Life is expensive. That probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to you. But what you may find surprising is the amount of money you may be spending just by having a vagina in your pants.
Because they require so many things, don’t they? Birth control pills. Tampons. Pap smears. UTI remedies. Waxing. Thrush cream….it’s a long list. Certainly when you compare it to the needs of a penis which are far more modest and mostly optional.
US website Jezebel did the calculations on just how much it costs the average American women to have a vagina and came up with a figure of US$2663.02 PER YEAR. And that’s not even taking variables such as emergency contraception, pregnancy tests or abortions into account.
Since their calculations were American estimates based on the experiences of Jezebel staff, we’ve done our own Australian version to see exactly how much the average Aussie girl might spend on her vagina every year.
Here’s what we worked out…
Birth control: Yasmin Tablets, 12 months supply = $280
Tampons & pads: Tampons, 20 a month = $67. Pads, 14 a month = $60
PMS relief: Naprogesic Tablets = $13. Heat pack = $20
Sex: Condoms, 4 packs = $50. Lubricant, 2 tubes = $20
Vagisil: 60ml tube = $7
UTI remedies: Antibiotics = $40. Doctor’s appointment = $85. Bottle of Cranberry Juice = $6
Yeast Infection: Diflucan = $35. Doctor’s appointment = $85
Waxing: 9 waxes a year at $40 = $360
Pap Smear: $130
Toilet Paper: 12 packs a year = $96
And variables: Pregnancy Test = $20. Morning After Pill = $30. Abortion = $400
So the good news is that an Australian vagina costs less than half the price of an American one to maintain. And of course, every vagina’s individual circumstances are going to be different. Maybe you use a Mooncup, maybe you let your lady garden grow, maybe you don’t need to buy the pill or condoms.
But this doesn’t even take into account other things like women’s UNDIES. While men can wander into Kmart once every few years to pick out a four-pack of Bonds trunks, women are constantly shelling out to fill up the different categories of their undies drawer: the ‘special’ undies, the ‘everyday’ undies, the fat-sucking undies, and the period undies…
Columnist Caitlin Moran says it best in her book How To Be A Woman: “I can’t believe we’ve got to a point where it’s basically costing us MONEY to have a fanny. They’re making us pay for maintenance and upkeep of our lulus, like they’re a communal garden. It’s a stealth tax. A fanny GST. This is money we should be spending on THE ELECTRICITY BILL and CHEESE.”
When faced with the numbers, do you think you spend more on your vagina than, say, your hair? Or your face? Or any other body part, for that matter?