I have a little ritual I indulge in. Every morning, as I get up at stupid-o’clock to deal with a starving child, I reach into the fridge and have a little piece of chocolate. If I’m having a bad day, feel like things are getting on top of me or just crave a little me-time, I do the same thing. But not today. Nor any day until Easter.
Lent is the 40 days leading to Easter when we dedicate ourselves to re-evaluating our connection with God. It is traditionally a time of prayer, deep thinking and fasting, and for many Christians is a chance to take stock, to see how they’ve done this year and prepare for the next. Now, if I was spending the next 40 days in silent reflection I would be happy to fast, but as a working mum with an active life and two kids to wrangle this is just not going to happen. Just as well mind you, because I think I’d go stark raving mad. No, I have normally preferred to fast in spirit only, to ‘give up’ something less tangible, like saying mean things about people or sarcasm (that one was a struggle!). Even last year I could not understand the meaning or purpose behind giving up chocolate or wine or facebook for lent. “How does this make the world a better place?” I asked a priested friend. “Why do people do this? Is it habit? Is it lip service? I DON’T GET IT!”.
Now I do. Or at least I am beginning to.
As with all faith, it is difficult to put into words something that goes so far beyond them. But in coming to this decision, there are a few factors that come to mind.
Firstly, I am trying to create in myself a time of mindfulness. When I reach for the chocolate and remember I can’t have it it reminds me that many of the things I take for granted, small luxuries and things I consider essential, are out of reach for many of God’s children. I am reminded of all I have, and to give thanks always and everywhere.
Then I am prompted to examine what it is that is making me reach for the comfort of chocolate. Am I celebrating? Commiserating? Tired (probably)? Is there a better way, a more conscious way, of dealing with my emotions than the instant comfort that food brings? Again, I dedicate this time and space to God as I ask Her for support in my actions and thoughts.
Finally, I feel a deep visceral need to deny myself something as a sacrifice to God. This is not something I have explored before, and the words don’t sit comfortably with me now. But it feels right that for a short time, I should feel some small, trivial part of the pain that Jesus suffered on account of human actions. And I’m not talking about the physical pain of the cross here either, but that of knowing that despite his best efforts, people where (and are) still hurting each other and themselves in the name of God.
It’s early days now, and I’ve already opened the fridge twice. But I’ve also put a lot of though into my relationship with God and God’s world. I will be interested to see what happens next.
Josie is a a LGBTQI friendly feminist in her final year of training to become an ordained priest in the Anglican Church. She also has a Bachelor of Music (Performance) .
Could you give up something that you love for 40 days? What would it be? You don’t have to be Catholic to play!
Comments
78 Comments so far
I could give up reading about the trivialities of other people’s lives on the Internet.
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Sex, sex, sex! 240 days and counting so another 40 wont hurt!
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I have given up Allen’s lollies……..
I have not branched out into other brands yet….since lollies are my biggest vice (actually, almost my only vice – I am very boring!) and am doing well! No Allen’s lollies as yet……now just to whittle away the others that have (only slightly) sneaked their way in….
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Love the article……..I’m giving up on giving up because I can never do it?
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Love this post Josie! I have given up things in the past (chips mainly as they are my go to comfort food) but have never really explored the reasons why I’m doing it. Your beautifully written words have really made me think! I’m not giving up anything this year as I have just completed Febfast (made it, yay!). However, I spoke to my sister earlier this week and she and her family (husband, 13yr old daughter and 12yr old son) have taken a bit of a different approach this year. They are giving up different things for a week at a time- chips,chocolates and lollies; TV and electronics; meat; and -wait for it- using their cars!! (there’s two more I can’t remember) I thought this was a great idea, especially where kids are involved.
Also love the idea of donating the money you would have spent to charity
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What a fantastic post.
I’m not Catholic, but I love the idea of giving up something for Lent.
I think I might give up TV. Seriously. I can’t believe how much of my life I waste on the thing!
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Did you give up tv katherine anne. I tried and failed. Which city are you in (might depend on the tv offerings and the temptations therein!)
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Great post Josie!
I have given up McDonalds for Lent this year… I did it last year and I’m setting myself the task to do it again this year, 10 days down I’m doing okay and eating healthier too! Its a tough task for me, being that I do so love my McDonalds icecreams (yum!) etc, but I’m determined to stay strong and focus on the deeper meaning. Thanks for the great post!
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Hi Josie, totally agree with you on Lent, it’s a great time to reflect on the great gift that God has given us; His son. I’m really curious about your reference to God as ‘Her’. You are training to become a priest in the Anglican Church. I’m presuming then that you have accepted Christ as your Lord and saviour, and the Bible as the truth. In refering to God as Her, aren’t you questioning the bible, and the way God has chosen to reveal himself to his people? God is of course genderless, but has both masculine and feminine traits making up his character, thus enabling him to create both males and females in his image (Gen 1:27). Throughout the bible, God has chosen masculine terms to describe himself (remembering the bible is ‘God breathed’). So regardless of contempory feminist arguments you may find persuasive, we must continue to use the language of the bible when addressing otherwise we are replacing the God of the bible with a false God. I am surpised (because I go to an Anglican church) that wherever you are studying theology is happy with your referencing God as her. I would be very surprised if the Anglican Church ordained you, if you maintained this stance. How could you say the Apostle’s creed or the Nicene creed? You couldn’t minister to a congregation and actually change the words in the Apostle’s creed when you were baptising someone could you? Are you working in a Anglican church at the moment? As a lay minister? I’m just curious as to whether this attitude is accepted…..
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Hi, thanks for your feedback. Maybe a post in the making here! I believe that the Bible is Spirit inspired but written by human men in a particular time and place. It reflects the attitudes of that time and place, and that includes using masculine language for God a lot of the time. There are actually a number of references to a feminine God in the Old Testament, think Deut 32:18, Isaiah 42:14. More to the point though is that God is of course neither male nor female, as you said. In using feminine language to describe God I am attempting to in some small way address the gender imbalance inherent in all attempts to talk about the untalkable – the divine. In general I try not to use gendered language at all for God, but in a sphere such as this I was hoping that using a female pronoun might challenge/provoke discussion (as it did! Thank you!) or even just allow some people who may feel a distance from a patriachal God a sense of God’s presence in their lives.
With reference to your reservations about how my language goes down in the Church, it depends on where you are! The great thing about the Anglican Church is the diversity of views. I am in the Brisbane Diocese where feminist/liberationist theology is very strong. I do preach and assist in various Churches and have never been pulled up, in fact in my studies (through St Francis’ Theological College) we are expected to use inclusive language and penalised if we don’t. I do not use exclusively female language for God so have no problems reciting the creeds which are so important in our faith.
It is up to the ArchBishop as to whether I am ordained, and so far he has not expressed any reservations!
Peace, and thanks for the discussion.
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Absolutely love this post Josie x
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Lovely post! It’s made me more thoughtful about Lent. I used to think it was just a case of giving something up as a sacrifice to God but this made me realise it’s also to make us realise how much we have; how lucky we are.
I’ve given up Coca-Cola and fast food this year. As someone who survived on Coke for my last couple of years of school and first year of uni, it isn’t easy! But I still have my coffee…
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I’ve given up online shopping for Lent. Seriously. With a little boy in the house who HATES shopping (and I mean everything from groceries to clothes to gadets) it’s a battle I’ve been avoiding by shopping online. A lot. I went to the shops once in the lead up to Christmas, everything else winged it’s way to me. I’ve done my big weekly grocery shop only about 3 times in person in the last year.
Time to be gone with online shopping until after Easter. And time to reconnect with person-to-person retailing. And time to teach my son the patience required to shop with women!
Disclaimer: I intend to resume (at least) online grocery shopping the very instant Lent is over.
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I don’t want to sound disrespectful to other’s religious beliefs because I absolutely support people’s right to celebrate their religion. However I’m not religious. So instead of giving up something for lent, I take something up – hot cross buns!
There are certain things I like to keep special. These days you can get hot cross buns before the Christmas tree has come down, but having them for that long would make them not so special. So instead, I restrict myself to only eating them during lent and Easter. Yup, I know that I’m probably the antithesis of what lent is about, but I love that it makes me hang out specially for hot cross buns.
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Hilarious! I think I am doing the same – but subconsciously taking up hot cross buns for lent. They are soooo yummy! And you are right – they are so good also because I only have them at this time of year – the lead up to Easter and on the day of course.
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I’ve just come out of Febfast with abstention colours flying, so might skip Lent this year.
And I’m another who’d never give up coffee – travelling to countries where coffee isn’t the first drink of choice can be hard work!
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I’ve given up alcohol for lent this year, which has certainly been enlightening. The ulterior motive (aside from faith based reasons) was for health and money-saving purposes, but it’s definitely been sobering to realise how much a glass of wine is a staple for me for social situations or de-stressing after work…
I’d advise anyone to spend a period of time giving up something you think you “need” or even just a habit you think you have a handle on. It helps you to recognise when things that aren’t necessarily helpful have a foot hold in your life and you’re then able to take the steps to adjust your behavior before you do get addicted or out of control.
Plus self control is a virtue we rarely get to practice nowadays and a great attribute to have.
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40 days? More like 46 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday.
This is the second year I’ve given up sugar for Lent. This year my husband is joining me and it’s made it much much easier. I still get horrid cravings in the afternoons and after dinner, but on the whole enjoying my alternative breakfasts and snacks.
But yes, Lent is the only way I can give up things as difficult to give up as sugar. It’s the whole religion thing that motivates me, much more so than health or diet or anything.
10 days gone, 36 to go.
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I could be wrong but I don’t think Sundays are included in the Lent time so it is 40 days. Or maybe its longer cos isn’t Easter based on the moon…just thinking outloud.
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Nursee is right, Lent is the 40 ‘ordinary’ days before Easter, Sunday’s don’t count.
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But surely you don’t give something up for Lent but splurge on that thing every Sunday?? Doesn’t make sense…
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You don’t necessarily splurge, but all Sundays are days of refreshment because we commemorate the resurrection of Jesus *every* Sunday, not just on Easter Sunday.
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I’m not convinced! So you’re not necessarily giving something up for 40 *consecutive* days… which kinda seems pointless to me. I reckon if you give something up for Lent, you go the whole hog, otherwise it’s not much of a sacrifice I reckon..
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I agree. I grew up Catholic and there was no such thing as having Sunday’s off during lent.
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I don’t know anyone who actually does only the 40 days. I think we give things up for the season of lent rather than the days, if that makes sense.
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Hi Fiona, actually, you are right. In reformed circles, Lent works like this:
1. Choose something from which to abstain as a reminder of Christ’s sacrifice at Easter.
2. Abstain from it from Wed 22 Feb until Easter Day, excepting all the Sundays of Lent – which are Feast days in the Christian calendar (and so the 46 day lenten period adds up to a 40 day fast).
3. Think of Christ’s death for sins just a little bit more than usual.
4. Don’t show off . Enjoy.
While it might not seem to make sense to have a ‘break’ in what we are giving up, it does, because we need to remember that Sundays all year are celebration days where we remember what God did in sending Jesus to be with us and that takes priority over giving something up for Lent.
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The 40 days is between Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday.
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Actually, the “excepting Sundays” argument above is the one that was given to me by a priest via my grandmother when I asked when I was old enough, and still precocious enough, to count it all up. I also remember a conversation in a car something like, “Oh no! I had a Coke! I’m giving that up! What…?” “Don’t stress! Just keep on with it now you’ve remembered – and anyway, it’s Sunday today!” So yeah, it probably does defeat the point to *intentionally* splurge on Sundays… but then, Sunday is the day for celebrating the resurrection, not the day for fasting as a sombre sacrifice.
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Pregnancy forces a kind of will power I can never muster when not pregnant. No alcohol, and a limit of some foods for 9 months. I’ve had 3 babies in 4 years, so i feel like I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding nearly non stop since Feb 2008. I got pregnant with no. 3 very quickly, and was in shock at the thought of no more “5 o’clock wine time”. I think I had actually become too reliant on that daily drink – life with 2 toddlers can do that to you!
However when all is said and done, it’s actually the most wonderful and luckiest reason to give up an indulgence.
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lovely to see a post here from you josie.
i am not religious but the idea of giving something up is worth considering.
i would also love to hear about your experience of being a ‘LGBTQI friendly feminist in her final year of training to become an ordained priest in the Anglican Church’.
how does that work? are you constantly battling old-fashioned views or is the anglican church up with the times?
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Maybe I’ll have to write about it… (don’t take much encouragment does it!)
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I’d love to hear more too Josie
. Religion is defintiely better with people like you in it
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I’ve given up lollies and buying magazines for Lent. There’s a great initiative called Lent Event http://www.lentevent.com.au It was established by a woman who saw a documentary about starving kids in Ethiopia and wanted to do something to help. So she started her own charity with the help of the Uniting Church. The money that you don’t spend on the items you’ve given up can be donated. Please check it out.
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Oops, it’s http://www.lentevent.com (drop the .au)
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A bit off topic but I saw this great article about words that other languages have that we don’t, but probably should have.
Shemomedjamo (Georgian) – means to eat past the point of being full because the food tastes good.
Kummerspeck (German) – excess weight gained from emotional eating.
http://www.cracked.com/article_19695_9-foreign-words-english-language-desperately-needs.html
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Last year I gave up soft drink.
This year I’m giving up negative thoughts. Or giving up indulging in negative thoughts…
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My eight year old son has challenged me to give up Pepsi and he’ll give up playing his ds. I’m not sure who will crack first …
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Crap, junk, chocolate – clean eating for the next two months, so longer than lent.
I gave it up at the start of the year, felt great, dropped 10kg, then slipped back into old ways. Time to get back on track!
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I gave up diet coke last year for lent and only began drinking it around Christmas to help with Christmas party hang overs. So I’m giving it up again this year.
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a colleague of mine is going without buying clothes – for a year!!!! She encourages others to join and gives support through her facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/events/204060306351031/
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I made this resolution about 18 months ago, to not buy anything new that I could buy used or make. So my little fella has never had ‘new’ clothes or toys that haven’t been a gift, and my daughter has a wardrobe full of second hand finds. Easy for them, a little harder for me. I do buy shoes, undies and bras new, everything else I try for second hand. It’s serioualy addictive – once you start you can’t stop! (like eating chocolate…)
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Rebecca is not buying anything!! There are some rules around essentials like underwear, but most people have bought so much, they can easily go without buying and not walking naked for a long time. Just have a look in your wardrobe. They say 80% of the content of a wardrobe gets worn 80% of the time.
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Ha ha – I was just about to reply to this article talking about what I am doing and I saw you’re already talking about it, Susanne!
I think it’s that you wear 20% of your wardrobe 80% of the time
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So true, too. I tell you, I have been digging into the back of the wardrobe for that other 80% the last two months because I’m already looking for more variety!
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I’m not religious but I’ve always liked the concept of lent…of denial.
Every Lent season I give up eating anything between meals.
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“Is there a better way, a more conscious way, of dealing with my emotions than the instant comfort that food brings?”
Yes. More available? No.
I sort of gave up chocolate “accidentally” a couple of months ago. Some time in January I realised I hadn’t eaten chocolate since before Christmas, so I thought I’d see how long I could carry on. I’ve only had it twice since then, but I must admit I’ve eaten *plenty* of other less-than-healthy stuff.
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We are not religious at all but a couple of weeks ago our nine year old came home and said he’d heard about this thing called “lint” (bless him!) where people give up stuff before Easter. He wanted to do it and has roped in my husband and me. We’ve given up chocolate and we’re donating the money we would have spent on chocolate to a charity. I actually can’t believe how seriously he is taking it. In his weekly lunch order last Friday he had asked for a pink doughnut. They had run out so put a chocolate iced one in his bag. He gave it to his friend. He doesn’t understand the religious significance of what he is doing but I think just sacrificing for others is a good thing anyway, so happy to support it.
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You know you’re a bad person when your immediate thoughts from reading this are “hmm, some of that chocolate in the fridge would be lovely right now- hey, it’s too early for lunch & I am hungry…”
Resistance is futile
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And that is why I don’t keep chocolate in the fridge…because it doesn’t stay there for long! *grin*
My husband often asks me when I come home from grocery shopping “is there any snack food?” and looks sad (think puppy) when I say no. But when you’re a stay at home mum the last thing you need is junk food in the house! Unfortunately, he and the kids are the only ones who benefit from this policy, I just buy the junk food and eat it before I come home. *sigh*
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Hi Josie
Just wanted to say I LOVE this post and I hope we see more of your writing on Mamamia this year.
So has Lent actually started? (When is Easter this year?)
I think I’m going to give up letting Ava watch TV in the mornings. I’ve become a bit lazy and now she’s totally dominating the TV. So I think I’ll give that up and work harder to engage with her in the mornings. That or give her a chuppa-chup to maintain the calm. Joking. Maybe.
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6th, 7th, 8th and 9th of April.
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Bec, you have no idea how much that means coming from you! I’m just sooo excited at being in the same place as you and Mia and Rick and Lana and all the team, it’s a bit embarassing. Easter Sunday is the 8th of April, which makes Maundy Thusday the 5th, Good Friday the 6th, Easter Saturday the 7th etc.
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Lent starts Ash Wednesday (which was last week, 22.2.)
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Bec, your comment about giving Ava a chupa-chup to maintain the calm made me remember when adopted our daughter in China. She was 14 months old, there were five toddlers meeting their families that day, and the carers must have decided that chupa-chups were the best way to keep the little ones quiet. So much to all the new mums & dads horror, a carer would pop a chupa-chup in the mouths of any crying girl. My now six year old thinks it is hilarious that most of her “Forever Day” photos have her sucking on or holding a chupa-chup! I dread to think how often chupa-chups were used, because when we visited our daughter’s orphanage three days later the same thing happened. Thankfully the dentist says her teeth are perfect.
I am enjoying your writings here on Mamamia – and one of your books I’ve read – but wonder how you get the time to write now you have your new baby and a toddler to care for!
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I have given up all sugar for the 40 days of lent – except in my tea and even then I am trying to only have herbal tea where no sugar is required. This morning I was sorely tempted to eat a lammington for breakfast. I did what you described above. I thought of the promise I made to God and how Jesus was so strong to stick to what his mission was. At that point I stopped and made toast and left the lammington alone in the cupboard with its 5 other friends. Thank you for your thoughtful argument that has helped me to remember why we do this small task.
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I have given up all sweets and cakes. But I am not sure if I’m going to make for such a long time, as I also would have something almost every day. If I struggle, I said to myself I will alow myself something on the weekend, but try to stay on track on weekdays. Good luck to me.
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It’s nice to try and give up something rather than feel the pressure of doing more, more, more. So often I begin to get anxious thinking of all the things I should be doing (exercising, calling mum, spending time with family, reading more, cooking more, seeing my gfs more, paying more attention to my beauty regime etc etc). It’s nice to think of one thing I can take away instead of add to my day. So…what should I give up…wheat, chocolate or Facebook?
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I think Facebook would be the hardest.. for me… I’d have to delete the bookmark off my browser and my phone.
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I am a proud Catholic after coming into full communion at Easter three years ago.
This lenten season, my hubby and I have given up yelling and being angry with the children! For us it was a way of reassessing how we manage their behaviour, and ours in the process. It’s also a time to reflect about how Jesus suffered. And for me, it’s about what Mary must have felt to see her son suffer. I hope and pray I never feel that and am thankful to God every day that I wake up to two beautiful, healthy little girls
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I’m going to give up lollies, including chocolate. I’ve noticed that they have started to become a daily treat. I’ll be standing in line at the supermarket, see a chocolate bar and think why not? Or someone will offer me one and I won’t say no.
One thing I could never give up is coffee. We ran out of coffee yesterday and this morning I noticed I was moody and snappy to my son while getting him ready for school. He even sat me down and said “mum is there anything you would like to talk about?” Bless him.
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LOL! My 5 year old has been known to say “Mummy, I think you need some quiet time”. They’re so funny, aren’t they?!
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I gave up alcohol. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Will stick with it, but will definitely be enjoying a glass of wine come Easter
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I’ve given up chocolate, too. The money I save by this will be donated to projects of UnitingWorld (the overseas arm of the Uniting Church), so me giving up a small luxury will help provide other people with necessities. That gives me a little extra incentive when I really, really want some chocolate!
(Just remember, we never fast on Sundays. Sunday was the day of the resurrection and so is always a feast-day – it’s okay to have a bit of chocolate then.)
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I’m not religious AT ALL, but I think Lent is awesome. I love the discipline and positive results of giving something up for a fixed time. I usually give up some form of unhealthy food. And I usually observe Lent in January, after xmas overindulgence!
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I’m giving up mornings. Never liked them. Won’t miss them too much.
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I have given up Facebook. It is so liberating! I did not realise how often I was wondering what was happening in other peoples lives. Who cares. Time to concentrate on my own.
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This idea appeals to me. As someone who isn’t Catholic, however, I’m often blind-sided by Lent when everyone starts mentioning pancakes and realise I hadn’t contemplated what I was going to give up.
Your second last paragraph reminded me of Lily Allen’s song Him: “Ever since He can remember, people have died in His good name. Long before that September, long before hijacking planes. He’s lost the will, He can’t decide. He doesn’t know who’s right or wrong. But there’s one thing that He’s sure of – this has been going on too long.“
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I love that song “Him” by Lily… just beautiful!
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Can I give up cleaning?
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This gave me a good giggle
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I gave up wine and meat. Untill I had a horrid day yesterday, cracked and had a glass of wine. Oops.
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I know what I NEED to give up . . . Bloody Star Wars the Old Republic . . . But could I do it?
Probably not. So I’ll give up Jack Daniels instead.
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Not really!!! Ok. Maybe I’ll give up Coke and have the Jack on the Rocks . . .
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Much smarter
coke is far worse!! hehe
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I’m not even lying. Ive given up sex for lent.
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Sex! Seriously, it’s been longer than 40 days already…
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I was going to give up double entendre for Lent, but it was too hard.
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My youngest of 4 children has just turned 18. I calculate that I have been ‘giving up things’ for around 33 years now. 33 years on lenten sacrifice. I celebrate the sacrifice but I also celebrate walking out of the ‘desert’ into a renewed life.
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