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by EMMA JOHNSON
I live in Hong Kong and this morning there was an earthquake. As it happens, it wasn’t a very big one and most of the population slept right through it, waking this morning to hear about it in the news. When I got to work, I logged on to Facebook to find a post from my mum; “Darling, are you OK? Need to know…”
Mum, quite seriously, if I wasn’t OK do you really think it would be my priority to log on to Facebook? “Facebook? Really? Love you too, mum.”
To be honest, this isn’t the first time that my loved ones have shocked me with their level of laziness. And that’s exactly what it is, laziness. After 2 years living abroad I reckon I’ve almost seen it all and I’m sure there are plenty of expats that can relate.
Look, I love my family with all my heart and I have no illusions about the fact that they are busy and they have things going on too. But how hard is it to pick up the phone? Put a card in the mail? Reply with more than 1 line to my emails? Texts? Dad – I’m talking to you. His reply? “Stop whinging and go blog about it!”. The nerve, using my attempts to stay in touch, against me like that. Urgh.
I know there are some of you saying; “Long distance calls are expensive!” and “Leave them alone, you’re the one that moved!” But in my defense, I have done my part. Out of guilt and worry about leaving them all to pursue my dream of living overseas, I bought the iPhone and downloaded the right apps to appease the budget concerned; Viber, Whatsapp, HeyTell and Instagram. I sourced the best webcam and made sure my internet speed was sufficient enough to satisfy the requirements of a quality Skype call. I started a blog to keep everyone updated on what I was doing in my new life. Birthdays? I’m your (wo)man when it comes to making sure that a gift arrives on time. And Christmas? No body appreciates what a logistical nightmare this can be from overseas, because if they did, I’d get more loving and that’s a FACT.
“Did you get my text?”
“Text? What text? Must be those damn international communication lines.”
Hey! It’s not Telstra’s fault, it’s YOURS. You got my text, but because I’m not going to bump into you at the coffee shop and confront your ass, it was easier to ignore it because you knew I’d eventually call out of pure frustration.
I love living overseas, it’s fantastic but it can also be incredibly tough. Especially when you have younger siblings and every time you see them they are a foot taller, have had a personality transplant and instead of playing with Barbies they are buying heels higher than yours and wearing makeup. And for this reason, I will continue to beat my head against a brick wall. However, I will also continue to give my favourite people a gob-full when they wish me a ‘Happy Birthday’ via Facebook. PICK UP YOUR PHONE PEOPLE, it’s attached to your hand anyway, you used it to post on my wall.
Emma-Louise is a writer and editor living in Hong Kong. Follow her on Twitter here and read her blog here.
What’s your preferred method of communication with loved ones – phone, text, Facebook?
Comments
87 Comments so far
I would much rather email or text than talk on the phone as well. I’m someone that likes to reflect on what I’m saying and I hate being snowballed into things on the phone. I usually get defensive and say stuff I shouldn’t. It’s a common introvert thing to like to sit and ponder your responses…and email and facebook allow for that.
Also I’m really sick of people not answering the phone to me. They can tell its me and don’t pick it up…and I know a few people who do that! It hurts! I’d rather avoid the rejection thanks very much!
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I’ve always had huge anxiety with talking on the phone, phone calls are even worse than public speaking, which is worse than shoving box jellyfish down your pants. I stutter and pronounce things oddly and if reading aloud, I drool… Text and email for the w-w-w-win.
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Oh dear I feel like I should immediately call you after this post!
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After a two year break in communication between my husband and his father, father-in-law clearly got drunk one night and decided to text us an EPIC text message with a list of all the things we did in our lives that annoyed him.
One of the main things the rant kept going back to was that I used Facebook to communicate with my friends and family (all interstate or OS), which apparently is the wrong way to communicate. Quote: I am an old-fashioned man and think important communications should be FACE TO FACE.
All this, in a text message.
Needless to say, relations have not improved.
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There are laws for drink driving, perhaps there should be laws for drunk dialling and texting…never ends well.
Good luck with your father in law.
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There are laws against drink-driving… perhaps we need to conisder some for drink – texting… rarely ends well.
Good luck with your father in law.
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Sure you find it frustrating, but this is just another case of ‘other people don’t use facebook the way I use it and they are wrong’. It comes up so often. People who rely on it for communication are frustrated when those who don’t are late getting a message. People who don’t rely on it for communication are angry that they don’t get a phone call or personal email.
If you bring up communication with a certain person and they still can’t meet you half way, that sucks, but otherwise just accept that people use it differently to you. Personally I think of the phone as for emergencies, and if it rings I’m alarmed. But other people use it every day.
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I lived in Perth for 9 months after relocating from Melbourne and experienced a similar feeling. The highlight was the morning I woke up to read that my uncle had died when I logged on to Facebook. My cousins wife decided to announce it to the Facebook community BEFORE all the family had been told personally. The rift this incident created is almost unforgivable.
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Oh my gosh. Here’s another Facebook incident: when I found out I was expecting my first child, we told my mother-in-law. We told her not to tell anyone… But she told her sister, who posted it on Facebook… Guess how everyone else found out? Well before we were comfortable telling people ( I was only halfway into my first trimester). Awful.
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Hey Dani,
Sorry to hear about your uncle. In the case of social media, there is no set etiquette, good judgment should prevail but you know what they; “Common sense is like deodorant, those that need it most, rarely use it.”
Emma
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I moved overseas straight after school by myself and so I’ve calculated that I’ve lived abroad for more than a third of my life. I made the decision to go so I call the people that I’ve left behind. When I left for the first time, there was no FB. I used to do generic group emails (which now seems really quite wanky), call a couple of close friends every few months and call my family every couple of weeks.
I’m now back in Australia for a while and so I call my friends from my other home every now and then. Then when I return, I’ll go back to calling the family in Australia. Agree that FB has made things much more convenient, if less personal – it is fine for facilitating a kind of superficial level of engagement but if I want to discuss anything with a bit more meaning, I’ll wait to call. Plus I get to speak in English when I call the family which is a good incentive for me!
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My thoughts exactly!! Here we are trying to compensate for leaving everyone behind and making our best efforts to show them we still love and think about them, and what do they do?? Go on living like we never existed…
It’s heartbreaking, but worth it when we go home to visit or they come out.
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Hey Dkmum,
Heartbreaking indeed however, I blame myself. I update my Facebook and my blog too often I think. The majority of my family is usually quite nosey when it comes to my life; but now I think they get their fix via my updates. Perhaps I need a caveat: “Subscribers must phone me at least once a month for future online privileges”?
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I think that’s an awesome idea. These days we should be able to set it up electronically: your subscription will expire in three days if you don’t phone the provider”
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I rarely call people on the LL. FaceTime is just the greatest, I use it all the time.
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FaceTime is the greatest, all those communicative means (Skype etc) are godsends – if you had told me years ago that I would be able to move overseas and have a video call with those back home…and for nothing in most cases…I would laughed out loud and called you CRAZY!
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I hate and i mean hate when the phone rings. It normally means u have to stop what u r doing at the time and devote at least a good 30mins to chat with whomever is on the other end, and it normally ends in you commiting to something you dont want to do one way or another. The phone just does my head in! I never answer it and have the ringer turned off most of the time and only have it for internet use!
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I agree. I hate, hate, hate “chatting” on the phone. Im a texter, not a talker.
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Ditto
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I hate it when people ring and you are busy and they don’t get to the point. They just um and ah, ask you how you are going, what you’ve been doing. You try not to be rude by asking why they rang but I usually just answer and then leave silence (which is usually awkward) so they get to the point. Once they have broached whatever it is they are ringing about, the conversation usually flows much better.
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Tell me about it – I’m far better with words than I am with chat and will never knock back an opportunity to SMS – however if someone has sent me a text that requires a novel in return, it grinds my gears and I’ll end up picking up the phone instead.
Sometimes it’s just so much easier to spit it out than tap it out!
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I dont know why my username didnt come up – It’s mummacass
love this article and the response from your mum Emma haha.
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Oh dear – I don’t think I have seen her response yet….(insert noise from Law and Order here) *Doon-doon!
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Perhaps your family assumed that phone lines would be congested and wanted to leave them free for emergencies? Perhaps they hoped you might post an “I’m fine, everyone” status and messaged you when you didn’t?
I don’t pick up the phone because it’s usually only telemarketing people or pollsters. (I live in a marginal federal seat and my answering machine was full of hang-ups just before the last election.) I have a too-big cap plan on my mobile phone so I call family & friends on that; they don’t know when I’ll be home so call me on my mobile. I only have a landline because we use too much data to have wireless broadband.
And I have social anxiety (although I’m getting a grip on it) so am happy to avoid the phone.
I have no problem with receiving birthday etc wishes via facebook or email – it shows they’ve thought of me. I don’t send cards because they take too long to get there, can get lost, cost money, and are a waste of paper; I ring or email instead.
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Elli,
Fill out the do not call register and you won’t get any more telemarketing calls. Will only take you a couple of minutes though it takes up to about 30 days to be effective.
http://australia.gov.au/service/do-not-call-register-service-directory
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I have the opposite problem. All of my family live within the same suburb but I find out all the family gossip from my younger sister.
It’s when I speak with my younger sister who is living in London that I find out the latest events involving my parents who live 2 streets away from me! My parents make notes of what to tell her in their fortnightly phone call but assume that I just know what’s happening because I live around the corner!
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Ha – What a classic! Your parents sound very organised…perhaps you should request an invitation to their palce when they make that phone call, just to stay informed? Or move OS?
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I really really really hate the phone. Unlike some of the people below, I don’t have any bad experiences with phone calls (tragic news coming by phone etc), but I just really hate speaking on the phone. I NEVER answer the home phone if it is a number I don’t know. Only my immediate family have our phone number, so luckily this rarely happens.
I have a sister living overseas and she is always the one who calls me – I never call her, so now I feel really guilty and I think I’ll go and call her now
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So good to know I’m not the only one! I also really, really, really, really, really hate the phone. My mother calls me so I can wish her happy Mother’s Day!
My stomach falls every time the phone rings, even though like you I’ve never had a bad phone call. I always let it ring for a while and hope hubby answers it and doesn’t call me to the phone. I don’t use Skype or another other VoIP either.
I will happily have a text conversation though!
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Tell your sister she can thank me for the call later!
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HALLELUJAH! As a Kiwi living in Melbourne I hear ya 100%. Only today did my fiance find out his mum was in hospital in Bali because his sister (who lives in the USA) put something about it on facebook. He had to try and get hold of his Mum to see what was going on because neither his mother or his sister bothered to let him know! So horrible
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Ahh Facebook strikes again! I would love to conduct an experiment one day. Delete my account (or block them all) and see if they start calling more often? I hope your (soon-to-be) mum inlaw is OK!
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I am all for phone calls…just not one or two hour ones. Why can’t people ring and have a 20 min chat?? Always seem to goes forever…so sometimes I don’t answer because I don’t have that long to talk. And, the people who talk the longest are always the hardest to get off the phone!
In saying that, I ring my mum every morning at the same time and we chat for half an hour. I love it and it is one of the best bits of my day!
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Thats so true!
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I have to agree with you. I always feel like I have wasted the good part of a day if I spend too long on the phone – gives me a mild case of anxiety. I’m a firm believer in ‘short but sweet’!
My partner has a long standing arrangement with his parents that started when he was at boarding school. He calls them every Sunday like clockwork and the three of them (sometimes I join in too) talk on loud speaker as if they are all hanging out in the lounge room together! Gotta say, I am a little jealous of this! It is something that they all look forward to.
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Hey oliveblanche…I don’t know you personally, so I don’t know your situation and I don’t want to assume you are like this…but my sister could have written what you wrote here. She has been sick for a long time and in the process has lost a lot of friends. A few reasons include:
- when you call her she talks FOR A LONG TIME…like, hours. So you have to dedicate a large chunk of your time to the call. She doesn’t ask about you, she just talks about her and her illness. She doesn’t want advice, or positivity, and frankly, that is bloody draining.
- she often talks about situations where people have said or done the wrong thing re: her illness (me included) and frankly, it makes you feel crap. Like it doesn’t matter what you do or how much you try to help because she doesn’t appear to even appreciate it.
Yes, sometimes people do appear to ‘give up’ but often it is because a) their own lives have become crazy busy and they are struggling to keep up, or b) you don’t make them feel good to be around…friend or no friend, there is only so long people can put up with that. So, it is either something that you shouldn’t take personally, or perhaps look at how you may be when you are around them?
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Olive, I’m chronically ill too and I understand and am sorry. When I’m so unwell that I can’t be social, Facebook is a godsend. Although to their credit most of my friends are very patient. I’m sorry to hear about your mum, too. I will say, though, if I can offer some insight into your aunt, please try not to judge her too harshly if you don’t know her reasons. I’ve cut off most of my family too due to my own psychological trauma. It hurts a lot and I miss them terribly, and knowing I’m judged for it by some of them makes it hurt even worse. From your side your aunt’s behaviour may seem like a personal rejection but try not to see it that way. Often, to protect ourselves, we need to do things which don’t make sense to others, including wihdrawal.
Often what seems like selfishness or self-absorption may be just the best people can do to protect themselves emotionally. None of us really knows what it’s like to be someone else, and it’s very easy to assume nasty motives when their actions affect us negatively, even if they didn’t mean it to.
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Judgmental, much? It’s not always laziness. I have severe anxiety about phone calls. I avoid making them to the greatest extent possible and when it rings my heart jumps into my throat and my stomach drops. I have PTSD from certain events in my life, most of which were either brought to light or made worse by certain phone calls.
Yes, some people are just slack. But for some it’s more complicated.
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I understand what you’re saying, but I would hope your immediate family would understand that (and if they don’t, I’m sorry. I don’t mean this maliciously.)
However, to be fair, I felt that Emma was talking about her own immediate family and from the piece it sounds like she’s made quite an effort, and no one is returning this, nor are they offering any explanation, just blaming her.
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You’re probably right. It hit a nerve, that’s all.
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Hey Diana the Huntress,
Sorry to hear about your PTSD, that can’t be easy!
You’re totally right – sometimes it is more complicated, however in the case of my family, it’s more a matter of their constantly hectic lives (totally understandable) and me offering too much information on Facebook etc.
I wasn’t out to point the finger at anyone…just having a little stab (comically, I had hoped) at my nearest and dearest…if you can’t poke fun at them…who can you?
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Fair enough.
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Hi Diana,
I deleted my post because Me Too made me feel like I was being attacked so I just took it down cos I am upset about it enough with out someone making suggestions about how I am. Meh. But I read your reply and thank you. Also in regards to your post here. I’m the same! PTSD from certain events and get nervous when the phone rings or at the moment when I get a msg on Facebook.
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I understand. It’s hard, isn’t it. Especially when it has psychological elements, which are of course invisible, so people assume you’re fine and are just being lazy or selfish. People don’t realize that when you’re anxious or traumatized, this can actually make you physically unable to do things. *hugs*
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Thanks Diana! You have no idea how much better you have just made me feel. It’s so nice to know some people understand. *hugs*
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Glad to help. It makes me feel less alone, also.
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That’s so interesting Diana. I loathe phonecalls personally. A waste of time and find myself thinking of all the things I could be doing instead. For me the phone is for quick messages. If I want to chat, I’ll make dinner plans. Interstate and over seas friends get letters, gifts, cards, and texts but an hour on the phone? Forget it.
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Oh the art of letter writing! I do miss that, the excitement of getting something in the mail (that is NOT a bill) is unfailing…even as an adult! It’s like Christmas!
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Whenever I receive a phone call before 8am I just go into “OMG what’s happened?” mode as my hubby had a car accident one morning and his voice was terrible on the phone. So now everytime someone calls me at that time (mind you, it’s usually him and he’s been told to desist!) they get the freaked out me asking wassup!
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I hear you. I always think it’s going to be bad news. Sorry about his accident. Is he ok?
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I thought it was just common courtesy not to call before 8 and after 9 at night? Or has that convention gone out the window?
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Living in Asia – I can tell you right now that there is no such thing as ‘common phone courtesy’.
I made a reservation at a restaurant a few weeks ago and they phoned me at 10pm the night before to confirm! WHAT THE…!
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Phone calls early morning and late at night give me the heebie-jeebies! I always think the worst – maybe that’s human nature?!
When I get calls from overseas on my mobile, they generally come up as ‘private number’…this is also something that gives me sweaty palms. Maybe I wouldn’t think like that if I got more OS phone calls? Hmmm
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Im a bit the same, it’s really embarrassing to admit. It’s a weird feeling. I’m getting better. If I have to call someone I write down things so I dont forget or know what to say.
but I think it was made worse when my mum would make me ring family members I didn’t even know to thank them for cards for my birthday. I didn’t know what to say, if mum gave me a few things to ask I might of been a better experience and learnt not to be so anxious of the stupid phone.
I love seeing people in person or emails, Facebook. But the phone. Yuk!
My biggest pet hate calling someone’s mobile and you can’t hear them its breaking up – hate it,!!
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You are not alone! The back of my Filofax (yes, I have an iPhone and I still use a Filofax) is full of little Post-Its with notes and reminders of things to talk to people about…it’s quite a comedy when someone calls and I remember that I had a note for them… “Hold on a minute…I have it here somewhere…ah yes…oh…umm…happy birthday!”
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Really don’t like speaking on the ph either as many other commenters have said. I have really bad speech memory so ph calls are frustrating plus silences awkward and you have no visual clues. Texting and emailing so much better- you can edit save etc. I have no landline either and the iPhone is the best invention ever! My siblings and Dad and I keep in touch via emails, photos and Facebook. The one line reply to emails is more than annoying.
My kids in their 20s who have moved out complain about my lack of ph calls and therefore me not taking an interest in their lives etc despite emails/photos from me that they don’t bother reading or replying to.
When I was the same age living out of home in the 80s from 17 we didn’t have mobiles or landlines (in group houses) and if I wanted to talk to family etc I had to find a public ph that worked and sometimes wait in a queue! I hardly saw or spoke to my family week to week and Mum and I would write letters but I did not get or expect constant attention from my parents back then…not like my children expect. Funny thing is neither of them believe me that it was like this back then…
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Mum – I don’t expect ‘constant attention’ but sometimes when you’re all the way on the other side of the world and haven’t had any family to visit you in 18 months, a simple brief phone/skype call to hear a family members voice is very helpful when you have no one else around and feeling very homesick. I do read and reply to your emails but sometimes I get them in the middle of the night and forget to reply in the morning. When you were living out of home your mother went and stayed with you and when you lived near them I’m sure you were around their house all the time as you were working in the family business.
Now stop ranting on mamamia and reply to MY email please.
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Well this is interesting!!
OK I hear you and that’s why I stay in touch with email Facebook but sorry still not going to turn into a pick up the phone and chat person. Love talking to you when you ring of course. No I was not around at my parents house all the time. I lived in Sydney for almost 5 years and before that in the same city as them for 3 years ( yes this included 2 years at school working part time for them living in a group house) and they visited me once in that whole time when I invited them over for dinner. But it was all OK. I guess we all have different needs and need different types and level of contact. Ps miss you xxx
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What are the odds!
It all comes down to good old communication, doesnt it?! Perhaps the ‘means’ don’t matter as much as we think it does?… phone calls…skype…facebook…email…text…OR Mamamia comment board?! Haha
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Great post Emma. So agree! There is a definite age group difference too.Thinking I’d have to change my user name but no maybe this is a great place to accidently discover a grievance. Thought they’d be an email Mum!! But no phew… she’s been a huge Mia fan for years and read her book in high school- just bought another one for you found in Vinnies The New Black if you are reading this. In year 9 she asked me how can she become an editor of a magazine eg like Mia and I said do journalism (finish school etc I’m a teacher!) but she ended up moving to Sydney in yr 11 and working in advertising and doing really well not needing yr 12 or degrees. Now 22 and working overseas so our types of communication have changed from ph to texting to email to Facebook and back again. I really like writing so emails/text perfect but can’t replace voice when you need to hear a familiar voice from home. We’ve just discussed (via email ) when you have adult children hard to know as a mother how much is enough when you have different needs…and preferred types of contact.
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I’m glad our families don’t call. Husband’s parents have yet to figure out exactly what a 13hr time difference is, or which direction it goes in. If I stay logged into Skype, I am on occasion woken with the ringing at 2am.
Skype has been wonderful. A phone call does not do it justice when you are not in physical contact with people. I can still see my dog (parents have got her) – can’t do that on the phone! My nephew was 1 month when we left – I have been able to see him in real time as an almost 1yo. At Christmas, we Skyped the whole family at once.
I personally hate the phone. Don’t know why, I have an irrational fear of it. So I’m kind of glad we do things via Skype, text and share photos via Picasa.
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I am lucky that my time distance is typically 2-3 hours at most. Even if people forget – they usually aren’t too far off a reasonable hour. I can only imagine the irritation from hearing the Skype going off at all hours! That would drive me bananas…
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I’ve *just* been ranting about this! Last week I invited my niece to my daughter’s birthday party, and sent a follow up text with details as my sister said she couldn’t remember them. Except she never got the text, but since she never replies anyway I thought she did. She rarely communicates so I figured I’d see her at the party today.
Nope, she didn’t turn up and now she’s upset with me. Um, her birthday was a couple of days ago, at no stage did you think to call and wish her happy birthday and check the details? And why text me at 4pm on the day of the party when surely you could remember the day? I feel bad for my niece though.
I didn’t ring my sister to check if she was coming either, so I’m hardly without fault either.
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Should you have to ring people to check if they’re coming (or bringing a child) to a party to your house? When does personal responsibility kick in?
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I may be wrong, but I think I recall LfC saying a while ago her sister is a bit er, flaky.
But yeah, I don’t think I’d be cool with ringing people to make sure they were coming to something. Unfortunately it seems a bit expected I think!
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Urgh! Sisters!
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I hate people emailing or sending a facebook message for something like that, reasonably urgent and one they expect a quick reply.
Please ring and ask. If I’m out my mobile will be on. If I’m home my mobile will be turned off, so my landline will be ready for you call !!!
I hate mobile phone calls when I’m at home. Landline please!
I dont get the aversion to people using landlines these days. I think people are losing the art of communicating and like to hide behind the selfishness of sms. It is a selfish way to communicate. Send a quick message about what they want to say without having to engage the other person in a chat about their news.
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After reading MM over the years, it appears a lot of people hate phone calls though!
We don’t even have a landline. I saw no point when everyone calls the mobile anyway.
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I know I’ve gathered that too MissT. Which I think is a sign of how selfish we are becoming. A phone call to someone involves an exchange of conversation. SMS is just a statement and no reply required.
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I definitely know where you are coming from as I have been living O/S for over a year now and I think I do 90% of the calling. My family are all over the place, younger sister in Tassie no landline so I mainly use whatsapp with her or Google Voice (which is great can call landlines for 2c/min and mobiles 14c/min), then there’s my older sister in Perth with my 2 nieces, I usually call her at home or we Facebook but she never calls when she says she will! I put it down to her having kids being busier than me and then there’s my parents who are currently working in Christmas Island which means not much Internet access and bad phone lines so probably talk to them once or twice a week if we can get hold of each other.
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I moved to Australia in 1996 – all my family is in the UK.
I agree that it is nice to pick up the phone but for me and my family Facebook has been fantastic.
When I first arrived I or they would ring once a fortnight and we would give each other the edited highlights as we were conscious of the cost of the call ($1 per minute to UK in 1996).
Nowadays I update my Facebook status once per day and upload photos as they happen etc. For us as a family by seeing these updates as they happen we all agree it feels like we are much more involved in each others lives and that there is less distance between us.
Day to day statuses eg ‘Is it legal to glue my daughters school hat to her head so she doesn’t lose it again’ (I was only joking) make my mum smile and remember how bad my sister and I were with this as well. I would never bother mentioning this on a call though.
The other reason facebook is brilliant is that my husband has brain cancer. We can send a personal message to selected people really quickly if we need assistance via facebook and as a lot of people get their facebook messages to their mobile they get it instantly. Having to ring 10 or 12 family members to get that information across is very difficult and for my sick husband very tiring.
There is something wonderful about a nice long phone call with family and friends but the reality is that we all have our own issues going on in our life which can take up our time. I know from personal experience that when you move away you can forget that everyone you left behind is moving on with their life as well. Surely staying in touch via facebook is better then never staying in touch at all.
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Argh, I hate my phone. HATE it. Will make the effort to call people for birthdays and important stuff and definitely if they’re away oversea – but I try *not* to call people for little stuff because I don’t want to intrude!! Would rather send a text first and follow up from there.
I can actually talk on the phone for ages to a small number of people but rarely do, mostly because of time.
Also, it’s harder to hide on the phone. There’s more control with text/email/social media, which is why I think it’s more popular.
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I hate pgones too, I’d rather drive an hour to have a chat with someone than talk on the phone.
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I don’t get it either. People seem to have phones welded permanently to their hands, but prefer to update their Facebook statuses and screen their calls.
Nanna alert- when I was young, if the home phone rang, you just gambled with your life and picked up the phone. You rang up those far away and if you couldn’t afford overseas or long distance calls, you wrote.
Even a lengthy email is better than a Facebook update. I actually miss the lengthy phone calls I used to have.
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Flashback – I remember when there was no caller ID, I liked to guess who was calling. My best friend & I used to think we were psychic when we would answer the phone to one another & say ‘I totally knew that was you!’ ha
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Yes, I loved that too. Of course if the phone rang 15 minutes after you came home from school it was a safe bet it was your friends. The landline is good for similar calls with my kids’ friends now, because it’s a lot cheaper compared to a mobile call. I think the telcos are laughing all the way to the bank with the popularity of mobiles just quietly.
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I am as guilty as the next person about preferring a text to a phone call to arrange a catch-up, or pass on an important (but not emotionally important) piece of information like “the start time of the ballet concert is 2pm” or “are you still able to babysit tonight?”
However, when it comes to loved ones birthdays I have a rule: always phone calls. When it’s my birthday I’d so much rather receive a phone call from my best friends than a package in the mail containing moisturiser or body wash. I want to know you care and can donate me the precious gift of your time.
I was recently a little miffed by a really close friend. She leads a very similar life to me: husband works full time, she does a little work from home, she has a 10 month old (while I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old). The difference is that once you are not in her city, she is absolutely useless at keeping in touch & is excellent at constantly telling you how busy she is. Well, knowing this I booked in a skype date with her (haven’t spoken to her or had more than 2 texts since the birth of my second child). Come the day of the Skype date I texted her 15 mins before asking whether we were still on to Skype in 15 mins… 15 mins went by, then half an hour, then an hour. No response. So I went to the supermarket (fun!!) and on the way there I got a text saying something about how busy she was. I have to say that my charitableness is getting less and less and although I replied saying not to worry (although she didn’t really apologise) I can’t help but think that it’s not really a case of being busy but more a case of not caring enough to remember. I know it’s hard having a young baby, but I have one too! And a 4 year old. So I set a reminder in my phone and made sure I had showered by 9.15am so as to be presentable for skype. Thank you, I needed to get that off my chest! I have been feeling hurt since that happened last week but didn’t want to speak about her badly to anyone.
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I completely agree, although I am lucky when I lived overseas my family called me once a week or so just to say hey! I have lived in different cities to my family a bit ever since I was quite young so maybe that is why we have a system. Lately my mum has been going on lots of holidays and she has taken up the baton of calling home just to say hey. I guess we love the casual Skype and could talk the leg of a chair about nothing.
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Talk about timing: I just had an amazing phone call from a friend I haven’t seen or spoken to in over a year (not counting a couple of texts/facebook messages earlier this year).
It got me thinking about how nice it is to just chat on the phone, if you can’t see someone in person that is. I’m a big fan of verbal communication because it conveys so much more – Skype was my saviour when I lived overseas – and I tend to be slack with replying on facebook/email etc because I don’t like it as much.
So if it’s any consolation to you Emma-Louise, there are still some people out there who use their phones for calling
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My family is the same. They were like this when I lived interstate and for all of the five years I’ve lived overseas. One year I couldn’t even summon them on Skype on Christmas day, even though we had arranged a time.
I have no solution for you, only sympathy. (But I also love living overseas!)
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oh..that’s sad
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So true! Hahaha. I hate it when people don’t answer their phone! Particularly annoying when you call 3 times and you get labelled ‘stalker’
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I don’t like talking on the phone. I don’t ring people ‘to chat’, just when I need to speak to them about something. Pet hate is people who ring me ostensibly to tell me something or ask something, but then want to talk and talk and talk (not listen, TALK). Its ok if there is a genuine problem, they need support etc, but don’t ring me just to share all the details of your day, give me the same whinges about your husband etc. I have enough people contact through work and family, and when I get home, I need some down time. My friends understand, and those that don’t aren’t friends anymore!
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This post is hilarious. Usually it’s mum and dad complaining about their children not keeping in touch but now its the other way round. I must admit my daughter is OS and she has rung way more than I. But I Facebook her all the time. Some people just don’t like using the phone. And if you choose to move away than you will miss stuff. Life doesn’t stop without you. Or do you think it should? Lol.
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I totally agree with you! I lived in Canada for a year (it was amazing – I also followed my BF) I didn’t once get a call from my dad or anything on birthdays or Christmas and when I did call it was like he was trying to get off the phone. My sister skyped once or twice. BFs parents were much more in contact which was really nice.
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Mu husbands family live in 3 different states and his entire family, even the ones that live in the SAME state, communicate by group email updates.
One sister in particular only communicates to tell everyone what amazing achievements one of her 3 boys has achieved. It is always like reading the family CV.
I don’t get it. Never have. Hubby never questioned it until he came into my family where we talk and make the effort to see each other all the time. Even when we are in different states or time zones. My kids know their cousins on my side so well, even if it is by Skype or sending each other pictures and letters. They would not know my brother in laws kids if they saw them on the play ground and they are exactly the same age as my younger two. Then again, we never saw them when they lived 5 minutes away either.
For a while there, I was the one living out of state so I get what it is like so that is why I make sure we make the effort for my sister who is now in QLD.
Make the effort people. You may live to regret it if you don’t.
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Go Emma Louise:) How cool to see you on Mamamia:):):)
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