Bec
by REBECCA SPARROW
I was an ‘It’ girl twelve years ago. Not in a great legs, glossy hair, Miranda Kerr kinda way. Obviously.
But I had one of those lives that other people envied. I was 28-years-old. I lived in a fabulous old Queenslander I was renting with my girlfriends. I had a good looking American boyfriend. I was earning a terrific salary and, oh yes, I was the editor of one of Australia’s highest circulating travel magazines.
You know what that means, don’t you? I traveled the world. For free. I flopped onto the world’s comfiest bed at the Four Seasons Hotel in New York. I sailed in a First Class Cabin on the QE2. I flew First Class.
Yo, I was living the dream, y’all.
Back then people marveled at my life and because I was, well, an idiot, I allowed them to think my life was perfect and didn’t tell them the truth: That if Dorothy pulled back the curtain she’d find me in a disastrous relationship that I was barely holding together (and would later attempt to fix with a Vegas wedding! Because that ALWAYS works.). And that the travel, as intoxicating as it looked from the outside, was often lonely. Part of the great joy of traveling is sharing it with someone. Anyone. Annnnnnnnnyone.
So here we are 12 years later and once again people have started commenting on how ‘amazing’ my life is. Or looks. You get to work for Mamamia! You’re a published author! They’re making a movie from your first novel! I can’t believe you spoke to Deborah Oswald!
Actually, I can’t believe I got to speak to her either. That *was* pretty amazing.
Don’t get me wrong, I do have a great life. But it’s not perfect. Not even close. Nobody’s is. And I think sometimes we forget that.
So with that in mind, here’s the bits of my life you don’t know …
Bec with Fin
- Two days ago I cried in the shower because I felt so overwhelmed with, I don’t even know what. Life, I guess.
- The reason you rarely see photos of me on Open Post is not simply because I’m not based at Mamamia HQ (and therefore not around when the team are snapping pics). It’s because I have absolutely no sense of style. None. I find fashion incredibly stressful. This is partly because I find it hard to find clothes that fit me. I have Wilma Flintstone’s hips and Fred Flintstone’s arse.
- I love my work and more than that I NEED to work because it nourishes me but every day I worry that my daughter Ava’s childhood is slipping through my fingers. I am forever carrying the guilt that I’m not spending enough time with 3-year-old Ava or eight-month-old Fin.
- I’ve started to suffer from anxiety when it comes to anybody other than myself driving my children anywhere. Even my husband. Even my parents. The babysitter. My sister-in-law. Even if Jesus turned up, I’d ask to see his driving record, then I’d smile and nod and claim I’d misplaced the car keys.
- How am I managing to work from home and have an 8-month-old baby and a three-year-old? I take loads of shortcuts. At least once a week I serve Ava the “Bunnings Dinner” (sausage-in-bread with sauce). I don’t always bath her and Fin every night. Our house, at times, looks like it’s been inhabited by squatters who have a fondness for sultanas and Tic Toc biscuits.
I could, of course, go on.
I’m not asking for violins. Or a round of high-fives for revealing this stuff. I’m just pulling back the curtain so that my friends can see that really, the Wizard is just a woman in trakky-daks who makes a mean sausage-in-bread.
Okay, that’s a lie. I frequently burn the sausages.
What’s the truth about your life? What things have you been afraid for people to know?
Comments
309 Comments so far
The thing I’ve learned about being a grown up is you don’t ‘get there’.
I remember being a graduate thinking “If I ever earned $50k I’d be the richest person in the world. I’d never worry about money again” and being a 20 something struggling with fertility and thinking “If I had a baby I’d never want for anything again.”
The reality is the struggle is part of life for everyone. Even the ones who have got bits that are on your dream list. Just like when you got your last dreams and there were unforseen cons that came with them, such is the same for those you admire.
And getting what you want doesn’t mean its hard. The number of my friends who have struggled for years to get pregnant and are now pregnant or with a baby who don’t want to say they are tired or afraid of never finding a job that has work life balance – for fear they seem ungrateful. Same with the promotion, or the world travel.
You have to draw people’s worries, stresses and fuck ups out of them sometimes.
I don’t think people realise how much I live in permanent fear of dropping all the balls and them smashing or that I wonder if anyone knows I’m a fraud as a mother and worker. That I don’t really have any idea what I’m doing, but I’m fabulous at pretending I am.
loading...
I found out this morning that my 6 year old has detention today for play fighting with some of his classmates at lunch time. There were at least 6 kids involved but only 2, one being my son got detention. When his teacher told me this morning I just wanted to scoop him up and take him home.
I don’t doubt that he was play fighting. He can get carried away but he is also easily influenced by other children and one of the kids involved has caused trouble before but because he is part of the learning disability program he gets special treatment. Last term this kid had made inappropriate sexual comments to my son and even asked him to touch him. I requested that he be kept separate from my son at lunch time and that I didn’t want them paired up for activities during class. My son’s behaviour changes when he plays with this kid. He throws tantrums, is aggressive and doesn’t listen.
I don’t want it to come across that I’m picking on this kid but I don’t want him near my son.
I’m at the stage now where I’m thinking about changing schools but I don’t see why my son should have to lose all his other friends just because of this one kid. At school pick up the mother of the kid glares at me constantly. She will sit with a few other mums and whisper while glancing over at me.
Her son was the one who was inappropriate towards mine. I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about sticking up for me son but now that mine has detention today for play fighting and being seen hitting hers I feel like it’s going to get worse. I have no doubt all the kids involved were hitting each other but only my son and another child were caught doing it.
I’m trying to stay calm but the more I think about it the more angry I get. I understand that this child has a learning disability but I’m also not going to let my son suffer because of it. I am a mum and it is my responsibility to protect my child.
My family already make judgements on how I parent. They are constantly going behind my back and doing stuff I’ve asked them not to. If I stick up for myself then I am being a bitch and need to relax. My mum doesn’t get along with my partner and telling my family this would only give them more to talk about.
loading...
Have you asked the school to organise a meeting between you and the other mum? At least you could bring it out in the open and hopefully all get some strategies to work together.
loading...
Step into the other mother’s shoes for just a few minutes.
She is grieving because her son isn’t who she expected him to be. She is worried about his future. Will be he able to live independently? Will he end up committing a crime because he’s so easily led astray. She might be embarrassed at her son’s behaviour, but powerless to do anything about it. Her husband may have left because his son isn’t what he wanted.
Have you considered reaching out to this boy, and his mother? Have you considered saying “We got off on the wrong foot, let’s have a cup of tea and see how the boys can be friends without getting into trouble”
Your son is growing up in a world full of people of all kinds of abilities, colours and creeds. Your job is to teach him tolerance and respect, and of course, how to protect himself. He will need to manage all kinds of situations throughout his life.
loading...
My son feels uncomfortable around the boy but played with him because the boy told him he chose him to be his best friend. My son thought that meant he had to play with him at lunch. I’m sorry but I’m trusting my intuition and it’s telling me not to let my son near him. He has already asked my son to touch his penis once, why allow my son into another situation like that? My son was distraught for days and refused to go to school. The whole thing makes my skin crawl. A child should NEVER have to worry about being asked to touch someone’s penis at school.
My older sister has a mental disability. I’m well aware of the grief and stress it causes as I witnessed what my mum went through and felt the pain. I grew up very quickly because I had to.
I’m constantly teaching my son tolerance and understanding but that doesn’t mean he should be forced into a situation that makes him feel uncomfortable and affects his behaviour.
I’m requesting a meeting with the mum at the school.
loading...
I am all for tolerance but only to a point. I have a mentally and physically disabled nephew and I know the struggles his parents go through. I don’t care what the reasons are, I would be keeping my kids away from ANYONE who wanted to touch their genitalia!!!!!! Tolerance and putting your son in a bad situation are totally different, you are doing the right thing.
loading...
You are being an awesome Mum and you are doing an amazing job
xxxx
loading...
Hi Anon,
I say move schools. Yes its not good to run away but if you can’t see this improving and feel your child will be affected by this on a regular basis move. kids make friends, and the ones he is friends with at his current school he can see on weekends and holidays?
Your his mum and i completely understand the overwhelming need to protect. My daughter was being bullied at school, its horrific what young kids can do to one another. luckily for us the situation has been resolved, but it sounds like the mother of the child is adding to your problem.
loading...
Thanks so much for sharing Bec! I’m a single mum of a one year old and trying to start a business from home and today I started crying in the Aldi carpark for no reason. Most days are at mimimum ok but some days things are just too overwhelming and I guess that was today. Your post is very timely!!! Thanks again!
loading...
Rachel, my hat goes off to single mothers out there! Amazing. Can only imagine how exhausting it must be. On a positive note, Aldi stock some awesome pfefferkuchen biscuits which would go lovely with a tear up in the car park (I’ve had many of those!)
loading...
I love aldi! I sometimes go there and to woollies ostensibly to save money but really because wandering along the aisles by myself in the evening for an hour is the only break I get!
loading...
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF BEC’S POSTS.
loading...
I really identified with this. For me, one of my biggest ‘secrets’ is my children’s. Mine are the type of children that everyone else always LOVE. They are charming, charasmatic, beautifully mannered and reaally funny. They interact easily with adults and other kids no matter what the social sitaution and I am always being complimented on their behaviour. But at home…OH MY GOD. monsters doesn’t even begin to describe it. They fight constantly, back chat, sulk, whine, goad and ARGUE WITH ME ENDLESSLY. I cry often, because it just does my head in and I threaten to drive away about every 2 days. On the one hand, I am proud that they behave so well out in public, but when we get home, I often feel like a fraud…
loading...
Hey, don’t worry too much – one of my kids was like that. In hindsight, I feel that “behaving” at school etc was so stressful for him that he just could not keep it up when he got home. He is now a lovely, placid 22 yr old! They will grow out of it (most probably..). In the meantime, perhaps try de-stressing with them when you get home, soothing music – if it doesn’t work then you can always put on the soothing music on your headphones and tell them “end of argument”!!
loading...
Bec – I LOVE the truth about your life! More please
loading...
Bec, this is a wonderful piece, one of the best I’ve read here in a long time.
And just as a side note, I could be in the minority here, but I would love to see someone dressed in “normal” basic outfits in the Open Post, why not? Not everyone needs to be a hip, colour blocked, neon loving fashionista. No one dresses like the girls at the MM office in any job I’ve ever worked at so don’t be shy, I for one, would love to see more pics of you.
loading...
YES!! I totally agree Jess. Thank you
loading...
Firstly Bec, you are a breath of fresh air & one of my favourite Australian female writers. What have I been afraid for people to know? My husband & I don’t want another kid. Gosh, there. I said it out loud!!! (well, kind of!) We have a son who is nearly 2 years old & totally adore him (seriously can’t imagine our life without him) But I havd a terrible labour/birth, nursed post natal depression for almost a year, had reoccuring mastitis so had to give up breastfeeding earlier than I wanted (hence throwing me deeper into post natal depression/guilt), I havent been able to work because there is no child care places in the eastern suburbs for kids under 2 years old (seriously, it’s easier to dig for gold!) we cant afford a nanny and have no family in Sydney. Whilst these 2 years have been challenging, we are now happier than ever but it’s taken a while to get on our feet. Recently we decided we dont WANT another kid. Not because we cant have another, we just don’t want to go through it again. Most of my friends are pregnant again and have asked when we will try again soon….people always assume we’ll have another. I’m too ashamed to tell them I don’t want another so quickly change the subject or make up an excuse. I know lots of women who desperately want children but can’t. I feel so bloody guilty and fear the judgement if I tell the truth. Wow, that was a mouthful. Thanks for opening up the conversation Bec!
loading...
Betty D, please don’t feel guilty about the choices you’re making. We have a son who we adore, but we too decided that our family was complete. He’s 11 now and none of us have any regrets. I’m 40 so people have finally stopped asking when we’ll have more children … Don’t worry about what other people might think or feel, just do what you know is right for you!
loading...
Thanks tracy without an e! that would totally be the advice I’d give a girlfriend. Funny how we are all so hard on ourselves. Thanks for your comment x
loading...
Hey Bec – you know how relevant this is to MM readers? Well, I just did some maths and worked out in 3 hours and 40 minutes (9.21am publish time to 1.01pm) you’ve received 63 comments already. That’s a comment every three and a half minutes. Just goes to show.
loading...
Love this.
I refuse photos too since giving birth as I’m a fat mess. Lunch constitutes whatever I can eat in 2 minutes. The carpet has white spots of baby vom that I haven’t got around to cleaning. I never make the bed and I hate washing my hair. Also I’m so sleep deprived I just put the milk in the pantry for the 4th time this week.
But love my smushy bub so much.
loading...
Oh Bec. *Deep, deep sigh of admiration*. I love this piece of writing.
loading...
Lots of truths for me. At 34 with 2 children and one on the way, I am a size 6-8 but no one knows that I can find multiple things about other women that I would swap for me, constantly. I make it look easy to go to the gym 3 times a week, but no one knows the anxiety i have if i can’t go, or didn’t work hard there. My husband and i are best friends and do everything together, but no one knows how often we fight about who’s most tired or who does the most! I have a gorgeous big house, new car and only work two days a week, but no one knows how much my parents help us with, and the guilt i have about not deserving it.
I am grateful for everything i have, and try really hard when i am jealous of others, to remember that things are not as they seem for those people either.
loading...
Oh Beccles. This is why I love you and your writing and why you’re one of the people I admire most – because you’re so honest.
Every time I’ve written for MM about being single, or lonely (or anything of those things you don’t want people to know) I’ve been almost shaking with fear. But the one thing I’ve learned in the last year is the more you share with people, the more you realise you’re not the only one.
So thank you Xxxx
loading...
Thank you Bec…beautiful…
Things about me…
I’m constantly sad at the moment…I’m coming to terms with letting go of the dream of having another child. We have one (we all fought hard for him to arrive) but alas, no more.
You won’t see me sad…I’ll put on a happy face when I go to kindy drop off and pick ups (which honestly, I struggle to front up to at the moment). I’ll talk about your children and how wonderful their sibling relationships are, and I’ll hide my heart break from you (really…who wants to see it?)
I feel guilty…guilty that I couldn’t provide my son with a sibling. Guilty that my life is “easier” than someone with a brood. Guilty that sometimes I feel that ‘one isn’t enough’.
I feel like a fraud. After years of trying to join the ‘I’m a Mum’ group, I feel like I’m not really a Mum…not a Mum Mum, who is constantly exhausted and pulled in every direction by beautiful little chubby hands.
Mostly, I feel alone. I write a post like this as it’s my only way of really talking about stuff. And that makes me feel sort of sad.
….and I do all those awful things like let my son watch too much tv (I try to make myself feel better as he watches documentaries…but really, who am I kidding?). I constantly have 4 baskets full of ironing that needs to be done, I’m still in my pjs (and will be until I need to go to work) and I love “snog, marry or avoid”…and watch it whenever it’s on!
Thanks again for your beautiful honesty.
loading...
Monnie, I know lots of only children. They have wonderful, fulfilling lives and a great network of friends. It saddens me that you feel guilty that you wont be able to give your child a sibbling. But I completely understand, honestly I do. For different reasons. Rest assured that an only child is just as happy and wise as one that comes from a huge brood. I know a few adults who have cut ties with their sibblings for really nasty reasons. Just do what works for you…and dont sweat about the ironing. My grandmother used to lie shirts flat under her mattress and then sleep on them! true story. hilarious xx
loading...
Monnie my heart breaks for you that you have to hide all these feelings.
Thanks for your honesty and I hope you learn to deal with this sadness soon.
Huge hugs
loading...
Oh Mon.
I am actually in tears.
Listen, like the others I know loads of people who only have one child (for a whole range of reasons). And many of them worry too. But here’s the thing. In life, you get what you get.
Some kids are only children but they have grandparents around. Or aunts and uncles or cousins.
I have one sibling ( an older brother) but I had no other family at all (well, my mum’s aunt was a live until I was nine and she was sort of a nanna to me but that was it). But I grew up without grandparents or cousins or aunts and uncles.
I spent my childhood wishing for a big extended family.
Other people may have siblings AND a big extended family but maybe something else is missing. Know what I mean? Or they’ll tell you that it’s not what it’s cracked up to be.
And what’s a mum mum? There’s no such thing! There is no situation that makes you MORE of a mum than someone else.
And sister, if you knew how much time Ava spent watching TV and eating nuggets, you’d call DOCS.
You’re not alone, Mon. We’re all in this together.
xxxxx
loading...
Bec, Our Charlie & Lola DVD has been the best $10 investment EVER. pretty sure my son will have an english accent!
loading...
Bahahahaha! LOOOOOOVE that!
loading...
I also spent so much of my childhood wishing for a big extended family!
I have a tiny family here in Aus – the rest are back in Poland and we don’t really keep in contact.
But I am so lucky that my tiny family all get along like a house on fire and that we love each other’s company. I’ve grown to love it when it’s just the five of us at Christmas or Easter – it’s so special.
And if I end up marrying my boyfriend… he has more than enough extended family to go around – so I’ll get everything I wished for!
Lots of love to you both, Mon and Bec xxxx
ps. Bec, I love nuggets and Bunnings lunch. YUM.
loading...
I grew up isolated and wishing for a large extended family. I married into one and can now see the downside
I’d love a simple Christmas with just my husband and the kids..
loading...
Thanks so much, Bec.
This post of yours has seen such an amazing outpouring of honesty and women supporting women….how beautiful is that!
An amazing gift you have given the Mammamia community.
loading...
Girlfriend, I know this might be the least of your worries but NEVER BE ASHAMED TO WATCH SNOG, MARRY, AVOID. That shit is awesome and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise xx
loading...
Thank you for all your beautiful responses…the time you took to write them and the words of encouragement.
These will be words that I hold dear to my heart for some time…and I know I will return to this post over and over, just to remind myself of them.
Thank you.
Mxo
loading...
Keep your chin up, girlfriend. We all have things we wish could be different, but we also all have things about us that are shit hot and shiny. Be kind to you xx
loading...
All I can say Monnie, is I know how you feel. Would have loved to have another child. Kindy drop off was hard when my girl looked around and noticed all her peers had a baby brother/sister. She whispered to me, “Mummy, let’s buy a baby.” If only it were that easy.
One day I found my girl sitting in the hallway with her head buried in her lap. When I asked her what was wrong she said, “I really want a baby sister”. It still makes me a bit teary to think of it.
If my girl threw a tantrum/found it hard to share/failed at anything there would always be some well-meaning mum of a brood around to explain to me it was because she was an only child.
You do feel a bit caught in the middle at times. Not quite worthy of joining in cries of how school holidays are driving you a bit mad because after all, you only have one child. But nor are you embraced by childless friends with infertility issues because after all, you have one.
Sometimes it does feel like you are just dabbling your toes in motherhood rather than diving right in.
But as time passes I am coming to terms with it. I just have to accept that being an only is something my child is also going to have to come to terms with in her own time.
In the meantime I try to make sure our home life is filled with laughter so she doesn’t have to look back on a childhood surrounded by dull adults. I try not to dwell on it too much but it’s good somethimes to share what lies beneath…thanks Bec!
loading...
Thank you, Mum of one.
Just to know that there are others out there, helps so much.
I know (and hope) that over time, it will get easier. It’s a process of acceptance…just wish you could fast forward it sometimes.
And yes, similar to you, I often hear my son playing in his room with his imaginary brother…it’s hard to hear.
Thanks again…your encouragement means a lot!
loading...
Monnie, this is my reality (only very recently) and it sucks! My son is 1 and am 40 and have been told that he will be our only child due to me leaving my `run’ too late. I am devastated by this and can only hug my son tighter (which he is not too keen on sometimes!)and hope he doesn’t hate me for it down the track, but the other comments are also true, I have a sibling who I am not terribly close with which makes me think that only children are ok and it is up to me to make my son’s growing up full of lots of great experiences and just a lot of love – I hope this is enough for him – and me.
loading...
sorry to hear of your recent news, MrsBananaFarmer.
Thank God for our beautiful boys and those special hugs we have.
And you’re right, it is up to us to provide lots of wonderful experiences and bundles of love.
Cheers.
loading...
Oh Mon, big big hugs to you. Having ridden the infertiity rollercoaster I know those emotions. Yes we were lukcy to eventually conceive Master A, but I know we were lucky. And there definitley won’t be anymore due to my health issues, which also makes me sad.
But you are definitley a Mum! And if you aren’t a MUUUUMUUUMM MUUUMM with sticky hands pulling at you then I say give it time. Your son’s hands will get stickier, and his voice louder, he will need you for a long time to come.
May I encourage you to go and talk to a counseller? You are grieving for things lost, and you don’t have to do it alone.
Hugs
loading...
Thank you so much for your comments.
I think I need to start a new affirmation for myself “I am a Mum Mum”…and hopefully over time, will come to believe it.
Thanks so much, Cordeline
loading...
Thanks Oopsyboops
Your words of encouragement are so lovely.
I have sought our counselling in the past, perhaps it’s time for a bit of a top up. I think things are especially ‘raw’ at the moment as my sister is about to give birth to her second any moment now…just makes it all a little ‘closer’. I’m thrilled for her…but it reminds me of my own sadness.
I wish you all the very best too.
loading...
Monnie, I have something to tell you. You ARE a ‘mum mum’. You really are.
A close girlfriend of mine has one son and she is always saying ‘oh it must be so much harder with two’ etc etc. And I always say to her, being a mum is hard (and great!) no matter how many you have. There are just some differences.
One of my kids went to my folks for a couple of nights the other week. And even though the house was (slightly) quieter and there wasn’t any sibling fighting, I tell you, I was still exhausted. My youngest daughter didn’t have her sister to play with, she just wanted me ALL THE TIME and it was relentless. And I’ll tell you something else, I turned the TV on for her during those days WAY more than normal as I was just overwhelmed by her being demanding.
loading...
Mon, I’m an only child and I had a wonderful life!! My Mum and I are SO close, best friends!!
I never felt I missed out on something or wished I had siblings because I never knew any different. I went on holidays with friends, had lots of friends and socialized at school. My best friend has twin sisters and I feel just a part of their family as mine so I had the best of both worlds.
Love you little one to absolute death. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t. You are SO lucky to him your child and they love you more than you will know. They will need you just a little bit more but then so will you
xx
loading...
Thanks so much Felicity…it’s so good to hear it from your point of view.
My hope is that we have the same relationship with our son that you do with you Mum…how wonderful!
As hard as it is, I think there is something very special about the dynamic of a family of 3…
Thanks again for your encouragement
loading...
Beautiful article Bec. Thanks for being so honest! I often wonder how you manage to write all your stuff and then I realised you are probably up late at night while I am passed out at 8pm, worn out by my toddler. I figuered you must have been one of those supermums who never need sleep. I don’t mean this to come across the wrong way, but it makes me feel a hell of a lot better to know that it is actually a struggle for you to do what you do. Your life does seem glamorous from the outside. It makes the rest of us feel slightly less useless to know your life doesn’t come easy!
What I really admire about you though is that you are living your dream in the sense that you are pursuing a career that you love and that gives you meaning.
I am currently stuck in a job that is just not suited to me. I am trying to get our finances and toddlers care arrnagements in shape so that I can make the jump to a more creative life that I have been craving, but it is not easy and takes time. In the mean time I feel like a failure because I so stressed and busy and distracted from my toddler because of a job I don’t even like!
I loved your bunnings meal by the way. I fed my toddler 2 minute noodles the other night (while she watched Dora, dounble shame!!) and felt like a comeplete failure as a result, too ashamed to admit it to anyone! I think we mums need to start telling it like it is more, because in that comes a whole lot of support which we ALL need. I know my mum worked full-time from when I saw at school, but we are really the first generation who have had to struggle with motherhood and a career from the time our kids are babies. And, many of us are without family support close by. Plus because we are having babies later the reality is that a lot of husbands/partners are at probably the most demanding stage of their careers, so the extent to which they can help is really limited.
Also, you are stuck in Adelaide, so I doubly feel your pain. Having lived there for almost 30 years I know how issolating it can be for newbies! I would be crying in the shower just because I was stuck in Adelaide!
loading...
This is a great article Bec. I know a woman who I considered to have the perfect life. Gorgeous looking, fabulous career, extremely good looking husband, beautiful house, they had exciting overseas holidays and he gave her an expensive fancy car for her birthday, which just made her life seem even more perfect. Well I bumped into her recently, after not seeing her for a few years. She was not long divorced and told me she had never been happier. Turns out her husband was a womaniser and most nights she sat at home on her own waiting for him to come home from ‘work’ and the lavish lifestyle and gifts were all part of the facade and none of it made her happy.
loading...
Great post, I often feel the same way.
I have a fantastic partner, house and job, but have recently had a miscarriage. Keeping up the happy facade is a daily challenge, especially when people think you have it made!
loading...
Love you Bec!
Can sooooo relate. The “Bunnings Dinner”!!!! I served that up to my three year old the other night. His love for Bunnings runs deep, so it was a natural association…I’m pretty sure he had veggies at some point during the week so I keep telling myself it all balances out in the end…I hope…!
loading...
Thank you x
loading...
Wow- such honesty and because of this you have “given” so much to others who have read your post and not only feel the sense of overwhelming female solidarity that I now do but you have now hopefully eased some of your guilt and emotional burden. So much emphasis is placed on the attainment of the “dream” life- successful partner, successful career, beautiful home, fashionable clothes, well- behaved children, the “right” car, the “right” holiday etc etc etc This can be incredibly exhausting for those trying to attain it and those trying to maintain it!! More articles like this one should be “Mandatory Mamma Mia” I say
loading...
I’ve had friends tell me how lucky I am for the following reasons:
Working from home in my chosen field, loving husband, nice home, financially secure, plenty of travel – and a petite build that means I can eat what I want and still wear size 8 (that last one seems to be the most coveted, for some reason).
What I don’t say (because I don’t want to whinge) is:
The medical condition that makes me slim is the same thing that seems to be stopping us getting pregnant. Loving husband also has devastatingly low sperm-count. Double whammy!
No kids is the reason we can afford to travel.
I have to work from home because of all the doctors appointments and meds I’m taking.
And my lovely house feels like a big, beautiful empty space that taunts me with its spare rooms.
I don’t say any of this out loud, because I still realise that I’m lucky to have what I do, most of the time. And when I forget, I prefer to cry in the shower.
loading...
Oh anon. That sounds sad but don’t put all your hopes into one thing. Life can be full without a child, if it goes that way!
loading...
Love reading your posts!
loading...
Great story!! I own a successful cosmetics company but i have debilitating nightmares when I travel. I think I am sensitive to the energy of others and it is REALLY bad when I stay in hotels. I think if I told anyone they would think I was nuts.
Everyone thinks I am this strong, successful picture of perfection. But Im not.
loading...
Thanks for this, and another reminder about the importance of being open and honest about the positives and negatives. I have an amazingly blessed life that looks awesome from the outside (surrounded by hot men anyone? travel anyone? police escorts anyone? champagne anyone? attractive facebook photos?) but it’s important to share our fragilities, and our non done hair days, and our long hours sitting at a desk, and when work comes before catch ups with mates, or the crying on the couch (hello Sunday relationship breakdown..). So thank you. It seems that Mamamia is the space to remind women of the blessings, but also the frailties and the wonderful and the normal. xxx
loading...
Great article.
I finally figured out that everyone, *everyone* you are envious of, has something in their life that you would never wish for.
I think there’s an old saying along these lines that says if everyone threw their problems in a pile so you could see them all, you’d take yours back in a heartbeat.
loading...
There was something floating around Pinterest along the lines of “Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes footage to everyone else’s highlight reel.” So, so true. I wouldn’t want anyone else’s life if it means having ALL of it! I just want the good bits…which is crazy, cos even people with loads of good bits don’t get all good bits. Thank you for your honesty, Bec – and thank you for making me realise that I am not the only person who cries from being overwhelmed!
loading...
I’ve never said/realised that I had the perfect life until now, I realise that I did at one stage. Young, married, in love couple with a baby on the way. Was paying off our home which wasnt a mansion by all means, but i loved it. Had the ragdoll cat and golden retriever dog. Both had good jobs with decent pay, no car or other debt (except house). A beautiful circle of friends… And that was only just 2 yrs ago.
Now, well we made a decision that will hopefully provide a nice life again later on, but for the next few yrs, its going to be a struggle. House sold. Living with one set of parents. Toddler, another on the way. One income (apprentice too, mind you). I suppose my life is still perfect, just not in a materialistic way. I still have my wonderful husband, cat and dog and most of all my small growing family.
I cant say i really look at other people/couples and envy their lives. I have the belief that most people do atruggle with one or more things in their life at some point, that can easily be masked from outsiders. There is no shame in not being perfect. If anything, i thinkbit makes you wiser.
Loved the article too, and your honesty.
loading...
Thank you is all I can say…thank you!
loading...
Love this post! I totally get this, i’m young – 27 – i have a great management job (already!), amazing salary to go with it, i own my own house with my brother, and love my house. All is going pretty damn well. BUT, i wish i’d travelled more, i earn such a good salary that any other job i look at doesn’t compete, so i worry i will be here forever – peaked too early, all that. My house hasn’t really gone up in value, and much as i love it, a mortgage is a big, long term committment that you can’t do away with overnight. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and i know i’ll get there in the end, but life ain’t perfect!
loading...
It’s never too late…i was in the same position, owned two houses with my long term boyfriend , new car, good salaries, job I loved…had always wanted to travel but thought now that i was burdened with mortgage etc it would never happen until one day i realised house could be rented, car sold and there would always be another job. i was never going to die saying ‘I wished i had bought another investment property or got that promotion at work’, I wanted to die say ‘i had the best time when I was in Italy/New York/Argentina etc’. So I did it! Best decision I ever made – broke up with the boyfriend just before we left to move to Europe (eek!) and just a few short months later met my husband….have been to many countries, met so many amazing people and have the most fantastic memories, I dont regret a thing. Anyway, all i’m trying to say is that you have a desire to travel – DO IT, don’t let your career stop you….
loading...
That’s a great comment 30 something, I feel exactly the same way. You hear so many people stressing about buying a property and spending years and years paying it off. I always think, if I am lucky enough to live to 80, will I be saying “I wish I got a mortgage sooner” or “I wish I travelled more.” For me it’s a no brainer. There will always be time to buy a house and get another job.
loading...
Thankyou!!!
I am printing you message!
loading...
You sound like me at 27 Violet! Almost to the letter in fact. At 28 I was made redundant, rented the house out and travelled to Australia for six months…………two months in, met my now husband…flew back home for 8 months to sell my house and get my visa. I am now here permanently, married for four years, with an amazing daughter and another on the way! My life is not perfect, but it is pretty damn close! Don’t let a mortgage and job stop you from living your dream…….ten years from now you may not have your health, wealth etc, and it would be a shame to miss out!
loading...
At least you got to be an It girl. With my third child due before I’m 30, by the time I get to travel it’ll be with breasts around my knees and enough stretch marks that people will confuse me with a zebra. Most likely on a bus full of retirees.
loading...
Ellen, I had my first child at 19, my second at 30 and my third at 31. He’s mid-HSC as I write. While I’m hoping you’re posting with tongue firmly in cheek …
I’ve been a single parent since my youngest was 5, and next year I’m taking MY gap year and heading off to Europe. By myself. For at least two months. I may have saggy boobs and stretch marks, and I’ll be staring 50 full in the face, but I don’t give a damn about those things. I’m a wee bit terrified at what I’m about to do … and I can’t wait.
Life would certainly have been different if I’d made different choices along the way, but I wouldn’t change where and who I am now for the world.
I wish you that kind of peace for when your time to be “just you” comes.
loading...
Everyone thinks I’m the perfect housewife. Yes my house is always spotless, and I love a spotless house, but its only because I go without luxuries so I can pay for my cleaner to come every week AND she does ALL my ironing. I hate cleaning and I hate ironing. It gives me more time to hang out with my kids and play with the dogs. And watch TV. If I’m watching TV, I’m not making a mess!
loading...
“If I’m watching TV, I’m not making a mess!”
Hah! Love it, stealing it.
loading...
Oh Bec, I love this post so much. I love your honesty. It’s so rare these days.
I think, as Kylie said below, I’m always on the pursuit-of-happiness trail. I’m always waiting for something else to happen so that I can be really content. Waiting for uni to finish. For my boyfriend to move back to Sydney. For my schedule to stop being so frantic.
I’ve had to learn to stop and just embrace the present. And I’ve found something else that really helps is just sitting down once in awhile and going back through all the photos on my phone to remember the amazing things I’ve done over the last couple of years. I have a seriously bad memory and it’s so easy to get wound up in the “OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS THE WORST” sometimes.
So I love going back and remembering the time I went camping with a huge group of friends and we all rented go-kart bikes and rode around the caravan park for hours like twelve-year-olds. And the time I spent the Easter long weekend living in a pub with my best friend, and my boyfriend got up at 6am to put together an Easter egg hunt for us. And the time I met the PM. Oh wait, make that TIMES, because I met her again today.
God my life is cool.
(You see how it works?
)
loading...
Made my day. Really. So much so that after putting the 8 month old in his cot to sleep I think I have the energy to clean up those sultanas the 2 year old spread all over the carpet
loading...
I think we also need to be open about how we are managing with help.
You work from home but have a babysitter. So do I. There is no way I could do anything work-wise with my gorgeous little helpers wanting to join in on the fun and type on my laptop (I left it open the other day and my 18month old had almost managed to send a half finished email to a customer – along with a bunch of extra random characters).
I also get a cleaner coming once a fortnight to do the floors and bathrooms and keep my sanity in check. She is my lifesaver and I’m not overstating that at all. I’m not a natural housewife that’s for sure. She’s also helped out in a difficult personal family situation and refused payment. She’s amazing.
It really takes a village.
And I’ve done the work travel thing too. Completely agree. I would end up with a certain Paul Kelly song stuck in my head. Not that every city really is the same – but every airport, conference centre and business hotel pretty much is…
loading...
HI Bec
So so true.
But for the record, I don’t have a babysitter.
I used to have a nanny who came one day a week (on a Friday from 9-12) but I don’t have her anymore. And I don’t have a support network here. So I’m sitting here working while Fin plays with a truck on his playmat. He’s not crawling yet but once he does, I know things will need to change.
I get most of my work done when Ava is at kindy (2.5 days a week) and Fin sits on the floor (or sleeps) while I work. I also work at night when the kids are asleep.
And on the days Ava is home, I have at times put on a Dora The Explorer DVD if I’m on a deadline.
Hence my guilt!
loading...
Hi Bec
I think the confusion might stem from in your article when you said you get nervous when ‘the babysitter’ drives your kids around…
But great article.
loading...
Yep that’s where I got the babysitter idea from.
Plus my own experience is that my young kids don’t amuse themselves very well. And if they are being very quiet and amusing themselves there’s usually something going on that they don’t want me to find out about and it’s usually bad.
loading...
Sorry Bec! And my reply to you sounded defensive. SORRY!!!
You’re right. We have a babysitter that we use and I freak out when she wants to drive Ava anywhere! (Like to the park if it’s during the day when I’m at an appointment).
I’m lucky to have a part-time job with flexible hours (eg Mia and Jam are happy for me to do my work at night). On the days Ava is home it’s impossible to get any work done … my life is spent playing “Ballet contest” (her new thing) or watching her jump on the trampoline.
xxxx
loading...
That’s all right – I was trying to imagine turning my back for 30 seconds on my kids. An example from yesterday – I left my kids alone for 2 minutes yesterday to use the loo in another part of the house – my ‘almost’ toilet trained preschooler also decided to use the toilet but in the ensuite. Her little brother followed and turfed the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet.
My preschooler then decided to FISH IT OUT of the toilet (which she’s just done her ‘business’ in – and yes she’d done both…) and put it back on the holder.
So I come into the bathroom where my kids are to find a YELLOW/BROWN dripping wet toilet paper roll on the holder and wee all over the floor and both kids have stepped all through it and got it all on their hands.
No joke it took them less than 2 minutes to do that. So yes, when I work from home I hire someone to watch them.
loading...
Oh wow – good luck then. I didn’t realise my 18month could climb onto my desk chair until he did it the other day (was checking emails on my day off)…
And ABC4Kids makes a great babysitter in the meantime… I use it quite a bit myself…
loading...
At least Dora will teach him Spanish….My kids could speak Spanish before English thanks to Dora! LOL
loading...
Bec, why I love your writing is because of your unflinching honesty as well as your ability to really encapsulate a thought well. But of course you are not your writing just as you are not just your kids mother or your husband’s wife or just anything else. We are all a complex mix of unadmitted stuff. Thing is you admit it, so thank you or that.
I am a procrastinator extra-ordinaire. I am typing this having not being able to resist reading an article with your byline while finishing breakfast instead of doing my ‘homework’ for my psychologist’s appointment in 45mins. About two months ago, I had a freak out of epic proportions & began to seriously doubt my ability to parent well without scarring our daughter for life. I had PND with her & though I’ve actually been well for ages now, some family illness & severe sleep deprivation led to anxiety & the overwhelming feeling that I really couldn’t cope. These were familiar feelings from when first diagnosed with PND so naturally I panicked. I took myself off to the GP then the psychologist as you do.
The truth of my life is that I doubt myself & my abilities with cyclical regularity. I can do amazing things but the glass remains half full for me a lot of the time. I am capable of great optimism & kindness but I can’t seem to sustain it towards myself. I wonder if I will ever work again after so long off as a SAHM & with no job to return to after returning from overseas travel & not having a permanent job when I fell pregnant. I wonder if I will ever make a cent from my art. I wonder why it all feels very hard at times.
Then I remember that after the two sessions with my psychologist that it took to cover my present life & family history, she said, “I don’t think you need to look for any evidence of further abuse in your life, as your upbringing & family life is more than enough!” And I think, I’m doing remarkably well to still be standing, happily married with a gorgeous daughter. The rest I can work on.
loading...
I have been having such a horrible week and feeling really down which is v unlike me. I had an appointment with my psychologist Monday morning as my husband and I have been having problems for a while and it sounds like we had the same session!! Outwardly I am extremely caring and have a really positive attitude but internally I always feel that I’m not good enough and am negative towards myself..am finally pitting the pieces together and realising it is due to the way I was brought up. As nice as it is to finally realise this so i can strt changing the way i think etc it has been v overwhelming to realise how ‘damaged’ i am. I loved reading this article because it was so honest and nice to know that not everything is always as it seems and your comment has made my week, I’m sorry for what you have had to go through and deal with but I’m supporting you from afar and applaud you for reaching out. As my psychologist says ‘you ARE good enough’! X
loading...
I get this.
loading...
Yeah it’s about the car driving thing. Actually, it’s about the appropriate car-seat when driving thing. There are new rules and some peeps don’t seem to know/care about them. I feel like a crazy lady asking what sort of car seat Lottie Jnr will be travelling in if I agree for someone else to pick her up and take her home for a playdate – but so many people don’t worry about that. And I am batshit crazy paranoid about it. Clearly I am in the minority here, but having been in a car when it was written off, the right car seat would have to be a critical thing to a child in a crash.
Just yesterday…
Mum at school’ Can Lottie Jnr come for a playdate after school tomorrow? I’ll take her home and drop her back to you later’
Me, panicking…’Yes, that would be great’ panic, panic, panic ‘What sort of car seat will she be travelling in?’ panic, panic, panic
Other Mum ‘ Oh I have plenty of car seats’
GAH!
It’s not the Mum’s driving I am worried about. It’s all the other lunatic drivers on the road I am worried about. If they hit a car Lottie Jnr happens to be in, I want her to be in the right car-seat for her size etc.
How do I get around this one? I am nuts, right?
And Bec, you rock.
loading...
Well if you’re crazy then I am too. Plus some, because I’m the loony mother who only lets friends’ kids come in our car if I have an age appropriate seat for them. “My mum says I don’t have to” or “Don’t worry Jr will be fine without a booster” doesn’t cut it with me I’m afraid. I just smile and point out that I’m a Volvo driver, they’re lucky I don’t put bike helmets on them!
loading...
I had a year 1 boy over after school and his dad came to the school and picked him up and then dropped him at our house. I had said I could pick him up but then the mum said that is what was happening and I was fine with it. I wondered if it was because of the car seat thing but I didn’t ask, just went with it. Frankly I was very relieved as I find it a bit annoying trying to wrangle my 2 tired kids plus one more into the car! Maybe just do that, and if she presses you, have another excuse ready if you don’t want to say anything about the car seats.
I then had the opposite problem last week, when a nearly seven year old said he didn’t sit on a car seat in his car. I just did the my car my rules (+ the law) speech,very nicely and it was OK, but I was a bit worried there would be a mutiny on my hands!
I am also scared when my kids are in other people’s cars. I have become quite afraid of planes too, since I had kids, which is a pain as my partner is a fly in fly out worker. In fact I was in tears in the shower this morning thinking the what if the plane (he is on right now)crashed! Oh we torture ourselves!
loading...
You are not alone. I am fairly nutty about it – I used to fit them as part of my job actually – and my SiL has four car seats for each child (one for each parent, one for each grandmother) that she has replaced a couple of times for ones with better ratings.
I also won’t let my kids ride in a hatchback. What is someone rear ends them?
loading...
I can so relate to this post. It’d take ten pages to explain why, but I so can!
loading...
People may think I have it all. I’m single. Own my home (with St George). Can do what I want.
Truth is, I’m frequently lonely. I have a roommate now which has helped. However, the need to wake up next to someone other than a cat, is super strong, and I’m jealous of other people’s relationships.
There! I said it!
loading...
Cuppy, I love reading your input on here and whenever I read snippets about your life I can totally relate.
For what it’s worth, I really admire the graciousness and sense of humour you display in different difficult situations. You seem so very down to earth and confident in expressing emotions and truths that so many of us are too reserved to speak out about. Your strength of character is to be admired Xx
loading...
Thanks Stacey
loading...
Oh Bec! How to count thee ways I love you and your writing? This post was awesome. I am forever reminding myself that no one knows what someones life is really like, do we? In fact I am sure even Catherine Middleton regularly complains to William that she really doesn’t feel like “doing another f%^#$ing meet and greet and smile and wave’ session and that her feet are killing her in these shoes and do they have to do Christmas with his stuffy family? Can’t they please just go and hang out with her rellies instead this year??”
loading...
Absolutely! Grass is always greener. Imagine having to make small talk with Prince Phillip at Christmas lunch!
xxxx
loading...
And I always like to think of Princess Mary, having to learn to do the small talk and the whinging/swearing in a new language!
loading...
Thank you for your honesty Bec! You sound like an amazing lady and I think if I met you irl we would be friends. I think too many of us try too hard to keep up appearances and don’t realise that everyone else is in the same boat! I suffered terrible anxiety after the birth of my son and on returning to part time work when he was 6 months old because I wanted everyone, including myself, to think that my life was “perfect” and I could do it all. The day I let my guard down and lowered my standards it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. And I now tell any new (or soon to be new) mum this; that it is ok to NOT be perfect. It is better in fact to let the house and the kids get a bit messy, to eat yoghurt for dinner sometimes, and to occasionally spot clean the kids clothes because they are all still in the dirty pile. It is ok to let your standards drop a little because the pay off is more time playing, cuddling and laughing with your family. And those are the memories your kids will keep forever, not whether their house and clothes looked like they walked off the page of a lifestyle magazine.
loading...
Sister, you and I are from the same tribe!
Spot cleaning from the dirty pile of clothes: I hear you!
xxx
loading...
Thank you! My daughter wore dirty shorts to sport yesterday because I hadnt washed them since she wore them on Saturday. Spot cleaned them and a spray of purfume and they were good to go
loading...
School photos the other day. My daughter goes to an independent school so no uniforms. Thought I had aced the organize mum thing but alas her favorite dress that had been hanging in the closet for two weeks in anticipation for photo day gets put in. I HADN’T washed it! Very noticeable! Baby wipes and a quick lesson on how to sit to not show chocolate stains as much as possible.
loading...
Febreeze is your friend!
loading...
I doubt anyone thinks my life is perfect. And I know for a fact that I don’t talk about exactly how imperfect it is.
loading...
Bec, you are gorgeous. Thanks for being a truth-teller, it helps all of us. But I think think you are beautiful and talented so I will choose to hang on to that view!
loading...
Awww, thanks Fleurette! xxxx
loading...
I don’t buy into any of this admiration for other people’s lives. I have never once thought that I wanted someone else’s life/job/husband etc. It’s come from accepting what I have, being really grateful for it and making the most of it.
I don’t think anyone would look at my life and wish for it either, it’s just what I do everyday.
I stopped doing this when I was about 25 (now 40) and have to say that it is liberating.
Perhaps people are too focused on how things look to others and buy into the crap that gets fed to them.
loading...
I frequently feel like my life is just hanging by a thread and that if something went wrong, everything would fall to pieces and I would be left with nothing. I pay high rent on my single income, study at nights from home, and work part time, whilst raising my beautiful little girl. And I also support my Mum (ex drug addict, no assetts, on pension, no savings or property or job) a few streets away by having my name on the lease so she can have somewhere to live. (My family still feel like strangers to me and do not support me in any way, regardless how I try).
It constantly makes me anxious that if something goes wrong, like I lose my job, lose childcare, or my mum ruins the other property and gets me blacklisted (and unable to find a home for my daughter and I in the future), I will fall apart because I have zero support system. My family is a destructive, aggressive mess and they do not like me as a person at all (sounds harsh but thats what life is like for some of us) and I have absolutely no one to ask for help if I ever get into financial trouble or lose my rental property/job/need help.
Everything is just a huge balancing act, and it is bloody stressful! I know that this is all just a part of my lfe though, and my future will be alot brighter and easy to manage in terms of support and relationships. I have ultimately created the life I have and I know I am doing bloody well…. but this doesn’t mean I don’t overthink and have full on crying seshes at nights when it all feels too much.
Of course, the worst thing I stress about is (like many others) mother guilt. Is putting my four yr old in daycare 5 times a week too much? Of course it is. We are extremely close though and she is an amazingly well mannered, well adjusted girl, who makes me so proud of her and myself as a mother. But I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t ever worry that her years are slipping away before me whilst I work and study and deal with life/try to make a future. I wish I could be a mum who stayed at home and managed my life this way, but I simply cannot live on centrelink and not be making any progress to my future, let alone afford rent and food. Some can, in my situation I can’t.
So much inner strength is needed to be a parent. More than anyone can ever explain!
loading...
I always feel I am alone in my family situation and my level of responsibility – honestly a burden, st87. I feel no one could understand that my mother is dependent upon me. She is long-term single, unemployed, low-skilled, no savings or property as well.
Like you, she is my only relative I see apart from a grandparent in care, and she relies on me and has done for years. I feel I am losing my freedom, my peace and my adulthood. Sometimes I don’t know how I hold it all together mentally and emotionally. Sometimes if I let the thoughts in I worry about my personal goals slipping away, as well as time I’ll never have back. I know I only mask it well as I have to keep my work and income coming in, and I can do it because I have become used to it and it has become my ‘normal’, even though it is anything but. Although a few friends know about my ‘situation’, I feel like I am living with a secret, one in which there’s almost no way out. You and I actually have a lot in common in terms of this, and I’m happy to have Bec exchange our email addresses if you feel like corresponding directly?
loading...
You just wrote exactly what goes on in my head. Especially aboutthe “secret” and personal goals slipping away… It would be wonderful to talk to someone about this stuff. We might both benefit alot.
Can you work your magic, Bec?
loading...
st87, I’m thinking of you. It’s so hard to be hanging by a thread. You are incredible. I’m wishing you all the best for everything
loading...
Before I even read a word of your article, I saw the photo and loved it. LOVED it Bec! It’s a lovely photograph of you – you just shine. Miranda Kerr lacks something – aesthetically gorgeous she may be, however she looks like a gangly plastic mannequin next to you.
loading...
Want to hear something funny? I’m wearing Mia’s clothes! (Well her tops… the pants are mine).
Thanks for the lovely compliment!
loading...
I love this!
I’m not sure anyone needs to pull back the curtain on my life though. I think they can probably tell from the kids mismatched socks and the vegemite stain on my shirt sleeve exactly what level of chaos my family live in
Thanks for making the gap feel a little smaller for today though!
loading...
Wear those vegemite stains on your work shirts loud and proud!!!
I got over going out in public with weird stains after having two reflux babies. At least vegemite smells a bit better. My wardrobe is also tailored to match the various stages of grotty child fingers/vomits. I wore a lot of blotchy white shirts during the early reflux years and now got for darker patterned tops for the toddler vegemite/chocky bikkie fingers (yep I’m one of THOSE parents – I give my kids chocky bikkies if they’re good at the shops).
loading...
Who knew there was an “acceptable amount of vomit” to leave the house wearing? I frequently did an assessment before going out of the house as to whether it was a small enough vomit mark or if I really needed to change before leaving. Things you never thought you would find yourself doing. Especially when it’s not even YOUR OWN bodily fluids you’re wearing!!!
loading...
Bec, the only time I am not willing to bribe my kids with chocolate is if it is the last bit. The final bit of chocky anything is MINE.
loading...
I still live pay cheque to pay cheque.I buy new undies instead of washing the old ones and I can’t spell. Anything. I am useless with the spelling. I am also convinced anytime anyone else has my children in the car that they will all die in a horrible crash. Oh GOD now I’ve written that it will happen won’t it. I am knocking on wood AS WE SPEAK. Much love. Em xx
loading...
Psh, Em – YOU ALWAYS LOOK INCREDIBLE. Even if you are wearing new jocks because you have no clean ones. Yesterday, I had odd socks on because they were the only two clean ones I could find.
Let me add to this one.
I have one of these jobs too. Friends frequently comment ‘ohemgee, you HAVE THE BEST JOB EVER’. And while I love my job, the perks, fun, the awesome peeps and occasional celebrity that comes with it, looking after breakfast through to drive radio, and the 12+ hour days that come with it is exhausting. My inbox overwhelms me daily. And nights and weekends aren’t sacred. If I’m not in the office, I’m emailing journalists and sorting out press releases.
And while I might have perfectly washed hair and freshly painted toe nails as I swish around the office, none of you have seen the current state of chaos that is my house. And also, I forgot to buy dog food again yesterday, so the pup had left over spaghetti. For the second day in a row.
Loved this post Bec!
loading...
Ive cried in the shower more times than I can count lately because of the changes in my body that pregnancy is causing.
loading...
Do I dare ask you for further details ? (having no children of my own just yet)
loading...
Its the Boobs! Oh my awful enormous nipples and tummy that looks fat and not pregnant and having people comment that you were so much skinnier at your wedding! Evil evil people!
loading...
And of course the hormones that make all of that seem so much worse than usual
loading...
” people comment that you were so much skinnier at your wedding” – wow. That is insanely rude and personal. They’ll soon be eating their words when they realise why you are ‘fat’ right now.
I’d love to reply (but wouldn’t dare): “and you were so you were so much more polite, tactful and well-mannered at my wedding”.
loading...
I would actually reply “and your rudeness is precisely the reason you werent invited and only get to look at photos now leave me alone I gotta go cry!”
loading...
oh my god, THANK YOU. I feel so guilty, but, gosh, I really hate the way my 30 week pregnant body looks right now. Feel so bad saying that. I love my baby. I love that my body is nurturing it. But, sheesh, from a purely aesthetic standpoint.. ugh
loading...
I remember crying in the shower while pregnant because I kept discovering ugly veins in my legs. The sight of them used make be sob, big, ugly crying.
x
loading...
Wow. This was so me. I had more crying sessions in the shower during the 9 months i was pregnant than I had in the previous 29 years of my life! I just felt fat, ugly and like my body was out of control. My poor partner wondered where his sensible and balanced girlfriend had gone. Gotta love those pregnancy hormones!!
loading...
Bec I LOVE you. That was an amazing post and I found myself nodding at just about everything you said. I have recently gone back to work after maternity leave, on one hand it is so amazing to see the money to come in to the bank account at the end of the month, and to have some adult grown up discussions and stimulate my brain, but on the other hand I feel terribly guilty about not being home with my son. I am only on a 12 month contract and am considering going back to uni full time to do a psychology degree, but then I will also have the additional guilt of leaving my son AND no money coming in (but in the long run would be a good move for our family). Fortunately my husband earns a good wage and is supportive of whatever I choose. If anyone else has gone back to uni full time I would love to know how it all went? Was it worth it?
Anyway, Bec you are amazing and I have to click on every post you write because you are awesome. End of.
loading...
I went back to uni after my first baby, he was two. I studied via correspondence and highly recommend it. My son went to day care two days a week buy the time I had my second I had finished the degree and had a new career. Good luck
loading...
Distance education is the answer to a lot of women’s scheduling problems, you may still need to put children in day care while you study but it will be for fewer hours and the costs of transport etc are much lower.
Distance study means you never have to worry what happens if your child gets sick and I would say you engage with teaching staff just as often as if you were physically present at lectures etc. You just do it by email or phone.
loading...
If your goal is to become a psychologist, don’t forget it takes 6 years of full time study to become one, if you do it part time, that’s 12 YEARS! I don’t mean to put a nagative spin on your post, it’s just that I know a lot of people don’t realise you can’t practice as a psychologist with just a Bachelor Degree, you need to do your Masters Degree as well. It’s a long road.
loading...