No. Just… No.

The concept of women torturing themselves for their weight just became WAY too literal.

It’s called the ‘Tongue Patch’ and it basically involves a doctor taking an abrasive piece of plastic about the size of a postage stamp and SEWING IT to the top of your tongue:

Yeah. What. The. F—K?

Invented by a plastic surgeon in Los Angeles, the patch apparently makes it so painful to eat solid food that you’re forced onto a diet of liquids. And life-transforming weight loss ensues! What a dream!

Until, you know, it attaches itself to your tongue like some kind of live host. That’s not a joke. If you leave the patch on for longer than a month, your tongue will BECOME ONE WITH THE PLASTIC.

scream Torture: the new way to lose weight. Seriously.

It gets worse. Not only is this ‘procedure’ becoming increasingly popular, it’s going global too. THE TONGUE PATCH IS AIMING FOR WORLD DOMINATION.

Dr. Nikolas Chugay, the genius who came up with this medieval torture method (that he charges $2000 for by the way), says he has only seen about 60 patients since launching it in 2009. But in Venezuela, the procedure is taking off in a big way. One doctor there claims she does the ol’ cross-stich on about 900 tongues A MONTH.

Can you tell by all the caps in this post that we’re equal parts outraged and terrified? In case you can’t, we’ll end with this:


Comment Guidelines: Imagine you’re at a dinner party. Different opinions are welcome but keep it respectful or the host will show you the door. We have zero tolerance for any abuse of our writers, our editorial team or other commenters. You can read a more detailed outline of our commenting guidelines HERE.

And if you’re offensive, you’ll be blacklisted and all your comments will go directly to spam. Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re going to be – cool. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation.

Important note for those wishing to comment anonymously: If you wish to remain anonymous, please simply use 'Anonymous' or 'Guest' as your user name and type in as the email.