by JO ABI (Aquarius)
I feel free.
I have stopped reading my horoscope and my life is much better.
My star sign is Aquarius. My mum told me it was Capricorn when I was little and I diligently read my incorrect horoscope for several years before realising I was a first-day Aquarian. How could she have made such a mistake? Even though her mistake was probably an easy one seeing as my birth date is at the cusp of the two, didn’t she realise from my unique personality that I am clearly an Aquarian? I have a strong and attractive personality? Check (depends on the day). I am open-minded? Check (except when it comes to the carb-debate). I always seek mental stimulants? Check (except when I’m tired and sloth-out in front of reality TV).
How could she even think I was a Capricorn? Practical and prudent? Um, no. Patient and careful? Hell no. Reserved and dark? No! Pessimistic and fatalistic? Only after watching the CI channel too much.
So, with my new found knowledge of my Aquarianism I devoted myself to reading about my life and how I could expect my day/week/month to be. If my horoscope said I was going to have a day full of new ideas I’d sit down and try and be creative, knowing it would come out of me eventually. When it said I’d experience a conflict with someone close to me I’d take the opportunity to tell my boyfriend what was bugging me about him. When it predicted that I would come in to money I’d buy a lottery ticket. It was my guide, my oracle, my wise voice.
My relationship with my horoscope started to sour when I realised that I couldn’t even start my day without it. Did I really need to read its predictions? Wasn’t it better not to know?
NB: I strongly believe that horoscopes are accurate and even though several versions on the same day aren’t exactly the same, they all seem to have a point.
I decided to avoid my horoscope. This was particularly challenging as I found myself automatically opening the back of my magazine instead of reading the front first. I corrected this behaviour by tearing the horoscope page out, screwing it up and throwing it in the bin.
But the email! I had subscribed to an email horoscope years earlier (see how open-minded I am) and it pinged at the worst time. With shaky fingers I deleted it and then emptied the deleted file. I don’t want to know how my day is going to be. I’ll find out soon enough, thank you very much.
Then there was the problem of the horoscope-sharers. I arrived at my friend’s house and we spread out all the trash-mags and lost ourselves in them.
“Here’s your star sign Jo”, she began, and started to read it out. “You’ll find out …”
“No!” She looked up at me startled. “I don’t want to know.”
So I have been horoscope-free for almost a month now. I am free from my horoscope-induced expectations for the day/week/month. Yes I’m still interested in things I’m ‘truly seeking’ and predictions of ‘work conflict’ or the advice to ‘be careful with your spending’. This is all true most days. And at the end of the day, if I’m going to have a crap day with a ‘cosmic adjustment’ leaving me feeling conflicted, I’d rather not know. Or if I’m being given ‘a rare and wonderful chance to revisit and old decision and strike an new deal’ then I’d rather be surprised.
And yes, before you point it out, I was FORCED to read my horoscope today for research purposes. My thanks to the Sunday Telegraph Magazine and Jonathan Canier’s predictions. And no disrespect to you…your advice today for me to ignore the need for ‘cosmetic adjustments’ such as new hairstyles and new teeth has been note. I will throw out my teeth-whitening kit as soon as I get home. I completely agree that I have to be open to ‘a new perspective’ and redefine my ‘sense of self’. As a non-horoscope reader my sense of self has never been better. Thanks.
Jo Abi is the author of the book How to Date a Dad: a dating guide released by Hachette Livre Australia. You can follow her on Twitter here.
Do you read your horoscope? Are you a believer in star signs as accurate predictions of a person’s character and future?