- recorded
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A colleague was videoing one of my workshops today, so he had his video camera (his FIREWIRE video camera) plugged into the computer in the corner and proceeded to record the session. Afterwards, he needed to plug in his external hard drive to get the footage off. He looked at the back of the computer where the ports are, and after a few seconds shouted ‘Oh shit, it hasn’t got firewire!’. To which I responded ‘All of these iMacs have firewire’. He looked a bit closer and said ‘Oh shit, it’s got firewire but there’s something in it already! How am I going to plug the drive in?’. I said ‘Yes, your camera is in it’ and promptly pissed myself laughing.
Poor darling. Did I mention this man is a web programmer who works on a Mac ALL DAY EVERY DAY?
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My son has just started school…..he has been reading for a couple of years and doing well. I started this little song “Who’s the best reader in the whole wide world…..Maxy “…he then sang “Who’s the best fixer in the whole wide world…..Daddy”…then he sang “Who drinks the most wine in the world….Mummy!!”. I happened to have a glass on the table at the time but it made me feel very guilty and amused at the same time
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Something I really can’t tell anyone I know, but when our 3 yo decided to come into our bed…and we thought he was asleep, my husband decided to finish the job, so to speak…very discreet bed movement happening…and then a very cross voice…”stop wobbling me!”…that was the end of that!
We both choked our laughing back.
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::screenspray:: Oh God, Mia!
PMSL as my friend described stalking a hot guy in her uni Psych course and trying to find a way to introduce herself/strike up a conversation. She missed out on the name exchange but they had a short chat. Our convo in the car went as follows:
J: Argh! And I even had the perfect conversation opener! “So you work in South Yarra, where do you live?”
Me: Hahaha! So you would have his hometown and that would lead to the name exchange and then you would have all the necessary info to Facebook stalk him!
J: And then that would lead to babies and marriage!
Me: ::pause:: BAHAHAHA! Or that!
It was good to hear her talk about guys after she hooked up with a guy she was really into on Saturday night and then have him tell her that he didn’t like her in a serious way – the way she felt
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zac (3): “mummy i can’t marry you!” me “ohh.. why not?” … “because i don’t have a wedding t-shirt” … “maybe you can buy me one?”
… Mia that is hilarious and so embarrassingly funny.. i love it
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Attempting to shave my legs in the shower while 30 weeks pregnant is feeling pretty funny at the moment.
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Imagine me then, later in my pregnancy going in for a bikini wax prior to my c-section. I walked out with only half done!
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I had to take my 3 year old to a crowded public loo while we were out shopping this week. She waited in the cubicle for me after she was finished and says, “Mummy, are you doing a wee or a poo?”. First I tried to ignore her so she asked again. I tried to whisper the answer to her to which she replies, very loudly “I cant hear you, tell me louder”. I tell her again, she doesn’t hear me and then yells the question to me again. By this point I’m laughing, as are all the people in the other cubicles. Frustrated, she then says “why are you laughing, just tell me if you’re doing a wee or a poo!”
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A similar thing happened to me the other day…
Toddler + loo + parent = natural blog fodder. Well, I blogged about it anyway?!
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oh yes… i had a similar experience at the camping ground… hmmm
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LOL! Just wanted to say! this post comment made me fall off my seat in laughter.. LMAO! Cuz I heard a similar conversation over the weekend… love it!
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My 7 year old daughter (naughty!) just adores asking me at the supermarket checkout if I have just farted! I’m so used to it now, that I just say ‘no!’
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That reminds me of when my then 3 year old son said to me at the public loos. Did you do a poo, Mummy? Clever mummy!! Consequence of trying to toilet train him 6 months ago.
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My son asked me once why i have a little penis in a public toilet!
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Only a little one?
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My favourite was when my seven-year-old asked me in a very loud voice in the swimming pool change room, “Mummy, why do you have a string coming out of your bottom?” I swear the whole changeroom went silent as they waited for my answer.
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My 2 year old daughter is obsessed with putting nappies on dolls/soft toys. She was being awfully quiet which is normally a sign she is up to something! When I found her she had the nappy rash cream and a nappy all ready and was busy applying cream to her soft toy…I asked her “What are you doing Cleo?” she replied, “putting cream on Bob the builder’s vagina!”…needless to say my partner and I couldn’t hide our peals of laughter!!!
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following the “condom conversation” from last week,my son has become obsessed with reproduction.Had me draw fallopean tubes, ovaries,uterus, cycles (with arrows, names etc)fertilisation of the eggs, its separation and the difference between identical and non identical twins inside the womb for crying out loud.
all that for what?? to run up to every visiting nighbour and friend and say “so here’s how babies come”, and then after explaining everything, go get my drawing and exclaim with a giggle: “look, mum drew me a naked lady!!” jeeeeeesus.
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My partner, who can put a positive spin on anything, says that sex would definitely be spiced up once you finally got to do it again after getting the kids out of the bed.
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Had a giggle at Master 5 when picking him up from Sunday School. Proudly displaying a picture he drew, he announced “Mummy look I drew Jesus!”
Indeed there was a man with a big grin drawn beautifully on his paper.
Me: “That’s great! And what’s that next to him?”
Master 5: (with a beaming face) “That’s a cockroach!” Cockroach also had a big grin.
Lol! My creative boy.
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ahhh! How very adorable!
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my son loves cocroachshe calls them cocreaches he is 2 the other day i was cleaning up amd said you are a messy creature and he said i am not a cocreach mummy
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Watching my Dad laughing so hard at Lottie Jnr (3 years) counting herself in and then singing ‘When I’m 64′ ie ‘A one, a two, a one, two, three, four, When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now …’etc.
He was laughing especially heartily at the changed lyrics, ‘…will you still feed me, will you still need me, I’m not even four’
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I love kids interpretations of song lyrics! I was driving with a 6 yo the other day and the Black Eyed Peas song “Boom, boom boom” came on. The song starts up with a guy singing, “gotta get get, gotta get get”.
Anyway he started singing along, “gotta get get, that kit kat”
Doesn’t sound like it fits on the page but you’ll find yourself singing along!
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Last night I went to a screening of Dear John with my friend who works for a movie show. About 5 minutes in it was clear this movie was … let’s just say like The Notebook only shitter. We (and I think quite a few others in the cinema) spent the entire movie wishing horrible things on the main character and laughing at their ridiculous lines. I’m tempted to share some but they are not very PC so out of context may not be appreciated :->
When friend dropped me off she apologised that she hadn’t taken me to a better movie this time but if it hadn’t been so crap I doubt I would have laughed so hard my head was aching!
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Really? I had been hoping that was a lovely movie. For shame.
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Probably wasn’t a very good movie experience for anyone else who happened to be in the same theatre as you with your ongoing critique and laughter…
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Driving my 3 year old to day care and got the very common …. ‘here mum’. Usually I reach back and it’s an empty container, pretend food, toy car etc … this time a huge bit of snot !! Then was told there was more coming so he could make room for more to grow. I think I laughed for the next 30 minutes.
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